His ghost is still here

I miss having someone to spend time with. Yorick was always there and I'm finding it hard to get used to him not being there anymore. I'm a relationship person. I want someone to fill out my life but first I have to get used to being alone and being independent. I need to figure out who I am without a partner so I can be more whole when I do meet someone. I don't want to lose myself again and make everything depend on him. That's not healthy and has always been my downfall. I'll do better next time. Next time he'll be my forever guy, I just know it.

He messaged me yesterday asking about a phone number for an old landlord we had. I didn't have it but I asked him to hang out next week sometime and he said he'd message me then. On one of the messages he had a 'x' aka a kiss at the end but I didn't do that on mine. That will get me into trouble. I'm not sure why he did that. I know he won't but if he ever asked for me back I know it wouldn't work. We'd get comfy again and I would get confirmation that we were right to end things after all. In a twisted way, I'd like to do that just so I can concrete that knowledge to make things easier to get over. I'm doing well but it's like there's a ghost of where he should be as I still expect him to be there, sort of. I miss having him/someone there. Seeing him for dinner those two times has been nice. It feels like nothing has changed and it feels normal as we hadn't been a couple in ages. I miss being a couple with him. I miss holding hands and being intimate. Thinking about that gets me looking forward to meeting my forever guy and having that first kiss with him. That will be magical.

I'm going to ask for more night shifts at work once Alison is back. Hopefully then I'll be able to save more money until I can get another job once things pick up after Winter. Things are slowing down and I probably won't get another job anywhere until September, like Dymocks said. That's okay I suppose. It will have to be. I will try and sell my button earrings once I'm all set and ready to go so hopefully that will get me more money to save. I want to save as much as I can! It's always hard getting started but I know I can do it.

Gym, career and buttons

I went by Zap today to potentially join but they have all of these extra fees before you even start. It's $23 a fortnight, as I knew, but it costs $60 for the key card to get in and out, something about paying for the last 4 weeks or for the 4 weeks coming, and for paying for half the week or whatever. So I'm not sure I'll be joining any time soon. Mum is going to check out the prices for her gym, the one in the Hospital where she works, and see if it'll be as cheap for me to join as it was for her. I can go walking up the hill near home and do the spin class I found in a magazine and even sign up for yoga at the Lotus Centre. I'll do a walk tomorrow. I don't need to go to the gym unless there is a class there. I love classes.

I was thinking about my ideal job today and it struck me later in the day that it's perfect as I'm not great with writing and getting good marks at school as you can probably tell from this sentence. It will also coincide with my desire to travel the world. I want to be one of those volunteers who goes to places and builds things for communities but I want to be paid for it, so maybe I can be in a higher position with the company that organises those things. I would get to travel and see other cultures and do something productive and positive and not have to do too much writing, hopefully. I think it would be great. Just have to figure out how to get into that kind of job.

Today I did some more on my Buttons to Cover journal book and ordered the fabric. I can't wait to get more fabric to start making these earrings. I have two lots of the wrong earring backs [they are 6mm instead of 8mm] so I might have to re-sell them on eBay. I'm also waiting for some rings and have found some generic white buttons but will test some similar sized ones out before I buy. With the 12mm buttons, I'll get either an 11mm or 10mm button depending on how much room needs to be left. 11mm might fit the best but I don't know if such a button exists. Mum has some odd buttons around the place so I might test it out with that. I got some super glue from Office Works the other day so hopefully that will keep it all together. There are 11mm buttons out there so it all depends which of the two is the better fit. I want to make the bracelet soon too and hopefully start selling! Yay!

Give me a job on a cruise ship please

I have just started my application for a job on a cruise ship! I thought of it in bed this morning and I am in the initial stages. I have successfully submitted my application, where they asked for my personal details and details of my last 3 jobs. Now they are going to review what I wrote against the job I'm applying for [waitress] and they will do that by cross referencing to my resume when they tell me to send that to them. If I'm successful with that they will organise an interview with my over the phone! I hope I can get a job on a cruise ship. I'd earn a heap of money and would probably not have time to spend it so I would be saving and having an adventure at the same time! I've had a lot of experience in hospitality. I have my RSA, the Certificate 2 in Hospitality Operations, and have worked in the restaurant for 1.5 years and at the Grand Chancellor in banquets for 7 months. I have some great experience from those jobs as well as smaller cafes and know I could do the job well. Fingers crossed.

Gone to Neverland

I need some antihistamine. I'll have to get some tomorrow. Tomorrow I'm visiting Holly at 'The Market' again and she's going to point me in the direction of a stall to see how they do things, something to do with my hope to make a shop for my covered button earrings.

Monday I'm going to get my gym on. As of yesterday I have started my better-skin plan using the prescribed lotion for my skin from the doctor. I need to brush my teeth more. I need to have an apple a day [which is apparently good for your skin] and aim for 8 cups of water. I should get a huge bottle and aim to drink that twice or something. Yorick had this fantastically huge bottle that was good for that. He was always good at drinking 8 cups whereas I'm not. Apparently 8 cups is what you lose in 24 hours. I've been reading my Cosmopolitan Health magazine and am loving it. I wanna be healthy!

Today I made my first lot of covered buttons. I can't believe how easy they are to make. Now I just need buttons to shove in the back [I'll stop by Spotlight to get lots of the right ones tomorrow maybe!] and then glue the earring backs on. Sara and I were talking at work tonight and she has a friend who might be able to design me a logo and artwork for my shop/line/business. I hope so. Otherwise I can take a photo myself. I'm just looking through some picture on Google Images to see what's out there and what I like. I want a pretty and magical forest scene. Hopefully I'll find something.

Sigh

I am a little sad this afternoon about Yorick and how he's not that man in my life anymore. I miss having one of those. I know I'll get it back again one day and he'll be the one to marry. That's what I'm aiming for. This had better be the last time I'm single. I'm fed up with it already.

I got this Cosmopolotan Fitness magazine today and it's getting me inspired to get fit and stick with it. There are some very spot on parts where people have the same personality traits as me, aka laziness, and they suggest what to do in terms of fitness about that. For people like me they reccomend 30 minutes of brisk walking 3 times a week. I think I can do that. Apparently it's better on the treadmill than on a road, 60% better actually. A less hard surface? I wish I had a beach near by as that would be my surface to run on. One day. They also suggest Yoga once a week. I'd love to do that. I will see if Zap has any Yoga classes and if not I'll go back to the Lotus Centre above Babylon. I liked it there. It's more money though. I'd love to work with a personal trainer for a session and see if that's something I want to continue on with. I want to see some real results.

I'm working tonight and tomorrow night and Sunday night. My weekly work fix. I think tomorrow morning I might go watch James' soccer match with mum and dad and if not then I'll spend the day doing not much, as per usual. I have gotten some material to cover buttons with so I am excited about that. I need to ask Lolly Chops about glueing parts and if that's something she missed out in her tutorial. I could get started tomorrow then! I went to Spotlight and got one fat quarter. They had lots there but were all patterened and I just want solid colours to start with. The one I got today is black and white stripped, not too harsh, but something simple. I've seen polka dots but not stripes so far. Niche. Looking through the fabrics was hard. They didn't have the range of colours I wanted so I might have to get them off Etsy like I found. They are tye-dyed so the colouring is a bit splotchy but that might just be something unique to the table with many other covered button suppliers. They also have a huge range of colours and that's just what I want. I'll do a little more research and if I can't find anything else I'll get them.

I am watching so many TV seasons at the moment:
One Tree Hill 7
The Vampire Diaries 1
Lost 6
Will & Grace 4
Gilmore Girls 1
They are all on the go as the top 3 are to be watched via the internet and I don't often do it [well I try to be good about it] because of the limit on the internet. It's also not in a comfy spot so it's best to do one at a time.

I went to the doctor today and my ears are fixed. I can hear now! I was so excited. It was a strange procedure. The nurse used this machine to put pressured water into my ear and all this yucky stuff came out into this metal dish. It worked though. She did both ears, which was great, and now I am all better. I also talked to the doctor about my pimples and he has prescribed me this cream to use nightly and once I wash it off in the morning I have to put on a suntan lotion as it makes me more suceptible to burning. I will ask mum if we have any of that. It will take a few months for me to see results but I'm excited about getting my skin fixed.

Sarah might not be able to save enough for this time next year to be able to come then to the UK. I might have to go by myself for the first part, which means I can do all the touristy things that she might not be interested in. I'm excited about it. I want to make at least $10,000 but I will see how that goes. For ages now I haven't had much money so in the last few weeks when I've put money away into my other accounts I've forgotten about it as I'm used to having nothing. Hopefully that feeling lasts for a while so I can save. I need another job though! Badly. I need more money. Arrr. Tax will help a lot to get me started, but then again I want a new phone and before I leave I want to get the Canon 400D camera to take with me. Got to get a new job.

Seeing Katie from Skunkboy Creatures' new tattoo makes me want one. I'm going to get my surname on my inner left wrist at some point before I leave for the UK but seeing pretty ones like hers in unusual [to me] places makes me want the same. Not the same design but something pretty and feminine and larger. I might regret that though. I'm sure about the surname thing, and once I test them out by sticking the cut-out fonts onto my arm I will know that it's definitely right. It can be hidden.

It's Winter and officially freezing. I have to start wearing more clothes. I don't like my legs in pants so that's why I wear skirts all the time. They look good on me, especially with black stockings and my black ugg boots. That's all I wear these days. I'm comfortable in that so why not? I might go watch one of my many TV series soon and relax before work.

A new gym that will Zap me into shape

I'm going to join Zap Fitness [wwww.zapfitness.com.au]. It's in Kingston, which is 15 minutes away, and it never closes! It's perfect! Sophie lives 10 minutes away so we'll probably meet there often. It's $11.95 a week, which is better than Endorphin, which was $18 a week, so I think that is very doable. And there's no contracts, so I assume that means you can join up and start paying weekly. I hope so! I'll try and go there starting on Monday once I've worked on the weekend. I like having things start neatly and that's why I always put things like this off for another time. I'm going to do this though. It's time I kicked my butt into shape. I'd love to have a personal trainer for a session or two a week. That would be great.

Tomorrow I'm going to the doctors in the morning. I need to go to Spotlight and Ruby's Room for sewing supplies. I should take some more resume's around if I can and do some Woolworths shopping on the way home before work. I think I'm meeting Jessi once I've finished in town for hot chippes! I need to get that straightner. I just know when I wash it tomorrow it'll go back to being yucky. Damn that.

My ideal guy

I want someone who will like coming to family dinners.
Someone with a family I will get on with greatly.
Someone who I have fantastic sex with each time.
Someone who is taller than me.
Someone who looks like Paul Wesley.
Someone who is ready to start a family with me.
Someone like me who is happy to have quiet nights at home with me.

As such, I am proposing, or challening, myself to only kiss a guy if I have known him for a while and can see a real future with and not to have sex until I am thinner and actually feel good about my body. I want both of these things. I'm going to look up the new Kingston gym and look at memberships and personal trainters. I want to be thin, damn it!

Feeling French

I have an appointment at the Uni Doctors tomorrow morning at 930 to fix my blocked ear problem. I am so thrilled that I will be able to hear again. I just have to keep putting drops in tonight and in the morning before I go. I will also ask about the pill to get rid of bad skin. I hope they can help me.

I got more buttons to cover in the mail today. I now have 100 of size 20 and 105 of size 24. That will be enough to keep me going for a while. Hopefully I can sell them all. I found some nice fabrics on Etsy but Holly said I should check out Spotlight in this particular part as she thinks I'll find all that I need there. I want a range of colours in a range of tones, as in softer pastels and brighter hues, so I will check that out tomorrow after my appointment.

I'm getting Holly to have a look at my font list for my surname for my tattoo and see what she thinks. They are all slightly different and that's where I'm getting stuck. I might have to print the list out and sticky-tape each one to my arm to see which I like best. It has to be the right side before I book an appointment. I need to get a quote first and save a little money.

Sarah straightened my hair yesterday and it was awesome. She has a GHD straightner, the one professionals use, and I need to get one. I can finally wear my hair out. I've always wanted to but we both have thick, boofy hair that doesn't work well so I'm very pleased about this new development. I want that straightner!

Also tomorrow I'm going to go to my favourite kid's store [Ruby's Room] and find some more sewing boxes. They aren't officially for that use but they have cute suitcases that I am using one for my sewing box. I'd like to have one for both covered button sizes. I am totally into aesthetics so when there's something pretty to put things in it gets me even more excited about what I'm doing. It works a treat to motivate myself to acomplishing things. I am loving my workbook for all my ideas to do with this topic, as suggested by Holly. It's nice having that and it makes me happy. She said that kind of thing makes her happy too.

I am wearing my new top today. It's a long-sleeved black and white striped top with some sequins and beads in the shape of shoulder pads on the outside. It's cute and it makes me feel French with my straightened hair. It's a nice feeling.

Something of my very own

My blocked ear won't go away and it is particularly bad today. I can't hear much out of it [the right one] and it's annoying me like crazy. It's been funny for maybe 5 days now, mostly at night and in the morning when I'm in bed. I can usually maneuver it to clear it but today it's not working. I've been putting ear drops in but it's still blocked. I'm mad about it.

In good news, my size 20 [12mm] buttons to cover arrived in the mail today from Etsy. I'm so happy. Holly suggested I source my fabric from there as well but it's so hard to find one-colour fabrics and I don't know what the fabric I like is called. I might have to ask for more help there. I also need to get some glue and then I can start making these earrings. I was at Holly's yesterday and she said I should write all of my ideas down in a notebook to keep and look back on when I get lost in my crafting. I have the perfect book. I got it to make a manga in but that will never happen. I spoke before about levels of creativity and how putting these buttons together is way different than creating my own manga. The latter is too hard for me as I'm not that creative. I know I can do the former though. I'm excited about it. The size 24 [15mm] buttons should arive by Friday.

Holly cut my hair yesterday. It's fine. I generally don't like my hair as it's too thick and never sits right. I tried to straighen it last night but it wasn't working for me. I needed to spend heaps more time standing there straightning away but didn't. I'm glad I have my fringe back though. It's a really short one but it'll grow and it's not getting in my way anymore. I'm pleased about that.

I might go and get that book so I can start gathering pictures of the covering buttons process from the internet and recording my ideas down. I didn't even think to do something like this! I can put fabric pieces in there too! I'm so glad I have this now.

I gave blood yesterday. My arm is doing good. It hurts more where they prick your finger to test iron levels aka hemoglobin. I like feeling like an invilid after I've given blood. I feel special. It's a nice feeling.

I had a dream about Dom a few nights ago. We were always standing very close together, touching arms, but we never kissed. I knew it wouldn't be right because I'd just want to kiss him to see how it felt because I like him a little. He has a girlfriend and I'm not about to muck that up. If that happened to me with Yorick I would be so mad. When we talk we're always smiling so it makes me think it's something more even though I know it won't be. He's not the guy I see myself with, looks-wise, and I think he's a bit younger so that's another cross. I think he's a great guy. In my dream I knew we couldn't kiss. I have fantasised about it a little but I know it's wrong. It makes me think about how much I want to have that first kiss with someone special sometime in the future, hopefully in the UK. I want to get to know him and feel that spark and energy and then the first kiss will happen. It'll be magical. I can't wait for that. In the mean time I will craft.