15th 1201am

I want someone to spend the rest of my life with. I like having someone to come home to, to message, to hang with, and I don’t have that anymore. That’s what I miss the most. Sometimes I think I miss Yorick but I miss not having him there more. It was so good having him there but then he stopped being there, avoiding my by staying out all night, and then he was gone completely. I really want someone to be with. I miss messaging Yorick, finding out what he was doing, if he was free to have dinner with me. I don’t get messages anymore as they were always from him. If we were still together I would be spending my time with him and I wouldn’t be so bored. Then again we’d still be living together so we might still be in a rut. I am totally bored. I need a full time job so I can save money and get out of here. I’m not the single type. I need a partner to round out my life, that’s who I am. I’ll choose better next time. Yorick and I weren’t right and going back wouldn’t be right. I know that. It’s hard getting used to being alone. I know it’ll do me some good so I can figure out who I am, who I want to be, and how to keep myself while in a relationship and not let everything depend on that other person. Its hard knowing that I won’t find the right guy for a whole even tough I know being alone will be good for me. I miss having Yorick by my side. I also make myself jealous of his new life, and my other ex-boyfriends’ lives, which makes things harder. I don’t want him to be with anyone else even though I bet he already has been. He has this whole new life and it doesn’t include me. That hurts. It all hurts. Him and his flatmates. Their outings are sickening. He lives with 3 other girls. I hate it! It seems like he’s totally unmoved by us, like the last 4 years didn’t happen. That hurts too. It would be so much better if I had more work. I still haven’t had a reply to his email. I didn’t want to seem weak or that I’m not doing as well as I am but I want to know where he stands on us. I need his reply. He’s got the soccer world cup on and never-ending drinks to keep up with so he probably doesn’t have time for me and my questions about all this serious emotional stuff. I don’t matter anymore. I bet he loves being single but what did the last 4 years mean to him? How can he just chuck that away? Is it the spilt milk thing or a sign that I didn’t mean much to him? Arr I need to stop thinking about this. He’ll reply eventually. I know I’ll find something way better but waiting for it is hard. I’ll be okay. Getting used to things is different but it has to be done. I’m going to try and make my body a temple so I have something to be proud of. That will be my newest hobby next to the covered buttons.