Fitness Inspiration Please

I need to live near a beach so I can go running on it everyday. I am totally unfit and I hate it. I just want to know what it's like to be thinner than I am. I'm an all right size but I don't like my legs and that's what I want to change. I joined a gym but have stopped going. Things have been getting in the way and I keep thinking maybe I should cancel my membership. It would seem like giving up, which it would be, but it's better than wasted money, right? I need to be inspired again.

Both images from we heart it

To feel pretty

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Some days I just want to feel this pretty.

Some days I'm content not worrying about how I look.

Polar opposites.

Future me

I always thought that one day I'd feel like an adult as if it would happen over night. For a while now I've been living with my boyfriend Yorick and I just thought when I walked through the front door how I don't feel how I thought I would, living out of home with my boyfriend and coming home after work. I don't know what I was expecting but definitely a noticeable change. I feel so comfortable living out of home with Yorick as we have a home together. I'm often visiting my childhood home to have dinner with my parents and younger sister so I know I'm safe and loved no matter where I am. It's a nice feeling. Maybe I haven't reached what kind of adulthood I'm thinking of. I imagine myself with a full-time, stable job, in the process of building a house and having to be very adult and responsible. I'm definitely not there yet so maybe once I am I'll feel like a real adult. Then again, maybe that's not such a great thing as I don't want to lose my sense of who I am, and maybe that's not who I am. I like thinking about the future: travelling lots, getting married to Yorick, building a house, having babies! I'm excited about all of it. Sometimes I'm so excited that I want it now but I know I can't have it now, especially marriage and babies. One day it'll happen and it'll be right. I'm just happy with the way things are now.

3 hectic weeks

I'm very proud of myself today. I have gotten a lot done.

I am currently taking part in a Summer School course at my Uni [the University of Tasmania] which goes for 2 weeks, this week and next week, with classes running from 9-12, Monday to Friday. In the following week, the 3000 word essay is due on the Tuesday, and the exam is on the Friday, so it's a pretty full on course.

I have been getting up at 8 every morning and have found it extremely hard as I am in the habit of going to bed late and sleeping in till 10. It's rare that I have to get up in the morning for anything specific so this week has been pretty taxing in that way. Before the class even began, I got the prescribed book of readings [which the teachers compile using a variety of chapters or essays from different authors] and started work on them and I was really surprised and proud at how far I got. We discuss them in class and answer questions about them, which is the essence of the exam, so what I was doing tonight was doing some of the last few readings I have to do. We talk about 1, sometimes 2, each day so I have to keep up with it as they can take me a while to complete. I hate being pressured to have to finish a reading in a night as it usually doesn't happen so I've been very good getting them done well before they need to be read.

The other thing I need to work on constantly is the essay. I have readings for that to do as well so I just have to keep on top of things and keep reading. Hopefully this weekend I can have a plan for my essay organised with detailed arguments paragraph by paragraph so I can feel secure about that. I'm not usually this studious, or at least not this well prepared. I usually leave things till the last minute and get stressed about things, but it is my own fault and I don't learn that lesson, at least I haven't until now. Before the class began I knew I wouldn't have time to do a reading a night so I did well to get myself motivated. So that is why I'm proud.

Work has been a bit of a problem for me. I had my first shift for this week last night and I was so tired by the end of it and mad that I had to do it at all that I had a bit of a break-down. It felt good to cry. I am a strong believer in the healing powers of crying. At work I had been put on for Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Monday, Tuesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday and Sunday, but that was way too much. After the first night I was broken so my shift tonight got cancelled and so will the second Thursday and Friday shifts. It's way too much for me to handle and my boss understands that. She's great. Sometimes I love working there as the work itself is fun, it's just the annoying customers that get me mad and hating it. Once Summer School is over and I'm heading into my Bachelor of Social Work I can figure out a new routine, and maybe even get a different job. Time will tell.

Just me

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Whenever I read other journals, I get inspired by their words and want to write just as eloquently as they do, but I'm not a great writer and I'm not like them, I'm just me. I have to accept that whatever I write is part of who I am, and that has to be enough. This is for my benefit, whether I want to look back at this in the future or if I just need to tell someone what's going on, so I have to learn to write how I write and be content with that. I can't be anyone but myself so I'm going to try to be true to myself and not worry about how my words and ideas come out.

-- Anna