Deflated

I saw Yorick's car twice today. I don't like it. In fact I hate it. I saw on his Facebook profile that he had changed his picture to a picture of him and his "little sister" [18 year old girl friend. He's 24] and it was completely ugly. I hate it. And I hate them. I don't remember if he ever had a picture of the two of us as his Facebook picture. Ahh I need to stop thinking of him.

Sometimes I wish I were in a relationship. I don't think I'm ready yet though and want to wait until I'm in Sydney. Sometimes I get scared that I'm alone as I don't want to go through life alone, as in without a partner to keep me company, but I know this is the time to be single. I have much to do for myself, in ways of improving myself, and it has to be now. I miss the company though...

I like house sitting. I like having that independence but would prefer to be in my own home than another's. I really hope that all goes well with Sydney. If, when I get there, I begin living by myself and feel I need the company, I can advertise and get someone else in with me. Hopefully I just meet someone and they can come and visit me all the time. Who knows what will happen.

I went for a jog along the beach this morning. I was very hot by the end of it. The sun was rather warm. I felt self-conscious but I need to lose 5 kilos. I eat too much. It's so hard to lose weight! A fast walk will do. Maybe I can walk to Blackman's Bay tomorrow as the hill from this beach to that beach is rather steep both ways. I'll try different routes at any rate. I wish I were thin.

I guess I am a bit sad at the moment. I miss having a boyfriend and I miss having the feeling that I have a great life. I can't wait to meet someone new. Then my life will be happy again and hopefully there will be a wedding not too long after. I want to go on holidays with my future husband and set up a house possibly in New Zealand or the UK. I also want to get more study done for Museum Studies but at the moment I'm a bit deflated in general. I need more work for a start. Tomorrow I'll call about what Sophie recommended. Hopefully something else will turn up. I asked Alison about more shifts at thebeach and she said she'll do what she can. Nights would be best but I'll do days even though they kill my soul.

I can't wait for next year. Somehow it will be better than this year.

I reminded myself the other day at work that it has been 5 months since Yorick and I broke up. So much and so little has happened since then. I'm still getting used to being alone and it has been hard but I do know more about myself and about what I want. Hopefully I get it.