Down, down, down

So I hung out with Andi last night. We had a bit chat about relationships and she is sure I'll meet my future husband. I love that she used the same terms I used. "Future husband." That's how I always think of him. Lately I've been sad because I hate my life right now and can't wait for 2011 when it will all be better. I want to know everything will turn out as I hope it will, although some things don't happen for a reason. I just miss being in a relationship, despite knowing it's for the best, and want my future now. I want a preview of my future family and life but I know that's impossible. I'm just sad because I don't have much going on right now and it's hard being alone, especially living at my parents and waiting to hear where I get accepted to. It's just hard.

I do love that I'm volunteering for the Maritime though. It's special and getting me to where I need to go. I'm looking forward to my session there on Monday. Tuesday will be busy with the Melbourne Cup races on at Elwick, and I might even have to work that night [possibly both], and I am hoping for more work at thebeach to get me money and keep me occupied. It's too late to find another job with only 3 months to go [I wanted to apply for the job at Video City. It closes on the 2nd of November so I still have time ... but is it pointless? Maybe I should anyway and mention in the cover letter that I'm moving and hoping for a transfer, if they have Video City in Sydney or Melbourne. I know they have Blockbuster] so I'll have to get enough work at thebeach and the occasional day at Relish. I've saved $1200 already, will hopefully get some from my car, and put away $100 a week at least, hopefully more like at least $150 and closer to $200. It all depends on how much work I get. Sigh.

I am really hating feeling so down. It's been like this for the last few months, after I was done healing after the break up, when I was ready to get back out there and work, work, work. Unfortunately that didn't stick and I'm ready to be active but don't have the opportunity in the places I want to be. I'm sad and I don't like it. Once December comes and Jan and Fra arrive I think things will be better. I always enjoy Christmas and family time. I'll be working a lot more around then I think because thebeach will get busy. I'm not too fussed about New Year celebrations as I'll probably be working. I wouldn't mind a drink though. Hopefully December will give me the best news of the year. Then it will be January. Great weather, and I can finally start making some concrete plans concerning Uni. I can't wait. I hate being miserable but it's hard not to be. My life isn't all that great right now. Once I move back over to the shed it should pick up. I'll exercise more and feel like I have my own space. I can sit in the bean bag and read. I can focus on my covered buttons and even the idea of making rice balls. I think it will be better over there and it'll lift my spirits a bit. The band came over today [my brother's band, SNERT] so mum and I didn't go over and clean but will do tomorrow. That will do me some good.

I actually have to get ready for work now. I know I'll be happier once I'm there. One reason I don't like to go these days is because of Jarrod. I think he has a crush on me. He's 18 and is getting a bit too affectionate and I don't like it. It's like I'm leading him on. We're just friends but I don't even like seeing him because it can all be construed as leading him on. Ahhh. I don't need this. Hopefully I will be upstairs with Sara and out of his way so I don't have to talk to him much. I hate even thinking about it. Frustrating.