Lunch and the timewarp

So I had my lunch with Yorick today. We were both late and bumped into each other at the ATM and in part it felt like we were us again. We walked together very close and I felt the energy that I used to feel with him and I missed how at times like this we would have held hands. Before lunch we went and put more money in my car then went to Bar Celona. We chatted about our news and ordered a chicken pizza and wedges. He mentioned he saw my sister but didn't find it weird at all. I said Sarah must have gotten her signals mixed then. He brought up that he felt weird seeing me at Maddy's party and I agreed. After a while we exhausted the conversation and I found it hard trying to find things to say. Before that my brother walked by so I went over and had a chat to him. Yorick came over as well and it was kinda like normal even though I knew the Yorick and I was not the same. Once back at our table we finished up, paid, then walked towards Zum. He stopped and we said stuff, then said bye and we hugged. I hugged for a little longer than he did but it instantly transported me back to the hugs we shared and how much I miss them. That made me really sad and I went and sat in my car and had a bit of a teary. After that, Holly and I went to her place, had a cup of tea and chats, then went shopping. I got new shampoo [Herbal Essences, sleek/silky], some ribbon from Store and Enwrapt, and hair dye. We talked a bit about the Yorick developments and how I didn't like that I felt like we couldn't talk properly as there was something between us. The relationship has changed but Holly and I talked about how it would be okay for me to mention this to Yorick. We were together for 4 years and 3 months [to be technical] so we should be able to talk about this stuff. It just all feels so weird. Having that physical contact made me realise what I miss and how much I miss it. Having the distance but the knowledge that we are still friends makes it easy to forget things and not focus too much on the feelings but this jolted me back. I don't like that we can't talk anymore. It's too surface, which is what he said was part of the reason we grew apart. It's scary that we don't have that connection anymore. Today shook me like Maddy's party shook him. It has saddened me but I just have to move on. I'll talk to him about it next time we hang out and hopefully we'll be able to be better, closer friends, if that's possible.