I have gained weight and it's really getting to me. I feel fat and I am definitely bigger than I was. I now weigh 70kg and that's not good. I've never gone past 65kg and to be going up further is horrible. I shouldn't have been living at Margate for so long. I'm not blaming that, it's all my fault, but I should have been out there making my own routines and cooking for myself and planning things better. I will be doing all of that soon enough. Fatty fat fat fat. I want to exercise everyday. I want to eat well and I want to feel great about myself. It'll be great achieving my goals. I really want to have my own house with my future husband, to be settled in the cutest cottage in the UK including Ireland somewhere, but that dream is a bit far off. I still want it all the same.
This is the year I will get thin and toned. This is the year I will find love. I am determined.
Once again I am so glad I'll be home tomorrow. I am super sick of it here in this back packers. I am ready for colder weather and routines I know. I want comforts and to feel like I don't have to impress the world because I'm hating my whole existence right now. I'm not feeling worthy or wonderful in my own skin. I want to feel both of those things and I believe they are connected to the man I'll eventually marry. Sigh. Where is he?
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