Presents, jobs, and Jantz

Mothers Day.
Send mum the Marie Antoinette DVD and a card. Possibly another movie.

Dads' birthday.
Buy him some of the balsa wood bird broaches from Harem Fashion on Brunswick Street.

Mums' birthday.
I'm sure I'll find some lovely things on Brunswick Street.

James' birthday.
I saw this cute magnifine necklace in an op shop on Brunswick Street so I might get that for my brother. Something random for someone random :D He's turning 26 this year. I can't believe it! It seems oldish but then again he has a wife and daughter and that makes his seem young, which he is. I'm only 24 so for me to be 26 seems much older, which it is. Hmm.

I need to start using my to-do list pad that I bought. I really need to write Andi a letter, get my Working With Children certificate sorted [all I need to do is go and get the photo taken but I keep forgetting or putting it off], and get some of these presents sorted, James' especially as his birthday is on the 22nd and I'll need to send it in advanced. I need to get his new house address so I can send it there. Maybe I'll ask mum and dad so it can be a surprise.

Last night I saw Sucker Punch at the movies and it was fantastic! I want to get more out of life because of it and do everything I want to do in life, all the classed [dance, self-defence/combat/weapon fighting, photography, archaeology!!], the travelling, family, kids, living in the UK and NZ. So much to do.

On another note, I wrote this in a Twitter post not too long ago --

Had another YHF dream last night. I don't hate him, it's just I'd rather not think of him. We were together for 4+ years so I suppose it's expected. I did love him after all. It's not easy to remove a part of yourself and I'm not sure why you would want to. It was important but it didn't work out. He's still a nice guy underneath it all. I think we can be friends again. In a way we still are. Maybe I should text him. Maybe not. It's weird. Now I'm a bit sad. Life so different. I thought I was set. I'm glad I get to do what I really want to in life despite it all and there's plenty of that. More time needs to pass and I need to sort out my life before we revisit our friendship. One day it would be nice to really be friends but I'm not sure it's possible. I'm not good at that sort of thing. I'll always feel uneasy around him. It's just a fact. I've never had a male friend as I was always too shy and it has left me undeveloped in that area. When I'm in a relationship it's completely different and I'm at ease. Maybe we can be like that one day. Fingers crossed.

It's nice being so far away from him and not being able to access his Facebook account through my sister's. I asked her to delete him from hers as I did that a while ago, but I liked being able to see what he was up to. I don't actually like what he's up to, the partying, the sexual content of his posts, the tranny party photos. It's stupid and he should just grow up. He's being such an idiot and I think everyone agrees with me. Whatever. That's why I love using Twitter now for my status updates at least. Barely anyone reads them so it's more like blogging and I can saw what I want when I want and no one will know. Some people read it but it's nice that it's less read and only people who want to read it will. I like that he's not in my life anymore. I like that I'm here in Melbourne. It's better this way.

I'm booked in for the Greenhouse backpackers for Sunday for at least a week. Tomorrow I must call Centrelink and let them know where I'll be moving to and what amount of 'rent' I'll be paying so I can get the rent assistance. I almost forgot so I'll have to set a reminder on my phone. I'm so exited to get my independence back. It's going to be lovely, but also not lovely in a different way. I am too comfortable here at Kirsten's and I've been here too long. Must go shopping on Saturday afternoon for their presents.

That reminds me! I have a job trial at The Mess Hall on Saturday at 10am! I'm psyched. I hope it goes great and I get a job out of it. It'd be a lifesaver. Then I can buy myself a new laptop!! Officeworks have some great priced ones. I just need to look up RAM and CPU stuff so I know what I'm looking for as sometimes they are too small or something. It's like MG and GB. I am useless with those terms. I have no idea how much they mean. Ahh. Although I'm getting better with those I must say.

After working at the Mission today doing more cataloging, us girls went for a drink at Bertha Browns next to the YHA. We shared a bottle of Jantz and I'm still a little tipsy! It's lovely. I like the bubbly happiness. For me it's the best drunk/tipsy there is. I'm such a fan. I hate sickly/spinning drinks like vodka. I like happiness thanks! Daquiri! Yum. So now I'm back at Kirsten's and I might watch another movie. I watched Igor last night. I bought it from JBHifi along with two others. I might watch another tonight. I'm not in a very study mode, although tomorrow I have to go out to Uni and study and return one of the books I borrowed! Must get the Children's check photo taken at a post office. Must also write Andi the letter! Must get James his present too. I hope I remember all of this. I'll refer to this post if I need to.

Hug a Gum tree

After a day of not feeling like doing anything, and I didn't, I had a nice evening with The Germans [Kirsten's pet name for the German couple living with her and Sandi] and their friends, also from Germany, who are down for a few days from Brisbane. They leave early tomorrow morning. We went to Bimbos and had the always amazing $4 pizzas. I had a Rekorderlig berry cider and it was nice to be a little tipsy listening to the Germans speaking German. Sometimes they spoke English. We were in the fairly private room upstairs and a small group joined us. A brother and sister, and their friend who is family to them. We all had a bit of a chat and the brother kept looking at me and smiling in a way to suggest he was into me. It got me all scared and heart racing and blushing. After an hour maybe we left and it was nice to get outside into the cool night. He was cute enough but I'm not after a fling. He didn't seem like my ideal guy. I'm too shy anyway.

I had another look not too long ago on Gumtree for rooms in Richmond and found a lovely one with two sweet sounding girls. I emailed them so once again I am praying they write back to me and we can arrange a meeting time and day. I really want to have a room by next week. I have a viewing on Monday night in Brunswick that could be very suitable but I am really hoping to get a room in Richmond. I don't want to have to say to the Brunswick one that I'm waiting to hear back from another places, if I get appointments set up for any of the Richmond rooms I have emailed about. I want to be able to say "yes I'll take it" straight away and be done looking. I don't want to jerk them around either and then say yes after two days or something if I am able to see some Richmond ones in two days space for example. I'm just hoping I'll either love it or know it's not right for me. The people are the key really.

Tomorrow I might go to Savers. I think I'm going to the Derby with Jess in Geelong but I can do a morning trip. I really didn't feel like doing anything today even though I did want to have a little adventure. I will even find a park somewhere to have a sit down in. That's so peaceful and I love being connected to Nature. I really like the idea that Nature is God. Not a person as such but worshiping the land and Earth instead of a person. That sounds better to me. When we went to the Botanical Gardens for Uni and we hugged a tree, I really felt a connection to the Earth. It was beautiful. I want to hug more Gum trees. For now, however, I should get off the internet and go to sleep!

Thinking of home but knowing I'm right where I belong

Today I have been thinking about home a lot. I miss it, as I've said before, but when it comes down to it, I do love being here and doing this for myself after being freed from my 4+ year relationship, and I wouldn't rather being back home. I am here for a purpose, and I will get home from time to time but I belong here. I'm not sure how long I can stay away from home, as in over 1 year, but I'll need to get work, hopefully in the museum/heritage industry, and I believe that will mean staying here or going elsewhere, just not back to Hobart. I need to spread my wings and that's exactly what I'm doing. I just wish I had a partner to help me and be by my side while I do this. It would make everything more fun and easier. Oh how I wish I will find my perfect match here in Melbourne. The chances are greater at any rate.

So basically, I miss home a little but I'm not feeling extremely upset because I know I'm meant to be here and I've been waiting for this for 8 months. It's finally here and it feels right. It's just weird thinking about Hobart far, far away, as a place I know so well but am not in. I'm not explaining this very well but it both feels right and weird to be here and not home. I wouldn't go back to stay in Hobart, not for a few years anyway, but a visit will be nice. I might head back between May and June for dad and mums birthdays. Got to get settled here, get a job, then work for a while before taking off for how many ever days to a week. It wouldn't leave a good impression to my new boss[es]. I will have to look into bookstores. I don't want to work in hospitality but have the skills so it would be super easy to get a job. Depends where I'm living too. Work close to home is best. Time will tell. I want people to write back to me about these places! Better check my email.

I had a long chat to Sarah this evening. It was nice just talking to her although I wished I could have been in her new room with her. Another time. I'm staying here for a few months at least before I make a trip. Sad. Today is Megan and Joe's wedding day! They are now officially Mr. and Mrs. Pasanen. How lovely. I'm sad I didn't get to see it but photos will be fine.

Another good week ahead I believe! Monday is full Uni lectures, then Tuesday is full museum visits. I sure am looking forward to it all. Hopefully we'll discuss the assignments. As long as I get them sorted, the readings can come second. I just need more information from the lecturer, that's all. Right. More study and some TV I think, maybe Easy A again for a bit of a laugh.

Oh, not tomorrow but next Monday, Kirsten and I are going to see the last Girl With a Dragon Tattoo movie! I'm so excited. Mum, dad and I saw the first one together after some dinner at La Porchetta, then mum and I went and saw the second one. I'm sad I won't be doing this with mum but we'll do something similar another time, perhaps when she and dad visit. That will be nice. I can't wait to have my own room!!! EEEEE!

Where is my lover

I'm watching the Valentines Day episode of One Tree Hill and it's making me cry because I have no one to love me, no boyfriend, and that's what I want so badly. I want to be loved and I want a companion. I want to have someone to come home to, to look forward to seeing everyday. I miss that. This episode has made me think of Yorick. I miss the fun we had together. I miss the holidays to New Zealand and Vanuatu. I keep thinking about the early days. I can't wait to have that again with someone who's actually right for me. Until then I'll be waiting.

Blessings not dilemmas

A happy ending is just around the corner, Scorpio. It may be difficult to believe that there will be a sunny outcome to a conflict or problem that currently seems dark and gloomy, but there will be ... I think this relates to the fact that I have no idea where I'm going to live or who I'm going to live with in Melbourne. All I know is that I want to be close to the Uni, and that means living in Burwood, but that is as far as I've gotten. I stress myself out too much ... At this point in your life, you need to allow more healing in. You may be too focused on some issue that has you down, when there are so many other things going right ... I think this reflects being down about not having a man in my life. I want my future husband now! I don't want to be alone anymore ... With your present dilemma, let go of any feelings of sadness or anger or resentment, and think about your blessings. Let go of any feelings that aren't uplifting. This is totally harder than it sounds. I guess I'll have to try and relax and know that when I'm not looking I'll find my future husband.

-- From Thursday the 3rd of February.

All alone again

So my aunts left not too long ago, about an hour ago, and I'm feeling sad and alone in myself. I'm sad that they've left as it was nice having someone here all the time for back up when there was no one else here and to do things with, and now that they're gone I miss that. What I really miss is having a partner, the guy to complete me, to do things with, and share a life with. That's what I want and that's definitely what I don't have.

I don't want to do it all alone and alone I will be for a while at least. I do want to get in shape before I meet someone, but I'll go with the flow as love or a deep friendship might surprise me. I think about moving to Melbourne and I'm still scared even though I'll have friends there just because of the fact that I will be alone. I really want a partner to share it all with and to help me live life without being scared. With someone by my side I know I can do more. That sounds a bit pathetic but that's just me I guess.

I hate that I have to go to work today in some ways because of how I'm feeling, but it'll be good for me to get out, earn some money, and take my mind off things. I have plenty of time to feel crappy like this.

I like when mum and I are on the same wavelength talking about my future. We had a really good chat last night at dinner with Jan and Fra [the New Sydney] and I have decided to only focus on step 1. Step 1 is going to Melbourne and completing my diploma of museum studies. I have no idea what will come after that but I just need this focus to begin with. Anything can happen after that. I was about to write some ideas but I just have to leave it at this for now. Complete step 1 and decide from there. Getting work is the main idea.

I really liked having Jan and Fra here. It's always better when I'm older as I remember more and am more adult. Last night we went to dinner at the New Sydney. It was a bit of a shambles with getting a good table even though we booked and we had to sit on the stage. They are the nice tables but when the band comes and tries to set up around you it's a bit awkward. In the day we went to the Leworthy's for morning tea in the sun, then met up with Sarah and went to Bellerive for lunch and a stroll around the semi-boardwalk. Then it was to the Cascade Gardens to meet up for a drink with dad's friend Adrian who runs the place. Too much sun for me. I hate the heat. Then it was home and we all, minus Sarah plus mum, sat on the deck and had a glass of champagne before dinner. The day before, dad, Jan and Fra and I went to the Maritime Museum for a wander then to the TMAG [Tasmanian Museum and Art Gallery] Courtyard for a bite and a beer [strawberry milkshake for me]. I wish I had written more down or remembered it more as now there are no more outings. I feel depressed. There have been lots of walks, like the Snug Falls one we did earlier in the week then to the Pancake Train in Margate. I didn't go with them sometimes. I just miss them and I miss that company because I now feel so alone and I don't want to be alone or go through life alone. Friends just don't cut it.

I need to snap out of this, or at least get on with my day. I have to shower and get ready for work with my dad, then head to my sister's to drop off her birth certificate then head to work for 4-5 hours with my dad. I'm meant to be meeting up with Sophie for drinks but I'm not sure I can be bothered. I'll see how I go. That means I might have to pack extra clothes. Drat it.

Right, definitely time to get off the internet and brave it and deal with the aloneness. I have a catch up with Holly to look forward to on Friday. All this week I need to spend it writing my essay. I might take it outside or just sit downstairs in the sun room. I find my room a bit depressing when I'm alone.

I'm mad at myself for not remembering more about their trip. I can look over my blog and see what's what. I know they went to Stanley for a while and there were lots of dinners and Etta fixes and things like that. I don't know why it bothers me so much! Arr.

My dreams would be great right now

I just went and saw Tangled and loved it! I was thinking that I was hearing Mandy Moore's voice but it was different at times. I guess you really can change your voice! I really, really enjoyed it. I am looking forward to watching one of the movies I bought yesterday. I think that will be good.

I have gained weight and it's really getting to me. I feel fat and I am definitely bigger than I was. I now weigh 70kg and that's not good. I've never gone past 65kg and to be going up further is horrible. I shouldn't have been living at Margate for so long. I'm not blaming that, it's all my fault, but I should have been out there making my own routines and cooking for myself and planning things better. I will be doing all of that soon enough. Fatty fat fat fat. I want to exercise everyday. I want to eat well and I want to feel great about myself. It'll be great achieving my goals. I really want to have my own house with my future husband, to be settled in the cutest cottage in the UK including Ireland somewhere, but that dream is a bit far off. I still want it all the same.

This is the year I will get thin and toned. This is the year I will find love. I am determined.

Once again I am so glad I'll be home tomorrow. I am super sick of it here in this back packers. I am ready for colder weather and routines I know. I want comforts and to feel like I don't have to impress the world because I'm hating my whole existence right now. I'm not feeling worthy or wonderful in my own skin. I want to feel both of those things and I believe they are connected to the man I'll eventually marry. Sigh. Where is he?

Home sweet home

Gosh I am ready to go home. I forget how it can be boring here especially when I can't just go to my room and watch DVDs, which is something I do need to to less of. I'm just ready to be back in Tasmania where I guess I belong. That doesn't mean I want to be there forever but it's comforting and that's what I need right now. Only one more day and I'll be home again.

Tomorrow at 2pm I'm meeting Joyce for afternoon tea. I think it will be lovely. I also need to stop by Typo and get supplies for Uni. There are these cute books in a series about Little Red Riding Hood and they are adorable. I want to get a lot more from there and with the two maxi dresses I bought from Jay Jay's of all places I might need to mail some things back to myself as my luggage is already at the limit. I won't be able to squash anymore in without paying more. Then mum and dad and Jan and Fra and I can have a lovely chat about my next move ... to Melbourne!

Going to Melbourne should be less stressful because I will have people to lean on there so I just have to remember that and relax. That's my problem. Here in Sydney I've been trying to do too much myself although I haven't really, but just thinking about all that I'd have to do isn't what I want. I hope that I can find a place to live easy and not have to stress out too much. It needs to be simplified. I just want to get my diploma and get a good job then move to the UK for a while and hopefully find my future husband! Please!

It's way too hot here. I'm not coping very well with it I must say. I am definitely looking forward to being home and reassessing. I'm glad I have good roommates too. We don't talk much but they aren't too loud and usually turn the lights off when I want them to be. Good stuff. I'm definitely ready for bed.

Chinese Horoscope, 2011 and compatibilities

2011, year of the Rabbit -- horoscope for those born in the year of the Tiger.

2011 in general --

Welcome to the year of the White Metal Rabbit or Hare (the Cat in Vietnam). It will begin on February 3, 2011, and it is the fourth year in the twelve-year cycle of the Chinese horoscope.

Since Rabbit is a calm, quiet, and reserved sign, this year is going to be more peaceful and serene than the previous year of the Tiger. There will be no jaw-dropping events or terrifying accidents to cause stress or apprehension. This will be a year to get plenty of rest, to relax, to accumulate power, and to reflect on the past in order to prepare for the future. Rabbit is a very hospitable sign, so 2011 will be a good year for social gatherings, making connections, and spending quality time with friends and family. Due to Rabbit's diplomatic traits, this year will be an excellent time for communications, discussions, and negotiations. It will also be a year to make peace with old enemies, and to resolve any outstanding issues and misunderstandings.

Rabbit is a symbol of fertility and commitment, so for those who plan to tie the knot, 2011 promises a happy and long-lasting marriage.

Year 2011 for Tigers --

This year Tigers will be full of strength and energy. They will be very lucky in love - Tigers will be adored and cherished by their significant other. With the serene atmosphere at home, this sign will be able to better concentrate on business matters.

Tigers will have lots of brilliant new ideas, which could lead to potential career growth. In 2011 all serious competitors will disappear as if by magic.

Overall, this will be an excellent year if Tiger can learn to prioritize, avoid getting greedy, and not try to accomplish too many things at once. Tiger people should learn from the relaxed and tranquil Rabbit how to decompress and enjoy their rest. Everything is in their hands this year.

I think this is a good horoscope for me this year. I have already had hints from my daily horoscope to relax and I think this is definitely a skill I need to perfect. I love that I have good love potential this year. I hope I find my perfect match.

I also looked up the Scorpio matches with other star signs and have found two I'd love to have a relationship with.

Scorpio and Pisces

The relationship between Scorpio and Pisces is almost magical. It is full of amazing love and passion for each other. Pisces will accept you as you are and work with your flaws for the greater benefit of the relationship. Pisces will understand and touch you in a way that no one else has before. Their ability to accept you just the way you are will definitely make you fall in love with Pisces. on the other hand, your practical approach to live and your no-nonsense attitude is what Pisces requires in a mate to make sure what Pisces's wild imagination does not get the better of them. Pisces tends to be overly emotional, and you will therefore need to carefully watch what you say. Scorpio will help Pisces to see things practically, rather than emotionally, in order to avoid some of the unnecessary heartache that seems to hunt Pisces. The compassionate nature of Pisces will counter the demanding and controlling nature of Scorpio and lean to and understanding between the two of you. The kind of love that Scorpio and Pisces have is the undying kind and no matter what happens, you will still hold on to each other.

Scorpio and Capricorn

Good friends at first, and then lovers -- this is how it usually works for Scorpio and Capricorn. When entering a new relationship, you will have to overcome your natural mistrust and learn to believe in one another. Once you get to know each other you will be extremely comfortable with one another as you have no inhibitions when talking to your Capricorn partner. You have a lot in common: you are conservative and unless you both agree on going out, Capricorn will just be as comfortable back at home. Your possessive nature can take a back seat when you are in a relationship with Capricorn because they expect too much from you. In turn, Capricorn is known to be hardworking, industrious, prudent and determined. Therefore, if you have any goals to achieve as a couple, Capricorn will be very cooperative. The traits you both exhibit also mean that your relationship will not be bridled by financial difficulties. However, you should be on the lookout because Capricorn is highly motivated by money.

I think I would prefer a Capricorn now I write and re-read these two. I hope we find each other!

Horoscopes and love and plans

If you are looking for instant gratification in a relationship, Scorpio, forget it. It's rare that two people meet and are instantly in sync in every way. The best friendships and romances take time, and they are certainly worth the effort. If you haven't yet found the one you are looking for, it may be because you believe you are owed that immediate spark. Or, if you ware involved in a relationship that is progressing slowly, please don't rush it. If you can be patient and forgiving, you will find that it was worth the wait.

I always thought that when I'd meet the guy I was to eventually marry that I'd know instantly, like Sometimes Sweet, but maybe that is rare and maybe it's not how it'll work out for me. It hasn't been like that in the past with the relationships I've been in but that's because they weren't the one. I do believe that the names of the people we choose are similar to the one we will end up with. The three relationships I've been in have all had similar name lengths and a common letter and I think that might mean I'll end up with a similar named guy. That's just my theory. Jeremy, for example, went out with me, Anna, a girl called Ang, and is now with a girl called Hannah. Similar! I like the patterns I see in relationship matches.

I forgot to put love on my list of wants. I want to find love and settle down as well as study, travel and have my own house. Love is the key to my ultimate happiness and it's hard being single right now but it's for the best. I have to be strong and independent and make sure I'm ready for the next one, the right one. Holly and I have been messaging and she said it's just a bit of panic and that I don't have to go on the day I thought I would so I have time to decide what to do. She said I can always move to Melbourne if Sydney doesn't work out. I think Sydney will work out though. It's a better city in my eyes and making it there would be greater than doing the same in Melbourne. It wouldn't feel as great in Melbourne. I don't like the city and it would feel like I'm following everyone else. It's a standard thing moving to Melbourne, no offence to my lovely friends who are living there or going to live there. It's just not for me. I believe I could make it work in Sydney. It's just sad that I might not get into the Uni there. There's still time.

Be brave

Today I had my last day of volunteering at the Maritime. I really like/d helping Rona [the curator] out. I will miss it. I think I'm not too sad about it because I'm so preoccupied with being scared about Sydney. I thought on the way home that I might have to write myself a check list to read when I'm there and feeling lonely or sad. It should rationalise everything, like how I don't like Melbourne, there's nothing here for me in Tasmania, and things like that. I will need to remind myself to keep my chin up, to think about the big picture, and that others are the world have gone through worse than I ever will and to keep it all in perspective. I think it'll help. I also want to get some pictures of family together so I can surround myself with them.

I also want to write a list of all the things I want to do while I'm there, like dance and photography classes, creating in my 365 journal, listening to music in the park, taking photographs whenever I can [hopefully a few times a week] and planning/organising my world. I can always catch the train to Melbourne because I find it so hard to get to and from the airport once you get to the Southern Cross Skybus station. Train might be better. Hopefully I'll get a job fairly soon after I arrive. I can't believe I'm probably heading off next week. Sometimes I am truly excited, but most of the time I think about how lonely I'll be and that I'll crack and cry. I will be lonely and I will cry but what I'll be doing will be fabulous especially if I get into the Uni. I will make friends and I will find my future husband. It'll all be okay.

I'm just looking up back packer's now. It'll cost me a bit so hopefully there'll be a house available for not this weekend but next, otherwise I'll be spending a fortune waiting for a house! Eek. That's not too good. I just hope I'll find a place sooner rather than later. I'm sure I'll be okay. Off to do some washing and walking of Katie. Then I need to write some job applications!

Kyü

Last night was great! I saw Kyü at Mona Foma and they were fantastic live. I wanted to get their CD at the merchandise tent but they were all sold out. I think I can get it online though. All is well. I had been at Orford for the day with mum and Jan and Fra visiting nan and pa and got back at a bit after 5. I tried to contact Holly and meet her to see Fourplay but she didn't answer her phone. I decided to head on down there anyway and check it out. I'm not sure I've ever seen them live before, or really heard much of them but I do love their work. I've had a classical music up-bringing so I really appreciate classical instruments, like violins, being used in a rock band. I like that bridge. While I was there, Holly and Ruben found me. We stood together in the sun watching Fourplay then went back to Holly's boat for some pizza and cider. At 8 we went to see Kyü. Fantastic is all I can say. Lost for words then and now. They are so amazing. I'm listening to them now on their Myspace page but they are way better live. I really need to get back to my room and finish my second assignment for Fronting MONA so I can hand it in at Art School today. I also need to take Katie for a walk and probably meet Sarah for some boots shopping. Eek! Enough on the computer.

Actually, after Kyü had finished, and Andi had just arrived, Andi and I went for a wander and had a drink at Irish. She bumped into a friend there and he was with an Englishman! He was really nice, we had a good chat, and it just gave me hope that I will meet my UK man. They are out there, especially since this guy said there are job shortages over there. I'll meet my man.

An action plan

Next year when life is better I'll do a 2011 recap and it'll be fantastic. I know this year is going to be great. I can't wait for it to take off when I move to Sydney. January is going to be good. Jan and Fra are coming for a visit, I have Fronting MONA, the Maritime, packing and moving to Sydney, and experiencing the trials [I'm sure] of finding a house and getting settled. I wish I could live alone and slowly fill all rooms of the house with my things but I'm not sure that will be possible. I'll get used to living with people, plus I won't be so lonely. It won't be forever and I can always move. I truly believe this year I'll find true love. I'll get thin and fit and do all the things I want to change in my life. It'll be a great year.

In the next week I need to --

+ organise my written references from Alison [thebeach] and Rona [the Maritime]

+ apply for jobs in Sydney

+ go to Centrelink and get the ball rolling with future payments

+ start work on assignment 2 [and 3] for Fronting MONA

+ visit Holly

+ possibly make an appointment for my first tattoo

+ contact Kirsten Long's friend Katie about her plans for Sydney, and

+ look into photography courses in Sydney.

I have lots of little things to do, especially with the move creeping closer and closer, so if I can make sure I keep lists of all the things that need doing then I'll be on top of it all. It'll get me into the routine of making lists and getting myself organised. Wonderful!

A brand new year

New Year's Eve was a bit of a let down for me. It was fun, and I enjoyed hanging out with Emma and her two lovely gay flat-mates Josh and Andrew and my sister, but I wasn't very interested in a huge party. I liked watching the fireworks from a spot on the wharf despite there being huge amounts of people around and I liked visiting Holly afterwards but it just felt like any other night. It didn't feel special or that I needed to make a big deal out of it. A lot has changed for me since May last year and since I'm single I have just wanted to do what makes me happy. For next year's celebrations I might just have a quiet one. Hopefully I have my future husband to celebrate with but I guess I can't predict what it will be like. It felt strange not caring too much about it despite it always being built up as a great night, one where things change from one minute to the next. I liked the symbolic change from 2010 to 2011 because 2011 means so much to me already. It's my year.

I had been chatting to Holly throughout the evening and asked if Yorick would be there at her boat. He was to be there and when we went down to the wharf to watch the fireworks then head to Holly's afterwards he jumped off the boat straight away when he saw me. I didn't really talk to him, just asked if Holly was there and that I'd go and get the others. I'm not sure I even looked him in the eyes. Subconscious ignoring I guess. I didn't really want to see him but we didn't actually chat. I didn't hear if he said anything to me when he got off. It's so strange. When I got to the end of the concrete next to Holly's boat, I heard Yorick's 18 year old say something like "Who the f is that?" I think she must be jealous of me. I just got a funny feeling about the whole thing, like she was defending her territory. I had that boy for 4 years. She can't compete with me. I don't want him back anyway and would never go back there. Holly's my friend, and if anyone was getting kicked off the boat out of the two of us it would definitely be Ebony. She's an idiot. She tried to be friends with my sister, saying they'd meet us out later, and it was totally weird. She was so threatened or jealous. I think they're both pathetic so it doesn't really matter to me, just shows that once again I am the better person, the more in control of my life and my destiny, and the one who has moved on to greater things. I hate that she got to me though. I hated thinking about her in my first moments of 2011. It had nothing to do with Yorick as we didn't really say anything to each other. It was all about her. It would have been nice to chat to Yorick but I went straight into asking for Holly mode and nothing else happened. I feel bad that I didn't say anything to Yorick, that we didn't get a chance to talk and check in, as he jumped straight off the boat to see me. He didn't do anything towards me after that though. Maybe he's whipped. I don't need to go back there anyway. I'm moving forward, trying not to think about that anymore, and just live my life the way I want to. I have so much to look forward to this year. It's going to be great. Yorick is now officially in my past as I'm starting a new year and I guess I should just forget about him completely. I kind of want to catch up with him, only because of the catch up that didn't happen last night, but I don't really need to revisit that whole situation. In the light of day it would be a mistake. I can't help that I'm curious. Holly will give me the gossip when we hang out this week. She'll give me some perspective.

I have some jobs to apply for today! I didn't think I'd find any online but I have. I tried Seek instead of Career One and have a few nice options. Hopefully I get something even though the jobs were advertised at the end of December and I won't be over in Sydney until late January. I'll write some cover letters and do some mailing. There is one at the Co-Op Bookstore, one with the University of Sydney Union and a possibility with JB Hi Fi so I will see what happens. I want to move away from hospitality into retail and these jobs would be a great step in that direction. I'd love to work at Kikki-K or Typo or Dymmocks or Borders or the Co-Op or Big W.

I'm feeling a bit hungover today. It's just hitting me more and more now. I felt a bit groggy when I woke up and I do need more sleep so I'll try and get to bed early tonight. It could be worse.

I've been messaging Holly, telling her how I felt about Ebony's reaction to me, and she said she thinks Ebony is threatened by me but that she is also completely drug fucked. Holly said that I was just really cool and mature last night and that I seemed the better person. I said that I felt bad I didn't have a mini catch up with Yorick, say Happy New Year, or anything like that, but that I'm moving forward and I doubt we'd have much to say [no real loss there] and that he'll be right. Holly said that it's not my problem and I did good! I just need to remind myself it doesn't matter anymore. He chose his path and I'm on mine. I am the better person, I am mature, and he's not my problem anymore. It would have been polite to ask him how his night was, what he's been up to, but it would have brought me down and got me thinking about him too much. It's done, it's in the past. That's all I need to know. Moving on!

Goodbye and good riddance 2010

Daily Horoscope --

Although you can certainly handle having a lot of alone time, Scorpio, and you are known to be quite independent, you are also quite the social animal. But even if you don't have any exciting parties to attend or any other plans for New Year's Eve, you can still enjoy the evening. You should take a moment tonight to at least recognize and acknowledge everything you've accomplished this year. You probably feel a sense of anticipation for what lies ahead in the coming year, and a symbolic toast to your future is definitely in order -- even if you're in bed before the fireworks go off at midnight.

I am rather excited for the two events I'm going to this evening. I'm starting off at Grace 2's house for a gathering then heading off to Emma's for a party. I have some alcohol but am struggling with what to wear. I got a dress from Melbourne a few years ago but it's too short for me to feel comfortable in it so I might drop by Big W and see if they have a black petticoat/slip. Wearing it with my regular black work skirt [which I always wear even if I'm not at work] looks a bit funny but better than not wearing it. I have to organise a back-up outfit now too. Drat this.

When I read this horoscope this morning I tried to think about what I've accomplished this year. I'm struggling even now. I guess I know what career I want to be in. I've spent time doing the things I want to do and am about to embark on a great adventure to Sydney. I know what kind of relationship I want to be in and what to avoid. I feel more like myself too. It's been a strange year and I am so glad 2011 is finally here. I believe it will be fantastic. Here's to 2011.

Almost rid of 2010

I am slowly checking things off my big to-do list. Today I sorted out most of my clothes and chucked out the majority of them. I have a huge bag I need to drop off into one of those charity bins at some stage. I also started work again on my Travel Book for Vanuatu. Once I finish the photo placements I can cross one more off that huge list. Then onto the writing. That is going to take forever. I also need to keep organising things to take and to eventually take to Sydney. It's going to be a long task, especially since I don't quite know what I have off the top of my head and what I'll take with me. I'll get there.

Tonight I'm going to go to the supermarket and buy a few things for dinner. I'm going to get mum some milk and myself some of the tasty treats I like. She had a tone in her voice, especially after I said I was off mince when she asked if I wanted spaghetti bolognaise for dinner [they're going out], and basically said to go get my own food. So I shall. I'll get some yogurt and oven fries and some oven fish or nuggets, bread, biscuits, some ice cream or probably lemon sorbet. This is the last time I'll probably shop for myself here for food I like because once I'm in Sydney I'm going to be on a healthy eating regime and stick to it for at least 30 days and hopefully longer once I get hooked on healthier foods [here's hoping]. Sydney is going to be great. I can't wait to move there. I'll be devastated if I don't get into the Uni there but going to Sydney will be great even if I'm not at that particular Uni. I am always praying that I get into the University of Sydney though. Please oh please oh please.

I started watching the O.C. again. I love it! I can't wait until I find my next partner. I do hope he's my life partner but that might not be the case. I wonder what a psychic would say. I do want to go see one but where do you find a good one? I can't wait for the awkwardness before you start getting used to being together, the first few kisses, and getting to know each other. I am so excited that one day I'll get to experience all of that again. I miss the start of relationships. They are the best. It'll be even better with my future husband too. I already know he rocks. One day.

Once I'm finished playing my games I'll go and finish putting all the photos into my Vanuatu Travel Book then go grocery shopping. Then I'll watch more of the O.C. and not much else. I'm a bit boring but at least I'm not spending much money now that Christmas is over. I only did around 10 hours last week, maybe 12 or something, so that sucks. Once 2011 starts I'll head over to Centrelink and try and get the ball rolling before I move to Sydney. Smart move, O'Regan.

One stressful day

I am so tired. It's been a long, stressful day at work and I am so glad I'm home. It took a bit of effort but I got my car back from Sarah's so I am independent once more. Super glad about that. Unfortunately James and the Hayley Cooper Band including Hayley herself are practicing over in the shed, aka my room, so I'm over in the big house bumming on the computer. I might finally watch some True Blood 3. I haven't watched it in ages but I may as well now.

Listening to this right now --

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=G96e3o4wFIg

I can't wait for Christmas. I love Christmas at home. We always do the croissants with scrambled eggs and smoked salmon and other yummy things, then presents and the usual raffle, then the extended family gathering. I have loved organising presents this year. I just want to get a few more plants for mum and I think I'm set. Otherwise I might get her some earrings from the same place Sarah got her a nice wooden bowl with a lid. I can finally wrap George's present. I'm sad dad's didn't come in the mail today though. Hopefully it'll come tomorrow, otherwise it'll have to be a late Christmas present like mum said mine will be. Never mind.

Sarah and I went shopping in town yesterday and when we were at the bank, Yorick's mum turned up and we had a nice chat. I told her about my plans and she told me about Felix and his driving and licence messes. Nothing about Yorick, which I'm glad about. I said to her to say hi to everyone for me as I saw his aunt Di in the street a few weeks back. Then when I was driving through North Hobart I'm sure I saw him waiting at the lights next to the Republic. He is in serious need of a haircut. It looks terrible. I'm glad I'm not with him anymore but it was a shock to see him. We're not right for each other and that makes it easier to deal with, to know that I don't need to be sad because something a million times better is out there waiting for me. I still find it weird that I used to know him so well but that we don't hang out anymore. We were together for 4 years and now it's gone. I don't really miss it, which makes it obvious that it wasn't right, but it's strange that that kind of thing can happen. Things change so fast.

I locked my keys in my car again today. It was in the Big W car park in Kingston and I saw Jessi and Rachel Elliot while I was there. We both had a chat, separately, but it was nice to have some entertainment while sitting on my bonnet waiting for my RAC man to arrive. Silly me. It reminds me of the first time I did it. Luckily that was at home so I walked 20m to get the spare keys and get inside. If only.

I can't think of anything else to write so good night!

Such a good day

Today has been a great day. I feel like everything is falling into place and I deserve it! I didn't understand my horoscope this morning but now I do --

Tonight at dusk - when it's not quite daytime and not quite nighttime - you need to make yourself open to messages about your future. This in-between place is symbolic of a situation in your life right now. What you're experiencing may make you feel as through you are in limbo, not knowing where - or how - to go to the next step. But, as nature takes care of the passage of light to darkness and darkness to dawn, you will soon find yourself in exactly the right place. Don't over-think it. Just let the universe guide you.

I had forgotten all about this horoscope until way after the events that unfolded this evening and I think it's sending me a message. I bumped into Kirsten Long and two friends here in Melbourne while I was wandering around aimlessly and she invited me to have dinner with them. They're all doing Uni and are from Tassie and that in itself was funny. I think one is living here, but Katie, I think she's living in Tassie and they are both lovely girls. So. We got talking about Uni and both Katie and I are intending to move to Sydney next year and we might end up living together! She's got another person in mind and we might leave room for a fourth but I think it's all fate, bumping into Kirsten like that! FATE! Mum had called while I was having dinner and called her after we were done and had said our goodbyes and mum's friend Kerin knows someone in Sydney who will be willing to rent me a room for $70 a week. This is all working out perfectly. It feels right and like my dreams will actually come true. Katie is going to email me about house opportunities, hopefully in Newtown which is in the opposite direction to Glebe, and will probably move in at the start of February or around there. It should all work out with Fronting MONA and finishing up at thebeach. I sure hope it does.

After wandering around Melbourne today and hanging with Carly, I realised how much I don't want to live here. I don't like it. It's too grungy and like a labyrinth for my taste so I'm extra hoping I get into the Uni of Sydney. I probably wouldn't be able to afford living in Sydney alone, not anywhere near the city anyway, so this is a good substitute. Living with people I know and like will be good and I'll meet people that way, maybe even my future husband! It'll work out nicely and it won't be forever. I can handle it.

Shopping today with Carly was good. I bought a cute tea canister from T2 and a 'MAIL' letter holder and 2011 desk-top calendar from Typo. There is a small Typo section in Cotton On in Hobart but we went to the actual store and it was fantastic! I really love it in there. I'm going to love living in a big city and it'll be nice having friends there and living with them won't be so bad. It'll be great actually. I am so very excited.

I've had a headache for a while but I went for a bit of a lie down after hanging with Carly and took two Nurofen and felt better after a while. I'm rooming with two Canadian girls and a third person I haven't met and the funny thing is the place we went to for dinner, the Mess Hall, was where one of the Canadian girls works! How weird. I'm going to go straight to bed after my time has finished here in internet land [10pm], have a snack, then possibly read manga for a bit then sleep. Tomorrow I need to get to some of the museums and possibly the Uni even though I'm set on not going here. It might be worth a look. The museums will be good at any rate. I haven't heard from Amy yet but I might hang with Carly again tomorrow. I'd like to go to Bimbos and have cheap pizza and maybe go to Savers. Kirsten mentioned it and how she bought a few cheap dresses. Apparently it's a second hand store, I guess like an op shop but better, as Carly has also mentioned it. Many possibilities. I just need to get a good nights sleep tonight and I'll be okay. I was so tired on the flight over and afterwards, even now. 40 mintues and I'm there.

I bought two mangas today. One was buy an author I have read but can't remember the name of the manga, and one was called Black Butler [I think] which is a different name for an anime series I already have. I think the manga will be great. I have loved getting back into manga over the last day, or less than a day, and want to buy more cheaply from Just Manga. It's such a good site and a while ago I stopped buying things from there when my manga candle burned out but now I'm back and ready to buy again. Not just yet but soon!

I am so looking foward to bed. Hopefully I'll get to sleep fairly quickly. I haven't had enough lately and it's catching up to me. I hope tomorrow will be good too. It's way after my bed time!

Pop tarts

I'm going to buy pop tarts today then go to Emma's house for dinner and movies!

And once again I'm searching for the perfect font for my surname [not an easy task] for my first tattoo. Here are todays finds.

Superpoint

Yikes

Barcode Font

I want something that won't go out of style and something I won't get sick of or regret. I'm not sure how I'll find it but it must be out there somewhere. In that respect I guess it's like my perfect relationship. It'll appear eventually.

Love in 2011

Lately I have been religiously checking my daily horoscope on my phone and last night after midnight I checked the one I got for today. I love it.

A new year is coming, Scorpio. And it comes with the chance to begin again. What will you write on your fresh slate? Hopefully you have learned a lesson or two about love, and about hanging on to a good relationship tight enough to show you care, but not so tight that you smother it. Even though we're only entering the second week of December, it's not too early to start composing your resolutions for 2011. Make your love life a priority for the coming year. It's your time to shine, and love should be at the top of your list of priorities.

Love and family, travel and my career are the three things on the top of my life list so this fits in perfectly. Whenever I think of next year I think of falling in love and finding that illusive soul-mate as well as starting the year with a fresh slate. After this year I need it. I am so excited. Panda [a work mate] and I were talking about relationships last night and I really miss being in one and having an ongoing dialogue with someone but at the same time it's good that I have this chance to rearrange my life and focus on what I want in it. I am glad I'm not with Yorick anymore and it's great because I didn't know I wasn't getting what I wanted. Thanks to starting the BSW, I now have the skills to thoroughly examine relationships or anything really even when I'm in it. I just have to look deep and figure out if I'm getting what I want.

I am amazed at how accurate this horoscope is concerning my desire for a fresh slate next year. I can't wait to go out on my own and make a life for myself. I want to have fresh berries in the fridge for breakfast and make banana bread again and eat healthily. I want to do Jillian Michaels' Making the Cut over 30 days and get my dream body. I want to find a great house for a great price not to far from Uni if possible [or in cycling distance] and study my butt off so I can get into my dream career. I want to meet the man I'm to marry and go on holidays with him and settle down. I want it all and next year is when I'm hoping it will happen.

I love imagining the house I'll have and over time getting furniture and filling the empty spaces. It will be great to have my own space and make it just how I want. I might have to get re-inspired by Carrie Bradshaw. I want to get vases and flowers and fish and I want to frame my posters and have a table by the front door for my bag and keys. I would love an outdoor table and 2 chair set and one of the wicker egg-shaped chairs. It'll be fantastic.