Hope, courage, and bravery.

So, what's new? No house news but I am secretly waiting for Sarah's ex housemate Nicole to get a job here and say she'll live with me. Until then I might wait. I had a bit of an almost breakdown on Wednesday going out to Uni and back for the text book. I had had a little look at some photos I've seen of James, George and Etta and it made me almost cry seeing them. On the tram I was sad. Damn hormones. My Pills ran out and I missed one and the hormones swept in. I've been feeling emotional since then. Drat. I can't remember my train of thought as I started this rant but I know it had a purpose. I wanted to say something else. I hate forgetting that kind of thing.

I have been getting into studying as of yesterday and am quite enjoying it. I have taken a little break now as dad got me thinking about external hard drives and he'll buy one for me there and put all the TV episodes from the Margate computer onto it then send it over. Mum will be getting some money from the Uni books I put up to be sold so they'll take the money out of that. I need to get a new laptop. Monica at the Mission got her mini laptop for $300 at Dick Smith but I might get a mid-sized one. Not too big, not too small. I can't choose between the two sizes. Small is great for lectures, train rides, and holidays, but bigger is better for writing assignments, watching TV shows and altering photographs etc.. You can always get a monitor for the smaller one but I may as well go for the medium sized type. I'm a bit worried about money at the moment so I'll wait until I'm settled in a house and have a job. I want one for under $500 if that's possible, which is should be.

The Mission was good yesterday. I did a lot of scanning until Monica's laptop had a nap as she forgot the power chord. Oops. Then we went on the computer there, had some lunch near the Police Museum, and went home by 3ish. I went to Centrelink after that and got all my business sorted. My address has been changed to here, at Kirsten's, and I have my temporary Health Care Card which gives me comfort on public transport when the ticket inspectors come and ask you for your tickets. Apparently you have to have the Health Care Card to qualify for a concession ticket. I was astonished when Kirsten told me. There are signs on the trams that I didn't see. Ha ha ha. Now I know and now I am safe. They've been on the trams twice, once the looked at the date, which I strategically only showed them, and the second time they didn't bother. Strange but a relief. I do like traveling on trams.

I do miss home a bit but I haven't cried about it. I miss the ease of the life there, knowing where everything is, and having family to be around all the time, but here I love the new adventure, Uni, being in Kirsten's house, and how everything is new and exciting. I love the lifestyle and yet I miss my old one. I almost cried on Wednesday because I was going to look at a bedsit in Richmond, which was already taken despite still being on the internet, and realise that I didn't want to live alone in this city because I would be so isolated. I wouldn't see my friends enough to get me by and would too often be alone. I came to the decision that I must live with someone. I'm not as brave as some people to live alone, even though in many ways I would prefer it, but at this stage I'm a coward. And that's okay. I am building up my bravery. One step at a time. I couldn't imagine living by myself for a year and not having family around to make it okay. In Tasmania it would be more than fine as the whole place is a comfort to me but here it would be too different and hard to deal with. I just hope it all works out with Nicole and that she would want to live with me. Eek. Otherwise I'm sure I'll be able to find someone like me and Nicole to live with. I won't limit myself to Richmond or Hawthorn, even though I'd love to live in either of those suburbs, because it's not too hard to get out to Uni from Kirsten's and it might make finding a place easier. I'll just have to wait and see.

Change doesn't always come easy, Scorpio -- even when it's a good change. You may be enduring some tempestuous circumstances now. There is a sense of upheaval, of confusion. But this is all clearing the way for a change in your life that will be a relief once is arrives and you recognize the difference in yourself and in those around you. Put a smile on your face, and know that whatever happens today and over the next few days will be for the greater good. Evolution is in progress.

Pretty tattoos

More tattoo's I like --

The end of another week

Tomorrow I start my week [minus Tuesday and the weekend] at MONA. I think it's going to be great, confronting, yes, but great. I have to take a lunch and will bring some water along to have on the breaks around 12-1 I think. I can't remember if we get an hour's break or just half an hour. I have to get up quite early. I need to leave home at around 8-815am to get out there for a bit after 9am. We officially start at 930am but I want to be there early so I'm not late. I wouldn't want to be late. No way. Afterwards when we finish at 330pm I'm going to head to Illusions, the tattoo place, and book an appointment for Wednesday afternoon at 430pm probably so both Holly and Emma can come. My sister also wants to come so fingers crossed that that day and time works for all of us. I want them all there.

Lately I've been thinking about how I'll probably get lonely in Sydney and cry and have to work through the feelings. I'm sure I will but I just have to stop and feel what I feel and let it pass. I'll be doing greater things there than I would be doing here if I stayed and just because things are hard doesn't mean they shouldn't be done. I want to live alone, and I want to live in Sydney. It's my choice and with that reasoning I'll be okay. People are only a phone call away and if I'm really desperate I can book a flight home or at least to Melbourne to visit my friends. It's worth going because it'll change my life for the better [I think] and just because I'll feel lonely or sad doesn't mean I shouldn't go. I'll go and have a great time, get upset a bit, but in the long run it'll be fantastic. I can listen to music and meditate when feeling upset, go for a walk in my new city and have some more adventures. I'll be right.

Holly can't make in on Wednesday but I might have to go ahead on that day because I'm not working. Maybe I should leave it until she's available on the day I have free... The following week might be better. I think I might prefer to have all 3 of them there. Time will tell I suppose.

Time to make an appointment

I have definitely decided with my first tattoo not to have the reference dots, just the larger dots which represent the letters of the alphabet. I wonder if it'll look just like the picture. I have to go in an make an appointment so I can leave a deposit according to the website but I'm wondering when to book it for. I want both Holly and Emma there, so maybe one afternoon at around 430ish if Emma can make that, otherwise on a Saturday, or late on a Thursday as they close at 7pm. I'll see what the girls can do. Very exciting!

A splendid afternoon with Holly

This afternoon was fantastic! I got to Holly's for around 3pm and we chatted for 2 hours, had cups of tea, and a great old time. We haven't caught up in a while so it was really nice touching base and hearing all the gossip, especially since I got some of it on NYE 2010. To start off with the juicy stuff, apparently Yorick was put a little off balance after seeing me on NYE as he wasn't expecting me to be there. Things got a bit strange on the boat as there were gatecrashers but Ruben sorted things out and a few days later, Ruben went over to see Yorick and talk to him about how things went on NYE because his 6 years younger than him girlfriend invited these gatecrasher. I think it's funny. Apparently she, aka Ebony, is more screwed up than he is and, as Holly put it, he might be heading towards his spilt milk reaction. I love Holly's insight into life. In other gossip, rather news, we found the ideal tattoo 'font' for my surname! It's braille. We were discussing my latest desperate attempt [the bar-code] when Holly came up with the idea of braille. It looks cool too. Mysterious. In the picture below I think I'll go for the one without the tinier reference dots. I'm not sold on having them there. Maybe in a light grey if they were on the tattoo. So I can now book an appointment! Both Holly and Emma are going to come with me. I'm super excited.

We also looked at studio apartments for me in Sydney! Holly got onto the Domain website and there are some apartment/units there that I hadn't seen on the site I was looking at. Some with their own bathrooms for a start and still around the price I was looking for. I think I'll find a great little place. I also decided that I won't compromise my dreams by living in a share house as I think in most areas it would make me unhappy and regret the decision so I'll stick to finding my own place, probably in Newtown. I love that I'm dealing with this issue more because now I'm happy and will enjoy living with not much furniture because it'll be all mine. That is my wish.

Another spot on horoscope for January 6.

If you haven't done so yet, Scorpio, let go of any regrets you carried into 2011. There is no place for them here. This is to be a dynamic year with a lot of positive change, much of it centered around your own personal evolution. If you drag old wounds or mistakes into what should be a positive and progressive time of transformation, you will only slow down this marvelous process of reinventing yourself. Not that there is anything wrong with the old you ... there is NOT. But you now have the chance to add greater dimension to what is already a great work of art: YOU!

I have been carrying regret about my recent contact with Yorick into 2011 and have struggled to let it go. Ebony got to me a bit, and not asking how Yorick was going made me feel guilty, but it's in the past. He made his own decisions about his life and me not liking it has got nothing to do with anything. I have to let it go. I don't need to feel guitly. I know this year is going to be a great year for reinventing myself, a process which has already begun, and if it is to be as great as I hope it will be then I have to stop thinking about him. It's in my past, especially since we're in a new year, and I have moved on but not so completely that I don't ever think of him and wonder what he's up to these days. I am curious but I have to let it go. This is my year to shine. Here's to new beginnings.

Changes

I have my work schedule for the next 3 weeks and I'm not completely happy with it. Next week is good as I have 4 definite shifts and I am going to Melbourne but the following weeks I only have 2 definites and a maybe.

Monday 13th Dec 6pm

Tuesday 14th Dec 630pm

Friday 17th Dec 630pm

Saturday 19th Dec ON CALL PM -- I wouldn't mind missing this one as I'm planning to go to Opossum Bay while James and George are there with friends. Only staying for the day would be okay but not having to rush back and stress about getting to work on time is something I don't need.

Sunday 19th Dec 930am

Tuesday 21st Dec ON CALL PM

Thursday 23rd Dec 11am

Friday 24th Dec 1230pm

Tuesday 28th Dec ON CALL PM

Thursday 30th Dec 11am

Sunday 2nd Jan 4pm

It's nice to have some time off so I can study for Uni and see my aunts Jan and Fra who are coming out on the 23rd of December but I need as much work as I can get so I can save! Hopefully I'll find a job to go to wherever I move so I won't have too much pressure regarding money but I would like to be busy now and earn money while I have the chance. Drat this Mrs Kim. I'll just write a note on the roster saying I'm available for work if anyone needs to give any shifts away. I didn't think when Alison and I were talking on the phone last week to say no when she said she was giving me time off. It just didn't click. She blind-sighted me with it so I couldn't think. Never mind. It'll all work out.

My sister doesn't like the design I have 99% chosen for my first tattoo --

I really like it. I think bar codes are a products' DNA in a way and to me, my surname and my heritage is the same. That will never change and it's so very important to me. Plus it looks cool. I'm going to book something for the new year. A Saturday when Emma can come and possibly in the afternoon so Holly can come too. I'm excited!

Monday I have another lecture and tutorial for Fronting MONA then work. Tuesday I am going in for most of the day to the Maritime to help with an upcoming exhibition then work. Wednesday I'm off to Melbourne. I wonder when I'm going to pack? I won't need to take much so it won't take long. Maybe Monday after Uni and before work as I don't know how long I'll be at the Maritime for on Tuesday. I'll get it done.

Speaking of Fronting MONA, I need to work on my first assignment [the application for a job there] before it's due on the 20th. The cover letter needs to have so many elements in it that I'm going to start writing in dot points all I need to include in it then go from there to round it out. I just don't know who it's going to so I can't add the right address in. I'll ask the tutor in class tomorrow.

After tonight I will have worked around 25 hours and that is good. I'll get about $400 and put most of it away. As long as I have a job to go to I'll be okay. I might only make $2000 before I head off. That will cover bond and a bed but not much else. Centrelink will help but having a job to go to would be best. A house will fall into place and it'll all work out nicely. It shall! I'll apply for the Body Shop and for gallery attendant jobs and just about anything that sounds good. Day work is a must. It'll happen.

Pop tarts

I'm going to buy pop tarts today then go to Emma's house for dinner and movies!

And once again I'm searching for the perfect font for my surname [not an easy task] for my first tattoo. Here are todays finds.

Superpoint

Yikes

Barcode Font

I want something that won't go out of style and something I won't get sick of or regret. I'm not sure how I'll find it but it must be out there somewhere. In that respect I guess it's like my perfect relationship. It'll appear eventually.

New surname tattoo fonts

I might be stumbling across a new font for my surname tattoo. After discovering the happiness quote one and how great that looked, I wasn't happy with the one I had chosen for my surname. Now I have more options. I love how the 'A Little Pot' font [all from www.dafont.com by the way] looks kind of childish. This one is my favourite so far and might be the overall winner! Eeek! I want to show Holly first and see what she thinks. She can always see things I can't and gives me great advice.

A Little Pot

Dali

Hand of Sean

Kingthings Wrote

Happiness is a mood not a destination tattoo perhaps?

Happiness is a mood, not a destination.

I like this sentence. It reminds me that I can't let happiness depend on what I'll gain from it, like going to Sydney next year, or Melbourne. I've given up on 2010 and I keep thinking that I'll be happier next year, which I probably will due to the circumstances and adventures I'll be having, but happiness is a mood, not a destination. I need to be happy in the present. I have the tendency to think of everything in tattoo-terms these days despite not having one just yet so I'm just playing around with this idea. I like text tattoos. I imagine this on my left under-arm just below my elbow. It's fun to dream.

Jane Austin font

Honey Script font

Tattoo update

I can and can't wait to get my first tattoo done! It means telling my parents, which is scary, and getting it done is so permanent and that in itself is scary. I'm starting to chicken myself out. Stop it! I know I'll love it. I already have one of those cigarette lighter smilies on my arm and I've grown used to that. I already have a tattoo in that respect as it's a permanent mark. I'll love it. I can't wait to book it in with Holly, or just start that process. It'll be fantastic.

Tattoo time!

I can't wait to get my first tattoo done! I think it's as good as it'll ever be font-wise but I'm happy with it and I think it's time. I might get Holly to take some pictures of it being done and of course I'll take at least one of the finished product. It'll be hidden by my wrist bands so hopefully mum and dad won't see it. I'm not sure if I want to tell them or not. I reckon they'd frown upon it at first then forget about it. My brother James has one on his left shoulder [the Foo Fighters logo -- FF] but I can't remember their reaction. I am thinking about keeping it a secret but then again they'd find out eventually and I'd feel too guilty for not telling them, or them asking when I got it and I reply "oh a few months ago..." or something. It's dishonest and it's my choice. It can be hidden and it means something to me. I can't not do it because they wouldn't approve. That's what everyone faces when they get a tattoo, I suppose.

Lists, tattoo and Uni

I've been thinking about writing lists like Sometimes Sweet has been recently to do with things that make me happy and things I'm grateful for but something is stopping me. I think it's because I'm basing all my happiness on getting into the Sydney course and once I begin the course I'll be able to write them. While I'm here, stuck in Hobart wanting to get out, I don't think I can write the list, not properly. Sydney is going to be a huge part of that. I'll be very sad if I don't get in and Melbourne will just have to do. It'll be fun living there as I have friends there but Sydney is about a lot more.

I received an information pack in the mail from Deakin about how to enroll. I have to do it before Boxing Day otherwise the offer might lapse so hopefully I hear back from Sydney before December. If I hear back in January and it's a no then I might have missed out on Deakin. Not that I want Deakin but it would be better to study somewhere than nowhere even if it does have a strong focus on Cultural Heritage. I can't wait to hear back from Sydney. Please be soon.

I think me and Helen and Munchie are going to go to Holly's for drinks and nibbles on Wednesday so Holly and I might discuss me getting my tattoo done. It's scary but I think it'll be fantastic. She's going to help me with where to go in Hobart and hopefully soon after a date can be set! I'll get her to come with me.

I am a bit worried about finding a house in Glebe, NSW. I've been looking to check out what I could get for $250 per week [my top end] and it seems that a lot of them share a laundry or even a kitchen and I don't want that! I want my own place, totally mine. I've done the shared laundry thing and I don't like it. I might have to look further out of the city. At least if I start off in a home stay situation I can take my time looking for places and even go for little trips further away from the Uni but not too far and check out how I would go. It would only be a short bus ride away and busses are so frequent there it wouldn't be a problem. Somehow I'll find something great.

Tattoo update

I think it's about time I start setting a date for getting my first tattoo. I have been banned from giving blood until April next year because apparently I have low iron levels so another 6 months on top of that won't make a huge difference as it'll be like that no matter when I do it. I'll always have to wait a year just in case there's an infection. I'm just looking at some new possibilities for the font.

They would definitely be smaller and I would have the stalk of the 'R' rounded but this is generally what I'm looking for. I've tried to look at curved fonts and having it lowercase but it doesn't work. I want it to be in a box shape so it's using up the whole space. I don't speak very well. I think I'm liking the first one better. Not so thin. It'll look great once it's done. Scary but great. It is the perfect spot for my after all what with my many wrist bands permanently attached. I think I finally have the answer!

A night with Emma

I'm sitting in my new room after a lovely evening out at Emma's. I met her house mates, a lovely gay couple [Andrew and Josh], and had a tour of their huge house in Moonah. They have so many laughs it's great! I wish I lived with Emma. Andrew made cannelloni for dinner then we went to Cold Rock for ice cream. I had rainbow with Skittles. It was great. Next time I'm going to have cookies and cream with Oreo's. I couldn't decide which to get but after thinking it through and trying to figure out which taste I was really wanting I decided I didn't feel like chocolate, especially if it were watery. It wouldn't be though. I'm glad I made a choice. Emma couldn't choose last time and left with nothing. We looked at Tamaxxx pictures for tattoos but the ones I like might be around $600! I don't have that much to spend. Emma mentioned she might put it on a credit card and pay it back, kinda like a lay-by! That would work. I want to get my surname done first, once I get the perfect font [which seems more and more impossible], and I think that might only be around $100. Still expensive but less so in one go. I have always said I'll never get a credit card but if it's specifically for this one day it might be okay. It's a lot to pay in one go. Lay-by via credit card seems like the way to go. Apparently tattoo artists can tattoo in watercolours. I'm not sure what that means exactly but as the pictures are watercolour it seems appropriate. Got to look into that. Emma is going to ask her tattoo artist if they can do that picture. I'm still not 100% sure I'll get them done. I want to, but it's irreversible. Once I get my wrist one, which I 100% know I want, I'll be further in the direction of a 100% for the others. I'm wondering if the top of arms are the right place. I like the idea of back of neck around the shoulder line but then I wouldn't be able to see it. Arms sounds good. Not legs, not tummy, maybe back, no none of those areas actually. Arms it is. Forearms yes, one day, near the elbow crease. I am still in love with Katie's hearts. Sigh. Lots of thinking. Glad I've got lots of time. Now to bed to get warm and watch TV!

Tamaxxx

I'm going over to Emma's tonight for dinner [spaghetti bolognaise] at her new house to discuss Tamaxxx tattoos! I think we might end up getting one, maybe two, of the same. I'm going to take all the pictures I have saved onto my laptop for her to check out. I find most of them irrelevant and too cluttered but there might be something in there she likes. There are two that stand out for me -- the one I posted last night and

I really like this one too. It doesn't have any life-meaning for me as yet but I guess it's about reaching for the stars [and moon], or getting some help along the way. It's very sweet. They both are. I wonder what Emma has in mind.

Tamaxxx

I was thinking in the car on the way home that one day I might have to get a tattoo on each shoulder/top-of-arm. I like this for one of them --

Tamaxxx is a great artist, whoever they are. They are so hard to track down and find out much about them. Maybe that's their point. I think I'd choose another from this lovely artist. The picture above is one I've thought about in tattoo terms before but wondered if it was too dark. I don't think so now. To me it encompasses my hopeful move to Sydney. I know I'll be scared and a bit lonely but that's no reason not to take the journey. In fact it's more reason to do it. This picture is perfect! I just wonder if it will transfer to a tattoo that well as it seems like water paint with its blotchy effect. I love the idea of having such a wonderful and bright tattoo but something contained in a border. It would be a reminder to myself to be brave and experience all life has to offer. Sitting back is not an option. I might have to take this to a tattoo parlour and get a quote. After reading several Tattoo Tuesday posts over at Sometimes Sweet I've come to learn that with something of this complexity, getting the right tattoo artist is a priority. It is with you for life, after all, unless you're rich and want to get it removed. I would be very happy with this one. I'm sure it would take a while and cost a fair bit but it'd be worth it. I like the idea of having tattoos.

Tattoos again

Am I brave enough for something as lovely as this?

I always come back to it. It's super cute but because it's not my own idea I think I can't come to terms with doing it myself. I know at some stage, once I find the right font, I'll get my surname tattooed on my left wrist. I like the idea of a under arm below the elbow area tattoo. I think that's a nice spot. Angelina Jolie has some there and I really like it.

I know I want something done but for my surname I'm waiting for the right font. I had thought at one stage of having part of a manga on me somewhere. There was a lovely drawing in +Anima of an Anima, which is a person who can transform partly or fully into an animal, and this one was of a swan or angel. It's really beautiful. The drawing is of a young human girl with these lovely wings and feathers for hair. I think it's just amazing. That might be a back of the neck piece. I don't have any at the moment and I don't want to be covered. I like the idea of small discrete ones and when I think of the ideas I've had, even of having 3 or 4, I get a little worried that even that is too much. I'm in no rush or anything. I like giving blood and I wouldn't be able to donate for a year afterwards. Maybe it will be a Sydney thing.

I love the idea of these hearts. It's totally something that would suit me. I like the interesting use of place too. Something unique. I'm not sure I could handle copying her though. I like my wrist one and the idea of under arm below elbow ones, but that would clash with the hearts. I should stop thinking about this for now. The ideal font will come [I hope] and all will be well.

Tattoo troubles

I think I'm back to square one with my tattoo ideas for my surname. I was looking up new fonts this afternoon and I like the idea of some, although not liking them enough, and the original one I picked is now not looking so right. This is really annoying. I can't find the right font to make my surname look good in capitals or lower-case. It's quite frustrating. I just want the perfect font to jump out at me but alas it doesn't.

I was watching Pretty Little Liars earlier and they were preparing for the SATs. I want to do that, or at least get a list of the words to study, as I know few words and feel like I'm simple. I speak for the layman but want to sound more academic and smart. I'll look into it.

Amy called me a few hours ago! It was so lovely to talk to her. I think I'll go over to Melbourne for a visit between the 15th and 20th of December. Not for that long, only 3 days or something, but it will be nice. I think it's a bit pointless to go over in January as I'll be moving as of later that month, and I want to visit my friends so just before Christmas suits the situation better I believe.

Sometimes I forget what I've written in here. I want to update more and now I can because the internet is back on my laptop. I love getting my thoughts onto here. I was going to say paper but that's not quite true.

I want a typewriter, even if it's just a paperweight.

I was, once again, watching Pretty Little Liars and fell in love with Aria's desk. I want to have such a creative looking desk when I'm in Sydney. It will be fabulous. I'll fill my house with great things. I'll have to sell things once I'm done, probably, or I might live in Sydney forever. I don't know what's going to happen. I'll be there for 2-3 years probably. I'd like to have a good house and make it sweet. And I shall. I can't wait to set up my own house. It will be so lovely. Fish, flowers and art everywhere. Lovely desks like the one I plan to put near the front door with my keys and letters and bag on it, and maybe a mirror oh and flowers! I can't wait to start my new life.

Tattoo's again

I am often thinking about tattoo's and what I should get. I know I want the one of my surname on my left wrist but now I'm thinking of this:

... but I'm not sure I want that message on me forever. I like that it's a lesson I have learned and want to use in future relationships but is it necessary to make it a tattoo? That's a tricky one. I love his art, and the drawings from Tamaxxx but I'm not sure if I should get one, especially since I love the hearts on the elbows. I'll stick with the surname for now because I know I definitely want that, then slowly decide and accept another idea. Seems the best way to go about it.

To tattoo or not to tattoo?

I've been thinking about tattoo's again lately. My surname one on my left wrist has been put on hold to find a better font as Holly thought I might be better off with something more flowy instead of the plain one I had but I'm not so sure anymore. I like that the plain squareish one is fit into a particular boundary. I like that it's simple so I might just stick with that. She gave me some websites to have a look at regarding text on the body tattoo's so I might have a look before I do anything. I like the simplicity of it. I might just stick with this design.

I've also been rethinking about the lovely heart tattoo's Katie from Skunkboy Creatures has on her arms just above the elbows. I think they are great but I'm not sure if I'd ever get them. I really adore them though. Arr.

It's a different spot, and I really like that about them, but that spot is not hidden away [probably a good thing]. I usually wear long sleeves so I could hide them if I wanted to, especially from my parents. They shouldn't be hidden though. My brother got a tattoo and they're fine with it. I'll have to show them my wrist one [when I get it] and they'll accept and understand. They'll get used to it.