Changing my lifestyle

Next year I'm going to get thin. I mean it this time. Next year is the year I finally get fit and toned and smaller. I want to lose 10 kilos and with plenty of help and a new eating regime I can do it. I imagined myself thinner last night and liked it. I can do it and will. I have to do the things I want in this life otherwise they will never come true. If I want something I have to go out and get it. It's not just going to happen for me. It'll be worth the struggle and it's about time I did something instead of being so lazy. I'm going to change my lifestyle!

5 things to do by the time I turn 25 -- A post inspired by Katie Kukulka

5 things to do before I turn 25.

1. Get on my career path.

I am so glad I have finally figured out what I want to do, and that is to be a museum curator. It makes sense as throughout high school I really loved watching shows on mummies and tombs and ancient civilisations. In SOSE I loved the history but I never really though about doing anything related to that at Uni. Sometimes I wish I had figured it out earlier [to tell the truth I didn't figure it out, I went to a career counselor at Uni and he suggested it when I mentioned I was interested in anthropology and archaeology], done a more relevant degree, but I am where I am and it's too late to start heading in this direction. It's going to be a fascinating journey. I have already started volunteering at the Maritime Museum, have been accepted to Deakin, am waiting to hear back from Sydney, and once I know where I'm heading I'll volunteer more and stick my head into the text books. The Spring/Summer school unit I'm doing at the Art School is super relevant and will give me even more experience. Once I have a diploma in museum studies I'll be able to apply for jobs, work in the field, then do my masters part time. I want to travel the world and work in museums, do some archaeology volunteering perhaps, and work in a field I love. I hate waiting to find out whether or not I'll be accepted to Sydney as I can't make plans as to where I'll move to but knowing what I want to do is great and I'm already on the path. I just want to start the diploma and truly be on the path.

2. Get into shape.

After years of wishing I was thin and confident enough to wear jeans with no skirt over the top or bathers with no board shorts, now is the time to kick myself into shape. I am going to religiously follow Jillian Michaels' Making the Cut next year when I'm in my own home and can have no distractions like other foods and can use the whole kitchen worry-free unlike at my parents' house. I want to be able to focus solely on this quest and make it last longer than the 30 days so I can keep my newly rocking body. When I'm in my new home, I want to rent a treadmill and use it everyday. I want to take with my my exercise DVDs and not just look at them while feeling guilty. I want to feel confident in my own skin and realise I have the best body I'll ever have. I want to be in the best shape of my life and stay that way.

3. Get organised.

This is something I have always craved but never quite mastered. It can come and go in waves when inspiration hits but I want it to stick. At work I'm organised but at home I'm lazy, I'm messy, I feel guilty and do nothing about it. I want to keep my clothes and whole house tidy and organised. I want to keep to a cooking and grocery shopping menu/list. I want to have an exercise regime and, one again, stick to it. I want to be super organisational girl, like a superhero. I want to stop the laziness, have my to-do lists going, and get things done. I want to be busy with Uni and volunteering and work that I will have to keep on top of things. I don't want to slip with this. It's important to me and I will succeed!

4. Have my own home [rented but mine].

I can't wait till I move out of my parents' [still shocked I'm here at age 24 but it happens] and have my own home, to set it up just how I like over time and get into the best habits of my young life. I want to come home and be so proud of myself, how adult I will have become, so independent, and of that fact that I'll be living my own life. I can't wait to get handed a set of keys and realise that I did this. It will be a great day.

5. Find my one true love.

Around the age of 25, I hope I will have found my one true love but it's things like this that you can't plan. I just hope it doesn't take years to find him because I don't want to be too young before we start having a family. I want to be in love. I want to share my life with someone and have them share theirs with me. I want to be on the same level with him and be in a partnership, not a one-sided battle for involvement. I want to feel secure and blessed that I have found the perfect match for me. I want to plan holidays and the future with him and feel fulfilled. I can't wait for love.

So they are the major things I want to achieve before or around the age of 25. Thank you Katie for for inspiring this post and getting me thinking about what I want to achieve. I need to kick myself into gear!

If I won a multi-million dollar sweepstakes...

Daily Horoscope [from my phone]. Scorpio.

If someone knocked at your door today and announced that you had just won a multi-million dollar sweepstakes prize, how would your life change? Would you quit your job, dump your significant other, move to another part of the country? Would you reevaluate your coterie of friends, go back to school and study your dream career path, begin a charity that is so close to your heart? Whether you win a lot of money or not, Scorpio, the answers to this question say a lot about what's missing in your life. Choose at least one to begin, and you will enrich your life.

When I read todays horoscope I marveled at how spot on it was regarding the last 6 months. So many things have changed and so many are yet to be but there are many things in the works. My life is completely different and I know what I want but am waiting for things to fall into place.

I want to move to another part of the country and am waiting to hear back from Sydney. I did dump my significant other but it wasn't my plan, it was his. I would definitely quit my job. My friends are fine and I see them when I want. I am hoping to go back to school and get into the right career path for me -- museum studies -- so that's another one down. One of the main things I want to do is travel. Winning the sweepstakes would be fantastic and I would up and leave to go on holiday now to the UK as I have family there although I want to travel around South-East Asia first. I don't want to go alone though so I'd probably save the money and go when I find my future husband.

What's missing in my life is adventure. I want to start afresh in Sydney next year and study at the beautiful University of Sydney. I want to have my own house and make it just as I like, over time of course as money will be an issue. I want to be dependent only on myself for most things and learn to be self-sufficient. Eventually I want to find my ideal partner and start a family as I am totally clucky these days and do lots of travelling. If I were still with Yorick I wouldn't have any of these marvelous plans or the desire to do more. I would be stuck in a dead-end relationship and still not be able to see it. That's depressing. I just want these last few months in Tasmania to speed up so I can start my new adventures. First I need to know if I'm going to Sydney or not. Then I can really plan and have a date that it'll all begin. If I don't get in, coming to terms with the knowledge that I'll have to go to Melbourne will be hard. I don't want to go there. I don't think there's any other choice though, as I don't have an honours degree and will never get one. It has to be Sydney.

So, a lot of things are already in motion. Now I just have to keep waiting.

A boygirlparty order from Etsy

Once again, I love finding beautiful things through other blogs. I would never have found these beautiful things before, so stumbling across these lovely things is a wonderful blessing. I am going to get some lovely products from boygirlparty on Etsy for when I move to Sydney [I am forever hoping] or Melbourne. I want to get my organisation on and use my time extremely well. I love this post by Katie on time management. I will do it in style.

Happiness is a mood not a destination

A great One Tree Hill season 8 episode 8 conversation between Brooke and Julian.

Julian

So, I've been thinking about this whole 'being happy' thing, especially since I've been doing this documentary and I feel like people get lost when they think of happiness as a destination

Brooke

Like how do you mean?

We're always thinking some day we'll be happy. We'll get that car or that job or that person in our lives that will fix everything but happiness is a mood and its a condition, not a destination. It's like being tired or hungry, it's not permanent. It comes and goes and that's okay and I feel like if people though of it that way they'd find happiness a lot more often.

Brooke

So you think it's okay to be a little miserable every now and then? Even when you have great things in your life?

Julian

Is it okay to be a little hungry every now and then?

Brooke

Happiness is a mood, not a destination. I like that.

I feel like next year I will get the happiness I'm seeking through University and a new city and my own home and a family. I am treating happiness as a destination and I shouldn't be. I can't help it and I don't know how to change it. Maybe by taking the time to think about what I love in my life and doing little things that make me happy.

In season 8 of One Tree Hill, Julian is making a documentary about what comes next, what you do next when things don't go as planned. Since breaking up with Yorick a lot in my life has changed. Unfortunately at the moment I'm treading water until my plans get made, as in which Uni I'll be going to, and I hate that I'm in this place waiting for things to begin. I hate the way I feel. I feel childlike. I feel lazy because I am lazy. I want to be there now, in my new routine, but first I have to earn money and get accepted to Sydney if it's going to be Sydney before I can even move there. Maybe if I get accepted I'll move earlier than planned. I know I need a lot of money behind me before I go in case I don't get a job first or struggle finding the right place to live but I just want to be there and start this next phase of my life. I hate this period right now, how much I'm depending on next year working out. It's hard because I'm over this year. I want to be rid of it once and for all. I want 2011 because this year is nothing like what I pictured and it's hard living at home. I have definitely overstayed how long I though I would be here but I have to wait until I hear back from Sydney before I make plans and set dates. Once I'm there though everything will be completely different and I will forget what it was like for myself now, well almost. I guess I have to see the good in my life now, and take what happiness I can get because it's not a destination.

Monday

I was walking down the drive way to get the mail not long ago and I thought about how great it'll be to have my own home in Sydney. I truly can't wait till I move there [I'll be sad if I don't get it] and do it all myself. My house is going to be so cute. Over time it'll get full of furniture and my things. Lots of fish, flowers and art is my goal. I'll be starting with the SARK posters I'm expecting in the mail any time soon. I'll also get something from The Picture Gallery. I love that gallery. It has beautiful artworks. I want a huge one.

I want to buy more museum/archaeology books but should wait until Wednesday till I get paid again. I don't want to keep digging into my savings while I'm trying to save for next year. I also want to get my Portman's lay-by off lay-by and put on lay-by a beautiful white maxi-dress they have in their Summer catalogue. Next year my wardrobe will keep getting fabulous.

I want to write to Danielle from Sometimes Sweet and ask her for some help and advice on getting the lazy out of me. I want to be as organised in my home life as I can be at work. I just don't know how to make things stick. I really want to change my fitness level next year for a start. Next year will be a huge year of change. It'll be fantastic. I can't wait to meet my future husband. Reading Danielle's notable post on how she met her husband Hank made me wish so hard to have something as wonderful as that. They both knew they were meant to be right from the beginning. I want that.

Work tonight and a menu tasting. The Maritime tomorrow and the possibility of attending the Annual General Meeting for the Maritime at the Tasmanian Museum and Art Gallery. I'm "on call" at work so hopefully I won't be needed and be able to go to this meeting. It'll be great for my career path. I'll probably go hang at Sarah's or Holly's after I finish at the Maritime at 5 before this meeting at 730. It'll be good to hear more about how museums are run. I wonder what kind of work I'll be doing with Rona tomorrow. Maybe more conservation and putting things into the system. At any rate I'll learn a lot.

Got to get off the computer and take Katie for a walk, do something productive. I need to do my covered buttons. I want to get the right amount of each kind made, then I can go to a market like Holly does. Then again I want to make some of the rice balls too. One day I'll get there.

A little hungover

I looked into postgraduate studies here in Tasmania in case I get the Graduate Certificate for Sydney and feel like studying here a bit before. I found the Certificate of Arts in Classics and Medieval Studies and there are two units I'd really love to do, or at least get the text books they use and do some of my own study. I'm not sure I'd want to put off going to Sydney any longer as I'd like to start the year as afresh as I can. Then again this course sounds interesting and in a way rather relevant to my studies. I want to focus on ancient artefacts and this course definitely has that aspect to it.

Graduate Certificate in Arts (Specialisation).

Students undertaking the Graduate Certificate in Arts (Specialisation) are required to complete coursework units totaling 50%.

Semester 1

1. HTC 502 Classical Foundations and Medieval Traditions

2. HTG 501 Complementary Study in Ancient Greek A

3. HTC 333 Classical Art and Architecture

4. HTC 323 Greek and Roman Mythology

I think it would be pretty interesting and relevant. It isn't quite necessary, especially if they have good text books I can buy instead of doing the course and delaying Sydney or Melbourne for 6 months. I want to get out as soon as possible. I may as well just stick to the original plan.

I went out last night after work with Grace 1 and Josh. It was fun! We had a few drinks at Irish, the Tele, and the Observatory. I had 5 all up [a Jager bomb and vodka squash at Irish, a daquiri at the Tele, and a tequila slammer and midori squash at O] and am still feeling the effects today. I saw Pat out, a friend from primary school, and he had a friend with him. He was really pretty and I was quite attracted to him. I think he has a girlfriend though. Sad. It was nice to chat to someone friendly, someone not a dance-floor man-slut only after one thing, and to feel those kind of feelings again. He's just not my guy. I haven't met mine yet but when I do he'll be just what I'm looking for.

I'm just going to stay in bed tomorrow, unless it's warm. My room is upstairs and it gets rather hot up there in the day when the sun is shining so it all depends on the weather. I have to work in the evening and I'll take Katie for a walk at some stage. Not much else though! Twitter and Facebook will be done a lot I think.

I'll slowly get off here and take my can of Coke to bed and watch TV.

Time to go. Bring on February.

Gosh I need to move out. Dad is starting to get annoyed about me being on the internet too much. I can't wait to have my own home and my own internet.

Self-love inspired by Sometimes Sweet

In the name of Sometimes Sweet's post --

What I love about myself. This is going to be a little hard at first but it'll do me some good. I am too often thinking about the bad things, like being lazy or sometimes negative, but it's about time I celebrated what I love about myself. Thanks, Danielle!

+ I really love those times when I look in the mirror and can recognize that I'm pretty and that I do love my looks. Sure, I'm not a beauty queen, but I am cute and once I've showered, washed my hair and made myself up I do love how I look. This isn't always the case and I am struggling to say I love how I look but it is true. I do have those moment when I am happy I look the way I do. I've been told I look English and that makes me very proud. My dad is English and my whole family comes from there, even if it is a few generations back, and I love my heritage. That's a huge part of the reason I want to get my surname tattooed on my wrist. Being told I look the part made my day.

+ I love that I am loyal to my friends and family. The few friends I have are really close friends and I love this. I don't need a huge amount of acquaintances to make me feel great. Actually I don't like those kind of meetings where you kind of know someone and feel obliged to go over and say hello. That doesn't make me happy. I love having close relationships with a few and building on them. If any one of them were in trouble I would race over there in a second.

+ When I'm in love or in a relationship, I love how I feel. I love being in love and I love how much I care for that person and I love how fulfilled I feel. I can't wait to fall in love again. I want it to be the one.

+ I love how optimistic I am about love, the future, and when my time will come to get married and start a family. I often wonder if it'll happen in the general vicinity of the time frame I want it to but deep down I know it'll all happen in good time, when I'm ready. I want it to be next year when I'm in Sydney but then again it all depends.

+ I love how I am very in tune with how my words can affect those around me, those I love. This isn't always the case in Hospitality but that's another story. I remember when I was a bit younger, sometimes I wouldn't say the nicest things to my mum, or I wouldn't appreciate all the chores she does around the house. Now I do [I have since I moved out and moved back home the first time]. I see how much she does and I try not to be a burden as I have faced it all myself and see how much there is to do around the house. It wasn't my plan to be living at home at 24 but it is nice being close to my parents while I'm still living in Tasmania. I can't wait to live in my own home and do my own chores. It'll be hard work but it'll be rewarding and nice not to be leaning and depending on mum to do all that work. I feel guilty now for it. Rarely I do the cooking or laundry and I can't wait to be out of here so there will be less work for mum to do. I love that about myself.

Speaking of living at home, I've been here since May. It's been most of the year and that has only dawned on me. I spent the first few months after Yorick and I broke up healing but now that I'm better I just want to move on with life and that means going to Sydney. My desire to move is huge. I want to be self-sufficient. This is the last time I'll be living with my parents, I will make certain of that. It's time to start living my life and as long as I get accepted to Sydney I can start the life I'm dreaming of. If not, then Melbourne will have to do.

+ I love my passion for travel. I really, really, really want to see the world. I'm probably not going to go to the Middle East, maybe a select few countries from that region, but I'd love to start in Asia then move around Europe at a slower pace for a longer amount of time. I'd love to go to parts of America, both North and South, and Africa. I've done a bit of Oceania and would love to do more. I can't wait to travel more.

+ I love that I want to have kids. I love that I have already got my girls' names [Lena for sure, and maybe Quinn or Marta] and I know once I stumble upon the right boys name [something ancient and mythical] I will love it too. I love spending time with my niece Etta Joy O'Regan. I've never been around babies much and am loving learning about them. Etta is the best teacher. I love how much I love her.

+ I love my musical talent. I love my creative burn. I love my artistic appreciation. I love my desire to be more involved with these loves [getting there is another matter].

+ I love looking forward to Sydney. I love the city so much and can't wait to be a part of it [please].

+ I love my passion for history [despite not studying it much] and ancient artifacts. I can't wait to start studying again! I love learning. I love going to Uni.

I think that's enough for now. It has been nice though. I might make a post in the next few days about what I don't like about myself and ways to improve them, such as being lazy. That's going to be a hard one to combat. As long as I have lots of things to keep me occupied I'll be okay. Discussions for another time.

A great dream

Last night I found it hard to sleep. I've been pretty good lately since I moved over to the "shed" as the sky light has been waking me up early, and I like this, but it puts a little pressure on me getting to bed earlier. I do that anyway, if by watching something on TV, but last night I just wouldn't go to sleep. I'm not sure why. In the plus, I had a very interesting and enlightening dream. It was a very passionate/intimate dream with someone from work. For some reason we were walking together at the point where the Southern Outlet reaches Davey Street in Hobart and we were kissing, then I really felt like I wanted to jump his bones [weird way to say it but it's what came to mind], and that's what happened. It was fantastic. I loved how he was in control and serving my needs. It was the best I'd ever had. It's a shame it was in my dream. I wouldn't do that with him in real life though. I need an experienced man. That is on my ideal guys' trait list. It's funny that I'm starting to get really picky about what I want in a partner. I think it's a good thing but it might make it harder. I'm sure the right guy will come along at the right time though. Things have a way of working out. I do need someone who will take the lead sexually though. That was evident from my dream. I just don't know what to do. I'm not good at it. If there's passion that might be different. I loved my dream.

Jillian Michaels' 30 Day Shred

I just bought Jillian Michaels' book Making the Cut: The 30-day Diet and Fitness Plan for the Strongest, Sexiest You for $13.37 off the Book Depository. I just got the DVD in the mail today so I think once I'm in Sydney and have lots of space in front of the TV and 30 days in a row to dedicate to it I shall start. I don't want to start now and stop because of work and such interruptions. It will be part of the exercise regime I plan to implement once I'm there and settled in my new home. I can't wait to have my own home!

Lists, tattoo and Uni

I've been thinking about writing lists like Sometimes Sweet has been recently to do with things that make me happy and things I'm grateful for but something is stopping me. I think it's because I'm basing all my happiness on getting into the Sydney course and once I begin the course I'll be able to write them. While I'm here, stuck in Hobart wanting to get out, I don't think I can write the list, not properly. Sydney is going to be a huge part of that. I'll be very sad if I don't get in and Melbourne will just have to do. It'll be fun living there as I have friends there but Sydney is about a lot more.

I received an information pack in the mail from Deakin about how to enroll. I have to do it before Boxing Day otherwise the offer might lapse so hopefully I hear back from Sydney before December. If I hear back in January and it's a no then I might have missed out on Deakin. Not that I want Deakin but it would be better to study somewhere than nowhere even if it does have a strong focus on Cultural Heritage. I can't wait to hear back from Sydney. Please be soon.

I think me and Helen and Munchie are going to go to Holly's for drinks and nibbles on Wednesday so Holly and I might discuss me getting my tattoo done. It's scary but I think it'll be fantastic. She's going to help me with where to go in Hobart and hopefully soon after a date can be set! I'll get her to come with me.

I am a bit worried about finding a house in Glebe, NSW. I've been looking to check out what I could get for $250 per week [my top end] and it seems that a lot of them share a laundry or even a kitchen and I don't want that! I want my own place, totally mine. I've done the shared laundry thing and I don't like it. I might have to look further out of the city. At least if I start off in a home stay situation I can take my time looking for places and even go for little trips further away from the Uni but not too far and check out how I would go. It would only be a short bus ride away and busses are so frequent there it wouldn't be a problem. Somehow I'll find something great.

Sydney here I come! [Please]

Once again getting accepted to Sydney is the only thing on my mind. Everyday I keep checking the UAC website, aka Universities Admissions Centre, to see whether or not I have gotten any offers. Drat that lady for not giving my a specific date! It's driving me insane.

Okay, so there have been other things on my mind. Sydney takes up most of it. I've been watching Parenthood lately and am loving it more and more. I love watching couples fall in love and making future plans like to get married or have children. That's what I want. I want to meet my future husband and start a family. I want to feel how right it is, how he's the one, and experience what it's like to be with your perfect match. I want to build a life with him, go travelling, and start making babies. I can't wait.

I have saved $1650 so far! I'm very proud of myself. I think from now on I'll keep saving my money even when I'm in Sydney [I had a good feeling about it today]. I want to be able to buy things and go on holidays and not have to start from scratch each time. I need to be more money responsible. I love watching the numbers get higher. I did a little shopping today. I got some supplies for my rice ball plushies and it costed a bit. I also went grocery shopping for a few things and feel like I've spent all my money. I did order some Mari Winsor Pilates DVDs too. I am a bit stressed that I'm wasting it but I'm not really. I'll just watch what I spend for the rest of the week and I'll be back up again when I get paid. I got $400 this week and will probably get a little more as I'm working a double on Friday. I don't like being stressed out about money.

I need more supplies for my rice balls. I forgot to get some kind of string/rope for their dangling arms and legs, which will need to be attached before I sew everything up. I got some really cute patterned fabrics. I'm going to make some bunnies [by adding floppy ears] and maybe some bears and just some regular rice balls. I'll use my covered button earring bases for eyes and put a little cross on them. For some I'll have to use black eyes with a white cross and for others the reverse depending on the fabric. It's all very exciting. I think they will be darn cute.

The weather has been rather nice lately. Warm and hopeful. It did rain most of today though, which is a little sad. The nicer weather has been a great spirit-lifter. I can't wait for Sydney and the beautiful weather. Next year will be so fabulous. I really want to get in. I'm constantly praying and as you can see I've come back to this topic! It is really the majority of what I spend my time thinking about. That's okay though because I'm sick of this year and want to go out on my own. I deserve it and it's about time I survive on my own. Bring it on.

Time to rest

I have had a work-filled weekend and am really glad it's a rest day today. There's the possibility of work tonight but I hope I'm not needed as James and George and Etta and Sarah are over for dinner tonight and it's been a while since my birthday hugs with Etta. I'm working Tuesday, all day Friday, Saturday and Sunday anyway so that will be enough. I need to restore my energy, especially since I've been working at Relish lately.

Last night I grabbed hold of my brainwave about looking on the website I applied to Sydney because waiting for an email isn't right. I haven't received any offers yet but it might be a good idea to call up and ask someone about when I would hear back. I'm really excited. I can't wait to finally find out if I'm in. I wish this with all my heart. The Melbourne course is just not good enough so I'm extra wishing for Sydney. Please, oh, please let me get in.

Sydney is seriously all I think about these days. It's great to have something so wonderful to look forward to. I can't wait for change next year, wherever I end up. I think I might plan for an end-of-year holiday for myself. Emma and I did mention going to Thailand and Vietnam and other nearby countries so we might have to make that a definite! A few months would be fantastic. One day I'll get to Tibet and Peru and Nepal and China and Japan and Korea and Singapore and Malaysia and Indonesia and Bali and Hawaii and the list goes on! I want to do a lot of travelling.

I can't wait to some of my museum/archaeology books arrive in the mail. I also can't wait until Wednesday when I get to order some more. I am also excited about getting to put money into my bank. I don't want to spend too much on things so I have enough money to support myself while trying to find a job in Sydney. Centrelink will help me.

I love living over in the shed. It's my own space and it's much bigger and it just feels refreshing and right. I love watching shows late at night with the volume at a normal level. I would always have it at a lower level when living in the main house. I like having all of my stuff around me too. It's a good living situation. I can't wait until next year and having my own house. It'll be fantastic! A little bare at first but that's alright. It'll be my own home and it'll be all my own doing. I can't wait!

Down, down, down

So I hung out with Andi last night. We had a bit chat about relationships and she is sure I'll meet my future husband. I love that she used the same terms I used. "Future husband." That's how I always think of him. Lately I've been sad because I hate my life right now and can't wait for 2011 when it will all be better. I want to know everything will turn out as I hope it will, although some things don't happen for a reason. I just miss being in a relationship, despite knowing it's for the best, and want my future now. I want a preview of my future family and life but I know that's impossible. I'm just sad because I don't have much going on right now and it's hard being alone, especially living at my parents and waiting to hear where I get accepted to. It's just hard.

I do love that I'm volunteering for the Maritime though. It's special and getting me to where I need to go. I'm looking forward to my session there on Monday. Tuesday will be busy with the Melbourne Cup races on at Elwick, and I might even have to work that night [possibly both], and I am hoping for more work at thebeach to get me money and keep me occupied. It's too late to find another job with only 3 months to go [I wanted to apply for the job at Video City. It closes on the 2nd of November so I still have time ... but is it pointless? Maybe I should anyway and mention in the cover letter that I'm moving and hoping for a transfer, if they have Video City in Sydney or Melbourne. I know they have Blockbuster] so I'll have to get enough work at thebeach and the occasional day at Relish. I've saved $1200 already, will hopefully get some from my car, and put away $100 a week at least, hopefully more like at least $150 and closer to $200. It all depends on how much work I get. Sigh.

I am really hating feeling so down. It's been like this for the last few months, after I was done healing after the break up, when I was ready to get back out there and work, work, work. Unfortunately that didn't stick and I'm ready to be active but don't have the opportunity in the places I want to be. I'm sad and I don't like it. Once December comes and Jan and Fra arrive I think things will be better. I always enjoy Christmas and family time. I'll be working a lot more around then I think because thebeach will get busy. I'm not too fussed about New Year celebrations as I'll probably be working. I wouldn't mind a drink though. Hopefully December will give me the best news of the year. Then it will be January. Great weather, and I can finally start making some concrete plans concerning Uni. I can't wait. I hate being miserable but it's hard not to be. My life isn't all that great right now. Once I move back over to the shed it should pick up. I'll exercise more and feel like I have my own space. I can sit in the bean bag and read. I can focus on my covered buttons and even the idea of making rice balls. I think it will be better over there and it'll lift my spirits a bit. The band came over today [my brother's band, SNERT] so mum and I didn't go over and clean but will do tomorrow. That will do me some good.

I actually have to get ready for work now. I know I'll be happier once I'm there. One reason I don't like to go these days is because of Jarrod. I think he has a crush on me. He's 18 and is getting a bit too affectionate and I don't like it. It's like I'm leading him on. We're just friends but I don't even like seeing him because it can all be construed as leading him on. Ahhh. I don't need this. Hopefully I will be upstairs with Sara and out of his way so I don't have to talk to him much. I hate even thinking about it. Frustrating.

The year for fitness

I've been eating too much lately. My tummy has been getting bigger and it seriously looks like I'm pregnant and when you're not that's not a good sign. A new birth year means I should eat less and exercise more. Once I move over to the shed [little house] I'll be able to set up my Leg Magic and once I get this new Gaiam in the mail I'll be able to work out over there. I also have Shpresa and I always liked how that made me feel. Now I just need to get some heavier weights. I got some really small ones to start with from Big W and I'm sure they'll have more there. This birth year and 2011 is the year I'm going to kick myself into getting fit.

I want to lose 7-10 kilos. I'm 65 at the moment, unfortunately, and according to the "Calculate your ideal weight" application on Facebook I should be 57.6. With height 164cm your ideal weight is 57.6 based on the below formula -- (164cm - 100) - (10% x (164cm - 100)) = 57.6. I want to get fit, lose the tummy weight and extra fat around my ribs, and feel good about my body. I know I should give up on being really thin, but under 60 kilos would be fantastic. I also want to be fit mentally and physically before I meet someone new. I want to be in Sydney loving my life and my body and then I will truly be open to the right relationship. I'm not content in my body for it just yet. And that is a part of next years journey. For independence and to feel good in my own skin. I want a weekly meal and cleaning plan, to exercise regularly, and to improve myself. I'm also excited about volunteering a lot over there in museums while doing the course. I think it will be fantastic. I can't wait for my new life to begin.

Future, here I come

Just went for a walk with mum and had a bit chat about next year, Sydney and Melbourne, finances and living arrangements. I'm going to love getting into great habits once I have my own house. That is really important to me. I want to plan like Sometimes Sweet and map out each weeks meals. I want to clean regularly and on the whole be more organised and prepared. This is why I want to live alone, so I can only rely on myself and get into these habits.

I also need to save as much money as I can because I might not be able to find a job straight away. I hated when I was there last time and ran out of money on the Tuesday before Wednesdays pay day. I don't want to experience that. I'll be good with my money too, when I'm there, and will get a cheap TV and just get the essentials to start with. I want to get out of here as soon as I can and I want this life. Mum and I are going to work on collecting some recipes for me to use when I'm over there as I want to get into a cooking and cleaning routines, as well as exercise routine and little things like drinking more water, especially as soon as I get up, and remembering to take my the Pill. I want my life to be just the way I wish it were. I will make that happen.

Wednesday Wishes

Today I wish that I will get accepted into the University of Sydney for Museum Studies next year. I can't wait to have my own house and to start living the way I want to. I am under the impression that once I am indeed living in my own house I will do all the little things I would love to do each day but don't do them when living at home. I hate moving because I don't get into those routines. For example: in my new home I would love to get into the habit of drinking water each morning when I wake up [which I hope to be at the same time each morning, say 830am] as it replenishes what you have lost throughout the night. I would also love to get into a jogging/morning exercise routine whilst I'm there. I also want to have a weekly food plan as suggested by Sometimes Sweet. They are just some of the little things I want for but then I have to get into the Uni first so I can start that life over there! I expect, and also wish, that I will meet my future husband over there and once we are in a committed relationship I hope we can go on holidays together. I miss that kind of holiday, the ones Yorick and I took together. That's the kind of holiday I like to go on, one with your significant other. I will wait until then. So please, let me get into the Uni so I can start my life afresh in the beautiful city of Sydney.

Future plans

Mum and I had a great chat on Sunday night about my future plans. She left Tasmania when she was a bit younger than me because she was restless and wanted to start a family. That's what I am planning to do. I am hoping to be starting a family in 5 years and be married in 3-4 years. I hope I meet my ideal guy when I'm in the UK next year and if not then then I might meet him in Sydney. Maybe if I meet him in the UK things might go well there and I might want to stay. Or he might come back to Tassie with me then to Sydney. Mum said to be open to all possibilities and I shall. I'm so excited that I have Sydney to look forward to. It's my own thing and I want to see how I'll cope setting myself up in another state all by myself with no friends, unless I have my UK man by my side. I know what I want from life and I'm going to go out and get it. Next year I'll got to Sydney and check out the Uni and enroll. I think it'll be fantastic.