Monday

I was walking down the drive way to get the mail not long ago and I thought about how great it'll be to have my own home in Sydney. I truly can't wait till I move there [I'll be sad if I don't get it] and do it all myself. My house is going to be so cute. Over time it'll get full of furniture and my things. Lots of fish, flowers and art is my goal. I'll be starting with the SARK posters I'm expecting in the mail any time soon. I'll also get something from The Picture Gallery. I love that gallery. It has beautiful artworks. I want a huge one.

I want to buy more museum/archaeology books but should wait until Wednesday till I get paid again. I don't want to keep digging into my savings while I'm trying to save for next year. I also want to get my Portman's lay-by off lay-by and put on lay-by a beautiful white maxi-dress they have in their Summer catalogue. Next year my wardrobe will keep getting fabulous.

I want to write to Danielle from Sometimes Sweet and ask her for some help and advice on getting the lazy out of me. I want to be as organised in my home life as I can be at work. I just don't know how to make things stick. I really want to change my fitness level next year for a start. Next year will be a huge year of change. It'll be fantastic. I can't wait to meet my future husband. Reading Danielle's notable post on how she met her husband Hank made me wish so hard to have something as wonderful as that. They both knew they were meant to be right from the beginning. I want that.

Work tonight and a menu tasting. The Maritime tomorrow and the possibility of attending the Annual General Meeting for the Maritime at the Tasmanian Museum and Art Gallery. I'm "on call" at work so hopefully I won't be needed and be able to go to this meeting. It'll be great for my career path. I'll probably go hang at Sarah's or Holly's after I finish at the Maritime at 5 before this meeting at 730. It'll be good to hear more about how museums are run. I wonder what kind of work I'll be doing with Rona tomorrow. Maybe more conservation and putting things into the system. At any rate I'll learn a lot.

Got to get off the computer and take Katie for a walk, do something productive. I need to do my covered buttons. I want to get the right amount of each kind made, then I can go to a market like Holly does. Then again I want to make some of the rice balls too. One day I'll get there.

Sydney here I come! [Please]

Once again getting accepted to Sydney is the only thing on my mind. Everyday I keep checking the UAC website, aka Universities Admissions Centre, to see whether or not I have gotten any offers. Drat that lady for not giving my a specific date! It's driving me insane.

Okay, so there have been other things on my mind. Sydney takes up most of it. I've been watching Parenthood lately and am loving it more and more. I love watching couples fall in love and making future plans like to get married or have children. That's what I want. I want to meet my future husband and start a family. I want to feel how right it is, how he's the one, and experience what it's like to be with your perfect match. I want to build a life with him, go travelling, and start making babies. I can't wait.

I have saved $1650 so far! I'm very proud of myself. I think from now on I'll keep saving my money even when I'm in Sydney [I had a good feeling about it today]. I want to be able to buy things and go on holidays and not have to start from scratch each time. I need to be more money responsible. I love watching the numbers get higher. I did a little shopping today. I got some supplies for my rice ball plushies and it costed a bit. I also went grocery shopping for a few things and feel like I've spent all my money. I did order some Mari Winsor Pilates DVDs too. I am a bit stressed that I'm wasting it but I'm not really. I'll just watch what I spend for the rest of the week and I'll be back up again when I get paid. I got $400 this week and will probably get a little more as I'm working a double on Friday. I don't like being stressed out about money.

I need more supplies for my rice balls. I forgot to get some kind of string/rope for their dangling arms and legs, which will need to be attached before I sew everything up. I got some really cute patterned fabrics. I'm going to make some bunnies [by adding floppy ears] and maybe some bears and just some regular rice balls. I'll use my covered button earring bases for eyes and put a little cross on them. For some I'll have to use black eyes with a white cross and for others the reverse depending on the fabric. It's all very exciting. I think they will be darn cute.

The weather has been rather nice lately. Warm and hopeful. It did rain most of today though, which is a little sad. The nicer weather has been a great spirit-lifter. I can't wait for Sydney and the beautiful weather. Next year will be so fabulous. I really want to get in. I'm constantly praying and as you can see I've come back to this topic! It is really the majority of what I spend my time thinking about. That's okay though because I'm sick of this year and want to go out on my own. I deserve it and it's about time I survive on my own. Bring it on.

Time to move again

Mum just cleaned my room over in the shed! It's all ready for me, except the bed isn't made [easy done], so I will start moving things over there after I shower. I probably won't move my TV or desk, just little things I don't need in my big house room. I'll keep using the TV/DVD player and my desk/laptop and some clothes/shoes, but there is a lot of excess junk I need to move and sort. I want to get organised!

There is a lovely bean bag over there that I might sit in and read. I want to get candles set up for some ambiance, something a little special. I want to set up the Leg Magic and get organised for exercise. I want to make the room pretty and my haven. It'll nice to truly have my own space. There is a lot of junk to sort through, things I don't need or use, so that will be a constant task. We've always said it should be done but it never gets attacked.

I'm going to set up my 18th birthday present -- my CD player. I'll put Jeff Buckley in. It will be very useful since my MP3 player has decided not to work. I should have music on a lot. I also want to do more crafting. I need to work on my covered buttons and I want to get some great vintage fabrics [harder and stronger than felt] to make some rice balls with. They will be so cute. I will foster my creativity over there. I shall!

I want to try and keep my room as organised and neat as possible. This one in the big house is too small and easy to get messy as is constantly seen. More room will be nice. I think I'll move everything over on Wednesday and some of it today. Thursday I should be able to start my exercise regime. That is my goal. I'm very excited about moving over there actually, and the sooner the better. I have to move over for when Jan and Fra arrive from the UK [my dads' sisters] but I may as well do it now. Independence!

I have 4 shifts at thebeach for next week -- Tuesday, Friday, Saturday and Sunday nights. I also have Monday at the Maritime and Tuesday-day at the Melbourne Cup. Wednesday and Thursday will be left to settle into the shed/little house. I think it will be a good week.

Down, down, down

So I hung out with Andi last night. We had a bit chat about relationships and she is sure I'll meet my future husband. I love that she used the same terms I used. "Future husband." That's how I always think of him. Lately I've been sad because I hate my life right now and can't wait for 2011 when it will all be better. I want to know everything will turn out as I hope it will, although some things don't happen for a reason. I just miss being in a relationship, despite knowing it's for the best, and want my future now. I want a preview of my future family and life but I know that's impossible. I'm just sad because I don't have much going on right now and it's hard being alone, especially living at my parents and waiting to hear where I get accepted to. It's just hard.

I do love that I'm volunteering for the Maritime though. It's special and getting me to where I need to go. I'm looking forward to my session there on Monday. Tuesday will be busy with the Melbourne Cup races on at Elwick, and I might even have to work that night [possibly both], and I am hoping for more work at thebeach to get me money and keep me occupied. It's too late to find another job with only 3 months to go [I wanted to apply for the job at Video City. It closes on the 2nd of November so I still have time ... but is it pointless? Maybe I should anyway and mention in the cover letter that I'm moving and hoping for a transfer, if they have Video City in Sydney or Melbourne. I know they have Blockbuster] so I'll have to get enough work at thebeach and the occasional day at Relish. I've saved $1200 already, will hopefully get some from my car, and put away $100 a week at least, hopefully more like at least $150 and closer to $200. It all depends on how much work I get. Sigh.

I am really hating feeling so down. It's been like this for the last few months, after I was done healing after the break up, when I was ready to get back out there and work, work, work. Unfortunately that didn't stick and I'm ready to be active but don't have the opportunity in the places I want to be. I'm sad and I don't like it. Once December comes and Jan and Fra arrive I think things will be better. I always enjoy Christmas and family time. I'll be working a lot more around then I think because thebeach will get busy. I'm not too fussed about New Year celebrations as I'll probably be working. I wouldn't mind a drink though. Hopefully December will give me the best news of the year. Then it will be January. Great weather, and I can finally start making some concrete plans concerning Uni. I can't wait. I hate being miserable but it's hard not to be. My life isn't all that great right now. Once I move back over to the shed it should pick up. I'll exercise more and feel like I have my own space. I can sit in the bean bag and read. I can focus on my covered buttons and even the idea of making rice balls. I think it will be better over there and it'll lift my spirits a bit. The band came over today [my brother's band, SNERT] so mum and I didn't go over and clean but will do tomorrow. That will do me some good.

I actually have to get ready for work now. I know I'll be happier once I'm there. One reason I don't like to go these days is because of Jarrod. I think he has a crush on me. He's 18 and is getting a bit too affectionate and I don't like it. It's like I'm leading him on. We're just friends but I don't even like seeing him because it can all be construed as leading him on. Ahhh. I don't need this. Hopefully I will be upstairs with Sara and out of his way so I don't have to talk to him much. I hate even thinking about it. Frustrating.

House sitting

So I have begun my extended weekend of house sitting for James and George. I went out with them to the airport and drove their car back and will possibly pick them up again on Monday but then again I might be working. I think I will quite enjoy staying here. I have my covered button earrings to keep me occupied, as well as season 2 of the Tudors. And the internet! The internet and computer at Margate hasn't been working so well so it's a relief to come here and be able to catch up with my games on Facebook [sad I know] and have speedy internet. I'm so relieved.

I'm looking forward to going for jogs along Kingston Beach while I'm staying here. I might go for one this afternoon then take Jezabelle for a walk either to the dog beach at the other end of Kingston Beach or just around the streets. I hope I notice the difference when I go back to Margate. At the moment I weigh 64 but then again I just had some lunch. Hopefully I will have lost a few kilos come Monday.

I went into town today after going out to to the airport with J+G+E. I went to the Maritime Museum to drop off the papers and have to drop in some more possibly tomorrow, then I went to Ruby's Room and bought another $25 suitcase for my covered button supplies. I think I will get a fair bit done while I'm here as, once again, I have a lot of free time ahead of me with no second job. I need to get another job though. I hope I hear from Cotton On. I might have to try the place Sophie suggested also, just in case.

I don't have much money again. It's sad. I gave mum $100, the final payment of what I owed her, spent a bit on the Ruby's Room box and hair product and now it's all gone. I have 3 fun nights ahead too so I might have to dip into my Oomph earnings and write a note on the envelope with the money in it about how much I owe. I need more work. I don't really want to work more at thebeach but I shall have to until I find more work elsewhere. I'll give that place Sophie suggested a call.

Covered buttons update

I've just ordered some more fabric from Karen at rubymountaindyeworks to extend my colour range for the covered buttons. The first picture is of the fabric I already have. When I went shopping with Holly on Thursday I bought some ribbon to make bracelets out of with the covered buttons. The ribbon suits the sky blue and the lime green [second on the left of the yellow] and I'll also be getting another fat eighth of those two colours. The leather sourcing didn't work out at one place but Holly said she'd try and find me some to be custom cut and if that doesn't work I'll have to go in another direction.

Cotton Candy colour wheel

This second lot of colours is much brighter and Holly suggested I get brighter colours for a better effect when I'm packaging my earrings together. We talked about having packs of 3 -- one pastel, one bright, and one of the black and cream striped fabric I have. I will use a lot of the black and cream and it was only $3 from Spotlight so I'll have to invest in some more. I still have heaps but I've been using a lot of it in both the 12mm and 15mm button sizes and as such I've had to order more of the buttons to cover. I have a lot of buttons to cover but when thinking about how many of each colour I will have to make including for the bracelets I feel like I don't have enough. Getting more will boost the levels for each colour and I'll be able to make more colour combo's. I already like the white, black and cream, and sky blue combo. That was an accidental one whilst working on the sky blue but it's a lovely combo. I just have to start working on the design so I can start packaging them once they're done, which will free up space [in one way but not another as they will be larger] and let me truly see my progress.

Jelly Beans colour wheel

Dad got me some off cuts from his friends [Phil and Tony] who frame pictures with some thick mat. I might be able to use them for the design and as the earring backing but they are rather thick and would need to be drilled in order for the earrings to fit in. I'm just not sure how that will turn out. I'll try it that way and with the thick paper Holly suggested and see which works better. The off cuts were free because they were too small or the wrong size to frame pictures with so I won't lose out that way. I also don't want to offend dad, which he probably wouldn't be. He's just trying to help, which I greatly appreciate.

I'm really enjoying working on the bracelet idea. I have one lovely blue ribbon from Store and two greens from Enwrapt, one of which is the same as the blue but differs in colour. The blue and the similar green will be best for the bigger sized buttons whilst the other green suits the smaller buttons. When I thought up the idea I only considered having the smaller buttons for bracelets but the wider ribbon chose the other size for me. I like them both and am excited to see how they will work once the leather part happens and if not the leather then maybe some nice felt like Holly sources. Softer might be better. I'll see how the leather goes first before giving up on that vision.

I love the idea that I'll be testing out some market stalls before the year is done. I think it's a great way to sell my products especially since it's all about the colours. I started off with the idea of having a rainbow of colours and then Holly mentioned packaging them in threes with the different colours and now I'm even more excited. I think I'll package them in single colours in each size, double packs of the same colour in each size and possibly in differing colours in the two sizes, and packs of three in differing colour schemes. I'll also have the bracelets so all in all I think my stall will be a riot of colours and colour schemes that I'll sell them well. I have some prices in mind and might even let my one day customers know that they can mix and match them if they want something different. This will be so much fun. I love creating them and selling them will be an amazing bonus. That will help pay for Europe! I am truly loving this creative journey of mine.

Who made up the rules?

Yorick and I are going to have lunch together tomorrow. My sister saw him at her work [the Casino] for a quiz night and she said that he seemed weird, like we all hate him or something. I want to tell him that's not the case. I want to tell him that I miss the life we had together. I hate how things are seen as either appropriate or inappropriate when discussing such things with ex partners. Who made these rules anyway? I want to say something to him but it's like we're not allowed to talk about how we feel but it's open for discussion when we're talking to friends separately. It's available for public discussion but not one-to-one with the persons involved. I've only seen him 3 times since we split up. It was really nice that he asked me to do something more than just have a meal. Maybe we can go for a walk around the docks. It was hard finding things to do with him in the end. I didn't feel that connection. I felt we had to make an effort and it was true. I like the fantasy that we'll end up together but I don't think he's right for me. He doesn't have the best genes to pass on and is a little too social for me [something I don't think will ever quieten down even if we had a family] so I don't see it working again. It would never be as great as we were in the beginning and that's what I miss. Watching Eclipse for the third time tonight made me really want to have another first kiss. I miss that, the anticipation and nervousness, and feeling so wonderful and new. I can't wait for that to happen. I don't want to be slutty and go around kissing just anyone just for a kiss. I want to find my future husband and make a solid base with him. I hope I find him somewhere on my UK and beyond travels.

I want to start eating less junk, aka biscuits, and try to eat more fruit. I do well with breakfast [homemade yogurt with a banana and a kiwi when it's ripe] and lunch [a healthy toasted sandwich] and dinner [something healthy provided by my parents] but it's the snacks that I do bad on. I eat too many biscuits at different stages of the day. I need cut that out and eat a piece of fruit instead, an apple or orange. I should get grapes and cantelope and have them on hand for times I'm convinced I'm hungry. I'm walking for about an hour 4 times a week and am trying to get to the gym as well for a few classes. Once I'm on holiday I'll drink more water, eat less, and be active thus sleeping better. My skin will improve and so will my life in all aspects. I can't wait to be on holiday. I also can't wait till my savings are getting higher and higher, which isn't happening now as I don't have a high income. I hope I get a job soon, either this office junior position or the bank job. I'll talk to Holly about it tomorrow when we're out shopping for buttons supplies after my lunch with Yorick. We'll probably also look at hair dyes for me. We talked about going lighter as I liked it the one time I did it but this morning when drying my hair I reconsidered. Maybe I should do darker again. I like my hair darker. I don't want to regret dying it lighter as well as cutting it shorter. Darker it is.

I want to buy some UK walks books. There's one for Britain, including Scotland and Wales, and one for Ireland. I like going to bookstores and looking at them first so I might do that at some stage tomorrow before buying them off the Book Depository for cheaper. That site has the best deals ever. I only learned about it when it was too late for my first Uni degree but later is better than never. I'll be so fit over there and the walks will be amazing as well as providing me with exercise.

The covered buttons are going well. I've been making more but will need to get more of the buttons to turn into covered buttons in a little while. I also need more fabric, brighter this time, and have to work on the design. I'll try to do it myself with the help of pictures I find on the internet and see if it's okay to use. Once I have the design I'll be able to place some earrings in it and see the finished products. I'll have to make a few sizes of the earring cards with the design on it, one for 3 pairs, one for 2 pairs and one for 1 pair. I'm so excited to be learning all about marketing from Holly. She knows so much and has been a great help already. I'm loving this journey.

Buttons update

I went to Holly's this afternoon and we had lengthy chats about how to present my button earrings and what to make as a label. I now have so many things to consider but it's good. Once I have my design I'll be able to put the earrings on the cards and have them ready to sell one day when I'm ready for a market. I'll have a woodland theme for my earring cards in a few different sizes most likely, one for one set of earrings, one for 3 pairs, and a larger one for 3 pairs as I have the two different earring sizes. She suggested I make a separate tag for my bracelets but I can't picture that as yet. She makes her cards from thick, textured paper and prints her design onto them. I'll be doing something similar, using a 220gsm thickness and she mentioned getting the design made into an ink stamp so I can just reproduce it like that. That would be something extra fun! I also need to get the brighter colours in the fabrics I got so I can have colour sets, single pairs, and different sets like a pastel, a bold and a stripy or something similar. The packaging will sell it. I believe that's very true. Packaging makes me buy a lot of things and if I like what I make I know others will too. I'm picky and I think that's a good thing. For the design, Holly and Ruben said it should be in black and white as to not overpower the earrings themselves, to make it less of a colour-overload, but I can make one in colour for the pricing list for example. I can do that with water colours, Holly mentioned. There's so much to think about. We'll go shopping this week sometime to get these supplies and to get me some hair colours so she can dye my hair lighter with nice tones. Once I have this design sorted I'll feel like it's all coming together, and it will be. I like that it's going slow so I can savor it and make sure it's all working and that kind of thing. I'm loving this.

Yorick rant and tattoo news

I'm pissed off that Yorick didn't invite me to his party the night after Maddy's party. I wouldn't have gone in a million years but it has offended me that he didn't ask, even just to be polite. That would have been nice. I know he didn't because we're not together anymore but he still should have invited me. It's the polite thing to do. Yorick rant over.

I'm going to see Eclipse tonight with Jessi and her friend Amy. I can't wait! It'll be awesome. I have to get more button supplies first and also want to go for a walk. I haven't been to the gym this week but will try to get to a class on Monday and Tuesday. It's just so far away, and when I am in town I don't feel like getting all sweaty. It has been nice going with walks with mum and dad [separately] and I might go by myself today and listen to some music. Dad and I did this different walk. We drove further up the road and walked up where the 4 wheel drivers drive and it had a nice view, a bit obscured but nice. It was a lot steeper, muddier and rockier than the regular walk but nice for a change. I'll have to do it again one day. I'll go for a walk for 45 minutes or something, shower, watch the end of Hung that I recorded, maybe the first of 7 episodes of Little Dorrit that was also recorded, then I can head to town for button supplies then to the Glenorchy movies for a bit before 6pm. I hope there's enough time.

In tattoo news, I printed out the samples I have and found the perfect size, length and width that I like. I have it in a font I found on the internet at Da Font but want to try out the other fonts in the same measurements so see which one is perfect. I want to give blood a few more times before I get this tattoo [which gives me even more time to get used to it] because once you get a new tattoo you have to wait a year before giving blood in case there was an infection. Also, I'm going to be in the UK for a while and they might not let me give blood once I've been somewhere for more than 6 weeks or something. I have a rare blood type too [AB+] so I want to give as much as I can before I possibly can't anymore. It's nice getting my tattoo prepared though. I also kind of want another one, a cool cartoon picture like Kurt Halsey or Tamaxxx, but not so gruesome as Tamaxxx. I like her style but it's a bit too cut-off=their-heads for me. I'll find something eventually but I don't know where to look. I should get on the road.

Buttons

I made a whole lot of covered buttons last night, probably 8 pairs with a green fabric, the tie-dyed fabric I bought off Etsy, and it's reminding me of my plan to make bracelets. I need some leather, which I'll have to get Holly to show me where to find it, and find some other material to use as the between-er. I have to sketch this part in my A5 covered buttons workbook so I don't forget, that was the point of making one. I actually like that the fabric is unpredictable with all its different shades and patterns. I'm going to like using it and selling unique earrings, rings and bracelets. I just need more parts to be able to have finished products ready to sell. I need business sized cards with 2 holes in it to put the earrings on. I hope I can find something like that somewhere. I have no idea where to look.

Miserable day

Progress with the covered buttons isn't steaming along but I don't want to rush so I'm fine with that. I'm still waiting for a lot of the parts I need to make earrings and rings but I did receive the fabric today. It's a lot more tie-dyed than I had hoped. I wish the fabric pieces were all the one colour but that's not how it worked out. I love the colour range I got but I'll have to work around the fabric and make some good different earrings.

Maddy's party is tonight. Yorick is going. We haven't been around each other in a social gathering since we broke up. We've hung out together alone and that's it so I guess this will be the test. I think it's better seeing him alone as he has to focus his attention on me then whereas with a party where there are other people he would probably prefer to be around than want to talk to me. He'll do it out of obligation but that's okay. I like that he's thought of getting me back because even though I know that's not going to happen and that's not what I want, having him like that makes me seem more over it than he is. I don't know if that's true but since we emailed through Facebook I have felt more okay with it all. I'm doing really well but tonight will definitely be the test.

The weather is horrible today. We are in Winter so it's always cold but it's raining today. So miserable. The theme for the party tonight is 'tropical' so I'm going to wear my Vanuatu sarong somehow, probably as a skirt, but it's not a very appropriate theme. It should have been a Russian theme or something, with big fur coats. Arr. I'm going to get some mini champagne bottles. Either that or a bottle. Individually they will both set me up for the night. I'm excited to see Holly. I haven't seen her in about 2 weeks since she and Ruben went to Melbourne. She's been my rock I suppose, the one who I can always count on to see the best and the potential in me and help me see it too. She gives me confidence that I'm going to be okay.

I think a lot about how one day I will have the life I want -- a life with a husband and 2 kids [maybe more] and a great house and a great job. I know I'll have all of that but for now I'm getting used to feeling a little unsettled because of not being with Yorick. Things were just how I wanted them. When we kissed we didn't use too much tongue [mostly none with I liked], and we'd discussed what I didn't want to to in other areas. With the next guy I'll have to do it all over again. I liked that things were talked about or in their place. For the right guy it won't be too much of a hassle I suppose. I just hope that guy rocks my world in the bedroom so I won't want to leave it. That's what was missing between Yorick and I.

I should really go and lite the fire. It needs to warm up in here. Maybe I can do some covered buttons work.

Yesterday was a really fun day. Jessi and I went to the Casino for a buffet all-you-can-eat lunch. I went to the gym afterwards for a 30 minute fast walk, watched the last 4 episodes of One Tree Hill season 7 [shock by the way] and then went to dinner with my sister at Pizza Hut for an all-you-can-eat session there. It was great. Afterwards we went to K-Mart and I got Will and Grace season 6 on DVD for $20 [the were $10 each for the first 5 seasons at Blockbuster in Glenorchy but they didn't have 6-8]. We went back to her house and watched The Ugly Truth and I got home for midnight. It was a very fun day. I loved the Pizza Hut dinner. We had lots of chips and pizza, some chocolate mousse and ice cream for desert and shared a jug of Pepsi [they didn't have Coke]. So full.

I just got an email back from the Cruise Ships jobs to send them my resume and a photo. It will all cost so much to get to wherever they need me to in order to work on a ship so I wouldn't be able to do it for a while. I'll see how far I get in the process and decide then. May as well apply and see what happens.

Now to that fire.

Just thinking

On Monday I was thinking, "I miss that lifestyle; having someone to come home to, no parents, just the two of us. I appreciated it in a taken-for-granted way." I like living at home but sometimes I miss the independence and adultness of having my own home. I hated how it was always messy. I was thinking yesterday that one day I might have to have a maid, or a nanny who will help out around the house if I have a few kids with my one-day husband. Sara at work says he should be older, thus more mature. The more time that passes from the split with Yorick, the more I realise he's not the guy for me. He's shorter, and has a receding hairline, not the greatest genes to pass on. And he's too young now in terms of maturity. He's 8 months older than me but he needs to go off and be single, not feeling like he's tied down and that's it. He's not right for me. I want someone with stunning looks [to me at least] who is a bit taller and I suppose older, someone who is very family oriented and wants to start a family with me soon. I keep watching TV series and see people getting together and I know I will have that one day. I love that feeling I get watching them, imagining myself in their position, with first kisses and all those beautiful things in the beginning of a relationship. I'm excited for it to arrive for me one day. I'll be waiting for a year or so but I can do it.

Mum and I were talking about the UK today on our walk. I really want to stay a long time, to travel and work there, then to have enough money to go off on my own to other countries. Having Sarah there might seem like I'm her keeper and that I won't be as free as I would like to be but we'll work around that. She probably won't stay as long as I want to but then again we have to wait and see. I want to do the style of travelling Yorick and I did. We went and saw the sights and wandered around, shopped, rested and relaxed, but Sarah will be different. It'll work out. Planning is a must, mum said. I guess that will help Sarah get excited and have things to do. Hm.

I'm still waiting for more covered button things. I have been working on my travel books though. I'm proud of my progress. There is still a lot to do but I feel happier because I'm doing something productive, instead of wasting time watching TV shows. I need more hobbies, or a job. I applied for some receptionist positions in Kingston [15 minutes from my parents' house] so hopefully I will hear back from them soon. I need to start saving. Having regular work would also pick my spirits up. I need another job. I'm so lazy without one.

My little niece or nephew will be born in 6 weeks. My brother and his wife are having a baby and I'm going to be an auntie! I'm excited about that. I bought their baby some cute onesies from Threadless that I gave to George at her baby shower last Saturday. I can't wait! It makes me want one, all the cute clothes. There were so many small babies at the shower. Aww. I'll have that one day with the right man for me. Yay!

Earring success

I hate that Yorick has found a new love for Facebook. He status updates all the time and I read his comments on other peoples' status and sometimes, mostly actually, they are crude and always have a sexual element. It's not very nice to read but I want to know what he's up to.

I did some gluing with my covered buttons today. I've put some of the small earring backs [6mm] onto two of the size 20 [12mm] buttons so I can wear them tonight at work and show off my creations. I made the mistake of ordering more of the small earring backs instead of the bigger ones [8mm] so I talked to the eBayer I bought them off and she said I can swap them for the bigger ones. I think they will fit much better and look much better also than the smaller ones. I'm still waiting for the rings and the fabric and I think both of them will arrive next week. The rings should have been here by now but I can wait a little longer.

I went to the gym today for a tour. It was good. I really like the upstairs cardio/weights area and will start using that soon. There is this great machine, a bike, with a game TV screen in front of it which you 'play' to unlock higher biking levels. You have to steer and pedal and it's like you're cross country biking. I think I'll like that one. Also the treadmills are great. They check your heart rate and there is a little table which shows all the heart rate areas and what to aim for. I'll try and go 5 days a week.

I am so poor right now. I hate not having any money. I want a bookstore job but the are fresh out of those so I'll have to keep waiting until next month. It sucks because I want to buy things and have to pay for petrol and stuff and that takes away the small amount I earn each week from thebeach. It's very quiet there too so I can't really get more shifts until next month or something. Arg.

I have been thinking about the Yorick situation and I think it's okay because we did grow apart because we weren't doing things together and one day I will find someone to be with who will want to stay with me. I'll find someone like me, a bit of a homebody but also social, and he will hang out with me lots and we'll be in love and I'll call him by his first name. In my past relationships I had never used their names, always a cutesy name like Tate or Chimmy for Yorick. Sometimes I think that when I meet my someday husband I'll use his first name when conversing with him and that will be a sign. I hope this guy will like and play music, that he'll be taller than me with dark hair and eyes, and someone I'll click with, have fun with, and have a great sex life with. I know he's out there somewhere. I'm not ready to find him just yet but it's something to look forward to, to help me deal with the growing apart from Yorick, and to get me excited.

I've been looking at BlackBerry phones to get instead of the HTC Desire because they have the full QWERTY keyboard and are still pretty and better at connecting to the internet and stuff. I have seen some review about how the QWERTY keyboards on touch screen phones are hard to use, which they are, and allow for more errors than solid QWERTY keyboards. That's why I think I'll change to the BlackBerry Curve 8900 or Bold 9000. They are pretty!

Nothing much to report

I went out for Adam's farewell last night. Dinner was nice. I had the entrée chicken gnocchi, which I love, and had a few drinks there with Annie and Grace. We went to town and had $3 spirits at the Tele then went to O-Bar [aka The Observatory] for a bit of a dance. It was nice, but not a great night out. I hate having a bag to look after and not feeling into it makes it hard to want to do more. It was nice though.

I am waiting for supplies for my covered button earrings but they are so slow in the mail it's annoying me. I'm waiting for ring and the fabric and just got some wrong sized earring backs again. Arr. I want 8mm earring backs but instead I keep getting 6mm ones and they're too small. It's so hard to find the 8mm ones though. I got some more super glue though. The stuff I got originally doesn't work so I had to get another one. This one looks like it'll work.

I joined the Uni Gym yesterday. I had my first class there on Tuesday, and I'm going again tonight. I think Emma and I are going there on Saturday morning at 830am. Also on Saturday I have Georgie's baby shower to attend with my mum and sister. The onesies I got for them are so cute. Makes me want to have a baby.

15th 1201am

I want someone to spend the rest of my life with. I like having someone to come home to, to message, to hang with, and I don’t have that anymore. That’s what I miss the most. Sometimes I think I miss Yorick but I miss not having him there more. It was so good having him there but then he stopped being there, avoiding my by staying out all night, and then he was gone completely. I really want someone to be with. I miss messaging Yorick, finding out what he was doing, if he was free to have dinner with me. I don’t get messages anymore as they were always from him. If we were still together I would be spending my time with him and I wouldn’t be so bored. Then again we’d still be living together so we might still be in a rut. I am totally bored. I need a full time job so I can save money and get out of here. I’m not the single type. I need a partner to round out my life, that’s who I am. I’ll choose better next time. Yorick and I weren’t right and going back wouldn’t be right. I know that. It’s hard getting used to being alone. I know it’ll do me some good so I can figure out who I am, who I want to be, and how to keep myself while in a relationship and not let everything depend on that other person. Its hard knowing that I won’t find the right guy for a whole even tough I know being alone will be good for me. I miss having Yorick by my side. I also make myself jealous of his new life, and my other ex-boyfriends’ lives, which makes things harder. I don’t want him to be with anyone else even though I bet he already has been. He has this whole new life and it doesn’t include me. That hurts. It all hurts. Him and his flatmates. Their outings are sickening. He lives with 3 other girls. I hate it! It seems like he’s totally unmoved by us, like the last 4 years didn’t happen. That hurts too. It would be so much better if I had more work. I still haven’t had a reply to his email. I didn’t want to seem weak or that I’m not doing as well as I am but I want to know where he stands on us. I need his reply. He’s got the soccer world cup on and never-ending drinks to keep up with so he probably doesn’t have time for me and my questions about all this serious emotional stuff. I don’t matter anymore. I bet he loves being single but what did the last 4 years mean to him? How can he just chuck that away? Is it the spilt milk thing or a sign that I didn’t mean much to him? Arr I need to stop thinking about this. He’ll reply eventually. I know I’ll find something way better but waiting for it is hard. I’ll be okay. Getting used to things is different but it has to be done. I’m going to try and make my body a temple so I have something to be proud of. That will be my newest hobby next to the covered buttons.

Gym, career and buttons

I went by Zap today to potentially join but they have all of these extra fees before you even start. It's $23 a fortnight, as I knew, but it costs $60 for the key card to get in and out, something about paying for the last 4 weeks or for the 4 weeks coming, and for paying for half the week or whatever. So I'm not sure I'll be joining any time soon. Mum is going to check out the prices for her gym, the one in the Hospital where she works, and see if it'll be as cheap for me to join as it was for her. I can go walking up the hill near home and do the spin class I found in a magazine and even sign up for yoga at the Lotus Centre. I'll do a walk tomorrow. I don't need to go to the gym unless there is a class there. I love classes.

I was thinking about my ideal job today and it struck me later in the day that it's perfect as I'm not great with writing and getting good marks at school as you can probably tell from this sentence. It will also coincide with my desire to travel the world. I want to be one of those volunteers who goes to places and builds things for communities but I want to be paid for it, so maybe I can be in a higher position with the company that organises those things. I would get to travel and see other cultures and do something productive and positive and not have to do too much writing, hopefully. I think it would be great. Just have to figure out how to get into that kind of job.

Today I did some more on my Buttons to Cover journal book and ordered the fabric. I can't wait to get more fabric to start making these earrings. I have two lots of the wrong earring backs [they are 6mm instead of 8mm] so I might have to re-sell them on eBay. I'm also waiting for some rings and have found some generic white buttons but will test some similar sized ones out before I buy. With the 12mm buttons, I'll get either an 11mm or 10mm button depending on how much room needs to be left. 11mm might fit the best but I don't know if such a button exists. Mum has some odd buttons around the place so I might test it out with that. I got some super glue from Office Works the other day so hopefully that will keep it all together. There are 11mm buttons out there so it all depends which of the two is the better fit. I want to make the bracelet soon too and hopefully start selling! Yay!

Gone to Neverland

I need some antihistamine. I'll have to get some tomorrow. Tomorrow I'm visiting Holly at 'The Market' again and she's going to point me in the direction of a stall to see how they do things, something to do with my hope to make a shop for my covered button earrings.

Monday I'm going to get my gym on. As of yesterday I have started my better-skin plan using the prescribed lotion for my skin from the doctor. I need to brush my teeth more. I need to have an apple a day [which is apparently good for your skin] and aim for 8 cups of water. I should get a huge bottle and aim to drink that twice or something. Yorick had this fantastically huge bottle that was good for that. He was always good at drinking 8 cups whereas I'm not. Apparently 8 cups is what you lose in 24 hours. I've been reading my Cosmopolitan Health magazine and am loving it. I wanna be healthy!

Today I made my first lot of covered buttons. I can't believe how easy they are to make. Now I just need buttons to shove in the back [I'll stop by Spotlight to get lots of the right ones tomorrow maybe!] and then glue the earring backs on. Sara and I were talking at work tonight and she has a friend who might be able to design me a logo and artwork for my shop/line/business. I hope so. Otherwise I can take a photo myself. I'm just looking through some picture on Google Images to see what's out there and what I like. I want a pretty and magical forest scene. Hopefully I'll find something.

Sigh

I am a little sad this afternoon about Yorick and how he's not that man in my life anymore. I miss having one of those. I know I'll get it back again one day and he'll be the one to marry. That's what I'm aiming for. This had better be the last time I'm single. I'm fed up with it already.

I got this Cosmopolotan Fitness magazine today and it's getting me inspired to get fit and stick with it. There are some very spot on parts where people have the same personality traits as me, aka laziness, and they suggest what to do in terms of fitness about that. For people like me they reccomend 30 minutes of brisk walking 3 times a week. I think I can do that. Apparently it's better on the treadmill than on a road, 60% better actually. A less hard surface? I wish I had a beach near by as that would be my surface to run on. One day. They also suggest Yoga once a week. I'd love to do that. I will see if Zap has any Yoga classes and if not I'll go back to the Lotus Centre above Babylon. I liked it there. It's more money though. I'd love to work with a personal trainer for a session and see if that's something I want to continue on with. I want to see some real results.

I'm working tonight and tomorrow night and Sunday night. My weekly work fix. I think tomorrow morning I might go watch James' soccer match with mum and dad and if not then I'll spend the day doing not much, as per usual. I have gotten some material to cover buttons with so I am excited about that. I need to ask Lolly Chops about glueing parts and if that's something she missed out in her tutorial. I could get started tomorrow then! I went to Spotlight and got one fat quarter. They had lots there but were all patterened and I just want solid colours to start with. The one I got today is black and white stripped, not too harsh, but something simple. I've seen polka dots but not stripes so far. Niche. Looking through the fabrics was hard. They didn't have the range of colours I wanted so I might have to get them off Etsy like I found. They are tye-dyed so the colouring is a bit splotchy but that might just be something unique to the table with many other covered button suppliers. They also have a huge range of colours and that's just what I want. I'll do a little more research and if I can't find anything else I'll get them.

I am watching so many TV seasons at the moment:
One Tree Hill 7
The Vampire Diaries 1
Lost 6
Will & Grace 4
Gilmore Girls 1
They are all on the go as the top 3 are to be watched via the internet and I don't often do it [well I try to be good about it] because of the limit on the internet. It's also not in a comfy spot so it's best to do one at a time.

I went to the doctor today and my ears are fixed. I can hear now! I was so excited. It was a strange procedure. The nurse used this machine to put pressured water into my ear and all this yucky stuff came out into this metal dish. It worked though. She did both ears, which was great, and now I am all better. I also talked to the doctor about my pimples and he has prescribed me this cream to use nightly and once I wash it off in the morning I have to put on a suntan lotion as it makes me more suceptible to burning. I will ask mum if we have any of that. It will take a few months for me to see results but I'm excited about getting my skin fixed.

Sarah might not be able to save enough for this time next year to be able to come then to the UK. I might have to go by myself for the first part, which means I can do all the touristy things that she might not be interested in. I'm excited about it. I want to make at least $10,000 but I will see how that goes. For ages now I haven't had much money so in the last few weeks when I've put money away into my other accounts I've forgotten about it as I'm used to having nothing. Hopefully that feeling lasts for a while so I can save. I need another job though! Badly. I need more money. Arrr. Tax will help a lot to get me started, but then again I want a new phone and before I leave I want to get the Canon 400D camera to take with me. Got to get a new job.

Seeing Katie from Skunkboy Creatures' new tattoo makes me want one. I'm going to get my surname on my inner left wrist at some point before I leave for the UK but seeing pretty ones like hers in unusual [to me] places makes me want the same. Not the same design but something pretty and feminine and larger. I might regret that though. I'm sure about the surname thing, and once I test them out by sticking the cut-out fonts onto my arm I will know that it's definitely right. It can be hidden.

It's Winter and officially freezing. I have to start wearing more clothes. I don't like my legs in pants so that's why I wear skirts all the time. They look good on me, especially with black stockings and my black ugg boots. That's all I wear these days. I'm comfortable in that so why not? I might go watch one of my many TV series soon and relax before work.

Feeling French

I have an appointment at the Uni Doctors tomorrow morning at 930 to fix my blocked ear problem. I am so thrilled that I will be able to hear again. I just have to keep putting drops in tonight and in the morning before I go. I will also ask about the pill to get rid of bad skin. I hope they can help me.

I got more buttons to cover in the mail today. I now have 100 of size 20 and 105 of size 24. That will be enough to keep me going for a while. Hopefully I can sell them all. I found some nice fabrics on Etsy but Holly said I should check out Spotlight in this particular part as she thinks I'll find all that I need there. I want a range of colours in a range of tones, as in softer pastels and brighter hues, so I will check that out tomorrow after my appointment.

I'm getting Holly to have a look at my font list for my surname for my tattoo and see what she thinks. They are all slightly different and that's where I'm getting stuck. I might have to print the list out and sticky-tape each one to my arm to see which I like best. It has to be the right side before I book an appointment. I need to get a quote first and save a little money.

Sarah straightened my hair yesterday and it was awesome. She has a GHD straightner, the one professionals use, and I need to get one. I can finally wear my hair out. I've always wanted to but we both have thick, boofy hair that doesn't work well so I'm very pleased about this new development. I want that straightner!

Also tomorrow I'm going to go to my favourite kid's store [Ruby's Room] and find some more sewing boxes. They aren't officially for that use but they have cute suitcases that I am using one for my sewing box. I'd like to have one for both covered button sizes. I am totally into aesthetics so when there's something pretty to put things in it gets me even more excited about what I'm doing. It works a treat to motivate myself to acomplishing things. I am loving my workbook for all my ideas to do with this topic, as suggested by Holly. It's nice having that and it makes me happy. She said that kind of thing makes her happy too.

I am wearing my new top today. It's a long-sleeved black and white striped top with some sequins and beads in the shape of shoulder pads on the outside. It's cute and it makes me feel French with my straightened hair. It's a nice feeling.

Something of my very own

My blocked ear won't go away and it is particularly bad today. I can't hear much out of it [the right one] and it's annoying me like crazy. It's been funny for maybe 5 days now, mostly at night and in the morning when I'm in bed. I can usually maneuver it to clear it but today it's not working. I've been putting ear drops in but it's still blocked. I'm mad about it.

In good news, my size 20 [12mm] buttons to cover arrived in the mail today from Etsy. I'm so happy. Holly suggested I source my fabric from there as well but it's so hard to find one-colour fabrics and I don't know what the fabric I like is called. I might have to ask for more help there. I also need to get some glue and then I can start making these earrings. I was at Holly's yesterday and she said I should write all of my ideas down in a notebook to keep and look back on when I get lost in my crafting. I have the perfect book. I got it to make a manga in but that will never happen. I spoke before about levels of creativity and how putting these buttons together is way different than creating my own manga. The latter is too hard for me as I'm not that creative. I know I can do the former though. I'm excited about it. The size 24 [15mm] buttons should arive by Friday.

Holly cut my hair yesterday. It's fine. I generally don't like my hair as it's too thick and never sits right. I tried to straighen it last night but it wasn't working for me. I needed to spend heaps more time standing there straightning away but didn't. I'm glad I have my fringe back though. It's a really short one but it'll grow and it's not getting in my way anymore. I'm pleased about that.

I might go and get that book so I can start gathering pictures of the covering buttons process from the internet and recording my ideas down. I didn't even think to do something like this! I can put fabric pieces in there too! I'm so glad I have this now.

I gave blood yesterday. My arm is doing good. It hurts more where they prick your finger to test iron levels aka hemoglobin. I like feeling like an invilid after I've given blood. I feel special. It's a nice feeling.

I had a dream about Dom a few nights ago. We were always standing very close together, touching arms, but we never kissed. I knew it wouldn't be right because I'd just want to kiss him to see how it felt because I like him a little. He has a girlfriend and I'm not about to muck that up. If that happened to me with Yorick I would be so mad. When we talk we're always smiling so it makes me think it's something more even though I know it won't be. He's not the guy I see myself with, looks-wise, and I think he's a bit younger so that's another cross. I think he's a great guy. In my dream I knew we couldn't kiss. I have fantasised about it a little but I know it's wrong. It makes me think about how much I want to have that first kiss with someone special sometime in the future, hopefully in the UK. I want to get to know him and feel that spark and energy and then the first kiss will happen. It'll be magical. I can't wait for that. In the mean time I will craft.