What's on my mind

I think about moving to Sydney a lot, about the Uni course I'll be doing, about the new city to explore, about the new job I'll need to get and all the friends I'll meet through work and Uni, and about how I'll have to find a place to live and set myself up afresh. I'm excited about and confident that I'll be able to survive on my own. It'll be my thing. I'm not following anyone. I can't wait to be in a good share-house, to decorate my new room. Once back from the UK I'll have to save heaps of money for bond and a bed and draws and stuff. The weather will be nice and I know I'll love the Uni I'll be going to and the course. I will miss my family and I'll miss getting to see Etta grow up but I will make sure I save enough to get back home every few months. I'll have to get Skype so I can not only hear people on the phone but see them. I'll have to get my laptop fixed. I might have to get a new one as mine's pretty bad. I'd like a new one, all pretty and light weight. I might even get a smaller computer bag. We shall see. I shouldn't get too carried away.

Last night I went to James' Snert gig with Sarah and her house-mate Nicole. It was really fun. Sarah and I danced for most of it and got a bit sweaty. Before that we had drinks at their house and had Cool Thai for dinner and watched Skins 1. It was a great night. I felt free. I'm liking feeling free. Yorick said he'd go on Facebook but he didn't show. I wonder why. I didn't want him to be there but I also did want him to be there so I could show him how okay I am. It's not about him, it's about me wanting to feel superior. I don't miss him. I miss the lifestyle and the company but I know there's something 10 times better out there waiting for me. I can feel it and I believe I'll be lucky enough to get it. I will. I just have to be patient and I will be. I'm not going to go and kiss random people. I'm going to save myself for my future husband and it'll be worth it. I hope he finds me before I meet someone who I think is the one but isn't after closer examination. I have to go with the flow and be open to all possibilities.

I can't wait till I go to Sydney next year to enroll and start learning the layout of the city. It'll be a great trip. I want to go this year but shouldn't. It's a little too eager to go now when the course is 2 years away. I have to get a job in the next few months so I can start saving for the UK. I'll be getting $500 tax back so I'll put all of that away and then it'll be easy to keep adding to it and watch the number go up and up. I have $100 in cash from my work tips so I'm already doing great! That's half a plane flight.

I went to the doctors yesterday and was prescribed the Pill to help control my unusual acne. It's been around for 6 months and won't go away. I had fine skin before with only the occasional pimple but now it's horrible. The last time it wasn't so nice was in high school! It's strange that my skin is so bad now. Why is it? I think it might be hormonal. I got the generic version of the Diane Pill for $10 so I'll see how it goes for this first month. The chemist suggested I book another doctors appointment before the first month's worth of pills is up but my doctor gave me 3 lots of 3 month repeats if it goes well and my body doesn't reject the Pill. I hope it works. If it doesn't I'll have to try topical lotions instead. I hope the Pill doesn't give me periods. I have been so happy not having them but I'm not sure it's worth having shitty skin. I'll want nice skin even if I have to pay for it with some periods. I'm meant to have them anyway. Implanon stops it, that's all. I really hope my skin clears up. It's embarrassing and make me feel shit. I don't want to feel like crap anymore.

I need to find a job soon so I can start working full-time and save almost all of the money I earn. Maybe I should go back to Dymocks and give them my resume again. I'm getting really bored, especially these last few days since I've been getting better, and staying in bed all day and watching TV shows is starting to feel like a waste of time again. I need to start my exercise regime. That will get me feeling productive. I need to start reading more too. That doesn't feel like a waste of time. Tonight I'll try to go to sleep earlier than usual. Tomorrow I'll go to visit James and George and Etta with mum and meet Nanna and Pa there. Oh little Etta. She's such a cutie.

Sigh

I am a little sad this afternoon about Yorick and how he's not that man in my life anymore. I miss having one of those. I know I'll get it back again one day and he'll be the one to marry. That's what I'm aiming for. This had better be the last time I'm single. I'm fed up with it already.

I got this Cosmopolotan Fitness magazine today and it's getting me inspired to get fit and stick with it. There are some very spot on parts where people have the same personality traits as me, aka laziness, and they suggest what to do in terms of fitness about that. For people like me they reccomend 30 minutes of brisk walking 3 times a week. I think I can do that. Apparently it's better on the treadmill than on a road, 60% better actually. A less hard surface? I wish I had a beach near by as that would be my surface to run on. One day. They also suggest Yoga once a week. I'd love to do that. I will see if Zap has any Yoga classes and if not I'll go back to the Lotus Centre above Babylon. I liked it there. It's more money though. I'd love to work with a personal trainer for a session and see if that's something I want to continue on with. I want to see some real results.

I'm working tonight and tomorrow night and Sunday night. My weekly work fix. I think tomorrow morning I might go watch James' soccer match with mum and dad and if not then I'll spend the day doing not much, as per usual. I have gotten some material to cover buttons with so I am excited about that. I need to ask Lolly Chops about glueing parts and if that's something she missed out in her tutorial. I could get started tomorrow then! I went to Spotlight and got one fat quarter. They had lots there but were all patterened and I just want solid colours to start with. The one I got today is black and white stripped, not too harsh, but something simple. I've seen polka dots but not stripes so far. Niche. Looking through the fabrics was hard. They didn't have the range of colours I wanted so I might have to get them off Etsy like I found. They are tye-dyed so the colouring is a bit splotchy but that might just be something unique to the table with many other covered button suppliers. They also have a huge range of colours and that's just what I want. I'll do a little more research and if I can't find anything else I'll get them.

I am watching so many TV seasons at the moment:
One Tree Hill 7
The Vampire Diaries 1
Lost 6
Will & Grace 4
Gilmore Girls 1
They are all on the go as the top 3 are to be watched via the internet and I don't often do it [well I try to be good about it] because of the limit on the internet. It's also not in a comfy spot so it's best to do one at a time.

I went to the doctor today and my ears are fixed. I can hear now! I was so excited. It was a strange procedure. The nurse used this machine to put pressured water into my ear and all this yucky stuff came out into this metal dish. It worked though. She did both ears, which was great, and now I am all better. I also talked to the doctor about my pimples and he has prescribed me this cream to use nightly and once I wash it off in the morning I have to put on a suntan lotion as it makes me more suceptible to burning. I will ask mum if we have any of that. It will take a few months for me to see results but I'm excited about getting my skin fixed.

Sarah might not be able to save enough for this time next year to be able to come then to the UK. I might have to go by myself for the first part, which means I can do all the touristy things that she might not be interested in. I'm excited about it. I want to make at least $10,000 but I will see how that goes. For ages now I haven't had much money so in the last few weeks when I've put money away into my other accounts I've forgotten about it as I'm used to having nothing. Hopefully that feeling lasts for a while so I can save. I need another job though! Badly. I need more money. Arrr. Tax will help a lot to get me started, but then again I want a new phone and before I leave I want to get the Canon 400D camera to take with me. Got to get a new job.

Seeing Katie from Skunkboy Creatures' new tattoo makes me want one. I'm going to get my surname on my inner left wrist at some point before I leave for the UK but seeing pretty ones like hers in unusual [to me] places makes me want the same. Not the same design but something pretty and feminine and larger. I might regret that though. I'm sure about the surname thing, and once I test them out by sticking the cut-out fonts onto my arm I will know that it's definitely right. It can be hidden.

It's Winter and officially freezing. I have to start wearing more clothes. I don't like my legs in pants so that's why I wear skirts all the time. They look good on me, especially with black stockings and my black ugg boots. That's all I wear these days. I'm comfortable in that so why not? I might go watch one of my many TV series soon and relax before work.

Hormones

Sara from work said that when females get pimples below the nose line that its hormonal. She said doctors can reccomend a Pill to combat that and I want it. I'll try and make an appointment today for as soon as I can get in to check this out. I'm sick of all my pimples. They just won't go away. It's been like this for at least 6 months now. Arrg to that.

Holly's cutting my hair today. I'm excited. I want it a bit like Brooke's from One Tree Hill. I'll probably wear it like that, straightened or flicked out straightened, and Holly wants to put a more natural me colour in it. I want to stay dark for a while.

Adam from work is leaving on June 17th so he's having a farewell dinner at work and drinks in town on the 16th and I've been invited. Me and some of the girls from work are going and I'm getting excited about it. I wasn't planning on going but Grace said I should as she is. I will go this time.

Ramblings

I've started reading again. It feels like I'm forcing myself a little, even though I love this book, like I'm trying to figure out who I am by revisiting who I used to be. Yesterday I was getting a little sad about not having someone by my side, no one to message me, wondering what I'm up to or where I am. I miss that. Then I remind myself that my future partner will be way better than Yorick so I will be okay. I know I will.

I want these buttons to arrive. I have a big day on Monday so I'll try and get some fabrics together while I'm out so I'll be ready to begin once the buttons get here. I want a rainbow of colours in silky fabrics, a fabric that is of high quality and feels nice. I'm glad I'll be seeing Holly on Monday. I think I need some Holly Healing. I just made that up. She is a very healing friend though. I always feel more positive and optimistic when I'm around her, more confident and daring, and I'm looking forward to that and my new hair cut.

I want to get this tattoo done. I have some fonts written in Word as examples to make sure I have the right one before getting it done so now I have to choose. I'm just not sure if I want it all in capitals [O'REGAN] or all in lowercase [o'regan] as it all depends on the font. It looks weird in fonts as I would normally write it [O'Regan] so I thought I'd stick with the capitals as it stays true to the normal way moreso than the lowercase as it doesn't pay hommage to the two capitals. There are some nice fonts out there but they don't do justice to how I want my name written.

I've finally sold my iPod Touch today so I'll be getting roughly $230 for that. I will save that either for the holiday or for the tattoo or for the HTC Desire phone or the Canon 400D camera. Lots I want to get. I need to get a job soon and I really hope that I'll have some good prospects as of Monday. Otherwise I'll have to go to Fullers or Dymocks or a camera shop such as MidCity Camera World. I need money!

This week and the next two I'll be working Friday, Saturday and Sunday nights at thebeach. Tomorrow I'm also working from 12-4pm at Relish then from 5pm at thebeach. Money please. After next week once I pay off the second half of my car rego I'll be able to save money properly. I had saved money but got it back out to pay for the bill. It made me sad. I want to save money, damn it!

I am kinda bored a lot as I'm not studying and not working much. I have to make better use of my time though, which I am trying to do. Reading is a good start, as will making the earrings, and I have to do the Travel Books at some stage, as well as exercise.

On another note, Sara from work said that when girls get lots of pimples below the nose it's hormonal. She said there's a pill, called Diane, that helps especially with this so I might go see the Uni doctor and ask about it. I am using Implanon at the moment and like that I don't have to do anything more and that's why I chose it. Taking the Pill each day might help me become more productive with my time, like with getting up earlier or something, but that's why I shied away from it. It all depends if it will get rid of my bad skin or not and if there is something else that will help me. What are these hormones doing? I don't want them making my face bad. Grr.

It's nice having a celebrity crush [Paul Wesley]. I am totally aiming for someone as beautiful as he is next time. I hope I find him. Having Yorick meant I blocked everyone else out. I still do but I know the guy for me isn't here in Hobart. I don't want him to be. I want him to be somewhere else, in the UK or Ireland preferably, but if he finds me I won't let him go. I really don't know what will happen. I'm not waiting for him though. He'll turn up when we're ready.

Now I'm just rambling. I don't have much else to say. Might watch more The Vampire Diaries. It's so good.

I am going to start eating better full stop. Now I'm back living with my parents I have healthy meals but I have had a few KFC slip ups and I got a packet of chips yesterday to snack on. I think because of it I have let my skin get worse and I don't want that. I want to drink more water and not have bad food and see if my skin improves. I also need to start exercising. I need to do my Margate walk/jog up to the view and back. I need to do the spin class on the bike here and maybe even bring out the leg magic. I have made a pact that I won't have sex again until I'm thinner so I hope it works. I wanted to live near a beach so I could use that for my exercise but that won't be happening for a while. Maybe over in the UK I can run around the streets and parks and stuff. That's a year away though. I have to start now. I'm unhappy with my body and I need to start changing that. I only have myself to blame. I'm also in a pickle because all I'm doing these days with no Uni is watching TV episodes. I need to do my travel books and read and once I get the earring stuff I can make them. I need to do my exercise and stop watching so much TV. That will be hard, all of it, but it must be done. I don't like wasting my days. I hope I get some job prospects on Monday with my appointment with a Uni career counsellor. I hope I can get another job soon. I need money badly.

Sick

My mum is great. She called me up this morning to talk with me about getting me some more food tomorrow. She's going to bring me a fair bit and already gave me some last night. I'm still in my financial crisis. I have no money. By the time rent goes out and I account for petrol, my $30 flute lesson, and getting up and back from Launceston, I usually have nothing left. This is not good. I really need Centrelink.

I've been feeling sick lately, with a constant half-headache and "stuffy" head. It's been here since Monday. Class in the morning got me feeling like this, which it usually doesn't, and then I got the bus up to Launceston in the evening and I felt even worse then to the point of thinking I might actually vomit [I didn't. I'm glad because it scares me]. The drive back with Angela on Tuesday kept me feeling the same. I thought I would feel better after a sleep but it was still there. I went to dinner last night [Wednesday] and still felt the same. Mum and I talked about why it could be. We discussed my bad diet, stress, not having regular exercise [which she suggested I fix by going for a 15 minute brisk walk on study breaks] and this impacting or contributing to my constant bad skin. I really hope this goes away soon. I just went on a walk to the Signal Station and back but I don't feel any better. I'm glad I went but I still have a funny head.

At least I studied this morning. I have been a bit behind in one of my classes [Law] but listened to some of the lectures this morning. I'm feeling good about that but still overwhelmed because I still have so much work to do. Yikes!

I want normal back

I haven't been feeling too well for the last few days. I think it is largely in part to my travelling up to Launceston and back for Uni but mum suggested it might be because of my diet. I have a horrible diet. Yorick and I have no money, I don't at least, and we never shop anymore. We did last week, a very rare occasion, but we haven't done a huge shop in ages. I eat badly. I have bad skin. I don't drink enough. I get headaches and a stuffy head a lot. Mum said tonight at dinner that on study breaks I should get out of the house and go for a 15 minute brisk walk. I might do that. I do stay indoors a bit too much. I watch too many TV series. I haven't been doing much homework. What I should do is do my homework outside in the fresh air. That means I'll get homework done and be in my lovely garden [its not mine really but I should enjoy it more] where I should spend more time. I just want to feel normal and motivated again. I might need to pick up another shift at work. I'm not earning much because I need the time to study, but I didn't do much study last week so that was a bit of a waste. Luckily I had the Sunday morning shift so I might see if I can pick that up again for this week. I had better get Centrelink. Otherwise I'll be even poorer than I am if that's possible. I'm barely getting by as it is. I need more money. I'm living week to week and am still needing more money than what I get. I hate this! I need to manage my time better. I need to study more, work more, and not laze about too much. I can do this. Arr.

Thoughts

Work wasn't that bad in the end. I only have 2 shifts for the week coming so that will be good in terms of homework but not as good in terms of money. I'll be okay. There will be a lot of homework to catch up with as I have barely made a dent in the first 2 weeks of readings. I'll just have to do what I can and keep going even when it's overdue

My sister Sarah is doing a graphic design course and one of the projects involves making a magazine cover. She mentioned taking some photos of a person in a bath with flower petals around and I volunteered to be her model. Next weekend we're going to get dressed up, curl our hair, have dark eyes, and wear pretty things. We'll both be in the photos, separately, and I think it'll be really fun. We're also going to take some photos of us [or just me] in Snug Falls, which will be chilly but fun. We'll take towels and changes of clothes. Something exciting for me to look forward to.

I am sick of having bad skin. It looks horrible and has been like that for months now. I hate it! I just want my prettier skin back. No fair.

I've been thinking for a while about getting a tattoo. I am inspired by Katie from Skunkboy Creatures and her beautiful heart tattoo's near her elbows. Sometimes I want the same but it'd be copying and I'm not 100% sure that's what I want. It's such an original area and a really pretty design but I have to be sure first. I would like to do something different but similar, at least I think so, but I'll keep mulling it over.

I like the idea of the heart but I'm not sure on the stitching around the edge. That's perfect for her but for me I'd just have a solid heart, if I was going to do something similar. I feel dodgy about it though. Copying is bad. I will use it as inspiration and that's all. I still haven't decided about it yet. It can't hurt to look.

Not much else is news. I'm heading back to Launceston tomorrow for school and to visit Sophie so I'll be preparing for that tonight and tomorrow afternoon. It'll be nice and I do quite enjoy going up there and taking the classes. I just feel bad that I don't have enough time for homework!