Headache

Why does volunteering at the Maritime give me a headache? It seriously happens each week. This was my 4th session there and got back into categorising papers and photographs. I would have added my tasks to my resume except it has some sort of virus and my anti-virus software wants me to pay to use it. No way! Everything needed to fix your computer should be free unless you can't find someone to do it for you. SNERT is here so I can ask James to take a look at it quickly. It might take ages to fix though. One day I'll get a new computer when I know how much ram and that kind of stuff to watch out for. I want high speeds but have no idea what all their hard drive specifications mean. You can tell, can't you.

I can't wait for my SARK posters to arrive in the mail, as well as my museum text books so I can start studying. I just want to be productive and start studying now so I know at least something before the course starts. I want to be working towards something and be using my time for something productive as opposed to wasting it by watching too much TV. One day in the next few weeks I will write to Danielle and get some advice about how to improve my life by getting into good habits.

Tomorrow I'm going to go to the catalogue man's place and get started. I'll probably go out on a Monday and do the catalogue drop as I don't usually do much on a Monday. It'll be nice to start the week off that way too. I had a dream about dropping catalogues last night. I haven't even done it and I'm dreaming about it. I think it'll be good to make a little bit of money while taking a walk. Easy cash. It'll add up.

Down, down, down

So I hung out with Andi last night. We had a bit chat about relationships and she is sure I'll meet my future husband. I love that she used the same terms I used. "Future husband." That's how I always think of him. Lately I've been sad because I hate my life right now and can't wait for 2011 when it will all be better. I want to know everything will turn out as I hope it will, although some things don't happen for a reason. I just miss being in a relationship, despite knowing it's for the best, and want my future now. I want a preview of my future family and life but I know that's impossible. I'm just sad because I don't have much going on right now and it's hard being alone, especially living at my parents and waiting to hear where I get accepted to. It's just hard.

I do love that I'm volunteering for the Maritime though. It's special and getting me to where I need to go. I'm looking forward to my session there on Monday. Tuesday will be busy with the Melbourne Cup races on at Elwick, and I might even have to work that night [possibly both], and I am hoping for more work at thebeach to get me money and keep me occupied. It's too late to find another job with only 3 months to go [I wanted to apply for the job at Video City. It closes on the 2nd of November so I still have time ... but is it pointless? Maybe I should anyway and mention in the cover letter that I'm moving and hoping for a transfer, if they have Video City in Sydney or Melbourne. I know they have Blockbuster] so I'll have to get enough work at thebeach and the occasional day at Relish. I've saved $1200 already, will hopefully get some from my car, and put away $100 a week at least, hopefully more like at least $150 and closer to $200. It all depends on how much work I get. Sigh.

I am really hating feeling so down. It's been like this for the last few months, after I was done healing after the break up, when I was ready to get back out there and work, work, work. Unfortunately that didn't stick and I'm ready to be active but don't have the opportunity in the places I want to be. I'm sad and I don't like it. Once December comes and Jan and Fra arrive I think things will be better. I always enjoy Christmas and family time. I'll be working a lot more around then I think because thebeach will get busy. I'm not too fussed about New Year celebrations as I'll probably be working. I wouldn't mind a drink though. Hopefully December will give me the best news of the year. Then it will be January. Great weather, and I can finally start making some concrete plans concerning Uni. I can't wait. I hate being miserable but it's hard not to be. My life isn't all that great right now. Once I move back over to the shed it should pick up. I'll exercise more and feel like I have my own space. I can sit in the bean bag and read. I can focus on my covered buttons and even the idea of making rice balls. I think it will be better over there and it'll lift my spirits a bit. The band came over today [my brother's band, SNERT] so mum and I didn't go over and clean but will do tomorrow. That will do me some good.

I actually have to get ready for work now. I know I'll be happier once I'm there. One reason I don't like to go these days is because of Jarrod. I think he has a crush on me. He's 18 and is getting a bit too affectionate and I don't like it. It's like I'm leading him on. We're just friends but I don't even like seeing him because it can all be construed as leading him on. Ahhh. I don't need this. Hopefully I will be upstairs with Sara and out of his way so I don't have to talk to him much. I hate even thinking about it. Frustrating.

What's on my mind

I think about moving to Sydney a lot, about the Uni course I'll be doing, about the new city to explore, about the new job I'll need to get and all the friends I'll meet through work and Uni, and about how I'll have to find a place to live and set myself up afresh. I'm excited about and confident that I'll be able to survive on my own. It'll be my thing. I'm not following anyone. I can't wait to be in a good share-house, to decorate my new room. Once back from the UK I'll have to save heaps of money for bond and a bed and draws and stuff. The weather will be nice and I know I'll love the Uni I'll be going to and the course. I will miss my family and I'll miss getting to see Etta grow up but I will make sure I save enough to get back home every few months. I'll have to get Skype so I can not only hear people on the phone but see them. I'll have to get my laptop fixed. I might have to get a new one as mine's pretty bad. I'd like a new one, all pretty and light weight. I might even get a smaller computer bag. We shall see. I shouldn't get too carried away.

Last night I went to James' Snert gig with Sarah and her house-mate Nicole. It was really fun. Sarah and I danced for most of it and got a bit sweaty. Before that we had drinks at their house and had Cool Thai for dinner and watched Skins 1. It was a great night. I felt free. I'm liking feeling free. Yorick said he'd go on Facebook but he didn't show. I wonder why. I didn't want him to be there but I also did want him to be there so I could show him how okay I am. It's not about him, it's about me wanting to feel superior. I don't miss him. I miss the lifestyle and the company but I know there's something 10 times better out there waiting for me. I can feel it and I believe I'll be lucky enough to get it. I will. I just have to be patient and I will be. I'm not going to go and kiss random people. I'm going to save myself for my future husband and it'll be worth it. I hope he finds me before I meet someone who I think is the one but isn't after closer examination. I have to go with the flow and be open to all possibilities.

I can't wait till I go to Sydney next year to enroll and start learning the layout of the city. It'll be a great trip. I want to go this year but shouldn't. It's a little too eager to go now when the course is 2 years away. I have to get a job in the next few months so I can start saving for the UK. I'll be getting $500 tax back so I'll put all of that away and then it'll be easy to keep adding to it and watch the number go up and up. I have $100 in cash from my work tips so I'm already doing great! That's half a plane flight.

I went to the doctors yesterday and was prescribed the Pill to help control my unusual acne. It's been around for 6 months and won't go away. I had fine skin before with only the occasional pimple but now it's horrible. The last time it wasn't so nice was in high school! It's strange that my skin is so bad now. Why is it? I think it might be hormonal. I got the generic version of the Diane Pill for $10 so I'll see how it goes for this first month. The chemist suggested I book another doctors appointment before the first month's worth of pills is up but my doctor gave me 3 lots of 3 month repeats if it goes well and my body doesn't reject the Pill. I hope it works. If it doesn't I'll have to try topical lotions instead. I hope the Pill doesn't give me periods. I have been so happy not having them but I'm not sure it's worth having shitty skin. I'll want nice skin even if I have to pay for it with some periods. I'm meant to have them anyway. Implanon stops it, that's all. I really hope my skin clears up. It's embarrassing and make me feel shit. I don't want to feel like crap anymore.

I need to find a job soon so I can start working full-time and save almost all of the money I earn. Maybe I should go back to Dymocks and give them my resume again. I'm getting really bored, especially these last few days since I've been getting better, and staying in bed all day and watching TV shows is starting to feel like a waste of time again. I need to start my exercise regime. That will get me feeling productive. I need to start reading more too. That doesn't feel like a waste of time. Tonight I'll try to go to sleep earlier than usual. Tomorrow I'll go to visit James and George and Etta with mum and meet Nanna and Pa there. Oh little Etta. She's such a cutie.