Monday

I was walking down the drive way to get the mail not long ago and I thought about how great it'll be to have my own home in Sydney. I truly can't wait till I move there [I'll be sad if I don't get it] and do it all myself. My house is going to be so cute. Over time it'll get full of furniture and my things. Lots of fish, flowers and art is my goal. I'll be starting with the SARK posters I'm expecting in the mail any time soon. I'll also get something from The Picture Gallery. I love that gallery. It has beautiful artworks. I want a huge one.

I want to buy more museum/archaeology books but should wait until Wednesday till I get paid again. I don't want to keep digging into my savings while I'm trying to save for next year. I also want to get my Portman's lay-by off lay-by and put on lay-by a beautiful white maxi-dress they have in their Summer catalogue. Next year my wardrobe will keep getting fabulous.

I want to write to Danielle from Sometimes Sweet and ask her for some help and advice on getting the lazy out of me. I want to be as organised in my home life as I can be at work. I just don't know how to make things stick. I really want to change my fitness level next year for a start. Next year will be a huge year of change. It'll be fantastic. I can't wait to meet my future husband. Reading Danielle's notable post on how she met her husband Hank made me wish so hard to have something as wonderful as that. They both knew they were meant to be right from the beginning. I want that.

Work tonight and a menu tasting. The Maritime tomorrow and the possibility of attending the Annual General Meeting for the Maritime at the Tasmanian Museum and Art Gallery. I'm "on call" at work so hopefully I won't be needed and be able to go to this meeting. It'll be great for my career path. I'll probably go hang at Sarah's or Holly's after I finish at the Maritime at 5 before this meeting at 730. It'll be good to hear more about how museums are run. I wonder what kind of work I'll be doing with Rona tomorrow. Maybe more conservation and putting things into the system. At any rate I'll learn a lot.

Got to get off the computer and take Katie for a walk, do something productive. I need to do my covered buttons. I want to get the right amount of each kind made, then I can go to a market like Holly does. Then again I want to make some of the rice balls too. One day I'll get there.

Down, down, down

So I hung out with Andi last night. We had a bit chat about relationships and she is sure I'll meet my future husband. I love that she used the same terms I used. "Future husband." That's how I always think of him. Lately I've been sad because I hate my life right now and can't wait for 2011 when it will all be better. I want to know everything will turn out as I hope it will, although some things don't happen for a reason. I just miss being in a relationship, despite knowing it's for the best, and want my future now. I want a preview of my future family and life but I know that's impossible. I'm just sad because I don't have much going on right now and it's hard being alone, especially living at my parents and waiting to hear where I get accepted to. It's just hard.

I do love that I'm volunteering for the Maritime though. It's special and getting me to where I need to go. I'm looking forward to my session there on Monday. Tuesday will be busy with the Melbourne Cup races on at Elwick, and I might even have to work that night [possibly both], and I am hoping for more work at thebeach to get me money and keep me occupied. It's too late to find another job with only 3 months to go [I wanted to apply for the job at Video City. It closes on the 2nd of November so I still have time ... but is it pointless? Maybe I should anyway and mention in the cover letter that I'm moving and hoping for a transfer, if they have Video City in Sydney or Melbourne. I know they have Blockbuster] so I'll have to get enough work at thebeach and the occasional day at Relish. I've saved $1200 already, will hopefully get some from my car, and put away $100 a week at least, hopefully more like at least $150 and closer to $200. It all depends on how much work I get. Sigh.

I am really hating feeling so down. It's been like this for the last few months, after I was done healing after the break up, when I was ready to get back out there and work, work, work. Unfortunately that didn't stick and I'm ready to be active but don't have the opportunity in the places I want to be. I'm sad and I don't like it. Once December comes and Jan and Fra arrive I think things will be better. I always enjoy Christmas and family time. I'll be working a lot more around then I think because thebeach will get busy. I'm not too fussed about New Year celebrations as I'll probably be working. I wouldn't mind a drink though. Hopefully December will give me the best news of the year. Then it will be January. Great weather, and I can finally start making some concrete plans concerning Uni. I can't wait. I hate being miserable but it's hard not to be. My life isn't all that great right now. Once I move back over to the shed it should pick up. I'll exercise more and feel like I have my own space. I can sit in the bean bag and read. I can focus on my covered buttons and even the idea of making rice balls. I think it will be better over there and it'll lift my spirits a bit. The band came over today [my brother's band, SNERT] so mum and I didn't go over and clean but will do tomorrow. That will do me some good.

I actually have to get ready for work now. I know I'll be happier once I'm there. One reason I don't like to go these days is because of Jarrod. I think he has a crush on me. He's 18 and is getting a bit too affectionate and I don't like it. It's like I'm leading him on. We're just friends but I don't even like seeing him because it can all be construed as leading him on. Ahhh. I don't need this. Hopefully I will be upstairs with Sara and out of his way so I don't have to talk to him much. I hate even thinking about it. Frustrating.