Angry

Yesterday I got really annoyed at mum. She kept badgering me about selling my old Uni books in the way she does and I got so frustrated I cried a bit, in my room of course. I was also mad at my sister so I didn't look at either of them through dinner with Jan, Fra, dad, James, George and Etta. I'm not sure if they noticed but they probably did. Mum finally retreated and said it's all up to me. I have to make my own decisions. Duh! That's my plan all along. It's definitely time for me to set out on my adventure. Yahtzee to that.

Houses

Very recently I have begun thinking about having my own place and feelings of loneliness that will inevitably visit me and have started picturing things I'll have in my house. I did some searches on the Fantastic Furniture website this morning and will be able to pick up a bed for between $200 and $300 and some other furniture in my budget range. I want a hall table and a dining set and a screen/partition or two in case I get a studio apartment and a little lamp/bedside table and a desk and an arm chair and a couch [normal because their sofa beds are expensive] and a coffee table and I'm sure there are other things I'd like to get. I can't go too crazy. I picture myself getting just a bed to start off with, living very simply, but over time filling my house with cute things. It'll be nice. I do want to get a few things before I head off, like some kitchen items I'll need for Making the Cut. I'll try and fit in a few pots and pans and things like that so I'm not having to buy that stuff again. It's becoming more and more real, which is scary and exciting at the same time, but if I get lonely I have to remember that life is great, I have my health and my family and friends, who are only a phone call away, and that I was bored here in Hobart. It'll work out. I can always go and visit Joyce and cousin Sam and will probably meet Annie over there on/around Australia Day. I'll be alright.

I am going to take this opportunity [aka the move] to cleanse out my life, to finally get organised once and for all. With the help of Sorted: The ultimate guide to organising your life -- once and for all and these posts by Kendi Everyday [Create a Working Closet, Part 1: Purge; Create a Working Closet, Part 2: Assess; and Create a Working Closet, Part 3: Organise] I will finally get organised and get into great habits. I will be taking the 30 day challenge with Jillian Michaels and thus be organised in the kitchen and be changing my life forever. It will all be great. I am worried about not having the internet but I can always go to the Uni for that. I might get it one day, when I get a new laptop that is, but I'll be alright to begin with.

Alison said she would rather be a referee instead of writing me a reference. I guess it makes it easier for me but I wanted to avoid people having to keep calling her over the years but I guess once I'm in the museum business I won't need to have her on my reference list anymore. I will get one from Rona though and Tony Mathews, a family friend, will write me one. I just think it'll be easier but each to their own. Alison said she can say more over the phone and that she wouldn't know what to write. Fair enough. I wouldn't know what to write either. I can't wait to finish working there. My last day will be Sunday the 23rd just because if I get into Sydney I'll head off sometime in that week starting Monday the 24th so just to be on the safe side I'll finish on the 23rd. I am really looking forward to it. I might make a bit over $2000 before I head off, and hopefully Centrelink will kick in soon after I get my Sydney acceptance [still praying I do] and can actually fill out the online claim. I can't until I have details such as my student number. It'll all work out. I am seriously wondering if I can line up a house before I even get there but I'm not sure how that will go. If not, I haven't organised a home stay because the friend of a friend room for $70 might still be occupied. I could stay at BASE for a few days or at cousin Sam's but it'd be great if I could have a place to go to despite not being able to see it in person. I might actually have to wait to inspect things in person. Otherwise I might not be happy. That's a bit annoying though. Drat it. I might be able to set up inspections and only have to stay in a backpackers for a few days. Hmm. Tricky stuff.

A splendid afternoon with Holly

This afternoon was fantastic! I got to Holly's for around 3pm and we chatted for 2 hours, had cups of tea, and a great old time. We haven't caught up in a while so it was really nice touching base and hearing all the gossip, especially since I got some of it on NYE 2010. To start off with the juicy stuff, apparently Yorick was put a little off balance after seeing me on NYE as he wasn't expecting me to be there. Things got a bit strange on the boat as there were gatecrashers but Ruben sorted things out and a few days later, Ruben went over to see Yorick and talk to him about how things went on NYE because his 6 years younger than him girlfriend invited these gatecrasher. I think it's funny. Apparently she, aka Ebony, is more screwed up than he is and, as Holly put it, he might be heading towards his spilt milk reaction. I love Holly's insight into life. In other gossip, rather news, we found the ideal tattoo 'font' for my surname! It's braille. We were discussing my latest desperate attempt [the bar-code] when Holly came up with the idea of braille. It looks cool too. Mysterious. In the picture below I think I'll go for the one without the tinier reference dots. I'm not sold on having them there. Maybe in a light grey if they were on the tattoo. So I can now book an appointment! Both Holly and Emma are going to come with me. I'm super excited.

We also looked at studio apartments for me in Sydney! Holly got onto the Domain website and there are some apartment/units there that I hadn't seen on the site I was looking at. Some with their own bathrooms for a start and still around the price I was looking for. I think I'll find a great little place. I also decided that I won't compromise my dreams by living in a share house as I think in most areas it would make me unhappy and regret the decision so I'll stick to finding my own place, probably in Newtown. I love that I'm dealing with this issue more because now I'm happy and will enjoy living with not much furniture because it'll be all mine. That is my wish.

Another spot on horoscope for January 6.

If you haven't done so yet, Scorpio, let go of any regrets you carried into 2011. There is no place for them here. This is to be a dynamic year with a lot of positive change, much of it centered around your own personal evolution. If you drag old wounds or mistakes into what should be a positive and progressive time of transformation, you will only slow down this marvelous process of reinventing yourself. Not that there is anything wrong with the old you ... there is NOT. But you now have the chance to add greater dimension to what is already a great work of art: YOU!

I have been carrying regret about my recent contact with Yorick into 2011 and have struggled to let it go. Ebony got to me a bit, and not asking how Yorick was going made me feel guilty, but it's in the past. He made his own decisions about his life and me not liking it has got nothing to do with anything. I have to let it go. I don't need to feel guitly. I know this year is going to be a great year for reinventing myself, a process which has already begun, and if it is to be as great as I hope it will be then I have to stop thinking about him. It's in my past, especially since we're in a new year, and I have moved on but not so completely that I don't ever think of him and wonder what he's up to these days. I am curious but I have to let it go. This is my year to shine. Here's to new beginnings.

Changing my lifestyle

Next year I'm going to get thin. I mean it this time. Next year is the year I finally get fit and toned and smaller. I want to lose 10 kilos and with plenty of help and a new eating regime I can do it. I imagined myself thinner last night and liked it. I can do it and will. I have to do the things I want in this life otherwise they will never come true. If I want something I have to go out and get it. It's not just going to happen for me. It'll be worth the struggle and it's about time I did something instead of being so lazy. I'm going to change my lifestyle!

Future, here I come

Just went for a walk with mum and had a bit chat about next year, Sydney and Melbourne, finances and living arrangements. I'm going to love getting into great habits once I have my own house. That is really important to me. I want to plan like Sometimes Sweet and map out each weeks meals. I want to clean regularly and on the whole be more organised and prepared. This is why I want to live alone, so I can only rely on myself and get into these habits.

I also need to save as much money as I can because I might not be able to find a job straight away. I hated when I was there last time and ran out of money on the Tuesday before Wednesdays pay day. I don't want to experience that. I'll be good with my money too, when I'm there, and will get a cheap TV and just get the essentials to start with. I want to get out of here as soon as I can and I want this life. Mum and I are going to work on collecting some recipes for me to use when I'm over there as I want to get into a cooking and cleaning routines, as well as exercise routine and little things like drinking more water, especially as soon as I get up, and remembering to take my the Pill. I want my life to be just the way I wish it were. I will make that happen.

Dogs

I do and don't want a dog for company wherever I move to.

Pro

+ Great company and companionship

+ It will force me to take him/her for a walk

+ Looking after an animal will be rewarding

Con

+ They poop and I might have to clean it up if it's on the street...

+ What happens when I take small holiday's back home or elsewhere?

+ Expensive to buy and possibly to feed -- initial set up

According to the little survey I filled out on Dog Breed Finder where I specified for a small to medium dog who is non-aggressive and quiet with not a lot of grooming, I could get a Boston Terrier, Bulldog, some sort of Terrier [Boston, Welsh, Lakeland], or a Springer Spaniel [which I have always wanted since our first dog P.K. who was a Springer crossed with a Beagle, also another favourite]. On this survey I filled out specifics about me. I said I was somewhere between active and not so active, that I have a yard with not much space [thinking of the possibilities in Sydney] and that I'm single and that's where the results stem from. I wouldn't mind a little Terrier or Bulldog or Spaniel so at least I have some choices in mind. Who knows what will happen next year? It will be something amazing though. 2011 here I come!

2011 will be my year of change

I think I'm starting to get into a bad sleeping pattern again. I'm not staying up as late anymore, especially here house sitting, but here it gets sunny early as the curtains don't do a great job of blocking out the sun so I am woken up earlier but go back to sleep for a few more hours. I look so haggard when I wake up and feel like I can't get up. It is freezing here in the mornings so that's part of the problem -- not wanting to leave the warmth of bed. I'll get more work and hopefully the problem will be rectified. It will be different when I go back home too.

I need to take Jez for a walk today. I was planning yesterday to go on a walk to Blackman's Bay so I might take her with me for that. It'll tire me out for sure and it'll be a longer lead walk than the first one we took on Wednesday. It was raining all day yesterday but the sun is out today so I will have to take advantage of it. It's nice having a dog and being forced to take it out. I've been thinking of getting one in Sydney for company, something small and easy to manage, as in not too demanding, but I could still take it out for walks. What happens when I come home for visits though? I might have to bring the dog along so it might not be that great, unless I meet someone there and they can look after the dog. Then again if I meet someone they might come back with me for visits and then who would look after the dog! I want fish and there's a problem there with staying away and not feeding them. Overfeed? Oh dear. I'll wait and see what happens

If I don't get into Sydney Uni, I guess I'll ... I was going to say go straight over to the UK when I can afford it but what about my new-found dream to work in a museum? Melbourne distance is an option. I could live with Holly and Ruben and move there but I would rather start over in Sydney. I could move to Sydney and do Uni via distance there! Haha. I couldn't figure out how to apply to Melbourne though so that might never work. It has to somehow. I don't know what I'll do if I don't get in. All I know is that I don't want to be stuck in Tasmania next year, especially since I have hoped for change and to start on a new career path. It would feel like going backwards and I've had enough of that thank you! I want change next year and I shall make it happen somehow!

New adventures ahoy

Mum and I had another big chat sitting by the fire drinking a cup of tea. I don't want to do social work anymore. It doesn't feel right for me now but that doesn't mean it won't be right for me down the track. Mum can see me as a librarian and that might be alright in an ancient library but I want to do archaeology and anthropology. I might even do one of those over in England at a University there. I think next semester I'll work and save money. I'll get a job maybe in a bookstore somewhere and work 2 or 3 nights at thebeach. I'll save money for the UK trip and I want to read more leisure books and do my Travel Books [New Zealand and Vanuatu] and go on small trips with Holly for photos. I want to live. And so I shall. I'll keep going with this semester at Uni and finish up after that. I will do some research on the right course and the right Uni for those other two areas and look at the Lonely Planet guides to the UK and Ireland. I really like that I'm much happier about the Yorick situation. I'm so glad we're being friends and bypassing all that sadness as a result. I'm not missing it too much as it's kinda still there through our friendship. I'm glad.

New adventures

I need to save up for my bond. I'm not sure I'll be able to do that until I get more Centrelink, which will increase only when Yorick and I aren't living together anymore. I'm glad I'll be getting more money soon and I might be able to do 2 shifts at work and get $480 per fortnight. I'm going to sell my iPod Touch because it's not what I thought it would be. I'll get $250 back for that at least, fingers crossed, and I'll save as much as I can. Nothing is going to happen in the next few weeks, well maybe, but it's no rush. I might be able to get a Centrelink loan for the bond too. I'll need a new bed and couch, which I'll be able to get for under $500 from Fantastic Furniture. I have a TV, dining set, CD player, chest of draws and a desk, all of which will get me started. What a great new adventure on the horizon.