A brand new year

New Year's Eve was a bit of a let down for me. It was fun, and I enjoyed hanging out with Emma and her two lovely gay flat-mates Josh and Andrew and my sister, but I wasn't very interested in a huge party. I liked watching the fireworks from a spot on the wharf despite there being huge amounts of people around and I liked visiting Holly afterwards but it just felt like any other night. It didn't feel special or that I needed to make a big deal out of it. A lot has changed for me since May last year and since I'm single I have just wanted to do what makes me happy. For next year's celebrations I might just have a quiet one. Hopefully I have my future husband to celebrate with but I guess I can't predict what it will be like. It felt strange not caring too much about it despite it always being built up as a great night, one where things change from one minute to the next. I liked the symbolic change from 2010 to 2011 because 2011 means so much to me already. It's my year.

I had been chatting to Holly throughout the evening and asked if Yorick would be there at her boat. He was to be there and when we went down to the wharf to watch the fireworks then head to Holly's afterwards he jumped off the boat straight away when he saw me. I didn't really talk to him, just asked if Holly was there and that I'd go and get the others. I'm not sure I even looked him in the eyes. Subconscious ignoring I guess. I didn't really want to see him but we didn't actually chat. I didn't hear if he said anything to me when he got off. It's so strange. When I got to the end of the concrete next to Holly's boat, I heard Yorick's 18 year old say something like "Who the f is that?" I think she must be jealous of me. I just got a funny feeling about the whole thing, like she was defending her territory. I had that boy for 4 years. She can't compete with me. I don't want him back anyway and would never go back there. Holly's my friend, and if anyone was getting kicked off the boat out of the two of us it would definitely be Ebony. She's an idiot. She tried to be friends with my sister, saying they'd meet us out later, and it was totally weird. She was so threatened or jealous. I think they're both pathetic so it doesn't really matter to me, just shows that once again I am the better person, the more in control of my life and my destiny, and the one who has moved on to greater things. I hate that she got to me though. I hated thinking about her in my first moments of 2011. It had nothing to do with Yorick as we didn't really say anything to each other. It was all about her. It would have been nice to chat to Yorick but I went straight into asking for Holly mode and nothing else happened. I feel bad that I didn't say anything to Yorick, that we didn't get a chance to talk and check in, as he jumped straight off the boat to see me. He didn't do anything towards me after that though. Maybe he's whipped. I don't need to go back there anyway. I'm moving forward, trying not to think about that anymore, and just live my life the way I want to. I have so much to look forward to this year. It's going to be great. Yorick is now officially in my past as I'm starting a new year and I guess I should just forget about him completely. I kind of want to catch up with him, only because of the catch up that didn't happen last night, but I don't really need to revisit that whole situation. In the light of day it would be a mistake. I can't help that I'm curious. Holly will give me the gossip when we hang out this week. She'll give me some perspective.

I have some jobs to apply for today! I didn't think I'd find any online but I have. I tried Seek instead of Career One and have a few nice options. Hopefully I get something even though the jobs were advertised at the end of December and I won't be over in Sydney until late January. I'll write some cover letters and do some mailing. There is one at the Co-Op Bookstore, one with the University of Sydney Union and a possibility with JB Hi Fi so I will see what happens. I want to move away from hospitality into retail and these jobs would be a great step in that direction. I'd love to work at Kikki-K or Typo or Dymmocks or Borders or the Co-Op or Big W.

I'm feeling a bit hungover today. It's just hitting me more and more now. I felt a bit groggy when I woke up and I do need more sleep so I'll try and get to bed early tonight. It could be worse.

I've been messaging Holly, telling her how I felt about Ebony's reaction to me, and she said she thinks Ebony is threatened by me but that she is also completely drug fucked. Holly said that I was just really cool and mature last night and that I seemed the better person. I said that I felt bad I didn't have a mini catch up with Yorick, say Happy New Year, or anything like that, but that I'm moving forward and I doubt we'd have much to say [no real loss there] and that he'll be right. Holly said that it's not my problem and I did good! I just need to remind myself it doesn't matter anymore. He chose his path and I'm on mine. I am the better person, I am mature, and he's not my problem anymore. It would have been polite to ask him how his night was, what he's been up to, but it would have brought me down and got me thinking about him too much. It's done, it's in the past. That's all I need to know. Moving on!