Love in 2011

Lately I have been religiously checking my daily horoscope on my phone and last night after midnight I checked the one I got for today. I love it.

A new year is coming, Scorpio. And it comes with the chance to begin again. What will you write on your fresh slate? Hopefully you have learned a lesson or two about love, and about hanging on to a good relationship tight enough to show you care, but not so tight that you smother it. Even though we're only entering the second week of December, it's not too early to start composing your resolutions for 2011. Make your love life a priority for the coming year. It's your time to shine, and love should be at the top of your list of priorities.

Love and family, travel and my career are the three things on the top of my life list so this fits in perfectly. Whenever I think of next year I think of falling in love and finding that illusive soul-mate as well as starting the year with a fresh slate. After this year I need it. I am so excited. Panda [a work mate] and I were talking about relationships last night and I really miss being in one and having an ongoing dialogue with someone but at the same time it's good that I have this chance to rearrange my life and focus on what I want in it. I am glad I'm not with Yorick anymore and it's great because I didn't know I wasn't getting what I wanted. Thanks to starting the BSW, I now have the skills to thoroughly examine relationships or anything really even when I'm in it. I just have to look deep and figure out if I'm getting what I want.

I am amazed at how accurate this horoscope is concerning my desire for a fresh slate next year. I can't wait to go out on my own and make a life for myself. I want to have fresh berries in the fridge for breakfast and make banana bread again and eat healthily. I want to do Jillian Michaels' Making the Cut over 30 days and get my dream body. I want to find a great house for a great price not to far from Uni if possible [or in cycling distance] and study my butt off so I can get into my dream career. I want to meet the man I'm to marry and go on holidays with him and settle down. I want it all and next year is when I'm hoping it will happen.

I love imagining the house I'll have and over time getting furniture and filling the empty spaces. It will be great to have my own space and make it just how I want. I might have to get re-inspired by Carrie Bradshaw. I want to get vases and flowers and fish and I want to frame my posters and have a table by the front door for my bag and keys. I would love an outdoor table and 2 chair set and one of the wicker egg-shaped chairs. It'll be fantastic.

Last day

I had my last day at Uni today for the attempted BSW. I am so glad to be done. I had a cry in bed at Sophie's last night, partly because of being there and not in my safe haven of a room, partly because of Yorick. Sophie saw him for about 10 minutes on the weekend and she said he seemed to be doing well. He's still drinking like there's no tomorrow and spewing on the way to work while driving. I can't wait to see him grop up. His friends have all grown up but he hasn't. It's a shame. She said he said he was going to tell his parents on the weekend. I sent them thankyou cards [and a letter to his mum -- they are divorced] on Friday so they might have gotten to them afterwards, if he did in fact see them on the weekend, and I'm kinda glad he told them first. I told him I wanted to say something but if he did see them it's better that he told them. Sophie said that he might have held off for the 2 weeks because he didn't want it to be real. Maybe. I hope so. I hope he misses me a little bit. I missed him last night. I associate our greatness with our trips to New Zealand and Vanuatu and was thinking about that. I am always thinking about those holidays. They were the greatest. It was nice to have a cry. Not a ripping-my-heart-out kind of cry but a sad cry. I'm not explaing this too well.

On the way back from Launceston today I was thinking about how the BSW is so wrong for me and I've never been academically great. I pass and do above average but I'm not that great at it. I need a job that doesn't have too much writing in it because it's not great. I would love to work in an ancient museum maybe [would I?] or somewhere where I can go out on research trips, although that would involve writing up reports ... I can do stuff like that if I have a very clear guide to what I need to write. Maybe that could be okay. All I know is that I really want to travel and see the world. That's way more important to me than a career. I also want to have a family and 2 kids and a wonderful 4 bedroom house somewhere great. I'll get those things. I kinda don't want to raise a family here in Tassie. It's boring and not as pretty as say New Zealand. Maybe I'll stay in the UK if I find a great guy. Not too soon, I want to travel first.

I can't wait to start my business. I want to make earrings and bracelets and maybe sell other stuff if I can find something else I like.

I need a new computer. One that works well and actually connects to the internet.

Yorick and I are having dinner again tomorrow night. I want to know how he's doing and I want him to talk to me like a friend, not like he's trying to keep his distance in case I want him back. Grr. I want to know his plans and his hopes and things that make him excited or hopeful. I don't know if I'll get that though.

21 April 9:43pm

I forgot to write about my favourite experience when I was up in Launceston this week. On the Tuesday evening, I went to Rivers to look at some shoes. Once out of the store, I noticed some amazing clouds in the sky, very menacing and threatening a storm. I watched the storm come through and I saw the lightning light up the sky. I could feel it was going to rain and thought I'd better go, after spending 10 minutes staring at the sky from the Rivers car park. I went to Woolworths to get some dinner for Sophie and I and thought I wouldn't need my umbrella. I went in, did my shopping, got to the check out and saw it was pouring down in fast, heavy rain. I got outside the doors and saw everyone standing around waiting for the rain to stop. I stood there for a moment and thought "fuck it" and went for it. I started to walk fast then decided to take my time. It was a very liberating and glorious thing to do and it was so much fun. I remembered my fortune cookie from Christmas lunch at Yorick's aunt Di's place: "Allow yourself to be spontaneous." Spontaneity is one of my weaknesses. I was very proud though and I had such a great time doing it. Bring on the next time!

21 April 1:33pm

Coming back from Launceston is always a plus. It’s nice getting clean in my own shower and having all Wednesday to do whatever. I love not working much these days as it lowers my stress levels for Uni. I have to get working on my assignments this week. There is a lot to do.

On Sunday night, Yorick and I went to Fish Frenzy for dinner. It was yum but very filling. Back at home we were talking about our living arrangements and he said he might not want to live apart. That day at Margate for lunch I had told everyone that I would be moving home and that we were doing this for us. When he said that after I had gotten used to the idea of us living apart it seemed weird. I thought that living apart would be better. Today, after 2 days apart, we discussed it again and he started off by saying that the rent here and at the place he could move into are on different week so we could stay here for 3 more weeks and get prepared. I knew right then that he’d come to his senses about what’s best for us so we’re planning to do the best thing –- live separately. I’m glad we’ll be out of this house as it’s hard to keep clean.

It’s really annoying not having the internet anymore because of the fools next door playing with the connection. I would be updating more but it’s not possible right now. Oh I wish it were. I also need the internet to find pictures for my poster assignment.

I thought about a tattoo I might really get while I was up in Launceston. I’m thinking of my surname in thick black capitol letters on my left wrist. I love my wrist bands and I’d be able to cover it with sleeves or a watch for when I’m in the field for social work and I love my family. That will never change.

Return to Hobart

I am very glad to be back from Launceston and feeling nice and clean. I love my shower the best. I did enjoy staying an extra night though and I might make that a habit. It's going to get darker a lot quicker than I'm used to when driving back to Hobart from Launceston. I don't want to have an accident on that road. It's notorious for accidents. I also hate driving at night because of the lights coming straight at me. They are too bright. If it weren't for that, I would love driving at night, and I do. We watched some good TV and I saw her on the news for WIN Television. It was good! I need to try and watch her more. Maybe if/when Yorick and I get a new house I can get my own set top box and have it set up permanently so it'll be easy to watch the news. Sometimes it's set on his Playstation but I don't think it is now. Maybe I'll try watch it tonight.

After I left Zum on Monday afternoon where I had a hot chocolate and got a muffin for my morning tea the next day, Yorick and I didn't have a nice farewell and I wrote myself a note when I got to Launceston saying I felt like I was on probation and didn't want to be sad soon but that it might happen soon. I accidentally sent that to him and he asked if it was about that afternoon. I just said I was writing to myself and how I felt a little strange about our goodbye. I'm home now and so is he. He's still in bed sleeping so I guess we'll talk later. I hope he'll actually have dinner with me tonight. Oh I wish. Hopefully we can talk about what we're going to do and how I feel like if we live together we'll stay in these bad habits. I'm scared about that. We'll just have to discuss it.

Sophie said he sent her a message the other day and I got her to send it to me. It gives me hope:

Yeah I'm ok considering. See how things pan out. Look after her tomorrow night.

It's really sweet of him to ask her to look after me. And she did. We had a big chat about it and it's done me the world of good. He still cares about me. I'm just not sure what he wants, really. I still feel like he's trying to save me from pain. That's not helpful. This messages makes me think he's really going to try though. Not super hard but he'll try. That's all I'm asking for. Maybe we can look for a new house this weekend or something. We need new elements of togetherness in our lives together, like kicking the soccer ball around on the oval and sitting down for dinner. Last night in bed I thought that we could have 2 nights a week [Wednesday or Thursday depending on Margate dinner and Sunday] together where we have dinner and hang out. That would be a start. We can also do the soccer thing and just catch up. I'd like it if we got a new house, bigger, and had separate rooms. I'll ask him later.

Today I just want to watch One Tree Hill but I have some washing to do and some flute practice. I also need to heat up a bit. It's a cold one today.

Better

I'm feeling much better now. Yorick and I went on a date [I love calling it a date] tonight for our 4 year anniversary! We had dinner at Fish Frenzy on the wharf and afterwards I got some lemon sorbet from Sticky Fingers. It was delicious, all of it actually. I got out of my flute lesson earlier as I have barely enough money to get my by till next Wednesday so that made me feel better and I did do a bit of homework before dinner. Now I'm going to do some more. I might get up early tomorrow morning and fit some in before work at 12. I also have Sunday evening to do more and get prepared for the next round of classes. It'll be okay.

Update

I have started a blog specifically for my Social Work course [Becoming a Social Worker]. It was suggested that we have a journal for part of the course to help us think through things more so than being assessed so that is what I'm doing. I thought I would start it earlier to document the whole journey instead of later when I'm 1/4 of the way through. It makes more sense to me anyway.

I have always loved writing journals. I'm glad I'm getting back into it again. I have been at Live Journal for ages, 6 years I think, and have always had little breaks when I got slack regarding writing every day. I've really liked blogging here on Blogspot. The layouts are nice and I like the following system too. It's nice having a few blogs here without having to have different accounts.

I think I might talk about sky diving now. It was great! I was scared but not as much as I was when bungy jumping in New Zealand. I think that was scarier because I had to jump by myself and it was a very solo experience where sky diving wasn't solo at all. Yorick and I went up in the plane, a tiny plane, where we squished into the back with our two instructors/jump-partners. We got to around 10,000 feet and they strapped us to their backs then prepared for the dive. Yorick and instructor Heath went first, then I followed with instructor Lex. I found Lex hard to understand some of the time because of his accent. Before diving the took us through the procedure again as we had in the big group of 13 of us on the ground, but to be sure we knew it Lex told me exactly how it would happen and exactly what I had to do. Once it was our turn, 10 seconds after Yorick and Heath went, Lex and I went. I put my 2 feat onto the tiny platform thing, crossed my arms like a mummy, put my head back onto his shoulder, then Lex propelled us out of the plane and we were a tumbling. After we stopped tumbling I was allowed to put my hands out and then the parachute went up and we were gliding at a slower pace. It was great seeing all of Hobart and its surroundings from such a high position. I could see so far. It felt a little weird in the harness, like being in one of those baby jumpers, but I got used to it. The landing was a bit strange and Lex and I ended up on our right sides and once we hit the ground we were dragged back a little due to the open parachute and the wind. No one else got to go because of the wind, then there being too many clouds. Hopefully they will get to go next Friday depending on the weather again! Yorick and I are going to get the t-shirts. Ooh I loved the pants they put us in. I super want some. Walking to the plane in them and the harness made me feel like one of those guys walking to a plane or helicopter on the tarmac ready to go off and fight something! Empowering. It was very fun and we both want to go again. It will be cheaper for the next month because we've joined the club so we will probably go again. I think I'll enjoy it more the second time too. I looked shocked the whole time I believe. I felt shocked anyway. Once the plane door opened and we were getting ready to exit the plane I looked at how far away from the ground we were and got a bit scared. I was fine though and there wasn't much to be scared about. Bring on round two!

I'm very over work at the moment. All except today [Thursday, Friday and Saturday] I have been happy and not getting angry at the customers [not to their face but on the inside and sometimes not having a happy face on to see them] but today I was getting a bit annoyed, especially at Alison, the owner, who keeps telling me to do what I've already done. Grr. I won't have to go back until Thursday next week, then again on Saturday and Sunday. From the week after onwards I'm getting rid of my Sunday shift to make sure I'm prepared for Uni. Next week I'm not doing my usual Friday shift because of sky diving take two. Hopefully we get to do it!

I don't like this heat. I'm no good in heat. I over-heat. I don't like that. That's why I'm stressing [not a heap] over what to wear for Uni. I don't like to wear skirts without my stockings and I don't get a hot in those as some might think. It's more the fact that I forget to wear shoes other than my uggs which is what contributes to my overheating. They're just so comfy and my regular shoes that I forget about what the weather might do. I bought a new top this afternoon at Big W that I want to wear. It's a tan coloured vest. I love vests. I will wear it over a black t-shirt and maybe I'll wear a skirt and my stockings with my cons or volleys. I'll figure something out. For now, however, I might go watch some One Tree Hill before doing some homework.

An eventful week

I have had two very eventful days that I am still recovering from so I won't write a huge entry now but the main highlights include my orientation day for the BSW (Bachelor of Social Work) yesterday and skydiving today! What I really need to do now is hop into bed and watch a bit of One Tree Hill then get to sleep. Tomorrow my friend Andi and I are going to Office Works to shop for my school supplies and go to K-Mart to get some cheap essential t-shirts so I'm really looking forward to that. Hopefully I get to see her beautiful daughter Ivy while I'm there. I don't want her to forget who I am. That would make me sad. Anyway, I shall be getting to bed. I need a lot of sleep!

Orientation Day

I got a bit of a shock this afternoon when I was looking at my Uni email. I intended to find out when my Summer School essay was due back from marking when I found several emails to do with the Social Work bachelor I'm about to start. Tomorrow, now today, there is an orientation day happening in Launceston, which is 2.5 hours away from where I live, that I shall be attending. It's all meant to be and it will all work out. It's just very last minute, that's all. It's on the perfect day too as I had nothing planned and I just got paid from working at the Hobart Cup on Monday the 8th so I will be able to buy petrol and some snacks. I'm looking forward to it actually. When I first read about it I was a bit stunned at the quickness of it all so I got mum to call me and she gave me the push I needed to confirm that I was going to go. I was in a bit of shock I guess and just needed a bit of reinforcement. I love sharing this stuff with my mum. She said she would have come with me but she works on Mondays, Tuesdays and Fridays and it was all very very short notice. I think I'll be all right though. If I get lost, there will be people on campus to give me directions as I reckon I'll need them. I'm going to have to get up at 6am to shower and eat some breakfast then get on the road by or a little before 7am. I need to stop at Woolworths to get some food supplies and breakfast but I might do that once I'm out of the city as I don't want to get stuck in slow traffic. I think it'll be a very informative day and I'll get to meet the teachers. Jess, my sister-in-law's half sister, who has done this course said that Sonya, one of the teachers, is great and very inspirational so I'm looking forward to meeting her. Jess also said she will look out for a job for me in the industry as I'm only doing waitressing now and it would be better to be in the field and put to practice what I'm learning. With the course there is a whole section dedicated to work experience but getting started earlier won't hurt. For now though I should get to bed and get as much sleep as I can. Hopefully I'll get a decent amount despite my tendency to get to sleep not quickly when it counts.

Bachelor of Social Work

I'm getting excited about starting my Bachelor of Social Work on Monday the 22nd. I have just figured out my timetable, which took a while as it was very confusing, but I have 4 hours on Mondays in Hobart [not in the first week though, it's just 2 hours to decide Monday's tutorials for the rest of the semester, being weeks 2 to 13] and a full day on Tuesdays in Launceston. I'll be staying over night at my friend Sophie's house in Launceston while she's there so we'll get to hang out! I'm glad she'll be there because I was going to do it anyway and possibly stay in a back packer's but this is much better. There is a bus that takes the students up there but the bus made me sick the one time I went up to visit my sister so I want to be fresh and ready for learning in the morning. I always love getting books for writing in from Office Works so in a few weeks I reckon I'll do that and get prepared. I have to check out the book list too and see how much I'll need to spend. I just had a look at the books for my 4 units and there are quite a few listed there. They're all around the $60 mark so I'll wait until the first week of classes to see what they suggest getting. Hopefully by then I'll have some more money saved up as I don't have a whole lot at the moment. I don't like being poor!