Money woes yet again

I just came back from lunching with Sophie at thebeach. We talked a lot about the Lordy boys and our relationships and the engagement party and also about work. She suggested I look into training organisations such as the one she used to get her job at Stennings and you don't need to be experienced. I only found the one she mentioned in the Yellow Pages but it's a start. I'll hopefully get full-time work and I might not earn a heap but with thebeach as well I'll be set. I'll ring them up tomorrow.

I called Suzanne at Wrest Point this morning at 8am and left a message on her answering machine about not wanting the job. I had been rehersing it in my mind since 6am this morning, not really being able to sleep after that, then after 830am I started drifting off more and not being able to get up. I should have just gotten up at 7am and played The Sims 2 like I have been each day since the weekend but no, I had to keep "sleeping". Grr.

I have to buy my tickets to Sydney and back tomorrow. I really hope I earned enough money to pay for them as well as buy petrol and survive until next pay day. Fingers crossed I earned $250ish but I'm not sure I will. I didn't do huge hours but I did have 3 shifts so I'll have to wait and see. I want to pay for the Maritime Museum membership, which is roughly $27, but I might not be able to afford it. I also want to buy the Union Jack bed sheets but again I might not be able to swing it, especially since they might be $50 and mum said I have to be super careful with my money. I feel like a kid again. Sigh. Next year will be brilliant, just remember that.

I've been finding some new blogs to follow recently and I like how they all seem to do a special day thing, like Music Monday or Tattoo Tuesday. Some have something scheduled for every day of the week! Maybe it's time I started something like that. I'll have to figure something out. I like the daily outfits but I usually wear the same thing and I'm not that interesting clothing-wise. I wish to be but you need money for that and I'm lacking in that department. One day...

I have been thinking recently about sewing creatures and I might get back into the rice balls. I might get better fabric than felt, as the crappy felt we have here in Spotlight bubbles and stretches. Holly gets good quality felt from the mainland I think but I want some stiff fabrics, like the great patterned stuff she used for one of her robots. I might try and snap a picture next time I'm over there. I'll try and make some cuties and have eyes and arms and legs dangling off their triangular bodies. One day when I'm not so poor I'll look into it.

I'm going to the gym for 430pm to do the Step class and a bit of Zumba afterwards. I'm looking forward to getting back into it! Classes a so much fun and I'll stay for the duration. I might not stay for all of Zumba as I'll probably be fairly tired but I'll see how I go. Just worried about my money situation for tomorrow. I hope it's enough.

I'm done, oh how I'm done

I am done with Yorick. I just deleted him off my Facebook account and I'm so glad I did. After last night I don't want to see him again. I just want to heal and forget about him, move on and what not. I went to Dani's engagement party and I was in there for 5 minutes when Yorick saw me and rushed over, gave me a hug and asked me how I was. After we both said we were good there was nothing left to talk about and just at the point Sam [girl Sam, dating Bezz] came over and chatted to me and my attention was on her not Yorick, just as he did to me that time he said he saw me in Salamanca after my almost dentist x-ray. I think he was talking to his new girl at that stage, kissing and hugging her right next to me. I could see it out of the corner of my eye. I went to get a drink and then he came over again! He asked if he should introduce Ebony to me. It sounded like he said Ann so I said who? and he said the girl I've been seeing. I hope he already knew I knew. Probably did. I said is that necessary? He said it might be polite but that it's not necessary. She came over anyway and asked who I was and I saw Anna and she knew who I was and shook my hand with her left hand then squeezed it. Then she began to fondle my necklace. That was the last interaction with either of them I had. The rest of the night was good. Had free drinks and hung out with Holly and Munchie and Helen, then the 4 of us went to play pool next door for ages. I didn't see Yorick again. It felt like he was replacing me. Holly said he was stressed about it that that's why he pretty much ran over to me to say hi. I cried all the way home, shouting sometimes, [got home at a bit before 3am] and was still awake at 5am. I slept in until 1130 and replied to Holly's message asking how I was. She agreed it would be hard, the hardest I'll have to face [until, god forbid, he gets married before me], but I want to forget him and don't want anything to do with him anymore. I need to be cut off. At times last night I felt I wanted to get away so far, sit on a lovely mountain top or something fantastic, but I'm here and can't leave as I have no money. Next year. I hated that he looked like he was super happy, like he had replaced me with a better fit, like I meant nothing, like he never thinks of me anymore. Holly reminded me that there's something much better out there for me and I know there is. I'll have it when I'm ready and it will actually last. I hated seeing him happy with her. I hated watching him rub her back with his arm around her. Bitches the both of them. I'm done. That's why I'm done. I look horrible today. All that crying. I will go back to bed and rest, watch something, before I have to get ready for work. Drat having to work. It's only a Sunday though and I desperately need the work. Tomorrow I'll go on a job hunt. I shall I shall. I'll stop by Uni again and photocopy and print my resume and RSA. I want to start collecting written referees to make it easier, especially when I move to Sydney. Alison won't want to keep getting calls for me years after I'm not there anymore. Makes it easier. Not sure whether or not to ask for it now. Might be good. Start collecting them. Hmm. I just want to move forward and forget about Yorick. He's not my concern and I don't want to be involved with him at all. I'm done. Done done done.

Tonight is the night

As long as I keep writing, I'll be okay. I have to keep planning and make sure I get a job. Tonight is the engagement party that I should be heading off to. I might meet Sophie there before Holly as they're out at Wolfy's having pre-drinks. Ruined my plans to go to Holly's and up with her before the party. Oh well. Now I have to head there on my own and make sure I meet Sophie and Holly outside. I'm not sure I want to see Yorick but will probably have to. I saw a picture on Facebook taken a while ago I presume and it's of this guy Billy who works at Zum and Yorick and his new fling. It made me sad to see it. They're stupid. I wish I could just forget about it and not know him if I walked past him, just for the night. That's impossible though. I guess I should get going. I only have $26 in my bank until Wednesday but I don't think I'll be needing much alcohol. I have one 200ml bottle of champagne. That should do me. I don't feel like a big night. I'm quite boring, but having no money puts a downer on things.

Life isn't so good

I got up this morning at 12 noon, as I did yesterday, and went to take Katie outside, and as soon as I opened the door I felt that the seasons had finally changed from Winter to Spring. I was reminded immediately of Vanuatu and the lovely weather there, the lazing about and relaxing, and after I made myself some breakfast I went and sat out on the deck in the double swinging chair, ate my breakfast then relaxed in the sun. I stayed out there for maybe half an hour until light drops of rain started to fall from the sky. I reminisced about Vanuatu and it made me think that I really need to get back into doing that Travel Book and once I'm finished putting the pictures in place, I can type up the diary, then begin with the New Zealand one and write free hand and just cut out certain paper shapes as the sizes are all different. It's hard to explain but I know what I'm on about and as I'm sure no one else reads this then it doesn't matter, does it? I need to get it done because this is the time to do it. What other time is there?

Maybe I can take a hire truck to Sydney instead of a small car for some of my stuff. I want to take my TV and desk and chair for my laptop and if it would be easier getting a mattress here then that might be a good idea, especially since I would have no idea of where to buy one in Sydney and would hope they have a delivery service. I'm expecting to have a mattress on the floor, no bed as such, but that's fine with me. It means I'm finally living on my own and doing what I want. I'm excited for that. I would also love to take my chest of draws, not that it has draws, rather shelves, that I got from Mt Nelson. I would definitely need a truck then. And just my clothes and other things like that. Books and DVD's. I won't take a heap, but then I have all my towels and kitchen stuff like pots and pans and plates and stuff that I got from the Yorick-Anna divide. I need a truck. Maybe mum and dad and I can drive up together once I have a house. I guess I'll fly up there and possibly stay with Joyce, my neighbours grandma, while I'm trying to find a house and a job. Then I can fly back down, and drive up with mum and dad, do a road trip sort of thing and stay in caravan parks, then they can drive back and I can start my life, get some fish and flowers and set up house. I'll have to study so much and work as much as I can so hopefully I won't have time to be lonely, and hopefully I can go to Joyce's for a dinner every so often. It won't be so bad with not many people I know. I'll make friends eventually.

Speaking of work, I'm getting my resume into order. After Holly gave me hers I've made it very similar and now I'm going to add my Hotel School units sheet, including the RSA, with it as well as for my Wrest Point Pier One interview yesterday they asked for it, and employers always do. I'm also going to get Alison from thebeach to write me a reference so I can take that with me to Sydney and beyond instead of having them call her up years after I have stopped working there. I think that will be much better. I might even be able to get Holly to write me one based on what Alison writes. Or future employers. Speaking of the interview, I wasn't nervous and it went well but I don't like the scale of the business, like the Hotel Grand Chancellor. I'm over that, and I know it's going to be one of those soul-crushing jobs that I hate and after a while of working in them realised I didn't need that. After finding thebeach I know it'll be worse going backwards into such a horrible workplace. Pier One is cut off from the rest of the Casino so it might be okay but I am just hoping I get the Oomph! job and if not then I'm going around all other cafe's and seeing what happens, starting on Monday.

I really want to be on holiday after my experiences this morning. Last night I was quite down because of the outcome of the interview and general feelings about not working and how my life is pretty crap right now. I don't want to feel like that anymore. I want to be saving for a purpose, to move to Sydney, and I want that date to get closer and closer. I am on holiday, in a way, but the activities such as snorkeling or hiking aren't there. I don't have the Yorick company I used to have and I'm not enjoying this holiday anymore. I want to be working. I want to be out of the house. I'm not coping with this anymore and I want it to end. Please oh please let me get a job at Oomph!. Pretty please.

Next week I'm going back to the gym. Also next week I'll hand in my Maritime Museum application for volunteering and pray I get a call from Oomph!. Might even do a resume drop around Salamanca and Sandy Bay. I'm so excited that soon I'll be able to put a "volunteering" section on my resume, for museums and overseas country travels. I want my life to pick up so badly. It was alright 2-3 months ago just after Yorick and I, dealing with all of that. I was healing, but now that's over I'm sick of it. I'm not "sick" anymore. I can't believe it's been 4 months since we broke up. Crazy. Just crazy. Now he's moved on and that's okay. Whenever I'm watching love stories in movies I enjoy watching first kisses and beautiful moment and really want that for myself, but only when the time is right. Not now. It wouldn't mean what I want it to mean now. I want it to last, and I want to be feeling great about myself and my body, which I'm still not. Definitely not the right time. I know I will want that closeness but I want everlasting love and a husband more. I can wait.

I'm looking forward to this weekend starting tonight. I have work tonight, then tomorrow is Dani's engagement party, which means friends and going out, and Sunday is more work. I'll ask Alison today, or at least write on the roster for next week, that I'm available for more shifts, being free for Tuesday, Wednesday, Friday, and my regular Saturday and Sunday shifts. I want more there so if I get Oomph! I won't need Pier One. The interviewers were saying pretty much that I'd have to quit thebeach j Iust to accommodate their hours, but I'm not ready to give up on thebeach. It's the best job I've had and I'm not done yet. Something better will turn up. It has to.

I feel like I need to drink a heap of water so I'd better go and do that, and get the mail and get ready to go pick up Sophie and take her to her car in town. At least I'll be out of the house.

My week starts tomorrow

I'm not sure what my thoughts are at the moment. I know I have things to write about but whether or not my mind forms the thoughts in preparation to be transformed into words on my blog is another thing. I know I have plenty to write about my visit with Holly and what she said about Yorick. It was nice hanging out with her at her boat. Made me want to create cool creatures like her robots, something as awesome, but I don't have the idea. I dabbled with my sushi rice balls and owls but it's not a fantastic idea. Some of her vintage fabric is awesome. She said that Yorick is with the Ebony girl because she's young and low maintenance and is into all the crap he's into and because it's not serious. She said that if he were alone he'd actually have to face himself and who he is and he wouldn't be happy. At Dani's engagement party I'm not going to let too much slip and not talk to him much. I'll make it so I can walk away at a moment's notice and say "ahh, I see someone else..." or something. "I need another drink." I'll get away. He can come to me if he wants to talk. I'll be looking cute though so that will make me happy. I'm glad I have my life back.

I've been working a bit lately. I need more work though. Tomorrow I'll organise a cover letter for the Oomph! job advertised in Saturday's paper. Annie from thebeach mentioned it too so it'd be good if we both got it as there are two wait staff positions. There is a Monday to Friday 9-2 position and a Tuesday to Friday and the occasional Saturday for 35 hours or something. I'll take what I can get! Monday to Friday would be nice. I'd want to stick at thebeach for 2-3 nights on the weekend but then having Monday off after a Sunday at thebeach would be great as I'm always pooped by the time Monday rolls around. Yorick mentioned a while back that he was going to apply there for a barista position but I don't think he has yet. The website says there are 3 sites, whether or not they are all coffee shop serving locations I'm not sure, so we might not work together if we both got jobs there. We'll see. I'll apply and ask questions later. I need the work desperately.

Sarah and I went to the movies today to see Step Up 3 3D. I'd already seen it in Sydney but loved seeing it a second time as I noticed some more of the little things that I didn't the first time around. While we were watching it, I thought how I want to do roller derby. It has nothing to do with the film but I saw an ad in a local newspaper called Sauce [it has info about music events around the state] for roller derby in Tasmania and I thought that I may as well give it a go or at least call up and see how fit and good at roller skating you have to be as I'm neither. I loved some of the music on Step Up 3 so Sarah downloaded most of it today. I'll probably listen to it in bed after watching some Skins season 2. I'm a seasons addict but I love it.

I need some track pants for the gym. I know I won't feel comfortable in the shorts I got. Maybe there will be something in Big W that I can check out on Wednesday or something. I don't have the money now until I get paid on Wednesday. Once my arm is fully healed from getting the Implanon removed I can start going to the gym again. I don't want to lean on it for push-ups in classes and hurt it. It's not that bad, it aches sometimes as there was a cut made to remove it. Sarah wants to do Zumba with me so hopefully we'll do it tomorrow. I do want to do dance classes to get fit and flexible and roller derby! Got to ring them up tomorrow and check about fitness and skill level. Hmm. I wanna be active! Ya ya ya!

Future furniture

I've been finding more furniture I want to have one day. Hopefully I can have this first one in Sydney! I think it's just great! I'll have to save lots of money for furniture. It's a shame I'll probably have to sell it once I've finished in Sydney. I can always buy more in the UK once I'm done in Australia.

Wicker egg-shaped chair.

From now on I'm going to scout out great furniture pictures as well as generally great room setups and post pictures of them, and keep them in a folder of apartment inspiration. I need to see visuals, otherwise I forget and get sad when I don't have anything beautiful like this. I have to have reminders.

My sister just wrote me a message saying that she saw Yorick out on the town last night and told him he's an idiot or something, that he asked why, and she said because he's dating a young emo loser. I'm glad he knows that not only his friends think he's being an idiot but then again I do feel sad for him. He has such a crap looking life. I mean, what is he doing? Where is he going? I know you don't always have to have a direction but the only place he's going is down, down, down, and he's wasting his life and his talent. He is so bright but he's not doing anything worthwhile with his life and I think that's the saddest thing. I don't really want to see him at Dani's engagement party but I suppose I will have to. I won't go over to him, but if he talks to me I'll talk to him then move on quickly. It'll be interesting seeing him and his new fling [I really want to know how it all happened and how they are together so I might do some spying] that's for sure. Maybe I can invite Holly along. Or maybe she's already invited as she's with Ruben and Ruben and Dani are friends. Hmm. I love having her support there, she always puts things in perspective. I hope Emma is there too so we can get drunk together. Please say someone other than Sophie is there, as she'll definitely go talk to the boys and I'll probably be alone. Arr.