Life isn't so good

I got up this morning at 12 noon, as I did yesterday, and went to take Katie outside, and as soon as I opened the door I felt that the seasons had finally changed from Winter to Spring. I was reminded immediately of Vanuatu and the lovely weather there, the lazing about and relaxing, and after I made myself some breakfast I went and sat out on the deck in the double swinging chair, ate my breakfast then relaxed in the sun. I stayed out there for maybe half an hour until light drops of rain started to fall from the sky. I reminisced about Vanuatu and it made me think that I really need to get back into doing that Travel Book and once I'm finished putting the pictures in place, I can type up the diary, then begin with the New Zealand one and write free hand and just cut out certain paper shapes as the sizes are all different. It's hard to explain but I know what I'm on about and as I'm sure no one else reads this then it doesn't matter, does it? I need to get it done because this is the time to do it. What other time is there?

Maybe I can take a hire truck to Sydney instead of a small car for some of my stuff. I want to take my TV and desk and chair for my laptop and if it would be easier getting a mattress here then that might be a good idea, especially since I would have no idea of where to buy one in Sydney and would hope they have a delivery service. I'm expecting to have a mattress on the floor, no bed as such, but that's fine with me. It means I'm finally living on my own and doing what I want. I'm excited for that. I would also love to take my chest of draws, not that it has draws, rather shelves, that I got from Mt Nelson. I would definitely need a truck then. And just my clothes and other things like that. Books and DVD's. I won't take a heap, but then I have all my towels and kitchen stuff like pots and pans and plates and stuff that I got from the Yorick-Anna divide. I need a truck. Maybe mum and dad and I can drive up together once I have a house. I guess I'll fly up there and possibly stay with Joyce, my neighbours grandma, while I'm trying to find a house and a job. Then I can fly back down, and drive up with mum and dad, do a road trip sort of thing and stay in caravan parks, then they can drive back and I can start my life, get some fish and flowers and set up house. I'll have to study so much and work as much as I can so hopefully I won't have time to be lonely, and hopefully I can go to Joyce's for a dinner every so often. It won't be so bad with not many people I know. I'll make friends eventually.

Speaking of work, I'm getting my resume into order. After Holly gave me hers I've made it very similar and now I'm going to add my Hotel School units sheet, including the RSA, with it as well as for my Wrest Point Pier One interview yesterday they asked for it, and employers always do. I'm also going to get Alison from thebeach to write me a reference so I can take that with me to Sydney and beyond instead of having them call her up years after I have stopped working there. I think that will be much better. I might even be able to get Holly to write me one based on what Alison writes. Or future employers. Speaking of the interview, I wasn't nervous and it went well but I don't like the scale of the business, like the Hotel Grand Chancellor. I'm over that, and I know it's going to be one of those soul-crushing jobs that I hate and after a while of working in them realised I didn't need that. After finding thebeach I know it'll be worse going backwards into such a horrible workplace. Pier One is cut off from the rest of the Casino so it might be okay but I am just hoping I get the Oomph! job and if not then I'm going around all other cafe's and seeing what happens, starting on Monday.

I really want to be on holiday after my experiences this morning. Last night I was quite down because of the outcome of the interview and general feelings about not working and how my life is pretty crap right now. I don't want to feel like that anymore. I want to be saving for a purpose, to move to Sydney, and I want that date to get closer and closer. I am on holiday, in a way, but the activities such as snorkeling or hiking aren't there. I don't have the Yorick company I used to have and I'm not enjoying this holiday anymore. I want to be working. I want to be out of the house. I'm not coping with this anymore and I want it to end. Please oh please let me get a job at Oomph!. Pretty please.

Next week I'm going back to the gym. Also next week I'll hand in my Maritime Museum application for volunteering and pray I get a call from Oomph!. Might even do a resume drop around Salamanca and Sandy Bay. I'm so excited that soon I'll be able to put a "volunteering" section on my resume, for museums and overseas country travels. I want my life to pick up so badly. It was alright 2-3 months ago just after Yorick and I, dealing with all of that. I was healing, but now that's over I'm sick of it. I'm not "sick" anymore. I can't believe it's been 4 months since we broke up. Crazy. Just crazy. Now he's moved on and that's okay. Whenever I'm watching love stories in movies I enjoy watching first kisses and beautiful moment and really want that for myself, but only when the time is right. Not now. It wouldn't mean what I want it to mean now. I want it to last, and I want to be feeling great about myself and my body, which I'm still not. Definitely not the right time. I know I will want that closeness but I want everlasting love and a husband more. I can wait.

I'm looking forward to this weekend starting tonight. I have work tonight, then tomorrow is Dani's engagement party, which means friends and going out, and Sunday is more work. I'll ask Alison today, or at least write on the roster for next week, that I'm available for more shifts, being free for Tuesday, Wednesday, Friday, and my regular Saturday and Sunday shifts. I want more there so if I get Oomph! I won't need Pier One. The interviewers were saying pretty much that I'd have to quit thebeach j Iust to accommodate their hours, but I'm not ready to give up on thebeach. It's the best job I've had and I'm not done yet. Something better will turn up. It has to.

I feel like I need to drink a heap of water so I'd better go and do that, and get the mail and get ready to go pick up Sophie and take her to her car in town. At least I'll be out of the house.

Old journals

I'm feeling a bit depressed today. Depressed as in deflated not as in clinically depressed. Sometimes I think I need a man to make my life great. I know I'll love having a family of my own but I am making my life great, starting next year and possibly even now with my Maritime Museum volunteering and hopefully 2 new jobs. And yet I still wake up feeling like I have nothing to get up for. I don't see my friends as much as I would like. I am jealous when I hear of friends hanging out all the time, but life gets in the way, different schedules and different interests. It makes me sad.

I was reading Something Sweet's blog in bed last night on my phone [HTC Desire] and she posted about LJBook, a website that will save your journal into a PDF file and I'm going to do that, maybe even put it into a book. I'm glad I've got it there, even if it's not as detailed as it could be, regarding surroundings and happenings in the world or what general life consists of. It might be the latter actually. Life now, daily, I read 2 blogs here, those of Something Sweet and Skunkboy Creatures. I play games on Facebook, potter around the house, watch lots of DVD's, mostly seasons, and do not much at all. That's why I'm a bit depressed about it.

One new thing I do like is the Caesar salad from Liveeat. I might get that today before or after getting my RSA reprinted from Drysdale before going to my interview for Pier One at Wrest Point. Sarah said they ask you questions, like what have you done for a customer, so I hope I can wing it. I hope Pier One isn't too fancy. I just need the job to be able to transfer to Sydney.

Looking up

Things are finally happening, finally getting sorted. Tomorrow I have an interview at Wrest Point [our casino] for a job at Pier One, their fancy restaurant, and I think I have a real shot at it. If I get it, next year I can transfer to Sydney as they, being the Federal Group, have a business there. Hopefully I can work Monday to Friday evenings there and get Monday to Friday or Tuesday to Saturday work at Oomph!. That's my ideal job work plan. I'd also stick at thebeach for Saturday and Sunday's, unless I have to change that because of Pier One. We will see. After that tomorrow I'm going to check out the Roller Derby practice in Moonah and get some information. They won't be taking new members until December/January so that rules me out doing it here but I still want to go along. The lady I talked to on the phone said people train for a year before being in a game. I also called up the Maritime Museum and they're sending me out some applications for volunteering so I'll be able to start that in a month or something. I'm excited! Hopefully all goes well with both of these jobs and I have news to tell you.

My weekend in Sydney

While I was in Sydney, I wrote my journal posts on a little note pad so I think it's time I typed them up. I do love having a journal. Sometimes I go back through them, not very often, but it's great having it there to look back upon. It's also my therapy. So here is my weekend in Sydney:

* Just a note. I keep changing tense throughout so please ignore that.

Day 1. Friday 27th August.

I had an early start this morning. Dad drove me to the airport in horrid weather but it was lovely seeing the snow down so far on Mt Wellington. Once at the airport I checked in and made my way through to the lounge to wait for my slightly delayed flight. I saw Scottie Brown from work and we had a bit of a chat, but it's one of those relationships that you wouldn't feel comfortable sitting next to the person while waiting for a plane. We wouldn't have had much to talk about so I went off by myself and listened to my MP3 player, something I hadn't done in a while because my car player is out of action [that's the time I listen to my music]. The flight eventually came and we got on board and started the trip to Sydney. The flight was quicker than I thought. I imagined it taking 2 hours when it only took around 1.5 hours. I had a nice chat to a lady next to me in the aisle and watched a cute family with kids running up and down, imagining my life like that one day. Once we landed, I found my way through the airport and got directions to the shuttle bus service to my back packer's. The drive was crazy! He sped up through orange lights and went too fast; everyone was talking about it on the bus. I chatted to some nice ladies on the bus and once I was alone, the last passenger to be dropped off, I had a call from the Federal Group representative and we talked about my wanting to stay in Hobart and that she would give my application to the Hobart rep. By the time the call was finished I was at Base, and after I settled in and figured out my plans I hit the streets. I started at King's Comics on Pitt Street in the opposite direction of the city. It was great! So much stock. The manga wall at the back was amazing. I saw some titles I knew and some I wanted to get. I buy my manga online though as they always have what I want. I'm not a fan of ordering books in. I like dealing with it all online. After King's Comics I walked all the way up Pitt Street towards the Bridge and Opera House and looked in some shops on the way. There was a dress I had a look at in this cute store, but it wasn't right. I got some postcards and lollies and a V, then went back to Base for a rest. I was feeling a bit lonely at that stage. It was a trip I felt would have been better done with a friend or a boyfriend. Mum called and we had a bit chat about it. She said to take note of how I'm feeling as it might be an indicator of whether or not Sydney is right for me. It's not a quick trip home and I don't know many people but it all depends on how I feel for the rest of the trip. At that stage I thought it might be better to go to Melbourne, but then again they don't have the Masters and the Uni is ugly. I shouldn't let being scared turn me away from the better Uni. It would be different from when living in Sydney and going to Uni. If I lived in Manly with George's cousins I would have the security of people living close by. After the chat with mum and once I had settled myself, I went for a walk to Darling Harbour and got some Maccas for dinner as I couldn't find anything else. I looked in on the IMAX theater but it was all a bit expensive. I asked the receptionist at Base if there was a normal cinema around and she directed me to the Event complex, which had many movie cinemas, an area for buying popcorn, a restaurant, a gaming area, a sushi train, and other shops. I went and had a look but the times and movies didn't suit so I planned to go the next evening. Back at Base I met my room mate: 2 nice Korean girls. I jumped into bed and listened to my music and thought. I think that once I'm studying I'll be okay. I'm already getting to know the city and once I have a home and some of my belongings it will be better. The course is superior. It's the reason I chose Sydney to begin with. I need to be stronger. I'm too timid. Tomorrow will be better.

Day 2. Saturday 28th August.

Last night's sleep was horrible. At midnight, 5 more Asians arrived at the room and the light was on and they were making noise and I couldn't sleep. It was horrid. Horrid horrid horrid. I tried to get a bit more rest before the Open Day once they left for the day but it didn't work. I looked so haggard thanks to them and my 3 or 4 hours sleep. I had a shower and felt better. The shower was nice. Those places always need more hanging room though. After I was ready I went to George Street for a croissant and a hot chocolate at a coffee shop. I used my phone's map and "Places" app to find it. It was a lifesaver. After breakfast I caught the bus to Uni. The campus was amazing, so old and huge, very historic and beautiful. The Open Day was great. So many people and balloons. I got a goodie bag with lots of information and talked to some people about museum studies but didn't get all of the information I needed as the day was more for undergraduates when I'm a postgraduate. I had a look in the Nicholson Museum and it was great. I didn't go on a tour or look at the residential colleges as the campus is too huge so instead I went for a walk towards Victoria Park and got stopped by an Australian Conservation Foundation worker, Pete, who signed me up for $30 a month to help their cause. He said I should go to Glebe for the markets and the park, really close by, so I did, and it was wonderful. Glebe is great. It reminded me much of South and North Hobart with the main street with everything happening. Apparently it has a large student population as it is so close to the Uni and not far from the city either. I got some Thai for lunch at Thai Space on the main road and I ate in the open window [those huge door windows] and looked out on to the street. I realised that it would be a fantastic suburb to live in and I could really picture it. After lunch I caught the bus back into the city [$2 each way not on a return city] and got off early to go to Paddy's Markets. It was in a huge warehouse and it reminded me of the Hobart Show with the setup. I bought some patterned stockings then went back to the city via Chinatown. I had a brief rest at Base then headed out for more shopping. I bought some crazy bright shoes at Footlocker and a skirt at Supre, but I didn't feel successful. I went back to Base again after that and talked to one of the Chinese ladies in my room. At first I assumed they were all Korean as the original 2 were but it shows how much I can't differentiate between the different Asian countries. After the chat I went to the bar next door, Scary Canairy, for a $5 meal of fish and chips and a $3.50 glass of Trevi champagne before heading to Event for the 640pm showing of Toy Story 3 3D. I felt smart wearing the glasses. Then it was back to Base again and I got into bed. I looked up rental properties in Glebe and found it was affordable but it would depend on the house and whether or not it had a laundry or shared bathroom. It will turn out well.

Day 3. Sunday 29th August.

I had a much better sleep today. I was late to get up and I needed to stay in bed that little bit longer. I went to Zibar, a cafe, on the way to Darling Harbour for breakfast. I ate in and had raisin toast and a hot chocolate [not a good one as it was yucky syrup and not powder] then headed towards the attractions. In Darling Harbour I got money out and walked around the area past the "Urban Street Stream" to the Chinese Garden of Friendship. The garden was lovely, and had wonderful ponds and huge half-meter fish [Carp, perhaps?] that looked like huge goldfish. It reminded me of my holiday with Yorick in Vanuatu. It got me thinking and made me a bit sad, as that was something I would share with him and it was depressing doing it alone. I missed having him there all the time, and that he always knew what was happening with me. Then again, someone is more worthy than him. Love will find me when I'm ready for it. I need to strengthen myself first so I don't lose myself when I'm in the forever relationship. I want the security of knowing I won't have to go looking for Mr. Right again once I've found him and have gotten married. That will be great. I know it's not the right time but walking around the garden made me miss Yorick and the holidays we shared. I miss having my boyfriend to travel with. It's the only way I really love it. Sigh. That's why the trip had been hard. After I had finished in the gardens I bought a necklace on the way out. I sat outside in the shade for a little while before heading to the Powerhouse Museum. I found it too huge! I did remember it from when I went with my parents and brother and sister when we were younger. After I was done I slowly walked back to Base, eating some chips on the way and feeling horrible about my body. After a nap at Base, I booked the next morning's shuttle bus to the airport for 610am. I then walked up to Circular Quay with the intention of getting a ferry but it was going to cost too much so I didn't do it. On the way there I bought the dress I looked at on the first day there and got it in the size smaller. It's really cute. Back at Base I wanted sushi for dinner. I looked at the movies options and realised I wanted to see Step Up 3D so I ran to Event, paid for my ticket, watched the movie, and found the sushi train on the way out. I got a roll each of avocado, cucumber and tuna. They were so yum. Step Up 3D made me want to enroll in a dance class to get fit and flexible so it's something I will look into in Hobart. Then it was bedtime. I found it hard to sleep as I had to get up at 515am to prepare for leaving. Knowing you have to get up early makes it hard to sleep.

Day 4. Monday 30th August.

After an early start, making a bit of noise in the back packer's on the way out, I waited outside for the shuttle bus and was getting anxious as it was late. Another crazy ride to the airport and I got a berry smoothie and some Maccas [egg muffin and a hash brown for $4] for breakfast before waiting in the gate lounge for the plane to arrive. Once we boarded, we had to wait a little while for the plane rush. We were waiting in line behind a few planes for them to leave the airport. Peak hour at the airport. Airports always remind me of where I've been and usually remind me of times spent with Yorick as he's the only one as an adult I have gone place with. Sad. The trip back was good. Was a bit late to Hobart but Sarah was there to meet me. We went to the Raincheck Lounge in North Hobart for some breakfast and had a great time. We eventually went to Margate and I was finally home.

I had a good time on the trip but didn't really find out all the information for the course I was hoping to get. I might only have do to 1 year there as I might be able to go straight into the Masters. However, there is a different HECS scheme I need to look into as I might have to pay up front but who has that kind of money!? I'll find it all out on the Graduate Options day later this month. It was fun though, and I loved seeing Glebe. All in all it was worthwhile.

Back in Hobart, back to being bored

I have to start going to the Gym again. All weekend while I was in Sydney [I'll type up my post for those days soon] I felt like I was bigger and it wasn't nice. It makes me feel depressed and I really need to get this under control. Ever since I moved back home I've been eating more and exercising less. I hate it. I've looked up the new timetable for my gym, which I haven't been to in ages, and I will hopefully go tomorrow night. The classes I like are:

Monday

1230 Step

430 Zumba

530 Pump

Tuesday

430 Step

530 Zumba

Wednesday

530 Intermediate Aerobics

Friday

530 Step

630 Pump

Saturday

930 Step

11 Yoga

330 Beginners Pilates

I think I'll go on Saturday this week, then head to the Salamanca Markets afterwards for a wander. I haven't done that in ages so it'll be nice to get out and about. I don't usually like to go to the gym on a day when I'm working because I'm a slacker, it's my excuse, and I like to be relaxed before working but I need to stop that, especially since that's the only day I can do Yoga or Pilates.

I've noticed today that I'm bored again. Sydney was jam packed with activities, as of course a holiday is, and now I'm back and depressed again as my life right now is really boring. Tomorrow I'm meeting Andi after my appointment to remove my Implanon as I'm the Pill and don't need two contraceptives. I will head to the gym afterwards so hopefully it won't be a complete waste of a day. I need to get a job in the next 2 weeks or I'm going to go crazy. I'm glad to be back from Sydney as I did get a little lonely but I think once I'm living there next year close to Uni in the cute suburb of Glebe I'll be happier. I'll have lots to do with study and hopefully I'll be working close by so I don't have to do much travelling. I think my life then will be better but until then I need more work to keep me entertained and earning money before I go. I hate sitting around at home all the time doing nothing worth while. I'm wasting my days and it continues to bug me. If I was out everyday seeing people, which I am at least once or twice a week, then it would be okay, especially if there was a man involved, but I don't expect to be with anyone for a year or so. I need to work. Arrr.

I actually need to volunteer at either TMAG [Tasmanian Museum and Art Gallery] or the Maritime Museum as that's something that is an integral part in the museum studies course I want to do. That will take up part of my time, and hopefully I can get a job at Dymmock's or with the courier place. I might get a job with the Federal Group in Hobart, not hours out of the city, but I don't want to wait for that possibility. I need to be working now! I picked up a shift for tonight. Panda messaged me so I'm replacing her. I also have Saturday and Sunday nights so hopefully I get a heap of hours up. I'm getting a bit sick of it there though, especially since there are lots of new people coming in. I do love that I know what I'm doing though. I would actually love day work. If I get 5 or 6 days work then I'll be prepared to keep Saturday and Sunday nights at thebeach. I want to be busy.

I'll be going back to Sydney for a day or two next month. On the 22nd of September there is the Graduate Options day from 3-8pm so I'll head over for that and this time I'll stay in a hotel for the night. $50 should do it and dad said they might pay for my accommodation. I think I'll head over on the 22nd at lunch time and come back the following day at 5pm. I've done the sights and the shopping, not all of them but enough to last me for a while, and I don't need to be there for that long. It'll be a short little trip but worth it as hopefully I'll get all the information I need as I didn't get much this trip. It was mostly for undergraduates after all and I'm interested in postgraduate studies. It'll be nice doing a mid-week trip. Something to look forward to. Hopefully I have a new job before then!

My bright future and his dull one

Today I had a bit more of a chat to George about Sydney accommodation and she says she has a cousin or relative that lives in Manly and that they have a bungalow out the back that they rent. There's a chance I might be able to rent it out next year when I'm in Sydney for Uni. I think it would be fantastic. I would have the beach to run on and there would be many a great cafe or restaurant for me to work at and I would be catching the ferry to Uni! It would be great! I had a look last night at all the websites for the Uni accommodation and it's all so expensive. I would be getting Centrelink, extra because the course isn't here in Tasmania, and working and maybe another $1000 for something so I might only be able to cope in a share house, even better in this bungalow. Fingers crossed it works out. That's the thing I'm most worried about. That's what this weekend is about. Figuring the whole situation out and seeing how hard it will be for me to get a spot in the course[s] I am interested in. I really want to do this course. It's so exciting. I looked up the units I would do and they all sound fabulous and are all focused to the different areas of running a museum or art gallery [For example -- Artifact Studies; Exhibition Development; Information and Collection Management; The Museum Context; The Art Museum: Past, Present and Future]. I am so excited about it. I hope it all works out.

I have decided that I don't want to move away for the Federal Group job. I am loving my freedom here, seeing Andi a lot more, and just general social outings such as seeing SNERT and hanging out with my sister. I feel free to have drinks and worry only about myself. I am having a great time. I like that I'm learning about who I am and I'm not sad I'm not with anyone because I know in the next few years I will have found the perfect guy for me and it will all be fabulous. Sophie gave me some news tonight when we went out for dinner. She said 2 weeks ago when she was out with the boys, Yorick was hanging out with this girl, an 18 year old emo girl, who Sophie thinks he might be dating. She's not sure if they're still together but I'm completely above it because I know he's in such a crap place and he can't get out of it. I feel sad for him. Holly just confirmed that he was with the girl at Wolfy's party but wanted to tell me in person. We haven't really hung out since but it's good I know now. It's so stupid though. He shouldn't be dating and knows it deep down. He's just screwing himself over more. He's so lost without me [I think]. Lame. I love feeling powerful because of it. Apparently Apples and Helen broke up recently too. Weird. It's those boys that's the problem. Any girl that gets involved with them is doomed. I'm glad it's not my problem anymore. Phew. I'm better off.

I'm so excited about Sydney for next year. It's just what I want to be doing and this weekend will hopefully give me all the details I need. And hopefully next week I will have a job with the courier place that Matt [Andi's brother] mentioned. I need to work a heap as I'm going crazy not doing much. It's also a waste of my time. I want to earn lots of money in preparation for Sydney [another trip in September if all goes as hoped this weekend and for next year in general] and to get myself out of the house and doing something productive. I don't want to waste my time anymore. It's annoying.

Tomorrow I will pack my bags then head out for dinner and drinks with Emma at 515pm. I can't wait to catch up with her. I love it so much. We have a blast. I've missed our nights. More news tomorrow!

A great weekend

I went to Ivy's second birthday party today and it was a lot of fun watching the kids playing and eating party food. I hung out with Andi's brother Matt a bit and talked to Anne [Frenchy's mum] and Barbara [Andi and Matt's mum] and helped put the party food out and packed it up. Matt and I had to go and get the birthday cake from their house and on the drive we talked about what we were up to lately and I mentioned about needing work. He works for a courier place where they drive things around and said I could probably get work there. I'm not sure if I want to go all the way to Coles Bay or even further to Cradle Mountain for work anymore. I think once I got there [if I get offered a position] I would love it, but I kind of feel like things are up in the air, what with me deciding about Sydney and going over for a visit, there being another seminar there in September [Graduate Options], and little things I'd want to attend but then again I'd be able to get time off. My aunts are coming down from the UK just before Christmas till mid January so I want to be able to get back and visit them. It would be easier if I worked here to see them more often.

Another great thing about the Coles Bay/Cradle Mountain job would be the getting fit aspect. I wouldn't have a great deal to do up there apart from work and exercise [I think] so that would be good. I would like to work in Hobart though so I can't quite decide. It's been nice having my freedom but I don't need to go away to get more. I have been being social and I'm liking getting to know my strengths again. I wouldn't mind doing courier work. It would be something different and I already know how to drive, which seems to be the only prerequisite, and I need work. I need to get out of the house and do something, make some money. Then I won't feel so crap about not getting any shifts at thebeach. I don't want to get more work there, maybe 3 shifts a week, but I want full-time day-time work to keep me occupied. I want to make money for next year wherever it may take me and to feel satisfied. It will happen, whether with the Federal Group or with a bookstore or with Matt's courier job. Something will turn up in the next week. I hope I find out soon about the Federal Group job so I can start planning my movements.

I'm really excited about Sydney. I think once I'm there I'll feel a bit nervous about being alone and because I'm starting my future by myself but the nervousness will pass extremely fast. I have everything planned [which I am very proud of] so I won't be bored and I will be able to explore the city where I am hopefully going to be spending a lot of time next year. I hope I will be good enough to do a Masters degree, which is something I will find out next weekend. It's coming up close! I will have at least $400 spending money and a little bit will arrive on Wednesday but I'm not expecting much as I will only have worked 2 shifts this week [Monday and Sunday, being tonight]. I wonder what hours I will get for next week as I can only to Monday to Thursday. Monday at 2pm I have the meeting with the curator of the Maritime Museum to look forward to and am hoping for a visit to Etta with Sarah on Tuesday.

I graduated yesterday! I was so much fun and I feel so proud of myself. I never really took the time to celebrate once I finished my last BA unit in Summer School as it was leading into the BSW so it was really nice to celebrate then. It was a great ceremony. I got to wear the gown and hat and took a few photos on my phone which I will put on here. It's fantastic. Now I'm an alumni! I feel special. I want to do more ceremonies once I'm done with all my Sydney coursework as James missed out on his and Sarah probably won't have one. I'm the only one who will. So here are the photos.

Dad took a few photos on mum's digital camera but the battery died so these are from my new phone. They aren't that bad! I think they do the job. The quality might not win awards but it's definitely better than my old phone. There is a picture from mum's camera of the stage and everyone sitting down so I might post that later. I am so glad I did the ceremony. It was such a great experience. My friends Andi and Jessi came along with my parents and my sister, who had to leave early to go to work. She saw me walk across the stage though and get my certificate. I loved that bit. I was so stoked and tuned everything around me out. I felt a little light-headed but so proud. I can't wait to do it again for a more prestigious degree. What a great weekend.

Backwards meeting.

I went to town today to get my x-ray for my dentist but didn't have it done as I wasn't aware I needed the referral form [which was in my wallet and I didn't realise] so I went down into Salamanca for some gelato instead. I paused for a moment to eat on a corner and looked over towards Zum [where Yorick works] to see if he was there. I had seen his car on the way through parked up on the main road and wasn't sure if I wanted to go in and say hi or not. I went back up to my car when I got a message from him saying "Did I just see you in Salamanca?" and I said yes and asked if he was still around. He said yes, that he was sitting outside Zum and to come by and say hi. So I went back down and there he was. He was sitting at a table outside with 3 other people and we had a chat for a few minutes. He wasn't smiling at all, just looked tired or wasted or seedy. He is in desperate need of a haircut and it was just a weird conversation. It wasn't very smooth. Holly said "fancy making you go see him with others there" and too right I say. He didn't make the effort to come to me. I had to go to him. It was weird standing there talking to him with others listening. He's been reading my Facebook posts so he knows what I'm up to. I hope he feels crappy about his life because mine is so awesome, or at least will be by next year, unless I get the Coles Bay job and it'll start being awesome in a few weeks. He brought up that we should do lunch again. Mum and I talked about that when we got home that maybe it's an invitation that can just hang in the air. I'm not sure I want to do it. I like that the last few months I haven't seen him. I want to know what he's up to but not from him. I'm happy to just leave it in the past and fondly remember the great times we had. I doubt either of us will follow it up. It's nice having it there though. The funny thing is, I locked my keys in the car on the way back down from my car to see him. Bad omen. Holly said he's a bad luck charm. It does feel a bit lame that I went back down there to say hi to him when he was with other people. He wasn't making an effort. He didn't even get up or anything, just sat there slouched in his chair. Then towards the end he started talking to his friend and after they stopped talking I said that I was off and said by and didn't really look at him. It was very rude. There's not much point in going backwards by hanging out together. It would only be out of wanting to hold onto the old memories of who we were together. It's not about moving forward as what we had and have is in the past. We're not moving forward as friends so it's probably best not to dwell in it too much. I love my freedom. I do miss the companionship but I'm happy alone right now as I know I'll have the right relationship for me in a year or two. I need to be independent for the time being and learn about myself. I don't want to give myself away in the next relationship. It's a big lesson to learn and keep learning for me.

In other news, tomorrow night I'm going to visit Holly at the Barn Market at about 7pm and then I'll go and have Cool Thai for dinner before going to my sister's then to the Alley Cat [Yorick's second home in my opinion] to see SNERT play. I can't wait to have Cool Thai for dinner. I must have it. I was meant to be having it tonight with Emma but she's sick. I wanted Cosmopolitans with her! Arr. Next week maybe, if I'm not working. I am so excited about Sydney.

I want to forget about Yorick. I don't like the way it went today. It is better left alone. There is no point in hanging out as it will never be the same and it won't be about moving forward. We can't really be friends, just polite to each other. That is all it'll be. I have to try and put today out of my mind. Arrr.

James, George and Etta were over yesterday at my parent's house [where I am currently living] for lunch. I had long holds/cuddles with Etta and it got me thinking about how much I want what they have but also that I'm scared because I know nothing about babies. They keep mentioning all these little things about baby stuff that I have never heard of before and on our walk, mum said I would find out when it was necessary. I hope so. I can't wait to have that life. I know I don't want to settle down in Tassie though. I want to live in the UK. I reckon I'll come back here for a while but it's not my idea place to settle down. The only thing keeping me here is friends and family. I have plans for Sydney and the UK before and after that [after for a longer time] but I'll miss Etta growing up and them having a second child. "Drat that Mrs. Kim" [Gilmore Girls].

Yorick was in my dream last night. My sister and I were sitting in a classroom I used to be in for a class in high school, one of the terrapins off the English building that I had German in, and Yorick was there behind us somewhere trying to suss out what we were doing in the class. I haven't seen him in weeks and the only contact we've had was about tax numbers. He hasn't contacted me and I haven't contacted him. I'm happy with the way things are and I don't care that we're not seeing each other. The only reason I think it's weird that we're not together is because for the last 4 years I was sure we were meant to go the distance. I'm happy not hanging out with him but I want gossip and Sophie is away so she can't find it out for me and pass it on. I don't really want to hang with him but then I like to so I know what he's up to. That's not a good reason to ask him to hang. We said we might go for hot chips in Lenah Valley for the next hang session. I might ask him to do that when I need him to fix my computer as he said he would. I want him to be jealous of all my plans, Sydney, UK and the Federal Group. I like having gossip from Sophie. I'm seeing Holly this afternoon so maybe she has some gossip for me.

I told Alison about the possibility of Coles Bay and she was excited for me. I thought she'd be mad because I'll be leaving thebeach when they need good workers. She has hired 4 new people but I'm not sure they're very experienced. I might not even get the job but I'm hoping I do. I need the change of scenery and the adventure and the full-time work. I might get the news just after my graduation on the 21st of August. If I don't get it I'll have to find full-time work elsewhere. I'm excited about seeing Holly today. I've missed her and I have so much to tell her. She's definitely like a big sister. When I contacted her last week about meeting up sometime [she said today] she said she wondered where I had gotten to as I said I was sick. She didn't write to me though. Sad.

Dad and I are going to go for a walk soon. I got my new runners from Big W for $14 and the are fine, not sore at all after my walk with mum yesterday. I want to get back into exercise mode. I want to lose weight and get fit. Going to Coles Bay would be great as I could run on the beach each day. That would be bliss.

I haven't seen Yorick is ages. I kinda don't care but he was a great friend if nothing else and I would like to keep in contact. I want him to fix my computer and I would like to have chips in the park with him but I also don't want to know what he gets up to these days as I'm sure I wouldn't approve. It's not my place to approve and I'm out of that pit for good. My life is better than it was with him. I have Sydney and the UK and the possibility of Freycinet/Cradle Mountain. I do want to see him. It's easy not seeing him but I might wait until I have an external hard drive so I can get most of my stuff onto that before giving him my laptop to fix, not that I really think he'd snoop, just to make it easier for him I suppose. I said he can get the NZ/Vanuatu pictures off my computer, even though he would show them to others and not admit I was there. Whatever. I'm better off without him in my life. Way better off. I might see him next week.

Guilt for another reason

I have to tell my boss Alison that I have applied for the Freycinet/Cradle Mountain job and that I have put her down as a referee. Mum says I don't owe her any kind of explanation but I feel I should. I feel like I'm leaving her in the lurch but then again as mum pointed out I'm not working there much and the job I applied for is full time work in a great location. I want to say to Alison that I need this kind of adventure and I want to explain because that's just who I am so I think I will. I have drafted a message and tried to soften the blow by saying it would only be for a few months but I shouldn't lie. If I got the job and I liked it I wouldn't go back to thebeach as there would be no time and I'd only come back for social visits. She has some great workers there, even though a lot have left recently and more are planning to, and more coming in this week. They'll survive. I just feel bad, especially since Sara said she and Alison had been talking about how functions should have the same staff and that I could be one of those staff. It's just to keep things consistent but it is kind of like more power or that I'm slightly moving up in the hierarchy despite having worked there for almost 2 years. I feel like I owe her an explanation. I feel guilty. I don't want to feel guilty.

In other news, I sent my resume and cover letter to a friend of the family to give to his contact at the Tasmanian Museum and Art Gallery [TMAG] to see about me being shown around the museum to find out what being a curator means. I might volunteer there for a week to get to know the ins and outs of the job. Another friend of the family also has a contact at the museum across the road, one we haven't been to, and I might be able to do a similar thing there. It would be a great way to start on this career path and to make sure it's what I want to do for my career. I think it's just the right combination of archaeology, anthropology and history in the form of a focused, categorical, and organised job which will be just perfect for me. I am so excited about Sydney.

I am going to head off now and buy some running shoes and maybe something to wear to the gym and while I'm out walking. Maybe some shorts and knee length leggings to wear underneath. I don't want to show my figure as I don't like it very much and I want to feel comfortable enough to workout in front of people. Then tomorrow I can go for a walk in my new gear before heading out to hang with Andi and visit James and George and Etta. I did a bit of skipping today, for 3 minutes at the most, and I'm not very springy. I wobble too much and feel very heavy. I need to work on that. Tomorrow I'll kick myself into gear. Another thing I love about the possibility of this job is that I'll be in a great routine, I can go running on the beach each morning before work, and focus on myself. I hope I get it.

Job please

I want that job. Mum said she can see me at Freycinet, Coles Bay, and now I really want to get a job there or at Cradle Mountain. Either would suffice. Coles Bay is closer to home so it wouldn't take long to get back home for a visit every now and then but I would willingly make the trip from Cradle Mountain if I got the job up there. I'm so bored. I want to work. I want to be so busy that I don't have time to be bored. I want to have a set routine and fit in exercise around that and sight seeing and taking photographs. I will have to get Yorick to fix my computer for me before I go, or simply buy a new one, a smaller, thinner, lighter one. Then I won't feel completely isolated if I have something to do. I need my internet!

Coles Bay's the Hazards

Wineglass Bay

Freycinet Lodge

Cradle Mountain

Some of the places I might work at are fantastic. Mum says they treat their staff really well, the Federal Group that is, and the places are top notch tourist attractions so the customers would be really friendly and nice, at least I hope so. They're on holiday so hopefully that means they're relaxing and not too picky about food and drinks. I'd get accommodation there supplied by them, if they pick me, and food would also be supplied. I think it'd be a great way to save money. I'd be working there for about a year, probably 10 months, hopefully working a minimum of 40 hours a week, and I'd save it all as I'd have nothing much to spend it on. Hopefully I'd make friends with the staff and be able to socialise with them on occasion. If it's the right thing for me it'll happen. I just have to wait a few weeks, that's all. Oh, pick me.

Freycinet or Cradle Mountain?

I'm currently applying for a position with the "Federal Group" in Tasmania. There are positions at the Freycinet Lodge and Freycinet Saffire, and the Cradle Mountain Chateau that I'm interested in and it's a position that I would move away from home work, to live wherever I get a position and work full-time to save as much money as I can for the UK and beyond. I'm still working on the application but it's already so exciting.

I went to James and Georgie's for a visit today with mum and we met Nanna and Pa there also, the great-grandparents to Etta Joy O'Regan. She's such a beautiful and well-tempered baby. Simply gorgeous. I can't wait for my own to really know what having a baby is like. I have visited her 4 times now. I like holding her. Her cheeks are less puffy. Aww. After that we went to lunch at my work. Mum and I shared the "special" pizza, the pizza from the specials board, and it was so nice. Pesto with chicken, ricotta, avocado and red onion. So delicious and filling. I'm back there tonight to work. It'll be good to get some money coming in and to do something with my time. I have to tell Alison I'm applying for this job and say that the might call her as she is one of my referees. I hope I get this job. I think it'll be great. Only time will tell. The applications don't close for a few weeks but that's okay. I shall wait.