So things are better. Yorick came home last night while I was in bed watching One Tree Hill 6 and he crawled onto the bed and into my arms. I said how I was so glad he was there and that it was something we needed to do together. He was in denial yesterday and has been for a while I think. He said he wasn't sure if breaking up is the key and said he doesn't want to lose me but things do need to change. I told him I'd always want him and didn't want us to give up. We chatted for a while and it was just like we used to. We kissed a bit and talked. He doesn't like this house anymore and we talked about maybe getting a bigger one and having separate rooms and having sleepovers. We need our own space to do the little thing we want to do and I think we can still be together while doing it.
When we went to sleep, he actually held me! We took it in turns spooning each other. That word is weird. I don't like using it but I can't find another way to describe that. This morning he was still nice. This was the best we've been in a long time. I felt so happy when he came home and lay in my arms. It gave me hope. I shouldn't have thought it was over just because of a few text messages. We did say what we needed to say but talking it over in person changes things. It wasn't as final as I thought it was.
Last night I 'knew' it was over. That was my reality. Now we're going to try and make things better while still being true to ourselves. Last night I was getting used to the idea of not being together, thinking about all the things I'd like to do. I hope we stick together in this. I told him that it is something we need to do together, whatever it is.
I might start making a list of all the things I'd like to do. A lot of them will be small but I'll aim for the big things too. I should get Yorick to do one too. I know we can work this out.
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