Make your dreams come true

Tonight I watched Because I Said So on TV and loved it. It's such a cute movie. One day I'll buy it and watch it again. I am very particular about watching movies. I like to hear everything, get it the first time, and I hate being with people who talk through movies, like my sister, when all I want to do is concentrate and get the flow of the thing. My sister and I are both Scorpio's so we can't spend too much time together or we get crazy at each other and I felt that tonight. We clash and when I am around her too much I get more and more Scorpio. That annoys me about myself a bit because I'm trying to be less stereotypically Scorpio, not so moody for example, and she, bless her, sometimes makes that hard. I'm glad the movie is over. Now I can calm down.

I love my dad. He's great. He has a lot of weight on his tummy but he's tall and skinny and correctly proportioned everywhere else. Mum said she's tried to cook healthier but that he doesn't want to do anything about the weight. He just came into the kitchen and got a margarined slice of bread, something I would do, and it made me think of the weight. I'm experiencing something similar and can't wait to get stuck into Jillian Michael's 30 day shred and it made me feel sad for pappa. He probably doesn't want me to feel sad for him though, as I've noticed people don't, so I'll keep it to myself. I feel bad repeating these thoughts here but didn't not want to write them. I'm sure he's content. It's so hard to change though. I've wanted many times to get fit and toned and smaller but haven't done it. I am determined to do it though. I keep thinking about how in this short lifetime I have been blessed with I have to do everything I can to make it fantastic. I want to do so many things like travelling and partaking in extreme activities [some of which I have already done, namely bungy jumping and sky diving] such as para-gliding and flying in a hot air balloon and I've learned a lesson. Getting fit and making sure I have the best, healthiest body I can is top on my list. I want to be thin, but not anorexic, and what I'm trying, quite badly, to say is that if I want it I have to go out and get it because if I don't I'll regret it. I don't need anymore regrets [I don't have that many...] so I've realised that what I want won't just happen, I have to make it happen. This year I'm going to make it happen.

Time to make an appointment

I have definitely decided with my first tattoo not to have the reference dots, just the larger dots which represent the letters of the alphabet. I wonder if it'll look just like the picture. I have to go in an make an appointment so I can leave a deposit according to the website but I'm wondering when to book it for. I want both Holly and Emma there, so maybe one afternoon at around 430ish if Emma can make that, otherwise on a Saturday, or late on a Thursday as they close at 7pm. I'll see what the girls can do. Very exciting!

Don't feel guilty

It was best I didn't talk to Yorick. I don't like/approve of what he's doing [partying too much] and talking to him on NYE 2010 would have put me off balance too. It was best that way. I have to stop feeling guilty about it. I'm the mature responsible one and he's acting like he's 15 despite being almost 25. He's in my past now and I need to stick with that. The whole thing is so strange, not having him by my side when he was for 4 and a bit years. Mostly it's great but it's like there's a shadow of a ghost there. It's not always present but sometimes I think about how much has changed in these 7 months we've been apart. It's all very strange. I am definitely better off without him, despite thinking otherwise when all of this began.

A splendid afternoon with Holly

This afternoon was fantastic! I got to Holly's for around 3pm and we chatted for 2 hours, had cups of tea, and a great old time. We haven't caught up in a while so it was really nice touching base and hearing all the gossip, especially since I got some of it on NYE 2010. To start off with the juicy stuff, apparently Yorick was put a little off balance after seeing me on NYE as he wasn't expecting me to be there. Things got a bit strange on the boat as there were gatecrashers but Ruben sorted things out and a few days later, Ruben went over to see Yorick and talk to him about how things went on NYE because his 6 years younger than him girlfriend invited these gatecrasher. I think it's funny. Apparently she, aka Ebony, is more screwed up than he is and, as Holly put it, he might be heading towards his spilt milk reaction. I love Holly's insight into life. In other gossip, rather news, we found the ideal tattoo 'font' for my surname! It's braille. We were discussing my latest desperate attempt [the bar-code] when Holly came up with the idea of braille. It looks cool too. Mysterious. In the picture below I think I'll go for the one without the tinier reference dots. I'm not sold on having them there. Maybe in a light grey if they were on the tattoo. So I can now book an appointment! Both Holly and Emma are going to come with me. I'm super excited.

We also looked at studio apartments for me in Sydney! Holly got onto the Domain website and there are some apartment/units there that I hadn't seen on the site I was looking at. Some with their own bathrooms for a start and still around the price I was looking for. I think I'll find a great little place. I also decided that I won't compromise my dreams by living in a share house as I think in most areas it would make me unhappy and regret the decision so I'll stick to finding my own place, probably in Newtown. I love that I'm dealing with this issue more because now I'm happy and will enjoy living with not much furniture because it'll be all mine. That is my wish.

Another spot on horoscope for January 6.

If you haven't done so yet, Scorpio, let go of any regrets you carried into 2011. There is no place for them here. This is to be a dynamic year with a lot of positive change, much of it centered around your own personal evolution. If you drag old wounds or mistakes into what should be a positive and progressive time of transformation, you will only slow down this marvelous process of reinventing yourself. Not that there is anything wrong with the old you ... there is NOT. But you now have the chance to add greater dimension to what is already a great work of art: YOU!

I have been carrying regret about my recent contact with Yorick into 2011 and have struggled to let it go. Ebony got to me a bit, and not asking how Yorick was going made me feel guilty, but it's in the past. He made his own decisions about his life and me not liking it has got nothing to do with anything. I have to let it go. I don't need to feel guitly. I know this year is going to be a great year for reinventing myself, a process which has already begun, and if it is to be as great as I hope it will be then I have to stop thinking about him. It's in my past, especially since we're in a new year, and I have moved on but not so completely that I don't ever think of him and wonder what he's up to these days. I am curious but I have to let it go. This is my year to shine. Here's to new beginnings.

One of many possible Sydney apartments

A cute apartment I wouldn't mind having in Forest Lodge, Sydney.

Set in a converted Victorian Mansion is this well presented studio apartment with share bathrooms. Located at the rear of the building this apartment is private and quiet. Complete with kitchenette and wardrobe. The building also has a coin operated share laundry. Easy walk to Sydney Uni. $220 per week. $1000 bond.

As long as I get Centrelink I'd be able to afford this one ... being close to Uni is where I'd want to be unless I decide to live with Katie and her friend for less money. Only time will tell.

Making the Cut

I've been reading Making the Cut by Jillian Michaels today in preparation for my 30 day program and found some wonderfully inspirational words I want to share here.

Our relationships are nothing more than a reflection of the relationship we have with ourselves.

Lack of sleep can also trigger release of cortisol, a nasty stress hormone that promotes abdominal fat and is responsible for making us feel hungry even when we are full.

Studies have shown that people who live in a cluttered environment are more easily distracted, overwhelmed and stressed. By clearing things out and organizing your life, you are making a statement that you are ready to let go of all the superfluous crap you've been hanging on to and be open to new possibilities.

If you let go of old conceptions of yourself, you can maintain an open mind and be open to all possibilities. What we believe about ourselves dictates the way we interact in the world. It is imperative that you let go of the past in order to re-create yourself in the present.

I love all of these quotes.

To me, Sydney is about more than just going to Uni, it's about changing my lifestyle, obtaining the best body of my life inside and out, and making permanent changes to reprogram my deep-rooted laziness. That's why I want to live alone, so I can control my environment and get completely organised. I would like having people around but I believe this is the way I need to do things, if I can swing the money side of it. I'll go into Centrelink tomorrow and start the ball rolling.

Sydney, Holly, Sydney

I didn't get an offer today, unless I missed it. I wasn't truly expecting to hear back today but would have loved if I did. It sucks because I can't make plans and this whole thing is being drawn out so much. It makes me dislike the Uni a bit. Making people wait this long is mean, especially since classes start a month after I/we might find out on the 19th. As long as I get in I'll be happy. Once I find out I have to book flights to Sydney straight away for the in-person enrollment. That week will go by pretty quickly and be rather eventful. Hopefully I'll be over there for Australia Day so I can meet up with Annie [I'm sad she's not still working at thebeach]. It's already the 5th of January so I have around 15 days to sort out what I want to take with me when I move and there is a lot to sort through.

I hope I can find my own place. I'm still not sold on living with people other than a partner but will do it if I have to. Paying bond all by myself [around $1000] would wipe out most of my savings for this move and unless I get Centrelink straight away that might be a bad idea. I am actually getting more shifts at work, especially this week, so I'll be able to put more away. I haven't put any away this week because I only got paid around $200-250 which is nothing and it doesn't go that far. I hate money sometimes. By the time I head off, I might have saved $2000, and I stress might. I have $1500 now, $1000 could go towards bond and $300 towards a bed so that isn't much left, unless I save another $500 now. I'd need to go shopping for supplies once I have a house and rent and pay for the airfares [unless I get the free tickets from my aunts who had to change their plans when they couldn't fly out of the UK for Christmas] but I might be doing the home-stay thing before I find a house or move in with Kirsten's Katie. Moving in with Katie and her friend would be a lot cheaper but it's not my dream, unless we each got our own floor, or at least own bathroom and a big room. Drat.

I'm going to visit Holly today. I am so excited about that. We haven't had a proper catch up in a while. I miss her perspective and conversation. She helped me so much during my break up with Yorick and I love her wisdom. I am so glad to have met her. The Lordy boys were good for one thing after all. After that I have work. I am super sick of hospitality but I have to keep working until I head off, otherwise I'll have no money whatsoever and I can't let that happen. I hate this whole money situation. It's really bugging me. Maybe I'll have to live in a share house [especially since people keep saying living in Sydney is expensive]. Drat again.

Art School

Hanging at Art School until 330 when I meet mum at Spotlight to check out patterns and fabrics to make me some maxi skirts. Very excited. Unfortunately I have to go add more money to my meter. I guess I can come back after that. It's just annoying. Drat, I should have done that first!

Sydney offer news

I have just found some great information from the University of Sydney website about offers!

Early January Round Offers are e-released at 9am on Wednesday January 5 2011.
Main Round Offers are e-released at 9pm on Wednesday January 19 2011.
Early February Round Offers are e-released on Wednesday February 2 2011.

To accept your UAC Offer at the University of Sydney you are required to attend an in-person enrolment session on campus. This session will be scheduled either in the morning or afternoon of your designated enrolment day. Enrolment days for each UAC Offer Round are --

Early January Round Offers -- 24-28 January 2011
Main Round Offers -- 24-28 January 2011
Early February Round Offers -- 4 February 2011
Final Round Offers -- 14 February 2011

You are not required to accept your offer online.
If you do not accept your offer by in-person enrolling, you may risk losing your offer.

So in theory, I could find out tomorrow, or by the 19th. I hope it's tomorrow but I'm probably not that lucky. I can't wait to find out but if I'm not given an offer I'll be very sad. I wonder if I'll be tomorrow...