My dreams would be great right now

I just went and saw Tangled and loved it! I was thinking that I was hearing Mandy Moore's voice but it was different at times. I guess you really can change your voice! I really, really enjoyed it. I am looking forward to watching one of the movies I bought yesterday. I think that will be good.

I have gained weight and it's really getting to me. I feel fat and I am definitely bigger than I was. I now weigh 70kg and that's not good. I've never gone past 65kg and to be going up further is horrible. I shouldn't have been living at Margate for so long. I'm not blaming that, it's all my fault, but I should have been out there making my own routines and cooking for myself and planning things better. I will be doing all of that soon enough. Fatty fat fat fat. I want to exercise everyday. I want to eat well and I want to feel great about myself. It'll be great achieving my goals. I really want to have my own house with my future husband, to be settled in the cutest cottage in the UK including Ireland somewhere, but that dream is a bit far off. I still want it all the same.

This is the year I will get thin and toned. This is the year I will find love. I am determined.

Once again I am so glad I'll be home tomorrow. I am super sick of it here in this back packers. I am ready for colder weather and routines I know. I want comforts and to feel like I don't have to impress the world because I'm hating my whole existence right now. I'm not feeling worthy or wonderful in my own skin. I want to feel both of those things and I believe they are connected to the man I'll eventually marry. Sigh. Where is he?

Relax, Anna!

I can't wait to go home. The weather here is unbearable, for me at least, getting to at least 30 each day. Not my kind of weather. Give me cold shade any day. The people here are annoying too and the room is always hot despite the open window and fan. I complain a lot but I have been enjoying my outings, even though it takes a huge effort to get anywhere. I posted some of my heavier books back today -- from me to me! I got two maxi dresses and I doubt they'll weigh much but I think I was pretty spot on on the way up so I don't want to push my luck. I've spent too much money already. I don't want to spend anymore, but since I won't be earning anything my savings will go down! No! I'm not sure when Centrelink will kick in but I will go in there when I can and drop off some forms, maybe even tomorrow afternoon. Sarah and I might go for breakfast. Then I can quickly print off some documents ... actually no. I don't have my last 8 weeks of pay slips with me. Another day.

I had a late lunch with Joyce today and it was nice but she made me feel crap about myself, unintentionally but hurtful nonetheless, because I'm shy and timid and "didn't give Sydney a chance." I know that I'm shy and timid but I want to feel comfortable, not like I'm jumping in the deep end just because I'm shy and timid. I want my friends around. I want to continue having fun in this time of my life, what with being single and myself for the first time ever, and I know I'll have that in Melbourne. It's cheaper, it's cooler [weather-wise], it's closer to home, it still has the course I want to do, it is an adventure, and it'll be a surprise. I might not have given Sydney a real go but why waste time when I know how it'll go, kind of. I'll waste money and time and energy because it's so damned hot and the houses are way too expensive. I don't want to live with randoms but living alone here would cost way too much. I want to keep on loving this city, not resent it.

I am really looking forward to starting my course. And on a new campus too! I started reading some of the books they sent me in the mail last night while trying to get to sleep and I think it's going to be interesting. I bought some note books from Typo to use for first semester so I'm looking forward to getting stuck into that. I just feel stressed thinking about it. I won't have a house to go to straight away unless I can live with Nicole and Rom [Sarah's room mates] and their friend. Holly and Ruben will do the couples thing and Amy and Carly are set I think. Scary. Got to chill.

I'm going to see Tangled tonight. I saw The King's Speech last night and quite enjoyed it. I am a bit worried about the money I'm spending but I have a fair bit stored away and I will most likely be getting Centrelink. I feel like my life is a waste but I just have to do the things I want to do and not get too stressed about it all. That's what this year will teach me I think. The Year of the Rabbit.

Home sweet home

Gosh I am ready to go home. I forget how it can be boring here especially when I can't just go to my room and watch DVDs, which is something I do need to to less of. I'm just ready to be back in Tasmania where I guess I belong. That doesn't mean I want to be there forever but it's comforting and that's what I need right now. Only one more day and I'll be home again.

Tomorrow at 2pm I'm meeting Joyce for afternoon tea. I think it will be lovely. I also need to stop by Typo and get supplies for Uni. There are these cute books in a series about Little Red Riding Hood and they are adorable. I want to get a lot more from there and with the two maxi dresses I bought from Jay Jay's of all places I might need to mail some things back to myself as my luggage is already at the limit. I won't be able to squash anymore in without paying more. Then mum and dad and Jan and Fra and I can have a lovely chat about my next move ... to Melbourne!

Going to Melbourne should be less stressful because I will have people to lean on there so I just have to remember that and relax. That's my problem. Here in Sydney I've been trying to do too much myself although I haven't really, but just thinking about all that I'd have to do isn't what I want. I hope that I can find a place to live easy and not have to stress out too much. It needs to be simplified. I just want to get my diploma and get a good job then move to the UK for a while and hopefully find my future husband! Please!

It's way too hot here. I'm not coping very well with it I must say. I am definitely looking forward to being home and reassessing. I'm glad I have good roommates too. We don't talk much but they aren't too loud and usually turn the lights off when I want them to be. Good stuff. I'm definitely ready for bed.

Melbourne it will be!

So here I am in Sydney. I'm at the backpackers, which isn't as good as the one I stayed in the last two times I came here, and I am very fully from dinner next door. I am sure it was a Thai place. It was delicious anyway and just what I needed despite filling me to the brim. Yesterday at the airport was tear central. Jan and Fra and I cried so much. I loved the hugs and them telling me they love me. Fra said she loves me and that I'm a good girl and brave. She said to Jan to tell me she loves me and Jan said I already know. It was so sweet. However, I'm heading back on Tuesday. It's not for me. I don't want to do it all alone so I'm going home then moving to Melbourne in a few weeks. Probably mid February. I have many friends there and that will make the difference. I have Amy, Carly, Kirsten and will have Holly and Ruben. I just don't want to do all of this by myself although I'll probably end up living alone in Melbourne it'll be different having friends to visit and to fall back on in times of need. I just think it's the better fit. I'm not feeling the love here. I'm alone and it'll take me a while to get settled and to make friends and I doubt I'll get into the Uni here. Anyway, I'd rather be around friends than in a pretty city. Life is short and it should be spent with the people you love.

So the thing is, yesterday morning I realised how it wasn't going to work here in Sydney but I've come anyway and had to lug my huge and heavy bags up millions of stairs in this cheapo backpackers. It'll be annoying getting it all back but when I move to Melbourne instead I might take my car. I've been treating this like a little holiday and I'm just glad I'll get to see Jan and Fra again! I miss them. Sarah and I had a chat this evening and half way through next year I reckon we'll head to the UK together. I'll be able to get a good job and will stay there for many years I believe. I'll find my Englishman there. I don't have much time left on the computer here as my credit is about to run out so I'll be heading off now but there is so much more to write! I am going to go to the Chinese Garden of Friendship for some Chinese New Year events tomorrow and I need to visit Joyce, go to a nice coffee shop Jan and Fra recommended and do some of the things I haven't done like visit the Maritime Museum and go to the Botanical Gardens. It'll be a nice little holiday. I'll update again soon.

Leaving day

I am completely crazy. At least that's what I was thinking last night and this morning, but now I have drilled it in that I can always go to Melbourne instead if Sydney doesn't work out it's not so scary. I've been talking to Jan and Fra about it all morning while they helped me pack. It's my sister's fault. She cried last night after I dropped her home from the movies and it made me cry and think that I'm crazy for leaving everyone fabulous behind. It is crazy but I need this adventure. Sometimes I feel brave but last night/this morning I felt stupid. I will give it a week and see how I go. I can always come back. I need to enroll in classes like Burlesque and Pole Dancing and Yoga to keep me busy.

I have just changed my Deakin enrollment and I got a class reader in the mail so I'm actually getting excited about it. The course wouldn't be that bad and I'd be out in the field looking after cultural heritage. I could definitely go on archaeological digs! I'm warming to the idea of Melbourne even though I'm not a huge fan of the city. Amy did show me a great time when I was there last and a lot of my friends are there so it wouldn't be too bad at all. It sure would be a lot of fun, especially if I could move in with Holly and Ruben.

Stuff with packing wasn't going so well but Jan and Fra helped me with that and I'm pretty close to the maximum weight. It'll all be okay. I can treat going to Sydney as a little holiday, although I would love to go to the Uni there. The city is fantastic, and I'm sure it'll treat me well, so I'll stick with the plan to check out houses and look into jobs. I will be able to survive at the back packer's for a while, a week definitely, so I'll take it as it comes. Knowing I can come back in a week is making it less sad.

I had such a great night last night. I met up with Andi in the afternoon after lunch with James, Sarah, Jan and Fra at Tricycle in Salamanca. We picked up Ivy and had some nice chats. They waved me off. I didn't feel like I was leaving at the time so it didn't sink in about not seeing them for a while. I know I'll be back a lot. It doesn't feel like I'll be that far away. After hangs with Andi I picked up Sarah, then Holly, then met Emma in North Hobart and we had Cool Thai for dinner. After that we went to Onba and had 4 drinks each and had some wonderful chats. I'll miss those girls. Emma will see if she can get a transfer from her job here at AAMI to a branch in Sydney and she might join me there in a few months, maybe. That would be fun if she did. Holly got me one of her Hiiragi tee's which I love, and I had hugs with both of those lovely girls/women. They are great friends. Then Sarah and I went to see Burlesque again and I felt guilty for not being home earlier to hang with family. Drat. Sarah and I said bye in the car until I ran out and hugged her again. We chatted and cried a bit. It was nice. Then I went home and thought how crazy I was being and now we're up to date. I can always go to Melbourne.

I am actually excited about the reader I got in the mail today. I can start studying! I'll see how I go in Sydney, and see if I get into the course or not, as I can always go to Sydney next year and do the masters in museum studies. That's definitely an option. I'll go on my little holiday, have a look at places, and jobs, and if it's not for me then Melbourne it is. I'll have more fun in Melbourne as I actually know people anyway. I'm up for fun.

It's scary that it's almost real though. I'm scared and it's making me want to back out of Sydney but this is what I've been dreaming of for a while now. And as I've said to myself before, just because I'm scared it shouldn't mean I stop doing things. I can't stop doing things because I'm scared. I'm not very good at writing. Anyway, I should go and spend some time with my aunts. Mum is coming home for 230pm and we're hitting the road at 3pm for 4pm at the airport. I'll leave at 5pm. Until next time.

Angry

Yesterday I got really annoyed at mum. She kept badgering me about selling my old Uni books in the way she does and I got so frustrated I cried a bit, in my room of course. I was also mad at my sister so I didn't look at either of them through dinner with Jan, Fra, dad, James, George and Etta. I'm not sure if they noticed but they probably did. Mum finally retreated and said it's all up to me. I have to make my own decisions. Duh! That's my plan all along. It's definitely time for me to set out on my adventure. Yahtzee to that.

Australia Day

Not much to report other than I really want a baby. Hehe. I had Etta on my lap for a while and I had a nice hold of her. I totally want my own but I will have to wait for 1. a man and 2. a few years. Drat that. I just want to keep cuddling her all day!

Packing is getting better. Got to pack another bag which will get send/brought up later once I'm settled full of things like books and DVDs. I do want them straight away but I won't be using them and it won't be practical so later is fine, better in fact. I want to get a house asap if it's right but I also need a job asap. I'll look and apply for houses and go on a job hunt too. Hopefully Saturday will be the day for paper job/house hunting. I'll have to get up early. I'm making a list of houses to see and they are from 1030 onwards. I might have to get a cab from one to another.

So, when I get to Sydney, Saturday morning I can get the paper, look at houses, look at jobs, go around with my resume, and hope I get a job asap. I don't mind stay in the backpackers if I have a job and am waiting to get a house. I'm trying to change my Deakin enrollment to the Certificate but I'm struggling with the website. Once that's done I can apply for Centrelink. I've just realised that I can't complete the certificate in 6 months as there are 3 compulsory units to do and one is only available in the second semester! Drat it. Hopefully I hear back from Sydney and if not I will apply again with my updated details. I didn't mention the Maritime as work or Fronting MONA. That would have made a difference if I don't get an offer. Bugger. I guess I'll have to stick with the Diploma at Deakin. I'll wait until I find out from Sydney then apply again possibly. Drat again.

I said I'd go into work today and get my pay slips but I might do that another time. It's so long to get there and back just for that. I also need to do more packing. Tomorrow Jan and Fra and I will have some lunch in Sandy Bay, then I'll meet up with Andi, then with Emma and Holly for Onba and Cool Thai. Friday I could stop by work on the way to G and Etta's before the airport. It's funny feeling my time in Hobart running out, that I won't be here to do things anymore. I'm not sure the Co-op will be open so I might not be able to sell my books. Hmm drat. It wouldn't have been possible anyway since I'm leaving before they allow books to be sold for that semester. I might be too early.

Anyway, I should scan more important documents for rental applications. And pack more. And pack other things to be sent/brought up later.

Chinese Horoscope, 2011 and compatibilities

2011, year of the Rabbit -- horoscope for those born in the year of the Tiger.

2011 in general --

Welcome to the year of the White Metal Rabbit or Hare (the Cat in Vietnam). It will begin on February 3, 2011, and it is the fourth year in the twelve-year cycle of the Chinese horoscope.

Since Rabbit is a calm, quiet, and reserved sign, this year is going to be more peaceful and serene than the previous year of the Tiger. There will be no jaw-dropping events or terrifying accidents to cause stress or apprehension. This will be a year to get plenty of rest, to relax, to accumulate power, and to reflect on the past in order to prepare for the future. Rabbit is a very hospitable sign, so 2011 will be a good year for social gatherings, making connections, and spending quality time with friends and family. Due to Rabbit's diplomatic traits, this year will be an excellent time for communications, discussions, and negotiations. It will also be a year to make peace with old enemies, and to resolve any outstanding issues and misunderstandings.

Rabbit is a symbol of fertility and commitment, so for those who plan to tie the knot, 2011 promises a happy and long-lasting marriage.

Year 2011 for Tigers --

This year Tigers will be full of strength and energy. They will be very lucky in love - Tigers will be adored and cherished by their significant other. With the serene atmosphere at home, this sign will be able to better concentrate on business matters.

Tigers will have lots of brilliant new ideas, which could lead to potential career growth. In 2011 all serious competitors will disappear as if by magic.

Overall, this will be an excellent year if Tiger can learn to prioritize, avoid getting greedy, and not try to accomplish too many things at once. Tiger people should learn from the relaxed and tranquil Rabbit how to decompress and enjoy their rest. Everything is in their hands this year.

I think this is a good horoscope for me this year. I have already had hints from my daily horoscope to relax and I think this is definitely a skill I need to perfect. I love that I have good love potential this year. I hope I find my perfect match.

I also looked up the Scorpio matches with other star signs and have found two I'd love to have a relationship with.

Scorpio and Pisces

The relationship between Scorpio and Pisces is almost magical. It is full of amazing love and passion for each other. Pisces will accept you as you are and work with your flaws for the greater benefit of the relationship. Pisces will understand and touch you in a way that no one else has before. Their ability to accept you just the way you are will definitely make you fall in love with Pisces. on the other hand, your practical approach to live and your no-nonsense attitude is what Pisces requires in a mate to make sure what Pisces's wild imagination does not get the better of them. Pisces tends to be overly emotional, and you will therefore need to carefully watch what you say. Scorpio will help Pisces to see things practically, rather than emotionally, in order to avoid some of the unnecessary heartache that seems to hunt Pisces. The compassionate nature of Pisces will counter the demanding and controlling nature of Scorpio and lean to and understanding between the two of you. The kind of love that Scorpio and Pisces have is the undying kind and no matter what happens, you will still hold on to each other.

Scorpio and Capricorn

Good friends at first, and then lovers -- this is how it usually works for Scorpio and Capricorn. When entering a new relationship, you will have to overcome your natural mistrust and learn to believe in one another. Once you get to know each other you will be extremely comfortable with one another as you have no inhibitions when talking to your Capricorn partner. You have a lot in common: you are conservative and unless you both agree on going out, Capricorn will just be as comfortable back at home. Your possessive nature can take a back seat when you are in a relationship with Capricorn because they expect too much from you. In turn, Capricorn is known to be hardworking, industrious, prudent and determined. Therefore, if you have any goals to achieve as a couple, Capricorn will be very cooperative. The traits you both exhibit also mean that your relationship will not be bridled by financial difficulties. However, you should be on the lookout because Capricorn is highly motivated by money.

I think I would prefer a Capricorn now I write and re-read these two. I hope we find each other!

It's almost Sydney time!

Well, I just booked 4 nights at Maze Backpacker's on Pitt Street in Sydney. I don't know how long I'll be there as in I might have to stay for a whole week before finding a place, fingers crossed it won't take too long, so 4 nights feels safe. And it's the cheapest I've found -- $26 per night in a female only dorm. I'm excited about that. It'll be nice to try and new backpacker's and find different routes around the city streets. That'll be fun.

Saturday night I'm meeting up with Annie from thebeach and we along with her boyfriend Seb are going to go to the Ice Bar! I just red up on it and they supply coats and gloves and you get a free vodka martini first up. It didn't say how much it all costs but it'll be okay. Yorick and I almost went to one in NZ so it'll be nice to see what we missed.

On Saturday morning I'm hoping there will be new houses I can go and check out and apply for. I need to scan some things in as on the applications I've started for houses online at the very end they get you to attach some documents like your passport or drivers licence or birth certificate. I might do some of that before I head off as I won't have another chance. I'll probably need it. I hope it doesn't take too long for me to get a place. I know I want my own place, and being there to actually inspect the apartments will make a huge difference, so if I get my own place and it's not so great I might not have to be too picky. As long as I can have my own place... I need to get a job straight away soon. And Centrelink. I have to try and swap over from the diploma to the certificate in case I don't get into USYD so I can transfer up. So much to do!

I have started laying out on my bed what I want to take with me. I'm starting with the clothes as that's the easy part. I have a box of things I want to take with me but I also want to take my cutlery and a few pots/pans and kitchen things. I have to make sure it doesn't weigh too much. I didn't have to pay for the flights though so if it does go over weight I'll be paying and it'll definitely be cheaper than a flight so I don't mind. There are two bigger suitcases to choose from and I'll take the little carry-on one I take on short trips. Dad said I can take my laptop in a case and it'll be classed as carry-on but I'd rather not have to carry it ... I only just thought of that.

I'm really looking forward to being in Sydney again. It's ages since I was last there. That was in September. Yonks ago! I love the feel of it and I hope the sense of adventure will help me make the transition.