Unsure

I'm not feeling very happy today. I'm sad because I don't want Yorick to go and be with someone else when we've only just ended things. I hate how this friendship thing isn't really a friendship. It's us being civil. He's not trying. Again. He seems to think that getting close to me will make me want him back. I don't want him back. I miss how we used to be but I know this is the right thing. My Mr. Right is still out there somewhere and I'll find him when I'm ready for the rest-of-my-life relationship I'm vearning for. I need to be by myself for a while and get done all the things I want to do while I'm not held back. I just don't want Yorick to be with anyone. It's a bit hipocritical because I think of kissing other boys but I don't want to. It would just be a kiss. I wouldn't go home with them. I don't want to do that. I'm waiting for my rest-of-my-life guy. I know I have one of those and he will be great. Yorick isn't that guy, not now at least. He might be that guy one day, for me possibly, but probably for someone else. I'm not holding on to such a unlikely hope. I'm just a bit sad today. It's all gone by so fast that I'm not sure if I've gotten over it or not. I don't know what's happening. I want someone to look at me like the way Yorick used to, the way he used to write about me. One day I will, I know it.