The letter

I have just come back from Holly's and I am feeling much more empowered by this whole situation. I went to Margate and dropped some more stuff off and had a cry in dad's arms then felt better hanging out with him and my brother James. I went to Holly's after that and hung there with her and her friend Emma. We had lots of chats about my situation and how I feel and what I want and in the end we ended up writing a letter for me to give to Yorick when I'm going to approach him and end things. Things aren't getting any better and I don't love who he is now. I just want how we used to be but I know that he needs to be single and figure himself out because that's where he is at this stage. I can't be with him while he's like this because it's not fair on me and it's not what I want. So here is the letter.

Yorick,

You are a weak coward, forcing me to stand up and do the adult thing. You have drawn this out the longest, most painful way possible for me. I'm sick and tired of sitting at home waiting for you to grow up.

You have made me extremely sad and are not the person I fell in love with anymore. I mourn the loss of who we were, not what we are. Your behaviour recently has exposed a real lack of character and maturity as you clearly do not have the guys to treat me with the respect and honesty I deserve. I have never had anyone treat me with such a lack of consideration.

I never realised how unhappy you have made me for the past 6 months. You have been so wrapped up in your own selfish needs, having the benefit of leading a single life whilst having me to look after you. I feel like I've been trained by you to find this behaviour acceptable when it is clearly nothing but reprehensible and goes against all that I believe a relationship should be.

Anna.

That's where it ends but when I talk to him I'll say something about how it's not working and I can't go on like this anymore. I wrote it all down because I usually forget stuff and it's all there. Holly, Emma and I talked about this and how he's forced me to have to put this to an end. I want him to be the person I fell in love with but I don't think he's there anymore and it's unrealistic to think that he might come back any time soon. I think I'll be waiting a while for that guy to return. He obviously needs to focus on himself and figure out what he wants and who he is. I will also ask him what's made him so unhappy because something has.

I'm dealing with this pretty well and I think it's made easier by the fact that he isn't the guy I fell in love with and I know this isn't the kind of relationship I want. I need to focus on myself too. I'm not sure who I am and I am always planning things around him. I need to see what I'm like alone because I've forgotten who I am. Having all this time to myself will be beneficial for me and once I'm settled in a new house by myself I'll be able to surround myself with pretty things and do all the things on my list. This is for the best.