I have the power

I mentioned to mum how I won't be able to get over the fact that there's too much work for one person and that the system is crap and she said that I have the power and can quit because of that fact if I want. It doesn't suit me and it's not effective. It's a great job apart from that. It could be so much better but I doubt they will ever change the system just because a new employee says something. They'd be more likely to fire me. I'll go till Saturday and if I don't get used to the system then I guess that'll be me. At least I am getting a taste for working 5 days a week from 9am and getting my sleeping patterns organised. I can take that away from this job if nothing else. I don't have to stick with it if it doesn't work for me. I'm a restaurant girl. Maybe I can apply for daytime restaurant work somewhere else or ask Alison when she gets back about more work at thebeach. Somehow I doubt it'll work out at Oomph but then again that's fine. It's not a supportive system. You're out on your own and it's not the way to go. I think it stinks. That's a relief then. I'll wait until Saturday and give my verdict then. I might have to talk to Nikki about my feelings towards the set up and see what she says. Once again, enough on this subject until tomorrow.

Wednesday Wishes

Today I wish for a job just like Oomph, regarding the hours and the clientèle, with with more of the finer details of thebeach all rolled into one. I wish that Nikki would see how it's all wrong, how having one person to cover the floor will always end badly what with getting behind and not always wiping the tables after each customer. It's impossible to do it just as she expects. I wish that the roles of the wait staff will change but I doubt this wish will come true. It's a stupid system but I believe they will keep it as it is. It's sad.

Horrible day

So I had a horrible day today at Oomph. The morning was good, expect when Nikki kept coming and telling me what to do when I was about to do it or knew that's what needed to be done, but lunch was horrible. It hit at about 1230 till 200 and it was crazy, crazy busy. Every table was full and it was my job to cover the whole floor, take coffee's out, set tables with cutlery, clear tables and wipe them everytime but I swear it's too much work for one person. It's nothing like thebeach and I regret that it isn't. It's too hard and once I finally got my break at 205 I went to the toilet and had a little cry, then told myself I was done with crying until I was out of there. Carlos asked if it was my fault for things being behind ór messed up, not that I'm sure it was, but I tried to keep up as best I could. I wasn't prepared for it being that busy and it's so hard to prioritise with the coffee as well as set tables, wipe them and clear them. There are 20 tables and it's way too much. They should have 2 people for those duties, one for coffee and setting, one for clearing and wiping, or for each person to have their own half of the tables. It's too much. Nikki blamed me for the other girls, Jess and Amelia, having to set tables with cutlery but it's not always my fault as some people who order food don't have coffee so I don't see the order. Nikki said that only happens sometimes so she still kinda blamed me. I was ready to get the hell out of there, and even Jess said she wanted to leave. It was horrible. I collected so many plates by the end and had to dump them in the washing up area, which also has to be done by the front of house crew. It's stupid as they're not set up very well. They need that to be done by a kitchen hand and have the coffee cups and water glasses part set up with one of the washers we have here, one where you place the glasses in, give them a pump, and the brissles on the sides get the crap off. I hate how different the little things are. I'm a restaurant girl, not a cafe girl. I talked to mum on the phone about it and tried to mask my tears. I'll see how I go for the rest of the week and if I can't handle it I guess I'll have to say I'm done. I like it there though but the only thing I hate is that there's too much for me to do and not enough of me to get it all done. It's not fair and Nikki isn't sympathetic at all. Carlos is good, as he isn't really involved with giving orders, but it's Nikki I have to please. I don't know how it's going to go. I love getting up early and getting the bus, going to work and finishing in the afternoon. It feels short too, and knowing the cafe is closing at 330 makes the day feel short. If the work doesn't get better though I don't know if I'll be able to stay. It's almost perfect. I got called into thebeach by Ryan, a recently new guy who might eventually replace Joerg, the manager, when he leaves in December, for 6pm and I finished at 830pm so I might head off home now. I'm in the office upstairs relaying the horrible events of today. It was nice that Jess and Amelia sympathised with me and Amelia even rubbed my back. I told them I thought I was so behind and they were there for me, supporting, despite having their own work to do. It's hard. Anyway, enough of that. I need to put today behind me and see how tomorrow goes. Only then will I know what to do...

New job

So I do have the job at Oomph. I am back there tomorrow morning, Thursday morning, Friday morning and Saturday morning. They are closed at the Cupping Room on Sunday and Monday and for now I will stay there and get trained up. Then I will move to another of the stores and get trained there so I can move around the stores and work where needed. I am trying to swap or give away my Friday-day shift at thebeach so might have to go in there tomorrow after work and check out other options. I haven't gone too well so far.

For my trial and today my duties have been taking out the coffee's and food, setting and clearing tables and washing up. Tomorrow I'm going to start on learning how to do some of the cold drinks and tea's and also the biscuits and cakes and muffins. My training is going fast. I really like working there. I also love the hours. It's great working in the day and getting up early, doing some good, hard work for a change. I'm glad for it. I can't wait to watch my bank account soar up and up when more money keeps coming in. I'll save a heap! I will I will.

Reoccurring Posts

I went shopping in town today and was very successful. I was thinking that I'll have to start taking photographs of my work outfits as I always love seeing that kind of thing on other blogs. I think I will now look the part for Oomph and I like the idea of having work clothes and looking polished. I loved having an excuse to buy new clothes, especially since they are all for the one purpose.

I have been thinking more about special day posts, like Katie's Wednesday Wishes. I think that's very cute. I racked my brains last night while trying to get to sleep about other alliterations. I'm not into Music Monday or Tattoo Tuesday. I like Wednesday Wishes... Friday Fashion? That's the same as daily outfits though. I could post them all on Friday's possibly... It's so hard to think of them.

Reoccurring post ideas --

+ Daily outfit;

+ Wednesday Wishes;

+ Friday Fashion[s] or Fashion Friday;

+ Flowers on Friday or Friday's Flowers [I plan to have a house full of flowers in Sydney];

+ Life lessons on the side gadget;

+ Margate Monday [for my possible only free day at home];

+ Tuesday/Thursday Toning [gym/exercise updates?];

+ Tuesday/Thursday Thoughts;

+ Saturday/Sunday Surprises;

I will have to spend some time looking in a thesaurus. I'm having trouble with Monday, Tuesday, Thursday, Saturday and Sunday. Unfortunately that's most of the week's posts. I don't have to have one for each day but it would be nice to have that routine.

So far the ones I want to stick with are --

+ Daily outfit;

+ Wednesday Wishes.

Hopefully more come and stick. I'll be thinking. Now I'm looking forward to Wednesday.

Love and romance

Seeing people in love, starting new relationships and cementing it with a passionate first kiss stirs something inside me, a wanting for just that. I am jealous but I know in my heart I will have that one day with someone worthy. Someone who will give me tokens of his affection often and someone who will in truth be my best friend and share everything with me, not someone who is so closed off it is impossible to sustain a relationship with. Sometimes I really miss having Yorick's companionship but I do know something much better is out there for me. I want to know when it will arrive but I think that might be impossible.

I'm going shopping this afternoon for clothes to wear to my new job. Hopefully tomorrow I find out more about the specifics so I can be 100% certain I have the job and what my hours will be. It's a bit frustrating not being that sure of it, even if being asked back does indicate I have the job. Damn that dish washer for breaking when I needed to know the details.

I have started watching The Tudors on DVD. I bought it for $20 yesterday at Big W and I like it. I asked my sister if I should watch it a few months back and she said no, but then again she doesn't like period drama's so she would have no idea. I love it. I think it's a great way of truly understanding how things were done back then. I always want more detail in other drama's from that time. I've never heard of a TV series of this scale being made though. I think it's great.

Yorick was in my dream last night/this morning. The last part I remember is that we were hugging. I loved having him that close and I miss it. I wasn't bending my neck down to rest it on his shoulder though so that makes me think I was envisaging what I would like for the future in a partner while having him for the base as that's all I know. It might be that way. I miss that physical connection though.

I really have to lose some weight and get fit before I even think of being intimate with a man. I want to be happy in myself before doing that, and anyway I'm not ready to move into something so quickly. I do need to get off this computer though and go shopping.

I have finally found time to update

It's about time I updated. I've been so busy that I haven't been able to and so many wonderful things have happened in this last week. From Sydney to a new job I really need to get all of this down.

I went to Sydney on Tuesday. I didn't feel any sense of loneliness on this trip, which I was very pleased about, but I think knowing what to expect helped with that. For the whole trip I was just so pleased I was back in that wonderful city in the sun, wandering around, experiencing the museums and new ways of travelling. There was no time to feel lonely. After an early start on Tuesday, I flew to Sydney on a window seat this time and got to the airport for around 1pm. I followed the signs and got a return ticket for the train and again followed the signs to the platform. I loved travelling on the train and had a big grin on my face for most of the time. I went straight to BASE and the receptionist recognised me from last time. I went up to floor 4, room 11 instead of 13 this time, which had 6 beds not 8, and got organised quickly as one of the girls was in bed asleep so I didn't want to disturb her too much. First I went to the Museum of Contemporary Art right up towards the Quay. The admission was free and it was a great exhibition. I loved some of the photography but I never understand the video and audio installations. Not my thing. After that museum I went to the Museum of Sydney and only had to pay $5 as it was the end of the day. It was a small museum but I enjoyed the exhibition very much. It was very windy once I left and went back to BASE. I stopped in a Woolworths and found it so strange. The building covered 4 floors and you would ride up escalators to get to the food. Very strange indeed. I got some yogurt and a lovely sugar bread twist then went to Darling Harbour for some chips. I then went to see Easy A at Event and love love loved it! It was much funnier than the trailer made it out to be and it's definitely one for my DVD collection. That afternoon I had accidentally left my pinky ring in the bathroom at BASE, the one I got at "So Good", this cheap Asian jewelery story next to Event that I love, so I got another before the movie. After that I went back to BASE and hopped into bed. The next day I slept in, then walked up to George Street and tried to find the place I had the great hot chocolate at on the first trip. After walking both directions for a bit I found it, lined up and waited, then walked to the Quay and went to the Rocks Discovery Museum. That was the best museum I had been to. It was small and in an olden day building like they were when they were built and I loved the set up and display of all the items. After that I walked up to Observatory Hill and looked out over the wonderful city. I think some people were doing Boot Camp or something similar. At that time I was waiting for money to be deposited into my bank account as I was very broke at that stage. I didn't have much money left at all but by 12 it was in my account [it's usually there before 2 but earlier is best] so I went to the Quay and hopped on a ferry to Taronga Zoo. While I was waiting for the ferry I got a call from Oomph! and talked to Nicky [spelling?] about coming in for a trial once I got back from Sydney. That was pretty cool. Dad said I'd get a call while I was away. Ha ha. The zoo was great. It is huge but I only covered half of it. I saw no need to see the reptiles or animals I usually see. Instead I focused on the seals and penguins, big cats, zebras, bongo's, giraffe's, elephants and mountain goats. It was hot and the zoo was hilly so I was a bit tired and sweaty but it was worth it. I tried to make it back for the 2pm ferry but missed it by 5 minutes so had to wait till 230. Once back at the Quay I got a train to Town Hall station, the one I got off at from the airport and the one close to BASE, had a chat to mum and dad on the phone before changing my shoes at BASE and grabbing a coat then catching the bus to the Uni. I first talked to an Arts rep and said I could go straight into the masters, but as I found out later it all depends on my marks. After that chat I went to a mini lecture then got a cup of tea and some mini orange cupcakes put on by the school. They were nice. I sat in the beautiful quad and waited for the lectures on ancient studies, then art curatorship and museum studies. I loved the lecture on museum studies. I found out that the classes are from Monday to Friday 5-7 in the evening, or if you want you can do 5 weeks of full day Friday's like a summer school course and get it all done with. The only problem with that is that the assignments would also be sped up. I'm not a fan of that, I need plenty of time for assignments. I'd be happy to do the 5-7 classes, then I could get a day job. In this lecture they mentioned a credit average for some of the courses and so I found out is the Masters. I will apply for all 3 and see what I get an offer for [please let me get in!!!]. I would be happy to start at the beginning with the Certificate, then I can do all the great classes as I would miss out on some if I just went straight into the Masters. I don't need experience either but getting it will be fantastic, then I can apply the theory to the work. After the lecture I left the Uni and caught a bus back to town. I went into the So Good jewelery story again and bought another ring, but it is a little big for my right hand ring finger. However, it is a nice fit on my left hand ring finger... I went to the movies again and was originally planning to see Despicable Me but ended up seeing Tomorrow When the War Began as they changed the times of the first one. I got some popcorn and a frozen coke and went to the movie. I actually enjoyed it. I didn't think I would for some reason. After that I went back to BASE and tried to sleep but had none, maybe a short half an hour before someone came into the room at 3am and woke me up with the noise. Hmm. I got up at a bit before 4am, showered, packed, then went to the train station and caught the train to the Domestic Airport station. I was so sleepy but had a V and was okay. I got the plane from Sydney to Melbourne, then from Melbourne to Hobart. When I got to Melbourne, I got some McDonalds for breakfast then went straight to the gate and waited for a minute or so before boarding the plane. I would have rathered a direct flight as I didn't want to be on a plane anymore but the second flight wasn't so bad. Had a chat to a nice man one a business trip to Hobart. Dad met me then we went to his work and I took the car and went to meet Nicky at Oomph. I was there for 15 minutes and just had a bit of a chat. She said she'd call that afternoon if I was to come back for a trial.

That afternoon I waited at home and by around 4pm she called and organised for my trial the following day [Friday] at the Cupping Room. On Friday I started at 8am there and did very well I believe. My focus was to run coffee's and some food, set tables, clear tables, and do some washing up. I liked the focus of the work as the other girls were taking orders and getting some sweets and drinks. I didn't want to have to do all of that. I had a half an hour lunch break and has 2 poached eggs and some chips. I had a chat to Carlos, Nicky's husband, and he seemed to like me. The end of the day came by reasonably quickly. We closed at 330 and were done by 4 and I got paid over $100 for my time. Nicky wanted to talk to me but Carlos was fixing the dish washer so there wasn't any time to talk about the specifics she whispered to me that they wanted me back on Tuesday from 9am so upon reflection that might mean I have the Tuesday to Saturday shift set. We didn't talk about me specifically being employed or what hours I would get or where I would work or anything so I'm not sure about it but I'm back at the cupping room on Tuesday. I need to go and buy some new clothes to wear. A grey cardigan would be nice and some other cutesy tops. I want to get more Croc shoes so I might have a look in town today before Mary's baby shower this afternoon at 2. I will go to the gym tomorrow and have another look at clothes if I don't do it today. I actually felt a little under dressed for the trial in my con's and skirt. I should have worn my work skirt, as I will from now on, and some black shoes would be great along with more grey tops or a blue shirt and a vest over the top. I didn't get too over-heated but I definitely need new clothes. Lucky I have so much money! I hope we talk about the specifics on Tuesday... I want to know if I formally have the job or not. It's a bit confusing.

So on Friday I worked for 8h at the Cupping Room, then caught a bus to Kingston where I collected my car, then went to Banjo's for party pies, stopped by James and George's for a quick visit and a cuppa, then went to work at thebeach for 5h! It was a long day. I had to get some Nurofen and took 4 by the end of the evening. Work wasn't super busy and after the Nurofen I felt much better, like new really, but needed more as the night went on. 13h is a big day. Yesterday I did 10.5h at thebeach. I worked from 12-5, had an hour's break where I had my fish and chips, then went for a walk and a sit along/on Blackman's Bay beach with my mp3 player, then worked again from 6-1130. Ryan, the new guy who's working towards replacing Joerg, left at 11 thinking things were all done enough, when they really weren't, so I stayed and finished setting the tables and cleaning up. I don't like his attitude about it but I would have rathered have done the work without him. It was him, me and Sara upstairs for 2 functions. Enjoyable. Then I went home and got up at 930 this morning, not feeling like I needed to sleep for hours more despite having stayed up later finishing watching Jane Eyre before bed.

I have to keep getting up early and stick to my exercise regime. I have plans. That's for another post though.

More Sydney thoughts

I am constantly thinking about moving to Sydney, as I have mentioned several times I'm sure. I imagine packing a huge suitcase and stuffing it with a few pans/pots, plates, cutlery, baking trays just to keep me going as well as clothes and my bathroom essentials, maybe even my DVD player and set top box, some DVD's and books and several other items. I don't want to take too much stuff but I don't want to go with none of the kitchen items because I won't want to buy them in big lots as I won't need that many. I wonder how much I can fit in a suitcase. I'm really excited about going to Uni again and studying. It feels like such a good use of time and I love learning. I'm so excited about setting up my own little house. I hope it's as cute and affordable as I want it to be. I can't wait to fill it with flowers and my fish and art. It'll be all mine. Getting furniture will be great too. Got to make more money now so I can have the life I want. One thing I'm especially looking forward to is the weather and the newness of the city. I can't wait to explore more and do it in a t-shirt instead of having to be wary of what I wear. I think that will be fantastic. I loved the weather when I was there. This is my own journey. I'm doing it to see if I can make it on my own and I"ll have to do it alone. I want to say that I've done it and really experience it. I'm sick of letting everything depend on another. That's not healthy or how it should be. I think it will be a challenge but I'm going to make it great, I just know it. I hope I get it all sorted next week on my trip there. I'm going to try the trains to get to the city and back because I doubt the shuttle will get me to the airport in time for my 615am flight. I didn't realise it was so early but that's all there is. It'll be okay. I can sleep for the rest of the day, or even on the plane on the way back. It'll be a good experiment and I'll finally use a train there! I might go on a ferry to Taronga Zoo too. I'll check out the prices for that tomorrow probably. Monday maybe. I'd better go and get ready for my first Beginners Pilates class at the Uni gym. I really do hate that it's so far but it will be worth it and I've flaked so many times in the last few months. Bad me.

Toy cameras

I stumbled onto another blogger's blog and she loves her toy cameras! She mentioned two new ones, the "Lomographic Pop 9" and the "Kid Lomo Robot style 35mm 3 lens" cameras. I might have to do more research on these and keep watching her blog to find out more about these amazing cameras. I love them! I need to use them more. I think she will give me more inspiration and new cameras will be great to play with. I really do need to get back into photography. I think in Sydney it will be better because everything is new and unexplored. It's easier to start there I think.

Tomorrow I'm going to call the "10 Buck Bus" service that I will hopefully use to get to and from the airport next Tuesday to get to Sydney and back. Leaving my car at the airport will either be $26 or $33 for my departure and arrival times according to a calculator on a website for the Hobart Airport so I'll try and skip that if I can. I'm really excited about going. I thought it was Tuesday today for some reason but knowing it's Friday makes me realise that next week and my next trip to Sydney is much closer than I thought! I'm very excited. I can't wait to have more sushi and the good hot chocolate I had from a place on George Street and go to the movies again and buy more jewellery from the shop open late near the Event complex [where the movies are]. I'mloving the city already. I'm going to explore more museums and the Botanical Gardens and it'll be great going to Uni for postgraduate studies in particular. I'll get what I need next week. Finally.

I keep thinking about Sydney! It's like my life will be starting. Bad to think that I'm not having the life I want right now and that I'm not making the most of it but I think it will be better next year. I don't want to live my life in Hobart. It's sad because all my friends and half of my family are here, and I'll miss things with new family members like Etta, but to start with Sydney isn't all that far away. When I move to the UK that will be a different story. I might not end up there but wherever I go it won't be here. I want to explore all of the world. I don't have to feel guilty for that or stay here just because I might miss out on some things. All the more reason to go in some respects. I don't want to stop my life just to watch others' unfold.

I've stumbled upon even more great new cameras I now want to buy. I'll put pictures in.

1. Lomo kid robot 3 lens 35mm

This one is so cute. I think Holly would love it. It does something unusual too. It splits the frame into 3 and has the same picture for each. Here, it's easier to show you.

2. Lomo fisheye 35mm

3. Lomo ActionSampler 3 lens 35mm

4.Lomo Oktomat 8 lens 35mm

5. Lomo Horizon Panoramic

I really want this one. I think it'll be the perfect way to take panoramas since it's always so hard to stitch them together normally. Well it's a hassle. This one is pretty expensive though. Hmm. I'm excited though!

Actions not words

It's been snowing on and off today but it just won't settle. I wish it would. Although it's difficult going out in that kind of weather I like when it settles at home. It reminds me of my childhood when it would settle here and we would tobaggon down the side of the pond or down our road, which is a hill. I miss that innocence.

I've been adjusting this journal, going back over the entries I've made since January and reading snippets of what my year has been like and it's definitely been a journey. Things have changed so much. Most of all I miss my independence by living out of home and being busy. I can't wait till next year. I'll be studying so much and working that I won't have time to be bored, especially in a new city.

I've made myself a new gym timetable. It'll depend on work but these are the classes I want to go to. Some days there are doubled up classes like Monday for example, but it depends on what I'm doing in the day and whether or not I can make the classes. I probably wouldn't double up as there's a large gap between lunch and 4pm classes.

Monday

1230 Step

1/2 hour treadmill

420 Step

530 Pump

630 Combat

Tuesday

1215 Box It

1/2 hour treadmill

430 Step

1/2 hour treadmill

Wednesday

1215 Pump

1/2 hour treadmill

430 Combat

530 Intermediate Aerobics

630 Pump

Thursday

12 Combat

1/2 hour treadmill

430 Pump

1/2 hour treadmill

Friday

430 Combat

530 Step

Saturday

330 Beginners Pilates

1/2 hour treadmill

Sunday

1030 Circuit

1/2 hour treadmill

I went on Tuesday to the 430 Step class and really liked being back there. I'm going this evening too for Pump at 430 then I'll go on the treadmill because I haven't been able to go for a walk here at home. I'm not a fan of going for a walk in this weather. Mum did this morning as she had to take Katie before work but that's different. I've been depressed/deflated lately but now I want to get back into the gym as I've paid for it and I have 3 months left on my membership. I have always said I want to be fit. In Sydney I might go to dance classes, start afresh there. In truth it is time I stopped talking and start doing but I'm a slacker and probably won't do it but I must try or I'll always regret it. I need a routine, that's the problem. I put a lot of hopes on Sydney but it might just be the thing that gets me acting not talking. We'll see.

Tattoo's again

I am often thinking about tattoo's and what I should get. I know I want the one of my surname on my left wrist but now I'm thinking of this:

... but I'm not sure I want that message on me forever. I like that it's a lesson I have learned and want to use in future relationships but is it necessary to make it a tattoo? That's a tricky one. I love his art, and the drawings from Tamaxxx but I'm not sure if I should get one, especially since I love the hearts on the elbows. I'll stick with the surname for now because I know I definitely want that, then slowly decide and accept another idea. Seems the best way to go about it.

Rice balls

I totally want to make some vintage fabric rice balls. I think it'd be cute with their dangling arms and legs. I want to sew but the felt I have isn't nice. As I said an entry or two ago I must, one day when I am in the money, go in search of great fabrics and make these rice balls. I know they work and how to make them as they're rather easy. I want one of those great stalls like Katie and Holly do. I want to make the suitcases that Katie shows her items in. I think it's the greatest way to present them. Sigh. I have my buttons too so maybe they could be the eyes...

I really do think about Sydney a lot. I'm always planning for it and I'm so excited to go there next week and even though staying at the BASE back packer's wasn't great as I didn't get much sleep, it was good getting familiar with the city and coming back to a set location. I know how to get to town and to the cinemas and to the bus stop to get to Uni so I think it will be best to stay at BASE again just so I concrete my knowledge of the city further. I really hope it all works out. I desperately want to move there and do museum studies. I could look at Adelaide if this doesn't work but Sydney would be fantastic. It's about time something worked out for me.

It's all better now

It's all sorted now. Mum has put the flights on her credit card and I'll pay her back next week once I get paid again and can afford it. I'll book the BASE back packer's again for $70 and need spending money on the Tuesday from this week's pay as I won't get paid until next Wednesday so I have to be really careful this week with my money. I will need some for petrol of course but will try not to spend anymore than I need to. I'm sad I won't be able to buy the Union Jack bed spread set so hopefully they still have some in the double bed size next week. I'll also need money for the shuttle to and from BASE, money for the museums and for food. I'll be okay. I'll save all my tips from work and spend as little as possible. I have to pay for my lunch with Sophie yesterday and get petrol but apart from that I'm not going to spend anything! I hope so anyway.

While I'm over there I'll definitely check out more museums and hopefully the Botanical Gardens and more activities like that. I won't do any shopping as I won't be able to afford it and don't really need to but I might go to the movies again. At least this time I'll know I might get lonely but hopefully I'll be able to get over that quickly if it happens again. I think it'll be great to get away, then come back and work a heap. I hope someone calls me about a job, or I'll try the agency Sophie mentioned and see what comes up from that. I need money fast. I only have a few months to save before heading to Sydney, if all goes well with the application and acceptance, so I'll need to spend that time working. I hope it goes to plan.

Sydney flights -- I messed up

I think I might have left it too late to book my flights to Sydney for next week. I can still get a reasonable price on the flight over on Wednesday at lunch time but the trouble is whether or not I can find a cheap flight on the way back. I could go really early, at 630am, spend the day looking at the other museums I missed out on, go to the Botanical Gardens, have some sushi for lunch, then head over to the Uni for the Graduate Options Expo and fly back at 730pm but the last lecture I want to see ends at 6pm so I might not have enough time to get back to the airport. I don't want to be rushed but it might be my only affordable option. Another option is getting the flight I was originally going to get, which was for 1030am to get in for lunch time, get settled in the back packer's again, then head to the Uni, stay the night and get a flight back the next evening. That flight is no longer cheap. I don't think it's possible to stay anymore. Flights back on the Friday aren't cheap either, so unless my parents decide to help me pay [even though they're already going to pay my phone bill] I had better go over and back in the day. Sophie said leaving your car in the car park costs $12 for a day so that's not so bad. I can take myself there and back. I think it will feel very adult, especially since lately I've been feeling like a kid. I can't wait to get to Sydney and be somewhere just for me and start working out my future. I wonder if I can still get the airport connect even though I'm not staying at a back packer's if I choose this option. Otherwise I'll have to get a train and be stressed that I won't make it back in time. I'll have to look that up on the internet. Hold on, I made a mistake. I was looking at the Hobart to Sydney flights for the way back and thought I had better check the actual Sydney to Hobart return scenario and I don't think that will work either! Ahh! So I'm looking at $263 to go up at 630am on Wednesday and come back at 630am on Thursday. I have definitely stuffed this up. I shouldn't have bought those boots last week and booked them then! I had completely forgotten about it though. Arr. Unless I look into Tiger Airlines, something I've never done before, but if it'll get there me cheaper then it might be worth it. I've heard bad things about Tiger though. They change your flights without telling you and it might not suit you. I'm not sure I'll be able to use that service. Ahh! I think that's a bust. They don't do direct flights to Sydney. I've royally fucked this up then! I haven't been paid yet so once I see the situation there I'll be able to figure out what I can afford and what I can't. There's no way I can go to and from Sydney on the Wednesday without missing what I'm going for and it keeps on getting expensive after that. Crapola. I just got paid and I have $267. That would cover my flights but I wouldn't be able to get petrol or do anything much until I get paid next week. Depends on my work tips too. Oh dear. I've been looking on the Flight Centre website, if you didn't know, and have been given results for Virgin Blue and Jet Star. Tiger is the cheap and nasty alternative, not to mention unreliable [according to my sources] so I could see if I can get a flight from Sydney to Melbourne then Melbourne to Hobart on Tiger. They don't combine if for you but if I allowed all Thursday to get back to Hobart via Tiger I might be okay. I'm not sure I'll get back though, that's how dodgy I hear they are. I'll ask mum and dad what to do when they get home.

Money woes yet again

I just came back from lunching with Sophie at thebeach. We talked a lot about the Lordy boys and our relationships and the engagement party and also about work. She suggested I look into training organisations such as the one she used to get her job at Stennings and you don't need to be experienced. I only found the one she mentioned in the Yellow Pages but it's a start. I'll hopefully get full-time work and I might not earn a heap but with thebeach as well I'll be set. I'll ring them up tomorrow.

I called Suzanne at Wrest Point this morning at 8am and left a message on her answering machine about not wanting the job. I had been rehersing it in my mind since 6am this morning, not really being able to sleep after that, then after 830am I started drifting off more and not being able to get up. I should have just gotten up at 7am and played The Sims 2 like I have been each day since the weekend but no, I had to keep "sleeping". Grr.

I have to buy my tickets to Sydney and back tomorrow. I really hope I earned enough money to pay for them as well as buy petrol and survive until next pay day. Fingers crossed I earned $250ish but I'm not sure I will. I didn't do huge hours but I did have 3 shifts so I'll have to wait and see. I want to pay for the Maritime Museum membership, which is roughly $27, but I might not be able to afford it. I also want to buy the Union Jack bed sheets but again I might not be able to swing it, especially since they might be $50 and mum said I have to be super careful with my money. I feel like a kid again. Sigh. Next year will be brilliant, just remember that.

I've been finding some new blogs to follow recently and I like how they all seem to do a special day thing, like Music Monday or Tattoo Tuesday. Some have something scheduled for every day of the week! Maybe it's time I started something like that. I'll have to figure something out. I like the daily outfits but I usually wear the same thing and I'm not that interesting clothing-wise. I wish to be but you need money for that and I'm lacking in that department. One day...

I have been thinking recently about sewing creatures and I might get back into the rice balls. I might get better fabric than felt, as the crappy felt we have here in Spotlight bubbles and stretches. Holly gets good quality felt from the mainland I think but I want some stiff fabrics, like the great patterned stuff she used for one of her robots. I might try and snap a picture next time I'm over there. I'll try and make some cuties and have eyes and arms and legs dangling off their triangular bodies. One day when I'm not so poor I'll look into it.

I'm going to the gym for 430pm to do the Step class and a bit of Zumba afterwards. I'm looking forward to getting back into it! Classes a so much fun and I'll stay for the duration. I might not stay for all of Zumba as I'll probably be fairly tired but I'll see how I go. Just worried about my money situation for tomorrow. I hope it's enough.

Hurry, 2011

Apparently my ideal weight is 57.6kg as I am 164cm tall but I'm reaching towards 65kg. I've never gone over that and usually stayed under it, more towards 60kg, but I want to do something about it. I've mapped out all the classes I want to do at the gym this week and I went for a walk today. I don't want to go over 65kg as I know I'll get depressed.

Speaking of depressed I'm totally feeling that today. All day. I went to go on a job hunt but it wasn't my day. I tried to print some resume's at Uni but it took forever, then I got rained on during my walk to Salamanca and back from Sandy Bay. No one gave me a "yes we need you" so I'm still waiting for a job. I also got a huge phone bill as they did 2 months together and I went $20 over my internet usage limit so mum's going to pay that, I'll buy my plane tickets to and from Sydney for next week, then I'll pay her back. I came into the house crying after my expedition, then went to my room and cried some more when it seemed like she didn't give a crap [no sympathy at least], then she came into my room and helped get me organised. I have to stop spending my money on silly things, or limit it very much, get more shifts at thebeach if I don't get anything else, and I'll be able to save. We'll see if that works.

I have 3-4 shifts at thebeach for the next 3 weeks so that's something. Hopefully I'll hear from either Oomph! or Brew, another coffee shop [in Sandy Bay], who said they might have something within the next 2 weeks. I have lots of gym dates and times planned so hopefully I will be able to busy myself and think more of Sydney than of other things. People I don't want to think about that is.

I haven't been emotional in a long time. It was refreshing in a way, to feel that strongly, to cry and let go, to feel it was okay to cry. I don't mind crying. Helps me a lot.

I'm going to lunch with Sophie tomorrow at work. We'll have entrees and deserts. I reckon I'll put mine on a tab so I can pay it tomorrow as I'm super poor. I have $5. Holly and I are meant to go to the State to see King of Thorn. It's part of the Reel Anime thing happening in selected cinemas over the country and it's the last day it's on. I might have to borrow the money off her just so I can go and pay her back on Wednesday. It's pathetic. I do indeed need to be better with my money. Having more would help.

I can't wait till next year. It'll all be better then.

I'm done, oh how I'm done

I am done with Yorick. I just deleted him off my Facebook account and I'm so glad I did. After last night I don't want to see him again. I just want to heal and forget about him, move on and what not. I went to Dani's engagement party and I was in there for 5 minutes when Yorick saw me and rushed over, gave me a hug and asked me how I was. After we both said we were good there was nothing left to talk about and just at the point Sam [girl Sam, dating Bezz] came over and chatted to me and my attention was on her not Yorick, just as he did to me that time he said he saw me in Salamanca after my almost dentist x-ray. I think he was talking to his new girl at that stage, kissing and hugging her right next to me. I could see it out of the corner of my eye. I went to get a drink and then he came over again! He asked if he should introduce Ebony to me. It sounded like he said Ann so I said who? and he said the girl I've been seeing. I hope he already knew I knew. Probably did. I said is that necessary? He said it might be polite but that it's not necessary. She came over anyway and asked who I was and I saw Anna and she knew who I was and shook my hand with her left hand then squeezed it. Then she began to fondle my necklace. That was the last interaction with either of them I had. The rest of the night was good. Had free drinks and hung out with Holly and Munchie and Helen, then the 4 of us went to play pool next door for ages. I didn't see Yorick again. It felt like he was replacing me. Holly said he was stressed about it that that's why he pretty much ran over to me to say hi. I cried all the way home, shouting sometimes, [got home at a bit before 3am] and was still awake at 5am. I slept in until 1130 and replied to Holly's message asking how I was. She agreed it would be hard, the hardest I'll have to face [until, god forbid, he gets married before me], but I want to forget him and don't want anything to do with him anymore. I need to be cut off. At times last night I felt I wanted to get away so far, sit on a lovely mountain top or something fantastic, but I'm here and can't leave as I have no money. Next year. I hated that he looked like he was super happy, like he had replaced me with a better fit, like I meant nothing, like he never thinks of me anymore. Holly reminded me that there's something much better out there for me and I know there is. I'll have it when I'm ready and it will actually last. I hated seeing him happy with her. I hated watching him rub her back with his arm around her. Bitches the both of them. I'm done. That's why I'm done. I look horrible today. All that crying. I will go back to bed and rest, watch something, before I have to get ready for work. Drat having to work. It's only a Sunday though and I desperately need the work. Tomorrow I'll go on a job hunt. I shall I shall. I'll stop by Uni again and photocopy and print my resume and RSA. I want to start collecting written referees to make it easier, especially when I move to Sydney. Alison won't want to keep getting calls for me years after I'm not there anymore. Makes it easier. Not sure whether or not to ask for it now. Might be good. Start collecting them. Hmm. I just want to move forward and forget about Yorick. He's not my concern and I don't want to be involved with him at all. I'm done. Done done done.

Tonight is the night

As long as I keep writing, I'll be okay. I have to keep planning and make sure I get a job. Tonight is the engagement party that I should be heading off to. I might meet Sophie there before Holly as they're out at Wolfy's having pre-drinks. Ruined my plans to go to Holly's and up with her before the party. Oh well. Now I have to head there on my own and make sure I meet Sophie and Holly outside. I'm not sure I want to see Yorick but will probably have to. I saw a picture on Facebook taken a while ago I presume and it's of this guy Billy who works at Zum and Yorick and his new fling. It made me sad to see it. They're stupid. I wish I could just forget about it and not know him if I walked past him, just for the night. That's impossible though. I guess I should get going. I only have $26 in my bank until Wednesday but I don't think I'll be needing much alcohol. I have one 200ml bottle of champagne. That should do me. I don't feel like a big night. I'm quite boring, but having no money puts a downer on things.

Life isn't so good

I got up this morning at 12 noon, as I did yesterday, and went to take Katie outside, and as soon as I opened the door I felt that the seasons had finally changed from Winter to Spring. I was reminded immediately of Vanuatu and the lovely weather there, the lazing about and relaxing, and after I made myself some breakfast I went and sat out on the deck in the double swinging chair, ate my breakfast then relaxed in the sun. I stayed out there for maybe half an hour until light drops of rain started to fall from the sky. I reminisced about Vanuatu and it made me think that I really need to get back into doing that Travel Book and once I'm finished putting the pictures in place, I can type up the diary, then begin with the New Zealand one and write free hand and just cut out certain paper shapes as the sizes are all different. It's hard to explain but I know what I'm on about and as I'm sure no one else reads this then it doesn't matter, does it? I need to get it done because this is the time to do it. What other time is there?

Maybe I can take a hire truck to Sydney instead of a small car for some of my stuff. I want to take my TV and desk and chair for my laptop and if it would be easier getting a mattress here then that might be a good idea, especially since I would have no idea of where to buy one in Sydney and would hope they have a delivery service. I'm expecting to have a mattress on the floor, no bed as such, but that's fine with me. It means I'm finally living on my own and doing what I want. I'm excited for that. I would also love to take my chest of draws, not that it has draws, rather shelves, that I got from Mt Nelson. I would definitely need a truck then. And just my clothes and other things like that. Books and DVD's. I won't take a heap, but then I have all my towels and kitchen stuff like pots and pans and plates and stuff that I got from the Yorick-Anna divide. I need a truck. Maybe mum and dad and I can drive up together once I have a house. I guess I'll fly up there and possibly stay with Joyce, my neighbours grandma, while I'm trying to find a house and a job. Then I can fly back down, and drive up with mum and dad, do a road trip sort of thing and stay in caravan parks, then they can drive back and I can start my life, get some fish and flowers and set up house. I'll have to study so much and work as much as I can so hopefully I won't have time to be lonely, and hopefully I can go to Joyce's for a dinner every so often. It won't be so bad with not many people I know. I'll make friends eventually.

Speaking of work, I'm getting my resume into order. After Holly gave me hers I've made it very similar and now I'm going to add my Hotel School units sheet, including the RSA, with it as well as for my Wrest Point Pier One interview yesterday they asked for it, and employers always do. I'm also going to get Alison from thebeach to write me a reference so I can take that with me to Sydney and beyond instead of having them call her up years after I have stopped working there. I think that will be much better. I might even be able to get Holly to write me one based on what Alison writes. Or future employers. Speaking of the interview, I wasn't nervous and it went well but I don't like the scale of the business, like the Hotel Grand Chancellor. I'm over that, and I know it's going to be one of those soul-crushing jobs that I hate and after a while of working in them realised I didn't need that. After finding thebeach I know it'll be worse going backwards into such a horrible workplace. Pier One is cut off from the rest of the Casino so it might be okay but I am just hoping I get the Oomph! job and if not then I'm going around all other cafe's and seeing what happens, starting on Monday.

I really want to be on holiday after my experiences this morning. Last night I was quite down because of the outcome of the interview and general feelings about not working and how my life is pretty crap right now. I don't want to feel like that anymore. I want to be saving for a purpose, to move to Sydney, and I want that date to get closer and closer. I am on holiday, in a way, but the activities such as snorkeling or hiking aren't there. I don't have the Yorick company I used to have and I'm not enjoying this holiday anymore. I want to be working. I want to be out of the house. I'm not coping with this anymore and I want it to end. Please oh please let me get a job at Oomph!. Pretty please.

Next week I'm going back to the gym. Also next week I'll hand in my Maritime Museum application for volunteering and pray I get a call from Oomph!. Might even do a resume drop around Salamanca and Sandy Bay. I'm so excited that soon I'll be able to put a "volunteering" section on my resume, for museums and overseas country travels. I want my life to pick up so badly. It was alright 2-3 months ago just after Yorick and I, dealing with all of that. I was healing, but now that's over I'm sick of it. I'm not "sick" anymore. I can't believe it's been 4 months since we broke up. Crazy. Just crazy. Now he's moved on and that's okay. Whenever I'm watching love stories in movies I enjoy watching first kisses and beautiful moment and really want that for myself, but only when the time is right. Not now. It wouldn't mean what I want it to mean now. I want it to last, and I want to be feeling great about myself and my body, which I'm still not. Definitely not the right time. I know I will want that closeness but I want everlasting love and a husband more. I can wait.

I'm looking forward to this weekend starting tonight. I have work tonight, then tomorrow is Dani's engagement party, which means friends and going out, and Sunday is more work. I'll ask Alison today, or at least write on the roster for next week, that I'm available for more shifts, being free for Tuesday, Wednesday, Friday, and my regular Saturday and Sunday shifts. I want more there so if I get Oomph! I won't need Pier One. The interviewers were saying pretty much that I'd have to quit thebeach j Iust to accommodate their hours, but I'm not ready to give up on thebeach. It's the best job I've had and I'm not done yet. Something better will turn up. It has to.

I feel like I need to drink a heap of water so I'd better go and do that, and get the mail and get ready to go pick up Sophie and take her to her car in town. At least I'll be out of the house.

Fish, art and flowers

I'm going to have fish when I'm in Sydney. I've always wanted fish, just a few in a round bowl, something simple. Cold-water fish is enough. Yorick and I did the whole tropical-water tank and it was good, but a bit too much effort. I just want something to look after, maybe even a plant, something of my own.

The way I see myself when I'm living in my own home, something created by me and hopefully my partner, I see myself differently, and that I will do certain things then, like have fish or keep a plant. I'm not doing that now and it's like I'm saving it for that other life. What if I don't get that life? Will I keep putting such things off? I hope not. I hope I do get the life I want. I also want vases of flowers everywhere, really pretty flowers. I want to start buying art pictures, like the one I saw in this great framed picture shop on Murray Street yesterday, so I have a collection for my Sydney house. I'm strange.

Flowers make you sociable apparently, according to a magazine I read. I love the ones Charlotte has in her Park Avenue home in Sex and the City. I think they are just beautiful and fill the vase perfectly. For my wedding I want white roses, this this moment in time. They smell great and look great and seem the perfect choice for me. I might change my mind though. I'm really looking forward to my house in Sydney.

Old journals

I'm feeling a bit depressed today. Depressed as in deflated not as in clinically depressed. Sometimes I think I need a man to make my life great. I know I'll love having a family of my own but I am making my life great, starting next year and possibly even now with my Maritime Museum volunteering and hopefully 2 new jobs. And yet I still wake up feeling like I have nothing to get up for. I don't see my friends as much as I would like. I am jealous when I hear of friends hanging out all the time, but life gets in the way, different schedules and different interests. It makes me sad.

I was reading Something Sweet's blog in bed last night on my phone [HTC Desire] and she posted about LJBook, a website that will save your journal into a PDF file and I'm going to do that, maybe even put it into a book. I'm glad I've got it there, even if it's not as detailed as it could be, regarding surroundings and happenings in the world or what general life consists of. It might be the latter actually. Life now, daily, I read 2 blogs here, those of Something Sweet and Skunkboy Creatures. I play games on Facebook, potter around the house, watch lots of DVD's, mostly seasons, and do not much at all. That's why I'm a bit depressed about it.

One new thing I do like is the Caesar salad from Liveeat. I might get that today before or after getting my RSA reprinted from Drysdale before going to my interview for Pier One at Wrest Point. Sarah said they ask you questions, like what have you done for a customer, so I hope I can wing it. I hope Pier One isn't too fancy. I just need the job to be able to transfer to Sydney.

Shopping with some Oomph! on the side

I went shopping today and got some boots, some socks to wear with the boots [even though I'm not sure they look good] some conditioner for the boots to make them last longer, I put a black and white stripy jacket on lay-by at Cotton On, a black t-shirt from Big W to go under the dress I got from Sydney and some knee length track pants to wear at the gym. I'm all set!

I applied for the job at Oomph! today. I went into the address they had on the ad and it was life a coffee shop in a warehouse. It was strange but cool. I'm not sure if that's the place it will be at but if it is that's fine with me. They had outdoor furniture for the tables and chairs and the beans towards the back. Strange but cool. I wonder if I'll hear back from them.

Shopping makes me happy. I forgot I had to spend money on the flights to Sydney. I guess I'll have to do that next week. Mum said I could borrow the money and book them though, so maybe I'll ask about that tomorrow, or tonight when they get back from dinner with friends. I'm home alone so I might go and watch a movie soon. Full from dinner at Cool Thai with Sarah. Errrg.

To tattoo or not to tattoo?

I've been thinking about tattoo's again lately. My surname one on my left wrist has been put on hold to find a better font as Holly thought I might be better off with something more flowy instead of the plain one I had but I'm not so sure anymore. I like that the plain squareish one is fit into a particular boundary. I like that it's simple so I might just stick with that. She gave me some websites to have a look at regarding text on the body tattoo's so I might have a look before I do anything. I like the simplicity of it. I might just stick with this design.

I've also been rethinking about the lovely heart tattoo's Katie from Skunkboy Creatures has on her arms just above the elbows. I think they are great but I'm not sure if I'd ever get them. I really adore them though. Arr.

It's a different spot, and I really like that about them, but that spot is not hidden away [probably a good thing]. I usually wear long sleeves so I could hide them if I wanted to, especially from my parents. They shouldn't be hidden though. My brother got a tattoo and they're fine with it. I'll have to show them my wrist one [when I get it] and they'll accept and understand. They'll get used to it.

Looking up

Things are finally happening, finally getting sorted. Tomorrow I have an interview at Wrest Point [our casino] for a job at Pier One, their fancy restaurant, and I think I have a real shot at it. If I get it, next year I can transfer to Sydney as they, being the Federal Group, have a business there. Hopefully I can work Monday to Friday evenings there and get Monday to Friday or Tuesday to Saturday work at Oomph!. That's my ideal job work plan. I'd also stick at thebeach for Saturday and Sunday's, unless I have to change that because of Pier One. We will see. After that tomorrow I'm going to check out the Roller Derby practice in Moonah and get some information. They won't be taking new members until December/January so that rules me out doing it here but I still want to go along. The lady I talked to on the phone said people train for a year before being in a game. I also called up the Maritime Museum and they're sending me out some applications for volunteering so I'll be able to start that in a month or something. I'm excited! Hopefully all goes well with both of these jobs and I have news to tell you.

C is for Cassie at Polyvore

Last night I did some research on Cassie Ainsworth from Skins and her clothes. One sparked the hunt in particular, her white skeleton dress, which she wore as a nightie, so I did a Google search and some Polyvore sets came up. The Polyvore sets all have details of where to get the items so today it's my plan to track them all down from the websites and make a list of great things I want to buy.

The first is the skeleton dress. I did a search in Top Shop and it came up with something very different to what Cassie wore. I liked that she wore it as a nightie as there were other sets with the dress but it looked weird with clothes over the top and underneath. It's a strange item. Maybe this different one will work alone.

I like the length and the sleeves on this particular dress, even though it's nothing like the original I was hoping to find [it was a few years ago mind you] but it might have to do. If it doesn't cling to the bottom, then I might be able to wear it out normally and not just limit it to the bedroom, although either would be fine with me in Sydney, hanging in my house.

The original skeleton dress Cassie wore

I definitely like the longer sleeves on the grey one. It's £35 which equals around AUD$59 so whether or not it's worth spending the money for is another thing all together. I should save up for certain items though as it'll be worth getting it in the end.

In another direction all together, I came across the cutest parasol in a search. I have found it at the Ladies Empirium and it is called the Battenberg Lace Parasol in white.

I can imagine myself sitting in a park with this as my protection from the elements. I always liked it when Carrie from Sex and the City would carry and umbrella on a sunny day. It seemed so feminine and proper.

Another area I love of Cassie's style is her knee-high socks. I have found some at Urban Outfitters and at Free People but my problem is having large calves so I need big boots to balance it out, otherwise I look weird. I know my legs look weird at work as my shoes are slim-lined and it makes my legs look weird. I have normal knees but bigger calves and smaller ankles and feet. I don't have model nice legs unfortunately so it makes it hard to feel comfortable wearing flats. I'll have to get some leg warmers to compromise with.

Now I'm looking at track pants on ae.com, a cute site with some outfits by Aerie that I really like. At the same time I'm writing a cover letter for the position at Oomph!. Better concentrate on that for a while. More clothes later.