My dreams would be great right now

I just went and saw Tangled and loved it! I was thinking that I was hearing Mandy Moore's voice but it was different at times. I guess you really can change your voice! I really, really enjoyed it. I am looking forward to watching one of the movies I bought yesterday. I think that will be good.

I have gained weight and it's really getting to me. I feel fat and I am definitely bigger than I was. I now weigh 70kg and that's not good. I've never gone past 65kg and to be going up further is horrible. I shouldn't have been living at Margate for so long. I'm not blaming that, it's all my fault, but I should have been out there making my own routines and cooking for myself and planning things better. I will be doing all of that soon enough. Fatty fat fat fat. I want to exercise everyday. I want to eat well and I want to feel great about myself. It'll be great achieving my goals. I really want to have my own house with my future husband, to be settled in the cutest cottage in the UK including Ireland somewhere, but that dream is a bit far off. I still want it all the same.

This is the year I will get thin and toned. This is the year I will find love. I am determined.

Once again I am so glad I'll be home tomorrow. I am super sick of it here in this back packers. I am ready for colder weather and routines I know. I want comforts and to feel like I don't have to impress the world because I'm hating my whole existence right now. I'm not feeling worthy or wonderful in my own skin. I want to feel both of those things and I believe they are connected to the man I'll eventually marry. Sigh. Where is he?

Relax, Anna!

I can't wait to go home. The weather here is unbearable, for me at least, getting to at least 30 each day. Not my kind of weather. Give me cold shade any day. The people here are annoying too and the room is always hot despite the open window and fan. I complain a lot but I have been enjoying my outings, even though it takes a huge effort to get anywhere. I posted some of my heavier books back today -- from me to me! I got two maxi dresses and I doubt they'll weigh much but I think I was pretty spot on on the way up so I don't want to push my luck. I've spent too much money already. I don't want to spend anymore, but since I won't be earning anything my savings will go down! No! I'm not sure when Centrelink will kick in but I will go in there when I can and drop off some forms, maybe even tomorrow afternoon. Sarah and I might go for breakfast. Then I can quickly print off some documents ... actually no. I don't have my last 8 weeks of pay slips with me. Another day.

I had a late lunch with Joyce today and it was nice but she made me feel crap about myself, unintentionally but hurtful nonetheless, because I'm shy and timid and "didn't give Sydney a chance." I know that I'm shy and timid but I want to feel comfortable, not like I'm jumping in the deep end just because I'm shy and timid. I want my friends around. I want to continue having fun in this time of my life, what with being single and myself for the first time ever, and I know I'll have that in Melbourne. It's cheaper, it's cooler [weather-wise], it's closer to home, it still has the course I want to do, it is an adventure, and it'll be a surprise. I might not have given Sydney a real go but why waste time when I know how it'll go, kind of. I'll waste money and time and energy because it's so damned hot and the houses are way too expensive. I don't want to live with randoms but living alone here would cost way too much. I want to keep on loving this city, not resent it.

I am really looking forward to starting my course. And on a new campus too! I started reading some of the books they sent me in the mail last night while trying to get to sleep and I think it's going to be interesting. I bought some note books from Typo to use for first semester so I'm looking forward to getting stuck into that. I just feel stressed thinking about it. I won't have a house to go to straight away unless I can live with Nicole and Rom [Sarah's room mates] and their friend. Holly and Ruben will do the couples thing and Amy and Carly are set I think. Scary. Got to chill.

I'm going to see Tangled tonight. I saw The King's Speech last night and quite enjoyed it. I am a bit worried about the money I'm spending but I have a fair bit stored away and I will most likely be getting Centrelink. I feel like my life is a waste but I just have to do the things I want to do and not get too stressed about it all. That's what this year will teach me I think. The Year of the Rabbit.

Home sweet home

Gosh I am ready to go home. I forget how it can be boring here especially when I can't just go to my room and watch DVDs, which is something I do need to to less of. I'm just ready to be back in Tasmania where I guess I belong. That doesn't mean I want to be there forever but it's comforting and that's what I need right now. Only one more day and I'll be home again.

Tomorrow at 2pm I'm meeting Joyce for afternoon tea. I think it will be lovely. I also need to stop by Typo and get supplies for Uni. There are these cute books in a series about Little Red Riding Hood and they are adorable. I want to get a lot more from there and with the two maxi dresses I bought from Jay Jay's of all places I might need to mail some things back to myself as my luggage is already at the limit. I won't be able to squash anymore in without paying more. Then mum and dad and Jan and Fra and I can have a lovely chat about my next move ... to Melbourne!

Going to Melbourne should be less stressful because I will have people to lean on there so I just have to remember that and relax. That's my problem. Here in Sydney I've been trying to do too much myself although I haven't really, but just thinking about all that I'd have to do isn't what I want. I hope that I can find a place to live easy and not have to stress out too much. It needs to be simplified. I just want to get my diploma and get a good job then move to the UK for a while and hopefully find my future husband! Please!

It's way too hot here. I'm not coping very well with it I must say. I am definitely looking forward to being home and reassessing. I'm glad I have good roommates too. We don't talk much but they aren't too loud and usually turn the lights off when I want them to be. Good stuff. I'm definitely ready for bed.

Melbourne it will be!

So here I am in Sydney. I'm at the backpackers, which isn't as good as the one I stayed in the last two times I came here, and I am very fully from dinner next door. I am sure it was a Thai place. It was delicious anyway and just what I needed despite filling me to the brim. Yesterday at the airport was tear central. Jan and Fra and I cried so much. I loved the hugs and them telling me they love me. Fra said she loves me and that I'm a good girl and brave. She said to Jan to tell me she loves me and Jan said I already know. It was so sweet. However, I'm heading back on Tuesday. It's not for me. I don't want to do it all alone so I'm going home then moving to Melbourne in a few weeks. Probably mid February. I have many friends there and that will make the difference. I have Amy, Carly, Kirsten and will have Holly and Ruben. I just don't want to do all of this by myself although I'll probably end up living alone in Melbourne it'll be different having friends to visit and to fall back on in times of need. I just think it's the better fit. I'm not feeling the love here. I'm alone and it'll take me a while to get settled and to make friends and I doubt I'll get into the Uni here. Anyway, I'd rather be around friends than in a pretty city. Life is short and it should be spent with the people you love.

So the thing is, yesterday morning I realised how it wasn't going to work here in Sydney but I've come anyway and had to lug my huge and heavy bags up millions of stairs in this cheapo backpackers. It'll be annoying getting it all back but when I move to Melbourne instead I might take my car. I've been treating this like a little holiday and I'm just glad I'll get to see Jan and Fra again! I miss them. Sarah and I had a chat this evening and half way through next year I reckon we'll head to the UK together. I'll be able to get a good job and will stay there for many years I believe. I'll find my Englishman there. I don't have much time left on the computer here as my credit is about to run out so I'll be heading off now but there is so much more to write! I am going to go to the Chinese Garden of Friendship for some Chinese New Year events tomorrow and I need to visit Joyce, go to a nice coffee shop Jan and Fra recommended and do some of the things I haven't done like visit the Maritime Museum and go to the Botanical Gardens. It'll be a nice little holiday. I'll update again soon.

Leaving day

I am completely crazy. At least that's what I was thinking last night and this morning, but now I have drilled it in that I can always go to Melbourne instead if Sydney doesn't work out it's not so scary. I've been talking to Jan and Fra about it all morning while they helped me pack. It's my sister's fault. She cried last night after I dropped her home from the movies and it made me cry and think that I'm crazy for leaving everyone fabulous behind. It is crazy but I need this adventure. Sometimes I feel brave but last night/this morning I felt stupid. I will give it a week and see how I go. I can always come back. I need to enroll in classes like Burlesque and Pole Dancing and Yoga to keep me busy.

I have just changed my Deakin enrollment and I got a class reader in the mail so I'm actually getting excited about it. The course wouldn't be that bad and I'd be out in the field looking after cultural heritage. I could definitely go on archaeological digs! I'm warming to the idea of Melbourne even though I'm not a huge fan of the city. Amy did show me a great time when I was there last and a lot of my friends are there so it wouldn't be too bad at all. It sure would be a lot of fun, especially if I could move in with Holly and Ruben.

Stuff with packing wasn't going so well but Jan and Fra helped me with that and I'm pretty close to the maximum weight. It'll all be okay. I can treat going to Sydney as a little holiday, although I would love to go to the Uni there. The city is fantastic, and I'm sure it'll treat me well, so I'll stick with the plan to check out houses and look into jobs. I will be able to survive at the back packer's for a while, a week definitely, so I'll take it as it comes. Knowing I can come back in a week is making it less sad.

I had such a great night last night. I met up with Andi in the afternoon after lunch with James, Sarah, Jan and Fra at Tricycle in Salamanca. We picked up Ivy and had some nice chats. They waved me off. I didn't feel like I was leaving at the time so it didn't sink in about not seeing them for a while. I know I'll be back a lot. It doesn't feel like I'll be that far away. After hangs with Andi I picked up Sarah, then Holly, then met Emma in North Hobart and we had Cool Thai for dinner. After that we went to Onba and had 4 drinks each and had some wonderful chats. I'll miss those girls. Emma will see if she can get a transfer from her job here at AAMI to a branch in Sydney and she might join me there in a few months, maybe. That would be fun if she did. Holly got me one of her Hiiragi tee's which I love, and I had hugs with both of those lovely girls/women. They are great friends. Then Sarah and I went to see Burlesque again and I felt guilty for not being home earlier to hang with family. Drat. Sarah and I said bye in the car until I ran out and hugged her again. We chatted and cried a bit. It was nice. Then I went home and thought how crazy I was being and now we're up to date. I can always go to Melbourne.

I am actually excited about the reader I got in the mail today. I can start studying! I'll see how I go in Sydney, and see if I get into the course or not, as I can always go to Sydney next year and do the masters in museum studies. That's definitely an option. I'll go on my little holiday, have a look at places, and jobs, and if it's not for me then Melbourne it is. I'll have more fun in Melbourne as I actually know people anyway. I'm up for fun.

It's scary that it's almost real though. I'm scared and it's making me want to back out of Sydney but this is what I've been dreaming of for a while now. And as I've said to myself before, just because I'm scared it shouldn't mean I stop doing things. I can't stop doing things because I'm scared. I'm not very good at writing. Anyway, I should go and spend some time with my aunts. Mum is coming home for 230pm and we're hitting the road at 3pm for 4pm at the airport. I'll leave at 5pm. Until next time.

Angry

Yesterday I got really annoyed at mum. She kept badgering me about selling my old Uni books in the way she does and I got so frustrated I cried a bit, in my room of course. I was also mad at my sister so I didn't look at either of them through dinner with Jan, Fra, dad, James, George and Etta. I'm not sure if they noticed but they probably did. Mum finally retreated and said it's all up to me. I have to make my own decisions. Duh! That's my plan all along. It's definitely time for me to set out on my adventure. Yahtzee to that.

Australia Day

Not much to report other than I really want a baby. Hehe. I had Etta on my lap for a while and I had a nice hold of her. I totally want my own but I will have to wait for 1. a man and 2. a few years. Drat that. I just want to keep cuddling her all day!

Packing is getting better. Got to pack another bag which will get send/brought up later once I'm settled full of things like books and DVDs. I do want them straight away but I won't be using them and it won't be practical so later is fine, better in fact. I want to get a house asap if it's right but I also need a job asap. I'll look and apply for houses and go on a job hunt too. Hopefully Saturday will be the day for paper job/house hunting. I'll have to get up early. I'm making a list of houses to see and they are from 1030 onwards. I might have to get a cab from one to another.

So, when I get to Sydney, Saturday morning I can get the paper, look at houses, look at jobs, go around with my resume, and hope I get a job asap. I don't mind stay in the backpackers if I have a job and am waiting to get a house. I'm trying to change my Deakin enrollment to the Certificate but I'm struggling with the website. Once that's done I can apply for Centrelink. I've just realised that I can't complete the certificate in 6 months as there are 3 compulsory units to do and one is only available in the second semester! Drat it. Hopefully I hear back from Sydney and if not I will apply again with my updated details. I didn't mention the Maritime as work or Fronting MONA. That would have made a difference if I don't get an offer. Bugger. I guess I'll have to stick with the Diploma at Deakin. I'll wait until I find out from Sydney then apply again possibly. Drat again.

I said I'd go into work today and get my pay slips but I might do that another time. It's so long to get there and back just for that. I also need to do more packing. Tomorrow Jan and Fra and I will have some lunch in Sandy Bay, then I'll meet up with Andi, then with Emma and Holly for Onba and Cool Thai. Friday I could stop by work on the way to G and Etta's before the airport. It's funny feeling my time in Hobart running out, that I won't be here to do things anymore. I'm not sure the Co-op will be open so I might not be able to sell my books. Hmm drat. It wouldn't have been possible anyway since I'm leaving before they allow books to be sold for that semester. I might be too early.

Anyway, I should scan more important documents for rental applications. And pack more. And pack other things to be sent/brought up later.

Chinese Horoscope, 2011 and compatibilities

2011, year of the Rabbit -- horoscope for those born in the year of the Tiger.

2011 in general --

Welcome to the year of the White Metal Rabbit or Hare (the Cat in Vietnam). It will begin on February 3, 2011, and it is the fourth year in the twelve-year cycle of the Chinese horoscope.

Since Rabbit is a calm, quiet, and reserved sign, this year is going to be more peaceful and serene than the previous year of the Tiger. There will be no jaw-dropping events or terrifying accidents to cause stress or apprehension. This will be a year to get plenty of rest, to relax, to accumulate power, and to reflect on the past in order to prepare for the future. Rabbit is a very hospitable sign, so 2011 will be a good year for social gatherings, making connections, and spending quality time with friends and family. Due to Rabbit's diplomatic traits, this year will be an excellent time for communications, discussions, and negotiations. It will also be a year to make peace with old enemies, and to resolve any outstanding issues and misunderstandings.

Rabbit is a symbol of fertility and commitment, so for those who plan to tie the knot, 2011 promises a happy and long-lasting marriage.

Year 2011 for Tigers --

This year Tigers will be full of strength and energy. They will be very lucky in love - Tigers will be adored and cherished by their significant other. With the serene atmosphere at home, this sign will be able to better concentrate on business matters.

Tigers will have lots of brilliant new ideas, which could lead to potential career growth. In 2011 all serious competitors will disappear as if by magic.

Overall, this will be an excellent year if Tiger can learn to prioritize, avoid getting greedy, and not try to accomplish too many things at once. Tiger people should learn from the relaxed and tranquil Rabbit how to decompress and enjoy their rest. Everything is in their hands this year.

I think this is a good horoscope for me this year. I have already had hints from my daily horoscope to relax and I think this is definitely a skill I need to perfect. I love that I have good love potential this year. I hope I find my perfect match.

I also looked up the Scorpio matches with other star signs and have found two I'd love to have a relationship with.

Scorpio and Pisces

The relationship between Scorpio and Pisces is almost magical. It is full of amazing love and passion for each other. Pisces will accept you as you are and work with your flaws for the greater benefit of the relationship. Pisces will understand and touch you in a way that no one else has before. Their ability to accept you just the way you are will definitely make you fall in love with Pisces. on the other hand, your practical approach to live and your no-nonsense attitude is what Pisces requires in a mate to make sure what Pisces's wild imagination does not get the better of them. Pisces tends to be overly emotional, and you will therefore need to carefully watch what you say. Scorpio will help Pisces to see things practically, rather than emotionally, in order to avoid some of the unnecessary heartache that seems to hunt Pisces. The compassionate nature of Pisces will counter the demanding and controlling nature of Scorpio and lean to and understanding between the two of you. The kind of love that Scorpio and Pisces have is the undying kind and no matter what happens, you will still hold on to each other.

Scorpio and Capricorn

Good friends at first, and then lovers -- this is how it usually works for Scorpio and Capricorn. When entering a new relationship, you will have to overcome your natural mistrust and learn to believe in one another. Once you get to know each other you will be extremely comfortable with one another as you have no inhibitions when talking to your Capricorn partner. You have a lot in common: you are conservative and unless you both agree on going out, Capricorn will just be as comfortable back at home. Your possessive nature can take a back seat when you are in a relationship with Capricorn because they expect too much from you. In turn, Capricorn is known to be hardworking, industrious, prudent and determined. Therefore, if you have any goals to achieve as a couple, Capricorn will be very cooperative. The traits you both exhibit also mean that your relationship will not be bridled by financial difficulties. However, you should be on the lookout because Capricorn is highly motivated by money.

I think I would prefer a Capricorn now I write and re-read these two. I hope we find each other!

It's almost Sydney time!

Well, I just booked 4 nights at Maze Backpacker's on Pitt Street in Sydney. I don't know how long I'll be there as in I might have to stay for a whole week before finding a place, fingers crossed it won't take too long, so 4 nights feels safe. And it's the cheapest I've found -- $26 per night in a female only dorm. I'm excited about that. It'll be nice to try and new backpacker's and find different routes around the city streets. That'll be fun.

Saturday night I'm meeting up with Annie from thebeach and we along with her boyfriend Seb are going to go to the Ice Bar! I just red up on it and they supply coats and gloves and you get a free vodka martini first up. It didn't say how much it all costs but it'll be okay. Yorick and I almost went to one in NZ so it'll be nice to see what we missed.

On Saturday morning I'm hoping there will be new houses I can go and check out and apply for. I need to scan some things in as on the applications I've started for houses online at the very end they get you to attach some documents like your passport or drivers licence or birth certificate. I might do some of that before I head off as I won't have another chance. I'll probably need it. I hope it doesn't take too long for me to get a place. I know I want my own place, and being there to actually inspect the apartments will make a huge difference, so if I get my own place and it's not so great I might not have to be too picky. As long as I can have my own place... I need to get a job straight away soon. And Centrelink. I have to try and swap over from the diploma to the certificate in case I don't get into USYD so I can transfer up. So much to do!

I have started laying out on my bed what I want to take with me. I'm starting with the clothes as that's the easy part. I have a box of things I want to take with me but I also want to take my cutlery and a few pots/pans and kitchen things. I have to make sure it doesn't weigh too much. I didn't have to pay for the flights though so if it does go over weight I'll be paying and it'll definitely be cheaper than a flight so I don't mind. There are two bigger suitcases to choose from and I'll take the little carry-on one I take on short trips. Dad said I can take my laptop in a case and it'll be classed as carry-on but I'd rather not have to carry it ... I only just thought of that.

I'm really looking forward to being in Sydney again. It's ages since I was last there. That was in September. Yonks ago! I love the feel of it and I hope the sense of adventure will help me make the transition.

A Glebe apartment

I just found the cutest looking place in my budget in a great area -- Glebe. It actually had pictures of the kitchen, bathroom, and bedroom and some of the surrounding area. I wonder if I can get it! It's $260 a week but if I'm working a lot or I get Centrelink then I can afford it. I hope Centrelink will pay for it. I emailed the real estate to find out when it's open for an inspection so hopefully I can see it on Saturday morning! I'm sure there will be some new properties to look at on Friday night at the back packer's.

Last day at thebeach!

No more work for me until Sydney! I did my last shift at thebeach today. It was nothing special. I'll have some drinks there on Tuesday night with people from work. I have some ciders as a mini present. So glad to be done. I'll be back [not to work but to visit]. Afterwards I went to visit James and George and Etta with mum, Jan and Fra. Etta is so cute!!! I go so mushy. She had a play in her Jolly Jumper and had a sit on my lap. I love holding her. Sometimes she cries a bit or gets bored and I'm sad when that happens. I'm shy around babies and don't know what to do with them really. I'm getting better as I've been exposed a lot to Etta, which I love, and it'll only get better. I've had experience with my bestie Andi's baby Ivy. I hadn't seen her for a while until one night last week and we had a cuddle. It was the best ever! Ivy is a beautiful girl. Just over 2 years old since August. What a cutie. I miss that one. Right now I'm going to have some food as I missed lunch due to working. I need a feed!

Clothing wish list

Closet needs

+ I Go By Katie's Everyday Tee

+ White lace top

+ Cream skirt

+ Military green jeans

+ Dark/black pants/jeans

+ Light pants/jeans

+ Jeans

+ Mustard cardigan

+ Black and white striped top and jacket

+ Kahki jacket

+ Denim button up shirt

+ Pin-striped button up shirt

+ Black sequined top

+ Cute white shirt

+ Grey skirt

+ Brown coat

+ Grey cardigan

This will keep me going for a while! I won't be buying any of this, most of this [the pants], until I thin down a bit. I want to make sure things I buy fit. Sydney here I come!

Strategies

Strategies to take my mind of my loneliness

+ Lie on the floor/bed/grass and listen to music with my eyes closed;

+ Go for a walk outside and clear my head;

+ Think positively and remind myself of the greatness I've already achieved;

+ Have a cry if I need to;

+ Look at the pictures I have of my family;

+ Call friends of family for a boost;

+ Visit Joyce or Sam;

+ Plan something inspirational to do;

+ Go to a dance or photography class;

+ Get a hot chocolate and a pastry;

+ Go on a ferry ride to the beach, sit on the beach and meditate;

+ If it gets too much, go to Melbourne for a day or two to visit friends;

+ Book a trip back to Hobart and make plans;

+ Blog;

+ Go shopping off my closet need list;

+ Exercise.

I'm already getting a preview of the loneliness but being in Sydney on a great adventure in the sun will make all the difference. I'll be getting my own apartment, starting a new job and making a life for myself. I have to think of the positives. I'll add to this list when I'm there and find other things that help me get through emotional waves. I'll be okay.

Movies and strategies

Last night was a really fun night. It started off with me meeting Sarah at her place then going to Cool Thai for dinner. We had our usuals and it was fantastic. It's been a while since I've been and I sure have missed it. After that, Sarah dropped me off at the movies. I saw Morning Glory with Sophie at the Hobart cinemas then Sarah picked me up outside and we went to see Burlesque at Eastlands! I loved the second one especially but the first was better than I thought it would be. I spent a bit too much because the first was at Gold Class and the ticket was $30 but it was worth it. I can't save everything. I've been doing well in the saving department too.

Mum, dad, Jan and Fra went to Strahan from Monday to Thursday so it was nice having them back yesterday. Mum and dad went to work so it was just me and the aunts here and it was quite a relaxing day. Today they're on Bruny Island and I feel lonely again. It makes me think of how it will be in Sydney. Yes I'll be sad and lonely but I'll make friends and have Joyce and my cousin Sam to visit if things are really depressing. I feel like I'm not strong enough but I'll have to be. I feel alone already. It's like I've left but haven't. I was planning to visit James and George and Etta today but they're busy. That's why I felt lonely. I'll get used to it. I'm going to write a list of strategies for when I feel lonely and sad. Good plan.

30 for 30 Remix Guide

I just bought Kendi Everyday's 30 for 30 Remix Guide for $4 [$4.15] and am already worshiping it. I can't wait until I get fit and smaller so I can buy some items I need [and want but mostly need] so I can participate in my first 30 for 30 challenge. I'm very excited about it. Doing it in Sydney will make it all the more special too. Then I can take pictures for a daily outfit like I've always wanted to since reading other blogs. That's my favourite part. And I've love to look back on what I wore in my mid 20s.

Beautiful photography and a Fuji digital camera

Beautiful photography

http://www.google.com/images?q=Nick+Brandt+Photography&oe=utf-8&rls=org.mozilla:en-US:official&client=firefox-a&um=1&ie=UTF-8&source=og&sa=N&hl=en&tab=wi&biw=1231&bih=627

A new camera I want

http://www.bhphotovideo.com/c/product/751784-REG/Fujifilm_16128244_Finepix_X100_12_MP.html

Certificate versus Diploma

I was just thinking this morning that instead of doing the Diploma at Deakin, I can do the Certificate, and can apply to upgrade from the Deakin Certificate to the USYD [I think that's the shorter version they use of the University of Sydney] Diploma! They might go for that. I might still get an offer in the final round, it's possible, but if not I might switch to the Deakin Certificate, if that can be done, so I can apply to do the USYD Diploma mid-year. That would be better. I don't want to abandon all hope. Nope I don't.

I've been thinking of the renting situation. Yesterday I found a cute room with en-sweet that was fully furnished in a "friendly share house," which happened to be on Mary Ann St [my mum's name is Maryann] and close to Darling Harbour and the city. It looks like a nice room with a really nice bathroom and it has French doors that open out onto the backyard with a table and chairs. I'm not sure I'd like it though because I'd feel weird about cooking with others around and walking in their house. I will see if I can get my own place of get in contact with Kirsten's friend Katie.

It's all feeling a bit strange. I'm heading off this time next week I reckon. I finish work this weekend [so glad about that] but it's all up in the air. It'll be good to get there and visit these houses and make a decision. Hopefully I'll have one within a week. That might be pushing it. I'll see.

I really need to start my Fronting MONA essay. Eek. It's due on the 11th of February. Heaps of time! Still, eek!

Pretty tattoos

More tattoo's I like --

Horoscopes and love and plans

If you are looking for instant gratification in a relationship, Scorpio, forget it. It's rare that two people meet and are instantly in sync in every way. The best friendships and romances take time, and they are certainly worth the effort. If you haven't yet found the one you are looking for, it may be because you believe you are owed that immediate spark. Or, if you ware involved in a relationship that is progressing slowly, please don't rush it. If you can be patient and forgiving, you will find that it was worth the wait.

I always thought that when I'd meet the guy I was to eventually marry that I'd know instantly, like Sometimes Sweet, but maybe that is rare and maybe it's not how it'll work out for me. It hasn't been like that in the past with the relationships I've been in but that's because they weren't the one. I do believe that the names of the people we choose are similar to the one we will end up with. The three relationships I've been in have all had similar name lengths and a common letter and I think that might mean I'll end up with a similar named guy. That's just my theory. Jeremy, for example, went out with me, Anna, a girl called Ang, and is now with a girl called Hannah. Similar! I like the patterns I see in relationship matches.

I forgot to put love on my list of wants. I want to find love and settle down as well as study, travel and have my own house. Love is the key to my ultimate happiness and it's hard being single right now but it's for the best. I have to be strong and independent and make sure I'm ready for the next one, the right one. Holly and I have been messaging and she said it's just a bit of panic and that I don't have to go on the day I thought I would so I have time to decide what to do. She said I can always move to Melbourne if Sydney doesn't work out. I think Sydney will work out though. It's a better city in my eyes and making it there would be greater than doing the same in Melbourne. It wouldn't feel as great in Melbourne. I don't like the city and it would feel like I'm following everyone else. It's a standard thing moving to Melbourne, no offence to my lovely friends who are living there or going to live there. It's just not for me. I believe I could make it work in Sydney. It's just sad that I might not get into the Uni there. There's still time.

What to do!?

Frak I still don't know what to do. I called the University of Sydney Helpline and they directed me to the arts postgraduate section, who I'm sure I've talked to before, but it just went to a message bank. Without getting into the Uni it seems pointless moving there. Then I think of Melbourne and I don't like it there. I might come to like it and I'd be around friends... I feel it would be a mistake to move there though. I think of how annoying it was getting into town and how the streets annoy me. Then I think of Sydney and I remember how much I love it there. I don't want to stay in Hobart anymore so I guess it's Sydney then! I can't do full-time work. When would I fit in volunteering at a museum? Would I have enough time to organise my life, get thin, go to dance and photography classes? I'm not sure I would. A 9-5 would be okay in a music store for the money. I probably won't get the job anyway so I shouldn't be stressing about working full-time. Their definition of full-time might be different than 9-5. So I guess it's decided. I'll move to Sydney anyway as planned, get a job, study via Deakin online, and get into museums where I can. Melbourne is crap for museums anyway. I didn't get to the one in South Bank so I might be lying. Still I don't want to move to Melbourne. I keep going over it in my mind. I'm not sure I'd like it there, but with friends showing me around it might not be that bad. Arrrg crap. I need Holly to talk to. I think we might be catching up tonight to watch a Japanese DJ she likes. She will help me.

What I want

My own house

I want to get into great habits and decorate my space just how I want it. I don't want to be forced to make small-talk with people or share things. I want it to be all mine.

To study to be a curator

I was hoping to do this at the University of Sydney but that might not happen. Pretty much every other University requires students to have an honours degree, something which I doubt I'll ever be good enough to get, but with a lot of help it might be attainable. Then I'd have to stay in Hobart for another year, which is something I don't want to do.

Move away from Hobart

I don't want to stay here anymore. I've been planning to get out along with going to the University of Sydney for months now and staying here would be such a step backwards. I don't really like Melbourne so that was the choice behind that. Everyone goes to Melbourne. I want to do my own thing. However, if I went to Melbourne I could hang with Holly and Amy and Carly and Kirsten. I might be unhappy there though, despite being around friends. I might regret the choice. Going to Sydney, however, would feel like my own adventure, my choice. I don't know many people there but it doesn't feel like a mistake, unlike moving to Melbourne would.

Live and work in the UK for at least a year

I want to do this but I want to get underway with studying towards a career in museums. It was probably stupid to think I'd ever get into the University of Sydney but I've put everything into it regarding planning. Maybe it'll have to be Melbourne. At least then I wouldn't be as lonely. I don't like it there though... Maybe I should just go to Sydney instead anyway. I can work full-time and study at Deakin over the internet. That was the backup plan anyway. Or I could just fly away to the UK and get into a ground-level museum position. If that'd work. I'd also love to go on some archaeological digs.

-------------------

I don't know what to do here. Maybe go to Sydney anyway, find a house, get a full-time job, study at Deakin via distance. The Melbourne course is crap though. I don't think it's as good as the Sydney one. Or I could live in Melbourne surrounded by friends. I don't know if I've been rejected by Sydney! I will call them up tomorrow and find out when they'd tell you if you weren't getting in. Then I can make some plans. Crappidy oh. Maybe I should just go to Sydney anyway. It'll be my fresh start and I'll make it a fantastic experience. I just wanted to go to the Uni there because it's beautiful. I will still study, just online. It might work better. I'll call and see what they say about rejections and go from there.

-------------------

Travel

I want to do lots of travelling. I want to go to Asia first, to Thailand, Vietnam, Cambodia, Laos, Nepal, Tibet, China, Japan. That's a lot of places and I probably wouldn't get to all of them. There are definitely some I've left out but I think this will have to wait, especially if I'm moving. I want to aim for something like this for the end of the year. A few months would be great. Hopefully I meet my man and we go together. I think it has to be Sydney. For now I'm tired so I think that's me for tonight. Hopefully tomorrow will bring better news.

Offer???

Still nothing.

Am I not getting in?

There's nothing to go on.

I just need a simple answer.

Hope?

Forget it?

What's it going to be?

Waiting is torment.

Utter torment.

I want to kill UAC and Sydney Uni.

I've wasted so much time hoping and dreaming about getting an offer when it seems that it'll never happen for me.

What a waste!!!

But here I am, still hoping slightly.

This really sucks.

Sad face.

The Everyday Tee

I want this Everyday Tee made by I Go By Katie.

I think it would be a wonderful staple in my wardrobe.

Unfortunately, the fabric is on order so I'll have to wait.

30 for 30, horoscopes and the move

While I was at Orford on Sunday I had the perfect horoscope in the paper. I'm not sure if it was a weekly one or not but it fits perfectly --

Your mind is on several things at once. One thing is higher education and perhaps enrolling in some sort of course.

Here is part of one from today --

You are making something much harder than it has to be, Scorpio. You are straining when you need to be relaxing. You are putting yourself under pressure when you should be more carefree ... You are a tough crowd to please, but you are even tougher on yourself. Ease off a little now. The less seriously you take yourself, the better things will work out.

... means I have omitted something, by the way.

Tonight I might find out whether or not I have been accepted into the Uni of Sydney. I hope, if I'm to be accepted, I find out straight away after 9pm. I'm not sure if they'll email me or if I'm to check the UAC website. I really want this. It'll make moving to Sydney a more enjoyable experience. Going to the Uni there is what would make it whole. Please!!!

Once I start losing some weight, I can finally get working on building up my closet and finally sorting that out. I posted a little while ago, here, about Kendi Everyday's Create A Working Closet series and part 4 is out. I'm not sure I blogged about it. Part 4: Shopping. I'm currently looking at old daily outfit pictures from Sydney and Kendi. I want a great wardrobe with pieces I can successfully do a 30 for 30 with. That is a dream of mine!

I loved some of those cute room/bed picture I found on Tumblr yesterday. I must print them out and take them with me instead of having them on my computer so I can use them as a reference when out on the town buying things. I'm so excited. As my horoscope said, I have to be more relaxed about the move. I am stressing/scaring myself too much and that needs to stop. It's going to be an amazing adventure. It truly will. In time I'll make friends and all will be okay.

Bedroom

I will try and make my bedroom/bed area look something like this.

A tent to inspire

I want one of these.

It reminds me of the "tent" Jude Law's kids [in the movie The Holiday] made. I want to make one. I'll escape into it when I'm feeling lonely or sad.

A delicious breakfast

I want this for breakfast!

I'm looking forward to providing for myself.

Tumblr

Major Tumblr updating going on -- http://gonetoneverland.tumblr.com/

30 days of questions

A list of things to do from Miss Love.

I should do one of these 30 days of questions into a years worth, in the 365 journal from Kikki-K. That might be a bit extreme but it would be an interesting way to document my life. I might leave it for Sydney and add some of my own questions. I doubt I'd make 335 more questions but I can try!

Day 01 -- Your current relationship, if single discuss how single life is.

Day 02 -- Where you'd like to be in 10 years.

Day 03 -- Your views on drugs and alcohol.

Day 04 -- Your views on religion.

Day 05 -- A time you thought about ending your own life.

Day 06 -- A photo of yourself and write 30 interesting facts about yourself.

Day 07 -- Your zodiac sign and if you think it fits your personality.

Day 08 -- A moment you felt most satisfied with your life.

Day 09 -- How you hope your future will be like.

Day 10 -- Someone who came into your life unexpected and made an impact.

Day 11 -- Put your iPod on shuffle and write 10 songs that pop up.

Day 12 -- Bullet your whole day.

Day 13 -- Somewhere you’d like to move or visit.

Day 14 -- A photo of a cherished memory.

Day 15 -- 5 people in your life right now who mean the most.

Day 16 -- Your views on mainstream music.

Day 17 -- Your highs and lows of this past year.

Day 18 -- Something that makes you laugh.

Day 19 -- Disrespecting your parents.

Day 20 -- How important you think education is.

Day 21 -- One of your favorite shows.

Day 22 -- Something you want to do before you die.

Day 23 -- Give pictures of 5 guys who are famous who you find attractive.

Day 24 -- Somewhere you would like to travel.

Day 25 -- A photo you took.

Day 26 -- What kind of person attracts you.

Day 27 -- A problem that you have had.

Day 28 -- Something that you miss.

Day 29 -- Goals for the next 30 days.

Day 30 -- Your highs and lows of this month.

Be brave

Today I had my last day of volunteering at the Maritime. I really like/d helping Rona [the curator] out. I will miss it. I think I'm not too sad about it because I'm so preoccupied with being scared about Sydney. I thought on the way home that I might have to write myself a check list to read when I'm there and feeling lonely or sad. It should rationalise everything, like how I don't like Melbourne, there's nothing here for me in Tasmania, and things like that. I will need to remind myself to keep my chin up, to think about the big picture, and that others are the world have gone through worse than I ever will and to keep it all in perspective. I think it'll help. I also want to get some pictures of family together so I can surround myself with them.

I also want to write a list of all the things I want to do while I'm there, like dance and photography classes, creating in my 365 journal, listening to music in the park, taking photographs whenever I can [hopefully a few times a week] and planning/organising my world. I can always catch the train to Melbourne because I find it so hard to get to and from the airport once you get to the Southern Cross Skybus station. Train might be better. Hopefully I'll get a job fairly soon after I arrive. I can't believe I'm probably heading off next week. Sometimes I am truly excited, but most of the time I think about how lonely I'll be and that I'll crack and cry. I will be lonely and I will cry but what I'll be doing will be fabulous especially if I get into the Uni. I will make friends and I will find my future husband. It'll all be okay.

I'm just looking up back packer's now. It'll cost me a bit so hopefully there'll be a house available for not this weekend but next, otherwise I'll be spending a fortune waiting for a house! Eek. That's not too good. I just hope I'll find a place sooner rather than later. I'm sure I'll be okay. Off to do some washing and walking of Katie. Then I need to write some job applications!

Can I do this?

I keep having second thoughts. I think because next week is getting closer and closer despite nothing being booked is what's making me nervous. I'm pretty much going to be there by myself. I keep thinking how lonely I'll be and that I'll fall apart. Just being here alone is making me feel weird, like a part of me is missing. I think, should I go to Melbourne instead so I can visit Holly and Ruben all the time? but that's skipping out on my dream. I wouldn't visit them that much like here. I don't like Melbourne and I at least have to give it a go in Sydney. I can't bail just because I'm scared or because I will get lonely or sad. I'll fill my time right up and call people and visit Joyce and cousin Sam and people will visit me. Be tough!

Forgot to mention...

I obviously haven't gone. Forgot to mention I have the house to myself until Thursday. My parents and Jan and Fra are off to the North-west coast of Tasmania for a few days. It's probably my last week here also. Got lots to do. I think I'll just head to Sydney anyway on the 25th but will wait to see if I need to be there earlier if I get accepted to the Uni of Sydney. Kyü have both studied at the Uni of Sydney! I hope I can go to lots of shows of their while I'm there. Last night I dropped Andi home and Ivy and I had the cutest cuddle. It was so cute. She is so cute! I miss that little girl. She's beautiful. I need to drop in on George [and James] and Etta some time this week. Right. Time to get a move on.

Kyü

Last night was great! I saw Kyü at Mona Foma and they were fantastic live. I wanted to get their CD at the merchandise tent but they were all sold out. I think I can get it online though. All is well. I had been at Orford for the day with mum and Jan and Fra visiting nan and pa and got back at a bit after 5. I tried to contact Holly and meet her to see Fourplay but she didn't answer her phone. I decided to head on down there anyway and check it out. I'm not sure I've ever seen them live before, or really heard much of them but I do love their work. I've had a classical music up-bringing so I really appreciate classical instruments, like violins, being used in a rock band. I like that bridge. While I was there, Holly and Ruben found me. We stood together in the sun watching Fourplay then went back to Holly's boat for some pizza and cider. At 8 we went to see Kyü. Fantastic is all I can say. Lost for words then and now. They are so amazing. I'm listening to them now on their Myspace page but they are way better live. I really need to get back to my room and finish my second assignment for Fronting MONA so I can hand it in at Art School today. I also need to take Katie for a walk and probably meet Sarah for some boots shopping. Eek! Enough on the computer.

Actually, after Kyü had finished, and Andi had just arrived, Andi and I went for a wander and had a drink at Irish. She bumped into a friend there and he was with an Englishman! He was really nice, we had a good chat, and it just gave me hope that I will meet my UK man. They are out there, especially since this guy said there are job shortages over there. I'll meet my man.

My own house

I did love it but I'm so glad being out at MONA has finished. I'm not cut out for early morning starts when there is a lot of travel involved. It wouldn't be so bad if I were only going to thebeach as it's not that far away and I wouldn't have to get up extra early. Golly gosh it was hard. I do miss being out there and that is the kind of job I want to do, not specifically a front of house position, but something to do with museums. And that is where I'm headed.

I'm currently looking on Seek for jobs to apply for and have found some I would like to get. There is one in a music store I am extremely qualified for, one at Flight Centre, and one at Todae, an eco-friendly store which I probably wouldn't get. The draw card was that it starts on February 1st 2011. I'll apply and see what happens. I also need to look at houses again. It'll be better being there so I can actually go and check them out as I don't think I'll line one up just via the internet. I am a bit worried about where to stay when I first get there and how long it'll actually take to get a place of my own. I could stay on cousin Sam's couch if that's okay or in a backpacker's if there are any cheaper ones, or couch surfing. It's tricky. I still have time to organise this stuff though.

Andi and her partner Darren are moving into a lovely house on York Street in Sandy Bay. Apparently his sister is buying it and they'll pay her back over 30 years or something. It's such a lovely house, so adult, so mature, and I wish I could have that. I don't have that much money though. I have to rent and it won't be as nice as that. That's okay though but I wish I could have a better house. One day...

A short hello

I was so tired last night after not getting enough sleep the night before. I went to bed at 930pm after watching a bit of A Walk to Remember again to wind down. Jan and Fra finally arrived yesterday so we had a bbq dinner with James and George and Etta as well as me and mum and dad [Sarah had to work] and it was really nice. Didn't get much time with Etta as she was a bit upset not too long after I started holding her. I think other faces spooked her. I love that adorable girl though. So gorgeous. I can't wait to see what she looks like a little older.

Today was the second last day out at MONA. The morning was interesting with lots of talks about the artwork, the history of the artworks, and other valuable information. One of the talks was from the librarian there and it was amazing the kind of stuff she new about. Mum thought I should be a librarian because I'm quiet and I liked books as a kid but I would only do it if it were in an ancient library. Mary, the librarian at MONA, knew so much about ancient artefacts and I'd love to know what she knows. It got me considering being one if I could do it like she did. Maybe there's a special course. I have no idea.

Stuff with Sydney is still on hold. Still waiting for the 19th to roll around to find out if I'm going to be studying there or not. I talked to mum and whether or not I should hang around for another week or something if I don't get accepted and she said I should just go then anyway. I agree. I kinda always knew that I would. I want to start my new life as soon as possible!

For right now, I have to go and get ready for dinner at Mures with the family and Jan and Fra. Heading to my sister Sarah's first to car pool. I think I'll wear my new skirt, the grey one mum made.

Tee necklaces

I want to do this! I definitely have some old tee's to rip into shreds.

Tutorial by Kiera

Replicated by Lizzypunch

A funny start to the week

I experienced all the amazingness of MONA yesterday. The whole site is breathtaking from the vineyards to the bars/restaurants to the museum itself. I could never have imagined what the museum would be like from what I've read in the papers and I'm glad I couldn't. Seeing it without knowing what to expect was better. A lot of the artworks weren't up because things are still being built but just the building is an artwork. I loved the huge and super tall sandstone wall and how some rooms were cut so tall people would bump their heads. I was a bit tired by the time I got to the museum tour as in the morning I had been on the grounds tour so I wasn't as excited as I am now thinking back. It's a great building. 3 floors underground. It's amazing. I'm back there on Wednesday for 930am again. I was so tired yesterday. It was a long day.

Most of yesterday and a bit of the day before, I had noticed my car has been playing up a bit. She revs too high and won't lower it automatically and it got to be a problem yesterday. Once I was on my way home, I thought I had better stop for petrol and I made it to Margate. I got petrol, paid for it, hopped back into my car and it wouldn't start. I went into the car-fixing office and Dale was there, the mechanic who we've known for years, and he said I had a flat battery. He rolled my car down a slope backwards to the RACT van, charged it, and said that the alternator has been playing up and thus not charging the battery properly. The car is now in their shop. I called dad and he came and got me. It's just funny, that's all.

Today I'm going back to the Maritime to do some of my last volunteering. If I get into the University of Sydney I might only have two shifts left there but it all depends on the 19th. I really hope I get in. Then tonight I have work. Not looking forward to it but alas I need the money. This Wednesday I should get a great pay. I'll put most of it away. I don't need to spend much.

It's been raining for a little while now and we're to expect it will stay until the weekend. It made me not want to get up this morning so I watched A Walk to Remember and cried not only for them but for me. I can't wait for someone to love me like they were in love and for me to love them back, for us to get married and have a family. It's one of my hugest dreams and not having it on my radar now sometimes makes me sad. This is my year though. I'll get it. The rain also makes me want to stay home, but there's nothing to do here and I like volunteering at the Maritime so it's best that I go. Work will be good too. I like having contact with the other staff members but sometimes the work annoys me. I have to take dad's car today too. I'm going to go and collect my first Fronting MONA assignment from the Uni before I volunteer at 2pm and hopefully warm myself up on the walk from near the Uni to the museum.

I went to Illusions yesterday to inquire about an appointment for my first tattoo and the lady there said my small tattoo would cost $90! I think that's ridiculous. It's so tiny! What can cost that much? Holly said to leave it with her and she'll do some research for me. That's way too much to pay especially since it's almost $100 and I have to save everything I can. I hate that I had to put my car in for a service. It's going to set me way back. This week I will get a good pay though so it won't be too bad but still, it's annoying. I want to get this tattoo done but not for that price. It ought not to be more than $50.

I want to get a collection of photos of my family together to print out before I head off so once I get to Sydney I'll still have my family around me. I can't wait to have a unit/apartment and feel adult having my own space. I need to re-watch Sex and the City episodes to get ideas from Carrie Bradshaw's apartment. I want photos of James and George and Etta and one of the whole family and just some great moments that have been captured over the years. That is one of my little projects to be completed soon. One afternoon this week might work.

I need to eat something before I head off. For some reason I sometimes make myself nervous before going to something new even though I know it'll be fun and cruisy and therefore can't eat. It's a strange habit and it annoys me but it happens. I thought of this because I'm feeling like I won't be able to eat much now. I hate being put off eating. It wouldn't hurt me though because I've been letting myself go a bit with food. I'm in a bad weight rut. Sydney will be my opportunity to fix it. Tonight when I get back from work I want to look into other accommodation options, like cheaper backpacker's or caravan parks that I can utilise once I get to Sydney wile trying to find a place. I won't have time tomorrow afternoon as I'll be spending time with Jan and Fra! I should go eat.

The end of another week

Tomorrow I start my week [minus Tuesday and the weekend] at MONA. I think it's going to be great, confronting, yes, but great. I have to take a lunch and will bring some water along to have on the breaks around 12-1 I think. I can't remember if we get an hour's break or just half an hour. I have to get up quite early. I need to leave home at around 8-815am to get out there for a bit after 9am. We officially start at 930am but I want to be there early so I'm not late. I wouldn't want to be late. No way. Afterwards when we finish at 330pm I'm going to head to Illusions, the tattoo place, and book an appointment for Wednesday afternoon at 430pm probably so both Holly and Emma can come. My sister also wants to come so fingers crossed that that day and time works for all of us. I want them all there.

Lately I've been thinking about how I'll probably get lonely in Sydney and cry and have to work through the feelings. I'm sure I will but I just have to stop and feel what I feel and let it pass. I'll be doing greater things there than I would be doing here if I stayed and just because things are hard doesn't mean they shouldn't be done. I want to live alone, and I want to live in Sydney. It's my choice and with that reasoning I'll be okay. People are only a phone call away and if I'm really desperate I can book a flight home or at least to Melbourne to visit my friends. It's worth going because it'll change my life for the better [I think] and just because I'll feel lonely or sad doesn't mean I shouldn't go. I'll go and have a great time, get upset a bit, but in the long run it'll be fantastic. I can listen to music and meditate when feeling upset, go for a walk in my new city and have some more adventures. I'll be right.

Holly can't make in on Wednesday but I might have to go ahead on that day because I'm not working. Maybe I should leave it until she's available on the day I have free... The following week might be better. I think I might prefer to have all 3 of them there. Time will tell I suppose.

A quiet Saturday night

A recipe to try --

Spaghetti Squash Spaghetti

Mum has almost finished making some maxi-skirts for me and I love the grey one. The black one clings a bit because I'm a bit chubby around the tummy and thighs at the moment despite being a size 10-12 [12 on the bottom half and 12-12 on the top half] but this is all going to change once I get my own place and start everything afresh. Fitness and healthy eating are a must. Jillian Michaels will be proud!

In not so comforting news, all of my Sydney plans are on hold until I find out whether or not I've been accepted to the Uni on the 19th or even in early February. I can't apply for accommodation as they need my student details, which I don't have, and I have to wait to do the same with Centrelink. It's quite annoying. Some houses might not need me to be a student but mum said some might be reserved for students. I'll see how I go. I guess I really have to wait until the 19th in case I don't get in as it's a real possibility. Drat this all. Well I want to go over anyway so I'll apply for houses ... wait, if I don't get in straight away then I can stay a little longer and spend time with Jan and Fra before I head off. It all depends on the 19th. Damn it.

Going over to my quarters to watch Bicentenial Man. I'm not sure I've seen it before but it'll be decent. Last night I watched My Boy Jack with Daniel Radcliffe. Not bad! Very war oriented but that's fine.

Houses

Very recently I have begun thinking about having my own place and feelings of loneliness that will inevitably visit me and have started picturing things I'll have in my house. I did some searches on the Fantastic Furniture website this morning and will be able to pick up a bed for between $200 and $300 and some other furniture in my budget range. I want a hall table and a dining set and a screen/partition or two in case I get a studio apartment and a little lamp/bedside table and a desk and an arm chair and a couch [normal because their sofa beds are expensive] and a coffee table and I'm sure there are other things I'd like to get. I can't go too crazy. I picture myself getting just a bed to start off with, living very simply, but over time filling my house with cute things. It'll be nice. I do want to get a few things before I head off, like some kitchen items I'll need for Making the Cut. I'll try and fit in a few pots and pans and things like that so I'm not having to buy that stuff again. It's becoming more and more real, which is scary and exciting at the same time, but if I get lonely I have to remember that life is great, I have my health and my family and friends, who are only a phone call away, and that I was bored here in Hobart. It'll work out. I can always go and visit Joyce and cousin Sam and will probably meet Annie over there on/around Australia Day. I'll be alright.

I am going to take this opportunity [aka the move] to cleanse out my life, to finally get organised once and for all. With the help of Sorted: The ultimate guide to organising your life -- once and for all and these posts by Kendi Everyday [Create a Working Closet, Part 1: Purge; Create a Working Closet, Part 2: Assess; and Create a Working Closet, Part 3: Organise] I will finally get organised and get into great habits. I will be taking the 30 day challenge with Jillian Michaels and thus be organised in the kitchen and be changing my life forever. It will all be great. I am worried about not having the internet but I can always go to the Uni for that. I might get it one day, when I get a new laptop that is, but I'll be alright to begin with.

Alison said she would rather be a referee instead of writing me a reference. I guess it makes it easier for me but I wanted to avoid people having to keep calling her over the years but I guess once I'm in the museum business I won't need to have her on my reference list anymore. I will get one from Rona though and Tony Mathews, a family friend, will write me one. I just think it'll be easier but each to their own. Alison said she can say more over the phone and that she wouldn't know what to write. Fair enough. I wouldn't know what to write either. I can't wait to finish working there. My last day will be Sunday the 23rd just because if I get into Sydney I'll head off sometime in that week starting Monday the 24th so just to be on the safe side I'll finish on the 23rd. I am really looking forward to it. I might make a bit over $2000 before I head off, and hopefully Centrelink will kick in soon after I get my Sydney acceptance [still praying I do] and can actually fill out the online claim. I can't until I have details such as my student number. It'll all work out. I am seriously wondering if I can line up a house before I even get there but I'm not sure how that will go. If not, I haven't organised a home stay because the friend of a friend room for $70 might still be occupied. I could stay at BASE for a few days or at cousin Sam's but it'd be great if I could have a place to go to despite not being able to see it in person. I might actually have to wait to inspect things in person. Otherwise I might not be happy. That's a bit annoying though. Drat it. I might be able to set up inspections and only have to stay in a backpackers for a few days. Hmm. Tricky stuff.

Make your dreams come true

Tonight I watched Because I Said So on TV and loved it. It's such a cute movie. One day I'll buy it and watch it again. I am very particular about watching movies. I like to hear everything, get it the first time, and I hate being with people who talk through movies, like my sister, when all I want to do is concentrate and get the flow of the thing. My sister and I are both Scorpio's so we can't spend too much time together or we get crazy at each other and I felt that tonight. We clash and when I am around her too much I get more and more Scorpio. That annoys me about myself a bit because I'm trying to be less stereotypically Scorpio, not so moody for example, and she, bless her, sometimes makes that hard. I'm glad the movie is over. Now I can calm down.

I love my dad. He's great. He has a lot of weight on his tummy but he's tall and skinny and correctly proportioned everywhere else. Mum said she's tried to cook healthier but that he doesn't want to do anything about the weight. He just came into the kitchen and got a margarined slice of bread, something I would do, and it made me think of the weight. I'm experiencing something similar and can't wait to get stuck into Jillian Michael's 30 day shred and it made me feel sad for pappa. He probably doesn't want me to feel sad for him though, as I've noticed people don't, so I'll keep it to myself. I feel bad repeating these thoughts here but didn't not want to write them. I'm sure he's content. It's so hard to change though. I've wanted many times to get fit and toned and smaller but haven't done it. I am determined to do it though. I keep thinking about how in this short lifetime I have been blessed with I have to do everything I can to make it fantastic. I want to do so many things like travelling and partaking in extreme activities [some of which I have already done, namely bungy jumping and sky diving] such as para-gliding and flying in a hot air balloon and I've learned a lesson. Getting fit and making sure I have the best, healthiest body I can is top on my list. I want to be thin, but not anorexic, and what I'm trying, quite badly, to say is that if I want it I have to go out and get it because if I don't I'll regret it. I don't need anymore regrets [I don't have that many...] so I've realised that what I want won't just happen, I have to make it happen. This year I'm going to make it happen.

Time to make an appointment

I have definitely decided with my first tattoo not to have the reference dots, just the larger dots which represent the letters of the alphabet. I wonder if it'll look just like the picture. I have to go in an make an appointment so I can leave a deposit according to the website but I'm wondering when to book it for. I want both Holly and Emma there, so maybe one afternoon at around 430ish if Emma can make that, otherwise on a Saturday, or late on a Thursday as they close at 7pm. I'll see what the girls can do. Very exciting!

Don't feel guilty

It was best I didn't talk to Yorick. I don't like/approve of what he's doing [partying too much] and talking to him on NYE 2010 would have put me off balance too. It was best that way. I have to stop feeling guilty about it. I'm the mature responsible one and he's acting like he's 15 despite being almost 25. He's in my past now and I need to stick with that. The whole thing is so strange, not having him by my side when he was for 4 and a bit years. Mostly it's great but it's like there's a shadow of a ghost there. It's not always present but sometimes I think about how much has changed in these 7 months we've been apart. It's all very strange. I am definitely better off without him, despite thinking otherwise when all of this began.

A splendid afternoon with Holly

This afternoon was fantastic! I got to Holly's for around 3pm and we chatted for 2 hours, had cups of tea, and a great old time. We haven't caught up in a while so it was really nice touching base and hearing all the gossip, especially since I got some of it on NYE 2010. To start off with the juicy stuff, apparently Yorick was put a little off balance after seeing me on NYE as he wasn't expecting me to be there. Things got a bit strange on the boat as there were gatecrashers but Ruben sorted things out and a few days later, Ruben went over to see Yorick and talk to him about how things went on NYE because his 6 years younger than him girlfriend invited these gatecrasher. I think it's funny. Apparently she, aka Ebony, is more screwed up than he is and, as Holly put it, he might be heading towards his spilt milk reaction. I love Holly's insight into life. In other gossip, rather news, we found the ideal tattoo 'font' for my surname! It's braille. We were discussing my latest desperate attempt [the bar-code] when Holly came up with the idea of braille. It looks cool too. Mysterious. In the picture below I think I'll go for the one without the tinier reference dots. I'm not sold on having them there. Maybe in a light grey if they were on the tattoo. So I can now book an appointment! Both Holly and Emma are going to come with me. I'm super excited.

We also looked at studio apartments for me in Sydney! Holly got onto the Domain website and there are some apartment/units there that I hadn't seen on the site I was looking at. Some with their own bathrooms for a start and still around the price I was looking for. I think I'll find a great little place. I also decided that I won't compromise my dreams by living in a share house as I think in most areas it would make me unhappy and regret the decision so I'll stick to finding my own place, probably in Newtown. I love that I'm dealing with this issue more because now I'm happy and will enjoy living with not much furniture because it'll be all mine. That is my wish.

Another spot on horoscope for January 6.

If you haven't done so yet, Scorpio, let go of any regrets you carried into 2011. There is no place for them here. This is to be a dynamic year with a lot of positive change, much of it centered around your own personal evolution. If you drag old wounds or mistakes into what should be a positive and progressive time of transformation, you will only slow down this marvelous process of reinventing yourself. Not that there is anything wrong with the old you ... there is NOT. But you now have the chance to add greater dimension to what is already a great work of art: YOU!

I have been carrying regret about my recent contact with Yorick into 2011 and have struggled to let it go. Ebony got to me a bit, and not asking how Yorick was going made me feel guilty, but it's in the past. He made his own decisions about his life and me not liking it has got nothing to do with anything. I have to let it go. I don't need to feel guitly. I know this year is going to be a great year for reinventing myself, a process which has already begun, and if it is to be as great as I hope it will be then I have to stop thinking about him. It's in my past, especially since we're in a new year, and I have moved on but not so completely that I don't ever think of him and wonder what he's up to these days. I am curious but I have to let it go. This is my year to shine. Here's to new beginnings.