Time to move again

Mum just cleaned my room over in the shed! It's all ready for me, except the bed isn't made [easy done], so I will start moving things over there after I shower. I probably won't move my TV or desk, just little things I don't need in my big house room. I'll keep using the TV/DVD player and my desk/laptop and some clothes/shoes, but there is a lot of excess junk I need to move and sort. I want to get organised!

There is a lovely bean bag over there that I might sit in and read. I want to get candles set up for some ambiance, something a little special. I want to set up the Leg Magic and get organised for exercise. I want to make the room pretty and my haven. It'll nice to truly have my own space. There is a lot of junk to sort through, things I don't need or use, so that will be a constant task. We've always said it should be done but it never gets attacked.

I'm going to set up my 18th birthday present -- my CD player. I'll put Jeff Buckley in. It will be very useful since my MP3 player has decided not to work. I should have music on a lot. I also want to do more crafting. I need to work on my covered buttons and I want to get some great vintage fabrics [harder and stronger than felt] to make some rice balls with. They will be so cute. I will foster my creativity over there. I shall!

I want to try and keep my room as organised and neat as possible. This one in the big house is too small and easy to get messy as is constantly seen. More room will be nice. I think I'll move everything over on Wednesday and some of it today. Thursday I should be able to start my exercise regime. That is my goal. I'm very excited about moving over there actually, and the sooner the better. I have to move over for when Jan and Fra arrive from the UK [my dads' sisters] but I may as well do it now. Independence!

I have 4 shifts at thebeach for next week -- Tuesday, Friday, Saturday and Sunday nights. I also have Monday at the Maritime and Tuesday-day at the Melbourne Cup. Wednesday and Thursday will be left to settle into the shed/little house. I think it will be a good week.

Down, down, down

So I hung out with Andi last night. We had a bit chat about relationships and she is sure I'll meet my future husband. I love that she used the same terms I used. "Future husband." That's how I always think of him. Lately I've been sad because I hate my life right now and can't wait for 2011 when it will all be better. I want to know everything will turn out as I hope it will, although some things don't happen for a reason. I just miss being in a relationship, despite knowing it's for the best, and want my future now. I want a preview of my future family and life but I know that's impossible. I'm just sad because I don't have much going on right now and it's hard being alone, especially living at my parents and waiting to hear where I get accepted to. It's just hard.

I do love that I'm volunteering for the Maritime though. It's special and getting me to where I need to go. I'm looking forward to my session there on Monday. Tuesday will be busy with the Melbourne Cup races on at Elwick, and I might even have to work that night [possibly both], and I am hoping for more work at thebeach to get me money and keep me occupied. It's too late to find another job with only 3 months to go [I wanted to apply for the job at Video City. It closes on the 2nd of November so I still have time ... but is it pointless? Maybe I should anyway and mention in the cover letter that I'm moving and hoping for a transfer, if they have Video City in Sydney or Melbourne. I know they have Blockbuster] so I'll have to get enough work at thebeach and the occasional day at Relish. I've saved $1200 already, will hopefully get some from my car, and put away $100 a week at least, hopefully more like at least $150 and closer to $200. It all depends on how much work I get. Sigh.

I am really hating feeling so down. It's been like this for the last few months, after I was done healing after the break up, when I was ready to get back out there and work, work, work. Unfortunately that didn't stick and I'm ready to be active but don't have the opportunity in the places I want to be. I'm sad and I don't like it. Once December comes and Jan and Fra arrive I think things will be better. I always enjoy Christmas and family time. I'll be working a lot more around then I think because thebeach will get busy. I'm not too fussed about New Year celebrations as I'll probably be working. I wouldn't mind a drink though. Hopefully December will give me the best news of the year. Then it will be January. Great weather, and I can finally start making some concrete plans concerning Uni. I can't wait. I hate being miserable but it's hard not to be. My life isn't all that great right now. Once I move back over to the shed it should pick up. I'll exercise more and feel like I have my own space. I can sit in the bean bag and read. I can focus on my covered buttons and even the idea of making rice balls. I think it will be better over there and it'll lift my spirits a bit. The band came over today [my brother's band, SNERT] so mum and I didn't go over and clean but will do tomorrow. That will do me some good.

I actually have to get ready for work now. I know I'll be happier once I'm there. One reason I don't like to go these days is because of Jarrod. I think he has a crush on me. He's 18 and is getting a bit too affectionate and I don't like it. It's like I'm leading him on. We're just friends but I don't even like seeing him because it can all be construed as leading him on. Ahhh. I don't need this. Hopefully I will be upstairs with Sara and out of his way so I don't have to talk to him much. I hate even thinking about it. Frustrating.

SARK

I have been revisiting my love for SARK lately, a creative genius who writes these amazing books and posters that make you want to be just as creative as she. I want to get some of her posters and I want to buy Georgie one for her birthday and/or Christmas.

I want her --

+ How To Be An Artist poster;

+ Invite Someone Dangerous To Tea poster; and

+ Birthday Blessings poster.

I can't find any on the internet though so I'm a bit annoyed. I don't know where else to get them. They are all out of stock or the website isn't there anymore. Drat that, Mrs. Kim! [Gilmore Girls]. I will find you somewhere.

Organisational skills

I want to start making lists of --

+ Things to take to Sydney;

+ Recipes to be put in a book for next year;

+ Cleaning schedule possibilities for next year;

+ Workout schedule possibilities for next year;

and all the little things I want to do and be like drinking more water, especially when I wake up and before meals [as I read that helps you lose weight] and having a certain day of the week dedicated to organising my meals for the week. I want to ask Dannielle from Sometimes Sweet about a cleaning roster and if I can get some help writing such lists. I want to be as organised as I can. I'm organised when it comes to work, and am happy to clean there, but when it comes to my home life that's another story. I want to reinvent myself and get into great routines and not make excuses anymore. That annoys me about myself.

I just bought a new DVD as inspired by Dannielle's "Workout motivation" post -- Jillian Michaels 30 Day Shred.

I love using these sorts of DVDs, especially at home alone. Once I move over to the shed I'll start getting back into these and my Leg Magic machine along with the new Gaiam and try to get into good habits before Sydney, or wherever I end up next year. I want to eat healthier and smarter, feel good about my body, good enough to be with my future husband intimately, and consider myself a new person. I hate that I'm lazy, I truly do, and next year will be the year I kick that bad habit for good. That is my plan.

I like the idea of doing early morning workouts as Dannielle suggested. I've always wanted to be an early morning person, and liked going to the gym for 9am-ish when I was living at Mt Nelson. It's a great way to start the day, to feel energised for the day, and not have to moan in the afternoon/evening when it's time to go to the gym or workout. I will conquer my body issues!

So, I will start working on these lists and possibly write them up as notable posts on the side of my blog [Dannielle has that on the side of hers] so I can easily go back to them. Having them so close I will get used to them and the idea of what it will be like once they are in practice. Dannielle's blog is my favourite daily stop and I love her organisational skills. I want to use them to make schedules for myself and be the person I want to be.

A birthday wish from Yorick

Yorick just sent me a message --

Hey happy birthday for Wednesday. Hope you're well.

I sent this one back --

Thank you. I'm very well. Hope you are too.

It shocked me as soon as I saw his name there. In the minute since I replied I've calmed down. I had wondered if he would wish me happy birthday in the days before my birthday and had forgotten about it afterwards. Here it is. I thought he would be sweet enough to remember and get in contact with me but then again I thought he might not because of his new life. I still don't know how I feel about it. I'm just glad I'm not really in contact with him anymore. I don't want to see him out tonight. I couldn't handle it. I don't want to see him for the rest of the year. Seeing his car twice in one day a few weeks ago was enough. It makes my heart pound for a minute, like seeing his name in my messages, the way it used to when I saw Royden.

This message makes me a bit sad actually. I want to speed up to next year when I'm embarking on my adventure to Sydney, if all goes to plan, and then again to when I meet the guy I'm to spend the rest of my life with. I'm sad now that my life isn't so fabulous but I know next year will be. I can't wait to meet that special guy and start the life I've always wanted. I know it will be great.

I didn't want to write something back to him that asked him anything because he wouldn't have written back again. He was short and to the point and so was I. That's all it needed to be. I don't want to see him or start anything back up again, and by that I mean talking or having false ideas about meeting up for lunch or something. I just want to let it be as it has been for a month or two so far. Now I shall stop thinking about it and get back to my episode of One Tree Hill season 8.

Weight

Mum just got back from the neighbours house [Phil & Jill are the couple and their daughters are Jacqui and Kirsten] and having a chat Joyce [the daughters' grandmother]. Joyce lives in Sydney and mum said she would like to see me over there. Mum didn't mention the possibility of staying with her while I find a house but I will be searching on the internet beforehand so hopefully I will have something almost lined up before I even get there. Staying in a backpackers for a week is close to a weeks rent. Not a fun way to start it. I have heard of a couch surfing website or something. I might check that out and see if there are any cheaper ways of living before I find a house. Joyce's friend mentioned that it's even hard to volunteer at the museums over there but that I can get a reference from the Maritime here and it might be easier to get into the Maritime museum over there. That is definitely an option to follow up on. Sydney is my biggest wish. Actually I think it's on par with getting married and starting a family. Both stem from Sydney or at least from my next big adventure.

I feel fat today. I look pregnant, as usual of late, and it's getting me down. I'm hanging with Andi tonight for drinks and want to feel elegant but we might be going to the Republic or the Alley Cat and they're very pub. I seriously look pregnant. I would love it if I were but I'm not and it's good that I'm not because I'm not married or with the love of my life and it's bad because I am tubby. I hate this.

Out of stock

I think I'll be selling my car at the end of the year / January. It's on its last legs and it'll be good to have the extra $1000 or so for wherever I end up next year. I'll be sad to see it go but if I can get any money for it it'll have to be done. I've had my car for 4.5 years and it's been great but it is definitely on the way out. Quite sad really.

I think I want a pair of these --

They look like they would be just what I want from a boot. My calves stick out, as I'm sure a lot of people's do, and the only way I've know to look good in shoes and tights is by wearing Ugg boots. That's why I get a pair every year as I have worn them out by wearing them like normal shoes. They come up to the point my calves start to dive inwards towards my ankles and make my legs look nice. I am hoping these boots will do the same with the faux fur fold-over hem. They are from Forever 21 and only $32.80 but I am wondering about the postage. Apparently it's out of stock so I won't have to worry about that anymore. Damn!

Tattoos again

Am I brave enough for something as lovely as this?

I always come back to it. It's super cute but because it's not my own idea I think I can't come to terms with doing it myself. I know at some stage, once I find the right font, I'll get my surname tattooed on my left wrist. I like the idea of a under arm below the elbow area tattoo. I think that's a nice spot. Angelina Jolie has some there and I really like it.

I know I want something done but for my surname I'm waiting for the right font. I had thought at one stage of having part of a manga on me somewhere. There was a lovely drawing in +Anima of an Anima, which is a person who can transform partly or fully into an animal, and this one was of a swan or angel. It's really beautiful. The drawing is of a young human girl with these lovely wings and feathers for hair. I think it's just amazing. That might be a back of the neck piece. I don't have any at the moment and I don't want to be covered. I like the idea of small discrete ones and when I think of the ideas I've had, even of having 3 or 4, I get a little worried that even that is too much. I'm in no rush or anything. I like giving blood and I wouldn't be able to donate for a year afterwards. Maybe it will be a Sydney thing.

I love the idea of these hearts. It's totally something that would suit me. I like the interesting use of place too. Something unique. I'm not sure I could handle copying her though. I like my wrist one and the idea of under arm below elbow ones, but that would clash with the hearts. I should stop thinking about this for now. The ideal font will come [I hope] and all will be well.

Tattoo troubles

I think I'm back to square one with my tattoo ideas for my surname. I was looking up new fonts this afternoon and I like the idea of some, although not liking them enough, and the original one I picked is now not looking so right. This is really annoying. I can't find the right font to make my surname look good in capitals or lower-case. It's quite frustrating. I just want the perfect font to jump out at me but alas it doesn't.

I was watching Pretty Little Liars earlier and they were preparing for the SATs. I want to do that, or at least get a list of the words to study, as I know few words and feel like I'm simple. I speak for the layman but want to sound more academic and smart. I'll look into it.

Amy called me a few hours ago! It was so lovely to talk to her. I think I'll go over to Melbourne for a visit between the 15th and 20th of December. Not for that long, only 3 days or something, but it will be nice. I think it's a bit pointless to go over in January as I'll be moving as of later that month, and I want to visit my friends so just before Christmas suits the situation better I believe.

Sometimes I forget what I've written in here. I want to update more and now I can because the internet is back on my laptop. I love getting my thoughts onto here. I was going to say paper but that's not quite true.

I want a typewriter, even if it's just a paperweight.

I was, once again, watching Pretty Little Liars and fell in love with Aria's desk. I want to have such a creative looking desk when I'm in Sydney. It will be fabulous. I'll fill my house with great things. I'll have to sell things once I'm done, probably, or I might live in Sydney forever. I don't know what's going to happen. I'll be there for 2-3 years probably. I'd like to have a good house and make it sweet. And I shall. I can't wait to set up my own house. It will be so lovely. Fish, flowers and art everywhere. Lovely desks like the one I plan to put near the front door with my keys and letters and bag on it, and maybe a mirror oh and flowers! I can't wait to start my new life.

Ideal hair cut

This is the kind of hair I'm aiming for, once the back of mine grows a bit more. I like the cute pixie flick to it. I suspect I will keep my hair short from now on, even though it was a wish to have it long and slightly curled. That was only a dream though. My hair would never behave long enough to be pretty. I shall have to be content with a wig if, one day, I want long hair for a party or just for a change. That wouldn't be so bad! And I wouldn't have to maintain it. What a plan.

The year for fitness

I've been eating too much lately. My tummy has been getting bigger and it seriously looks like I'm pregnant and when you're not that's not a good sign. A new birth year means I should eat less and exercise more. Once I move over to the shed [little house] I'll be able to set up my Leg Magic and once I get this new Gaiam in the mail I'll be able to work out over there. I also have Shpresa and I always liked how that made me feel. Now I just need to get some heavier weights. I got some really small ones to start with from Big W and I'm sure they'll have more there. This birth year and 2011 is the year I'm going to kick myself into getting fit.

I want to lose 7-10 kilos. I'm 65 at the moment, unfortunately, and according to the "Calculate your ideal weight" application on Facebook I should be 57.6. With height 164cm your ideal weight is 57.6 based on the below formula -- (164cm - 100) - (10% x (164cm - 100)) = 57.6. I want to get fit, lose the tummy weight and extra fat around my ribs, and feel good about my body. I know I should give up on being really thin, but under 60 kilos would be fantastic. I also want to be fit mentally and physically before I meet someone new. I want to be in Sydney loving my life and my body and then I will truly be open to the right relationship. I'm not content in my body for it just yet. And that is a part of next years journey. For independence and to feel good in my own skin. I want a weekly meal and cleaning plan, to exercise regularly, and to improve myself. I'm also excited about volunteering a lot over there in museums while doing the course. I think it will be fantastic. I can't wait for my new life to begin.

My birthday and new wants

Today is my birthday. I am now 24 and it doesn't even feel like my birthday. It's very surreal. I do what I have done for the last few birthdays, which is making sure I do things that make me happy and things I want to do, something a little special. I went for a walk to Snug Falls and took lots of photographs with my toy cameras. It was nice. 24. I'm glad to be slowly putting the Yorick years in the past. That's important to me.

I am so glad I have the internet back on my computer. It definitely means more freedom. Also soon I'll start moving over to the shed. Sooner than later is best I think. More independence again! I'm not sure about the bathroom over there. The shower scares me a bit as it is very close to the ceiling, raised a little, and the whole house makes me think of spiders as a lot often are residing there. The shower itself is great, better than the one in the main house, but the spider factor puts me off. Might be best to use it though.

New things I want --

Shoulders Back -- $109 for the 'liteweight' version or $129 for the normal version

This orthopaedist-designed nylon vest gently coaxes your shoulders into proper position to help prevent chronic neck and back pain and improve posture.

* Excuse the grey boxes on these pictures. They are a zoom function on the website.

Gaiam: Pilates Coreplus Reformer with DVD -- $39

This innovative new fitness tool has a unique four-loop design that mimics a Pilates reformer machine, offering a dynamic resistance workout to tone, strengthen and stretch the entire body. The 45-minute CorePlus Reformer Workout DVD includes three short, focused segments so you can customise your workout to fit your fitness level and schedule.

These are out of a Christmas catalogue that mum got in the mail. It has a section of a clothes store/company that she has bought a few things from over the internet and I had a browse and found a few things I like. Now to get them...

Wednesday Wishes

A long time wish finally came true tonight, and on my birthday of all nights! Since I moved back to Margate 5.5 months ago the internet hasn't been working on my laptop and James had a look at it and after a while he had finally fixed it! It's so great to have it back. He changed some of the settings or something and duh-da! All fixed. Wishes do come true! Sometimes...

Tid bits

I donated plasma today, aka blood. I completed the whole session too without needing to go to the toilet. I'm glad because the more you can give the more lives you can improve. I'm booked in with Sarah to donate whole blood soon. I can't remember the date but it's on a card so I don't have to.

Tomorrow I have my first volunteering session at the Maritime at 2pm till 5pm. Then I have work at 6pm. Then Wednesday is my birthday! Tomorrow I need to hunt some new Ugg boots down so mum and dad can give them to me for my birthday. I'm excited about volunteering. I think it will be great.

Today I put all my work earnings into the bank. I also got paid for Relish and I now have $930 with $100 yet to be added as I took that out last week. I'm well on my way! Mum thinks I need $3000 and I should be able to make that by the time I go. I can't wait to go.

Future, here I come

Just went for a walk with mum and had a bit chat about next year, Sydney and Melbourne, finances and living arrangements. I'm going to love getting into great habits once I have my own house. That is really important to me. I want to plan like Sometimes Sweet and map out each weeks meals. I want to clean regularly and on the whole be more organised and prepared. This is why I want to live alone, so I can only rely on myself and get into these habits.

I also need to save as much money as I can because I might not be able to find a job straight away. I hated when I was there last time and ran out of money on the Tuesday before Wednesdays pay day. I don't want to experience that. I'll be good with my money too, when I'm there, and will get a cheap TV and just get the essentials to start with. I want to get out of here as soon as I can and I want this life. Mum and I are going to work on collecting some recipes for me to use when I'm over there as I want to get into a cooking and cleaning routines, as well as exercise routine and little things like drinking more water, especially as soon as I get up, and remembering to take my the Pill. I want my life to be just the way I wish it were. I will make that happen.

Love

I've started watching Pretty Little Liars and am loving it so far. Some of the kissing scenes make me wish so hard that I get that next year. I'm scared for it now because I'm not ready but also because in the clubs [not that I ever go] all boys want is to have sex with you. I want a kiss but I also want it to be the start of something epic. I don't want a fling. That's not me. I want love. I want to start a relationship and in this show I want the emotional connection that Aria has with the English teacher. It makes my heart wish for just that, something just as cute and sweet, not what you get in the clubs. One day I will get it.

Summer is breaking my heart

I feel uneasy. Restless. I want to be out in the world and when Summer begins it reminds me of the lovely weather I experienced in both New Zealand and Vanuatu. I miss those times with all my heart and I am struggling at this time of year because of it. It makes me sad because I am stuck here, I have little money, and no one to travel with. I say no one because I only want to travel with a partner, someone who wants the same type of travel as I do. I want a family. I want that stability and that kind of love. This year makes me sad and I can't wait for it to be over. I feel like I need to get out of this place. I am scared about that, but I know it needs to be done, and to be scared and not go is not an option. I would never forgive myself and would thus suffocate here. It breaks my heart this Summer. It truly does.

I feel like I don't belong here anymore. Tasmania and this lifestyle is not my own and I don't wish it to be. I'm living in my parents house for a start, and knowing I'm leaving in a few months makes the wait unbearable. I'm not truly living. It was good back in May/June when I was healing but now I'm healed I'm restless as this life doesn't feel right anymore. I should at least be living out of home but it wouldn't be right here as I'm hoping to move. There's no point at the moment and I need to save almost all of the money I earn, which has always been a struggle. I will try though, and if I save at least $100 a week I'll have made $2000 including the $800 I made at the Cupping Room. Hopefully I'll be working more at thebeach and possibly at Cotton On or Factorie over the Summer months and can save more like $250 a week or something. Then I will be in a better position for Sydney or Melbourne, wherever life takes me. I will go anywhere a Uni will accept me for my chosen career.

I can't wait for 2011 and even for my 24th year of life which is rapidly approaching. I feel like I will have left this year behind me, especially once 2011 ticks over, and that fact will be comforting. 2011 will be my year, my year to start afresh and find all that I want. I especially want to travel. Emma and I were talking last night at Onba about possibly doing a 3 month trip in South-East Asia. It was only briefly mentioned but that would be nice. I was also thinking that at some stage next year, wherever I am, I will try and get back to New Zealand, by myself will be fine, for a few weeks. I really want to go back there, but then again reliving the trip I took with Yorick wouldn't be a good idea. I'd want to go to all the same places, and virtually do the same trip, but I won't have the money for it. I liked buying the van over there and travelling that way, but if I go alone how would I travel? I could rent a car, but that is expensive. I would stay in rooms as opposed to a tent. Maybe this isn't a good idea after all. It might be more hurtful than helpful. On such a short trip too I wouldn't know where to go. I'd start in Christchurch and visit the lakes Tekapo and Pukakai on the way to Mt Cook. It's something to think about.

All I know is that this time of year makes me sad and want to leave this place. I feel like Bramble, a traveller in a wonderful book called Blood Ties by Pamela Freeman, who knows she belongs on the road with adventure as her companion. Hopefully these next few months will pass quickly and I will be on my way to better things. That is my dearest wish, but for that I am relying on getting into a Uni.

The new me

So this is my new hair do. It's very short at the back and I love the cute longer bits on the sides. I really like this hair cut. I don't have to do much to it. My showering/hair-styling routine has changed a little but not so much to make it an inconvenience. Actually, it feels better! I feel like I don't have to do much to it and I don't. It's light and always looks nice. I don't have a useless pony tail that always looked funny. I'm glad I cut my hair.

I turn 24 in a week. I can't believe how fast it crept up! I realised a few weeks ago that my birthday was coming up but now it's almost here and it just seems so quick. I'm excited though. My next birthday year and 2011 will be great. I will finally be rid of the years spent with Yorick and I can start afresh. I'm a bit scared of being 24 though. Getting older is scary but I also enjoy it. I think for my birthday we'll have a family dinner at home and have home-made pizza's. I might go for a nice walk or to a cute cafe and treat myself. I always like to do something like that, something just for me, something special on my birthday. Mum's having friends over that day so I'll stick around for that then go off for a bit and come home for dinner. Mud cake! I'm hoping for some gift vouchers to The Picture Gallery, a lovely store in Hobart that sells beautiful framed pictures. I always walk past it and wish for many of them. I think my sister will get me one and I'll be getting some new ugg boots from mum and dad. I'll go track them down early next week and let mum know where to get them from.

I've been looking into Melbourne and Deakin University for museum studies courses. They have the Graduate Certificate and Diploma's there but only have the Masters in Cultural Heritage, which wouldn't be so bad. I'm applying at the moment. It'll be an alright substitute for Sydney. I might even be able to share a house with Holly and Ruben. Carly and Amy are there and I would love to see them more but it's not my own adventure. It's not my fresh start. It won't be about me being independent and only relying on myself to get things done. That's part of the reason for Sydney. Plus they have a better Uni and better course. Time will tell.

A lovely sales assistant in Ruby's Room loved my new hair cut when I went in there last Wednesday and she said I should accessorise with earrings! I really want to get these heart earrings up and running. I think they will be great. I can always put them back to being necklaces and wear 3 at once. Haha. Maybe not. I love that I've finally gotten them though. I went in and got one, then went back half an hour later for the second two. There were four there but one had gone so I was lucky to get the second two. I'm glad I did. I also got a little birthday present for Emma, which I will give her tomorrow night. I need Onba. Cosmopolitans and Emma and Cool Thai make it all better.

I've bought the Union Jack bed spread for next year. I also have some armwarmers and legwarmers on the way. I love pay day.

Wednesday Wishes

Today an old wish has come true. For years now I have seen people around Hobart with these lovely carved wooden heart necklaces painted red and yesterday Holly said she found some for sale. Today I went and bought 3 with the hope of making 2 into earrings. I have already purchased earring parts but now I just need a connector. I am so happy!

Home again home again

So, I have returned to Margate as of last night. I really enjoyed my time away but I'm glad I'm back with all my things and not living out of a suit case. I didn't really as I had all my things strewn about on their 6 The State Cinema chairs. At any rate it's nice to be home.

I went for an hour long walk today with Katie. I called her Jez at one stage. I thought a lot about next year, about being 24 [almost!], and the fact that after next year I don't want to live at home anymore. This will be the last time I'll be living at home. It's not that I don't like it, but I'm too old to be living here and want to start afresh in a new place. I did a little looking at rental properties on www.rent.com.au and there were a few for Glebe, Newtown and other surrounding areas. $250 a week might be a bit much so hopefully there is something just as nice a little further away from the city and the Uni. I'll possibly be able to still walk to Uni or easily enough catch a bus. I want to be in the middle of a suburb though. Not on the main road as some of the results from the website produced. I'll find somewhere great somehow...

I'm going to get some new black arm warmers and some black legwarmers off eBay tomorrow. I want to wear the leg warmers with my new "pumps," the colourful shoes I got in Sydney on the second trip. They're black with hot pink and green on them but need the leg warmers to make my legs look better when wearing them with stockings. I'm glad I'll finally be able to wear them more in the next few weeks. I must also get the Union Jack bed spread in the next few weeks, as long as it's still available.

Christmas is creeping up. Last year I made the mistake of getting all my presents for others too late and was broke until late January. It sucked! I had to borrow money, which I always hate, and it took me so long to recover from it. I'll try and spread my present-buying over the next few months until Christmas actually arrives. I have no idea what to get anyone but I'll just have a wander around the shops and see what I can find.

I really like my hair short, and everyone at work also thinks it suits me. Two people have said it makes my eyes stand out, which is nice, and it's such low maintanence, apart from the initial washing and styling. I'm so glad I did it, and so glad that I went to Imola. They are the best. It's funny that my hairdresser, Jess, was in my sister's grade in high school and lived near by us. Blast from the past! I still need to take a picture and I will ... eventually ...

A few Sundays ago, 2 I think, I went over to Holly's for the afternoon and we took a trip to the market in the Masonic Temple on Sandy Bay Road and I saw there some of the carved red heart necklaces that I have always wanted. Today, Holly messaged me saying she has found some to buy. I had asked the lady who's stall they were at where to buy them and she said the guy wasn't making them much anymore and that it would be best to seek him out and ask for one but if they're in a shop this is much better and easier. I'll head into town tomorrow and go grab a few. One for a necklace, one for a bracelet, and maybe even 2 to make into earrings! They are $15 each so I shouldn't go overboard. I'm so happy though.

This afternoon I'm meeting Sophie at Blackman's Bay beach near my work and we'll go for a stroll then get some dinner somewhere, probably at work. Then I start work at 6pm. I'm not sure if we'll go there for a meal but we may as well as it's so close. We could go to Kingston and get something. We'll decide when we meet. I wonder how she is. I shall soon find out.

If I get called in for Wednesday evening I'll have worked every day there this week! Madness! I'm definitely looking forward to the money. I want to put most of it away and yet still have enough in my pocket/bank to let me buy a few things, like the necklaces and other bits and pieces. I'll be hanging with Emma on Thursday night so I'll need a bit of money for that. I'll try to put away $200 if I can. It depends on how much I earned! I can't wait to see that bank balance though.

I should go and get ready for tonight though. I haven't even showered and I have to leave soon. Yikes! Time has slipped away.

Last day in Kingston Beach

Last day at James and George's today. I need to take Jez for a long walk/run to the dog beach to tire her out. Last night she found a wounded bird outside and I think it's still there pretending to be stone. It's obviously too hurt to move so I don't know what to do about it. I've kept Jez away from the bird so for now it can rest.

After this I'll have a shower then rug up and take Jez out. The weather is horrible but it needs to be done. I'll wear a beanie and take an umbrella. She might have no one to play with! She's pooped twice on our walks and I didn't realise I had to pick them up. When I take Katie for a walk at home she poops in the bushes or on the side of the road. It doesn't matter there as it's in the middle of no where but here I think you're meant to clean up after your dog. Oops. I'm a bad dog sitter.

Then after the walk, depending on the time, I'll head to work and check the roster so I can see if I can swap shifts with someone so I can go to the Mini Golf and BBQ night with Relish. Then I'll head to town to go shopping with Sarah.

Oh, I called up the Work and Training agency and they only do yearly traineeships and placements but the lady will send me out a registration form to fill out and send back with my resume to be considered at somewhere more appropriate. Hopefully I can get some Monday to Friday work in either retail or on the computers and possibly even stop working at thebeach for a while so I can have some weekends off. That would be great. I'd love to have free weekends. That's one of my aims for the future.

I hate this week already. That's not a good sign. Sometimes I really do with I didn't work at thebeach anymore but for now I need it, otherwise I wouldn't be able to survive as I like to, which sounds horrible. Hopefully I can find other work soon. I can't wait for Sydney, a fresh start. I really can't.

Just took Jez for a walk. It rained a bit so I'll have to fix my hair before going out. I did the washing up and have gotten my things out of the bathroom. I forgot to put the garbage out last night. Oops. And I should get everything packed and ready in case I have to go to work. I hope I don't, as then I can have a leisurely afternoon shopping with Sarah, then go to Big W on the way back here to get them some toilet paper and maybe some chocolate then spend the evening here before going out to pick them up from the airport. I'll work if I get asked to though as I won't have much choice. I will head to work soon to figure out the roster for tomorrow then head to town. Lunch is on the way! It's been noodles everyday. Eggs for breakfast and different things for dinner. It has gone so quickly and yet so slowly. It seems like ages ago that I was planning to have Cool Thai with Emma and drinks at Onba but it was only 3 days ago. Seems like longer to me. I've quite liked staying here though. I like being closer to town and feeling like I'm doing more with my time. I'm not sure that's true but it feels like it which is important.

Right. Off to work then to town! Then at 3 I will know this evenings movements. I do really hate the on call system...

Change please

I keep overbooking myself. I said yes to playing Mini Golf and having a BBQ with the Relish crew [Relish is the catering company my dad works with] on Tuesday night and realised I have been rostered on to work! I am also on call for Wednesday when the work girls are supposed to be going to the movies to see Eat Pray Love but Sara can't come so I'm not sure if it'll go ahead anymore. I'm also organising to pick James and George up from the airport. It could be me if I'm not working, or it could be Sarah or dad. I won't know until 3pm tomorrow and it's quite annoying. In the group email on Facebook about the movies, I wrote that I hated being on call and that it was a stupid invention. Then Alison, the boss, wrote a message possibly related but maybe unrelated to my post about the evening and that she has to work. She probably saw my bit about the being on call thing. I tried to fix it subtly in my next comment. Arr. I hate worrying about if things will all go smoothly and waiting to find out on the day what my plans will be. It sucks! I'll go in to work tomorrow and check the roster and see if I can swap with anyone for Tuesday so I can go and play Mini Golf as I said I would. I need to do more of those kinds of things. It's like if I do more of those things I'm living more. I do waste a lot of my time and feel crap because of it. I just want a job I'll be happy doing and even happier with the times. I want day work, Monday to Friday and that's it. I don't want to be in hospitality anymore. I'll call up the place Sophie mentioned tomorrow [I will this time] and hopefully I'll be able to get the kind of job I want out of that. I like thebeach but this week it's annoying me.

Fortune Cookie

There are no shortcuts to any place worth going.

02 09 44 45 46 10

Dogs

I do and don't want a dog for company wherever I move to.

Pro

+ Great company and companionship

+ It will force me to take him/her for a walk

+ Looking after an animal will be rewarding

Con

+ They poop and I might have to clean it up if it's on the street...

+ What happens when I take small holiday's back home or elsewhere?

+ Expensive to buy and possibly to feed -- initial set up

According to the little survey I filled out on Dog Breed Finder where I specified for a small to medium dog who is non-aggressive and quiet with not a lot of grooming, I could get a Boston Terrier, Bulldog, some sort of Terrier [Boston, Welsh, Lakeland], or a Springer Spaniel [which I have always wanted since our first dog P.K. who was a Springer crossed with a Beagle, also another favourite]. On this survey I filled out specifics about me. I said I was somewhere between active and not so active, that I have a yard with not much space [thinking of the possibilities in Sydney] and that I'm single and that's where the results stem from. I wouldn't mind a little Terrier or Bulldog or Spaniel so at least I have some choices in mind. Who knows what will happen next year? It will be something amazing though. 2011 here I come!

Big working week ahead

I've got a busy working week starting tomorrow! I'm glad I'm getting more shifts but I need something more permanent, something like a Monday to Friday job with set hours. On Monday I will call up "Work and Training," the employment agency Sophie mentioned. Also on Monday I'm going to go shopping with Sarah, I think, and try on this cute white dress I saw in Dotti yesterday with her but didn't try it on then as we went to our grandparent's 60th wedding anniversary held at my uncle Jim and his partner Jo's house. It was lovely to see them so happy and still together after such a long time together. It's crazy!

The Beach

Monday 18th -- on call evening [will pick James, George and Etta up from the airport if I'm not needed]

Tuesday 19th -- 6pm

Wednesday 20th -- on call evening [did request it off to go to the movies with the girls from work but Alison didn't see it apparently. Hopefully I don't need to be called in.]

Thursday 21st -- 1030am and possibly evening

Friday 22nd -- 530pm

Saturday 23rd -- 6pm

Sunday 24th -- 5pm

I'm starting work today a little earlier [3pm instead of 5pm] so Grace 1 [there's also Grace 2. Both have surnames starting with a 'W' and have the same birthday. Freaky] can study more. There's a few more hours there. I also worked last Monday for 7 hours or something and had a big working night last night. Now I don't have to pay mum back for flights and my phone bill I can concentrate on putting money away each week. I do, after all, need to save a heap for whatever I'm going to be doing next year.

Fortune Cookie

Each day in some way,

be your own best friend.

06 09 11 26 35 17

2011 will be my year of change

I think I'm starting to get into a bad sleeping pattern again. I'm not staying up as late anymore, especially here house sitting, but here it gets sunny early as the curtains don't do a great job of blocking out the sun so I am woken up earlier but go back to sleep for a few more hours. I look so haggard when I wake up and feel like I can't get up. It is freezing here in the mornings so that's part of the problem -- not wanting to leave the warmth of bed. I'll get more work and hopefully the problem will be rectified. It will be different when I go back home too.

I need to take Jez for a walk today. I was planning yesterday to go on a walk to Blackman's Bay so I might take her with me for that. It'll tire me out for sure and it'll be a longer lead walk than the first one we took on Wednesday. It was raining all day yesterday but the sun is out today so I will have to take advantage of it. It's nice having a dog and being forced to take it out. I've been thinking of getting one in Sydney for company, something small and easy to manage, as in not too demanding, but I could still take it out for walks. What happens when I come home for visits though? I might have to bring the dog along so it might not be that great, unless I meet someone there and they can look after the dog. Then again if I meet someone they might come back with me for visits and then who would look after the dog! I want fish and there's a problem there with staying away and not feeding them. Overfeed? Oh dear. I'll wait and see what happens

If I don't get into Sydney Uni, I guess I'll ... I was going to say go straight over to the UK when I can afford it but what about my new-found dream to work in a museum? Melbourne distance is an option. I could live with Holly and Ruben and move there but I would rather start over in Sydney. I could move to Sydney and do Uni via distance there! Haha. I couldn't figure out how to apply to Melbourne though so that might never work. It has to somehow. I don't know what I'll do if I don't get in. All I know is that I don't want to be stuck in Tasmania next year, especially since I have hoped for change and to start on a new career path. It would feel like going backwards and I've had enough of that thank you! I want change next year and I shall make it happen somehow!

Book list

I've been looking into other museum studies courses and one came up in my Google search for the University of Adelaide. Now I know nothing of Adelaide except that it gets really hot there in the summer, but the website gave me a list of books to read! That's what I wanted to get in preparation for the course wherever I go so this will give me something to do. I want to feel like I know a bit about museums before the course starts so this is a good place to start! At any rate I can't go to Adelaide as I don't have an honours degree but I'm glad they have this book list.

This first list "

focuses on the history and philosophy of museums and their collections; cultural and ethical issues of collecting; collection development, display and interpretation of permanent collections; databases, registration practices and collection management. Students will complete a self-directed research project."

-- Museum Methods, Museums Australia, 2002.
-- Preziozi, D. Grasping the World: The Idea of the Museum, Ashgate, 2004.
-- Simpson, Moira G., Making Representations: Museums in the Post-colonial Era, Routledge, London, 2001.

The second list "looks at the nature and purpose of exhibitions; the role of the curator; exhibition development, display and interpretive programs; public programs marketing, sponsorship and funding. Students will complete a 20 days internship in a gallery or museum, and a self-directed research project."

-- Barker, E. (ed) Contemporary Cultures of Display, Yale University Press and Open University, New Haven, London, 1999.
-- Heathcote. C. The Exhibition Handbook: A Practical Guide for Organising Exhibitions in Australia Museums, Galleries, Libraries and Community Centres, Museums Australia Inc. (Victoria), Melbourne, 1997 (out of print).
-- Rouette, G. Exhibitions: A Practical Guide for Small Museums and Galleries, Museums Australia, 2007.
-- Thompson, J.M.A. (ed.) Manual of Curatorship: A Guide to Museum Practice, 2nd edition, Butterworth-Heinemann, Oxford, 1992 (out of print)
-- Wallace-Crabbe, Marianne, Guidelines for Internships, Art Museums Association of Australia, Fitzroy, Vic., c1993.

This will certainly keep me going for a while! That's if I can find and buy them ... A lot of them are out of print/stock at the Book Depository so this might be a little tricky. It's something to think about anyway. Hopefully I can access a book list if I get into the Sydney Uni. Forever hoping.

Plans

I have just returned from the first Thai night with Holly, Helen and Munich and it was a success. Holly commended me for organising it, something I rarely do as my organising stuff never really gets a big response from people, and she said she couldn't have done it. For ages at work [thebeach] I wanted to organise a girls night, then I talked to Sara about it and she organised a movie night so fast. I guess it stems from my belief in my own abilities. There was talk of going out for drinks next time. That will be fun.

It is absolutely freezing here tonight. The weather has been so up and down, on and off freezing then lovely. I'm looking forward to Sydney as it's often quite warm there. I miss being there actually. I want to take another visit there before Uni starts next year [please let me get in] but as I don't have an event at the Uni to go to it would just be a pleasurable visit. I also want to go to Melbourne for a few days to visit people. Holly said I can come to Melbourne if I don't get into the Sydney course. The Uni there isn't pretty at all so I don't really want to go there. As a second choice it's not so good either... The girls said I should be happy with the second choice so I might have to do more looking. I am really hoping for Sydney though but that doesn't mean I'll get it. I hate waiting!

Thai for dinner!

I went to Andi's this afternoon for hot milo and chats. We talked a lot about relationships and friends and it made some things clearer to me about my relationship with Yorick. I hope I find the right guy for me. I'll probably have a better chance when I'm in Sydney [I'd better get there], as Andi said. It would also be better that I meet someone on my new path instead of dragging them into it. I think that sounds about right. My hair cut reflects myself 5 years ago but now I am more eager to make sure I find a partner. I was a lot younger then, and yes I wanted a relationship but 5 years on I really want one as I don't want to spend my whole life alone. I believe it will happen but I want that assurance. I will just have to wait.

Tonight is dinner at Suwan with Holly, Helen and Munchie. I'm really looking forward to it. I wish the weather was better so I could wear my new dress but as it is if I wear it it'll just look like I'm wearing a skirt as I'm sure to rug up as it's freezing outside. I could just wear my little blue jacket over the top but I will be cold. I'll go try it on and see.

I like house sitting but I feel a bit lonely as this isn't my life. I know once [if] I get to Sydney that I will, at times, feel lonely in my new life but it'll be mine. It will be a huge accomplishment and something to praise myself for. I like that I'm having this time to myself and in some little way seeing what it would be like to live alone but in other ways I am a bit lonely and wish I were in a relationship. I have much more work to do before I'm ready to be in another relationship though. And another thing, in Sydney I will have a lot more study to do so I will occupy my time better. Here I have been watching lots of the Tudors and have just finished the 2nd season so I'm a little bored. Luckily I'm about to head out to dinner and once I get back I can put on a movie or something to pass the time before bed. I will go and get ready.

Fortune Cookie

There is always a way -- if you are committed.

13 23 30 39 53 09

Deflated

I saw Yorick's car twice today. I don't like it. In fact I hate it. I saw on his Facebook profile that he had changed his picture to a picture of him and his "little sister" [18 year old girl friend. He's 24] and it was completely ugly. I hate it. And I hate them. I don't remember if he ever had a picture of the two of us as his Facebook picture. Ahh I need to stop thinking of him.

Sometimes I wish I were in a relationship. I don't think I'm ready yet though and want to wait until I'm in Sydney. Sometimes I get scared that I'm alone as I don't want to go through life alone, as in without a partner to keep me company, but I know this is the time to be single. I have much to do for myself, in ways of improving myself, and it has to be now. I miss the company though...

I like house sitting. I like having that independence but would prefer to be in my own home than another's. I really hope that all goes well with Sydney. If, when I get there, I begin living by myself and feel I need the company, I can advertise and get someone else in with me. Hopefully I just meet someone and they can come and visit me all the time. Who knows what will happen.

I went for a jog along the beach this morning. I was very hot by the end of it. The sun was rather warm. I felt self-conscious but I need to lose 5 kilos. I eat too much. It's so hard to lose weight! A fast walk will do. Maybe I can walk to Blackman's Bay tomorrow as the hill from this beach to that beach is rather steep both ways. I'll try different routes at any rate. I wish I were thin.

I guess I am a bit sad at the moment. I miss having a boyfriend and I miss having the feeling that I have a great life. I can't wait to meet someone new. Then my life will be happy again and hopefully there will be a wedding not too long after. I want to go on holidays with my future husband and set up a house possibly in New Zealand or the UK. I also want to get more study done for Museum Studies but at the moment I'm a bit deflated in general. I need more work for a start. Tomorrow I'll call about what Sophie recommended. Hopefully something else will turn up. I asked Alison about more shifts at thebeach and she said she'll do what she can. Nights would be best but I'll do days even though they kill my soul.

I can't wait for next year. Somehow it will be better than this year.

I reminded myself the other day at work that it has been 5 months since Yorick and I broke up. So much and so little has happened since then. I'm still getting used to being alone and it has been hard but I do know more about myself and about what I want. Hopefully I get it.

House sitting

So I have begun my extended weekend of house sitting for James and George. I went out with them to the airport and drove their car back and will possibly pick them up again on Monday but then again I might be working. I think I will quite enjoy staying here. I have my covered button earrings to keep me occupied, as well as season 2 of the Tudors. And the internet! The internet and computer at Margate hasn't been working so well so it's a relief to come here and be able to catch up with my games on Facebook [sad I know] and have speedy internet. I'm so relieved.

I'm looking forward to going for jogs along Kingston Beach while I'm staying here. I might go for one this afternoon then take Jezabelle for a walk either to the dog beach at the other end of Kingston Beach or just around the streets. I hope I notice the difference when I go back to Margate. At the moment I weigh 64 but then again I just had some lunch. Hopefully I will have lost a few kilos come Monday.

I went into town today after going out to to the airport with J+G+E. I went to the Maritime Museum to drop off the papers and have to drop in some more possibly tomorrow, then I went to Ruby's Room and bought another $25 suitcase for my covered button supplies. I think I will get a fair bit done while I'm here as, once again, I have a lot of free time ahead of me with no second job. I need to get another job though. I hope I hear from Cotton On. I might have to try the place Sophie suggested also, just in case.

I don't have much money again. It's sad. I gave mum $100, the final payment of what I owed her, spent a bit on the Ruby's Room box and hair product and now it's all gone. I have 3 fun nights ahead too so I might have to dip into my Oomph earnings and write a note on the envelope with the money in it about how much I owe. I need more work. I don't really want to work more at thebeach but I shall have to until I find more work elsewhere. I'll give that place Sophie suggested a call.

Wednesday Wishes

Today I wish that I will get accepted into the University of Sydney for Museum Studies next year. I can't wait to have my own house and to start living the way I want to. I am under the impression that once I am indeed living in my own house I will do all the little things I would love to do each day but don't do them when living at home. I hate moving because I don't get into those routines. For example: in my new home I would love to get into the habit of drinking water each morning when I wake up [which I hope to be at the same time each morning, say 830am] as it replenishes what you have lost throughout the night. I would also love to get into a jogging/morning exercise routine whilst I'm there. I also want to have a weekly food plan as suggested by Sometimes Sweet. They are just some of the little things I want for but then I have to get into the Uni first so I can start that life over there! I expect, and also wish, that I will meet my future husband over there and once we are in a committed relationship I hope we can go on holidays together. I miss that kind of holiday, the ones Yorick and I took together. That's the kind of holiday I like to go on, one with your significant other. I will wait until then. So please, let me get into the Uni so I can start my life afresh in the beautiful city of Sydney.

Hair cut

I got my hair cut today. It's quite short. About as short as it was 5 years ago. I'll take a picture and do a compare and contrast. I think it looks better now than 5 years ago though. Last time it was very boofy, which my hair loves to do, but this time I'll take better care of it. I have some products to get and possibly a new hair straightner.

Tomorrow I'm starting house/dog/chickens/budgie sitting for James and George. I'll have to pack a few things to take with me so I don't have to come back home too often. I am quite looking forward to being there alone. I can't wait to have my own house.

Ramblings

I just went for a walk outside in our gardens. They are very small but it was rather Elizabeth Bennett of me. I can't remember what I was planning to write in here though. It was very windy outside and kept thinking about how much it will be better once I have short hair. No more hair in my face. I think that will be great. I really want to get better. I hate being sick like this. It's horrible. Work tonight will be good though. I like work there, especially when I haven't been in a while. Hopefully I get a sickness cure soon.

Praise for a new week

So I'm still sick but at least I'm not at Oomph anymore. I was getting so sick of it there after only 2 weeks so I'm glad it's over and done with. I went and saw Nikki after working at Macquarie St. for the second day in a row and we mutually agreed that it wasn't right for me. I spoke to Andi on the phone before and after and was so overjoyed. I'm glad it's rid of. Now I just have to find more work. I made about $800 there so that's pretty awesome. If I can get that much from somewhere else each week, or even $600 [which is probably more likely], then I will be well on my way to savings heaven. I want to build a nice savings pile even if it's to use for holidays at the end of next year. We shall see. I can't wait to start building my own home.

Last night was Josie and Liam's engagement party at the Duke. It was a lot of fun. I had lots of chats to dad and we had a few drinks, nibbles, and talked to other people there. Didn't get to see much of Etta but she was there. I'm to house sit for them starting on Wednesday and I'm so glad I won't be working at Oomph anymore so I can truly enjoy it. I'll run on the beach each day, take Jezabelle for walks, feed the chickens [and possibly a bird] and enjoy life. Hopefully Sarah can come over and we can watch movies, or even Andi. The internet will actually be working so I think I'll be on there a lot.

I'm hoping to get my hair cut rather short on Tuesday. Something like this:

I am getting used to the idea already and can't wait for it all to go. I hope I look something like this. It will be a relief having not much hair. Lighter. I hope I can pull it off.

I am really looking forward to next week. I think it shall be rather great, what with my hair cut and house sitting. Tomorrow we're having lunch here. J+G+E are invited and my uncle from Noosa will be down so it is sort of a special occasion. Hopefully I'll have more work through thebeach to look forward to as well. Hopefully Alison will be at work tonight so I can ask her or just write her a note. I'll look for work elsewhere and see what comes up.

I'm still sick. It's annoying. I don't feel very nice at all. I have an everpresent cough and my head hurts a little. I'm weak and a bit fuzzy. Drat that flu. Working tonight and tomorrow night. Tomorrow night will be my 2 year anniversary at thebeach. Crazy! I can't believe it's been so long. It's nice.

I applied for the 3 museum studies courses at the Uni of Sydney today. $54 later and I'm hoping they send me forms to fill out or something as they didn't even ask for my UTAS academic transcript. I hope I get in. I really want this. Time for lunch I think!